


Sexy Singles In Your Area

by 264feet



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Backstory, Bisexual Character, Canon-Typical Violence, Catfishing, Chases, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Gay Oma Kokichi, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Minor Akamatsu Kaede/Harukawa Maki, Oblivious Saihara Shuichi, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi-centric, Online Dating, Past Character Death, Texting, innuendos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-06-28 01:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 87,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15697164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/264feet/pseuds/264feet
Summary: Kaede signs up Shuichi for a dating website so he can meet new people. Little does Shuichi know that the hot Hawaiian model he meets isn't all that he seems...





	1. lonely boys meet dot com

“Age: 19. Location: Tokyo, JP. Sex: Male. Body type…” Kaede gave Shuichi a look. “Slender?”

“Great way to say ‘scrawny’,” Shuichi said. He gave a sad chuckle. “Kaede, I don’t think this is going to work--”

“You won’t know until you try!” Kaede insisted for the thousandth time. “Look, I uploaded your only selfie on the site. Now all we gotta do is write you a self-summary. This is the important part where you sell it to those hotties!”

“I do not want to ‘sell it to those hotties’,” Shuichi said, using air quotes. “I know you’re doing this ‘cause you feel bad for me, but... I can take care of myself.”

“How many times have you cried at a party?” Kaede asked.

“That’s not the point--”

“How many times, Shuichi?”

Shuichi cast his eyes downward in shame. “Four times.”

“So… maybe getting out there in person is a bit scary for now. Online dating is great because it takes the scariness out of it! You can sort through people you like and block any weirdos.”

“I feel like everyone’s gonna be a weirdo,” Shuichi said. “Or like, I’m the weirdo.”

Kaede rolled her eyes. “Okay, I’m typing this for you: Hi! I’m a fun-loving law student here at Saishu University in Tokyo! I like long walks on the beach and I’m looking to meet Mr. Right. I’m looking for someone handsome, charming, whos got a really big massive throbbing--”

“Kaede!”

“--heart. Come say hi!” Kaede finished. Shuichi made several tweaks before they moved on. “Okay, the next part says, ‘What I’m doing with my life’.”

“Hoping that I’ll walk outside and a car will hit me,” Shuichi muttered.

“Vehicle enthusiast,” Kaede corrected. “Loves risk and danger.”

“Kaede--”

“Okay, okay. Look, this is your profile, so I want it to really reflect you… but you’ve gotta play yourself up a bit. Have some confidence! That’s what people think is sexy!” Kaede said. “You’re always getting the highest grades in your classes, so I’m gonna put down that you study hard and you’re serious about your future.”

As she spoke, she typed the words into the profile and Shuichi decided not to correct her. She was half-correct. He did get the highest grades in his classes, but he had no plan for his future at all. He’d probably never check this website, anyway, so it didn’t matter.

“Let’s fill out one more!” Kaede said. “It says, ‘On a typical Friday night, I am…’”

Crying, he thought. He didn’t need Kaede to think he was even more pathetic than he already was, though. “Um, reading a book?”

“There we go!” Kaede said. “I’m putting: ‘curling up by the fireplace with a good book and a blanket, maybe next time you can cuddle up next to me?’”

That’s not what he said at all. He lowered the brim of his hat, hoping he could somewhat hide the redness of his cheeks. “This is… embarrassing.”

“It’ll be fine,” she assured him. She submitted his profile, then turned around and placed her hands on his shoulders. “Listen to me. You’re a great guy. You’re cute and smart and really easy to talk to. Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

His heart stopped at the mention of ‘cute’. “Do y-you really think so?”

“I know so,” Kaede said. A sudden sound from the laptop made them both jump. They turned around to see a message icon lit up. “See, look! You already have someone interested in you!”

“What?” He averted his eyes, too embarrassed to look. To his dismay, Kaede clicked on the message icon for him. “Kaede, wait!”

“Ooh, check this dude out!” She pointed at the picture of the person messaging him. It showed a tall Hawaiian young man with long dark hair and six-pack abs. “He’s into you, Shuichi! Let’s look at what he says!”

Kinghorse69: whats up sexy lol

Kaede squealed and Shuichi buried his face in his hands. “I told you! I told you someone would be into you!” she said as she moved to click on his profile. “Age: 21. Location: Tokyo, JP (visiting from Hawaii, US). Sex: ... ‘Yes.’”

“Oh God.”

“Obviously a dude, then. Body type… shredded.”

“No way,” Shuichi said. “This is one of those porn bots or something. Nobody from Hawaii speaks Japanese that well.”

“Um, he can at least say ‘whats up sexy lol’. What else do you need?” She giggled as he gave her a playful shove. “Come on, say something back before he gets bored!”

“What am I supposed to say?!”

“How about ‘heyyyyy’ with a winky face?”

“Make it just ‘hey’ without the winky face and it’ll work,” Shuichi said.

Kaede stuck her tongue out at him but complied.

saihara00: hey

Instantly, replies came in. 

Kinghorse69: your cute  
Kinghorse69: ∠( ° ͜ʖ ͡°」∠)＿  
Kinghorse69: you like hawaiian guys??????? lol  
  
“I can’t just say yes,” Shuichi said, wringing his hands. “I’ll sound like I’m fetishizing him or something.”

“He’s the one who messaged you first, you dork!” Kaede said. “He’s obviously flirting with you!”

“He is?” he said. Seeing Kaede’s dumbfounded look, he added: “He probably just feels bad for me or something.”

“Shuichi! Listen to what I’ve been telling you!” she said. “You’re a catch! You’re worthwhile! You can do this! Get yourself out there!”

Just as Shuichi put his fingers on the keyboard, an unfamiliar ringtone started blaring. Kaede pulled her ringing phone out of her backpack’s pocket. “It’s my mom… I gotta take this,” she groaned. Before she left, she gave Shuichi an intense look. “Don’t screw this up by doubting yourself, ok? I want you to have a full conversation with him.”

“I’ll… try,” Shuichi said. He watched Kaede leave, and then he was alone with ‘kinghorse69’. Taking a deep breath, he tried to form a reply.

saihara00: i guess  
Kinghorse69: aww why so cold ;p  
Kinghorse69: im a model u know lol  
Kinghorse69: im here in japan for the month on a big photoshoot and im looking to meet new friends~  
Kinghorse69: i got loads of hotties chasing me but u caught my eye(╯3╰)  
saihara00: youre a model???  
Kinghorse69: ya  
Kinghorse69: for speedos  
Kinghorse69: its cause i got big meat and a 6 pack  
saihara00: a 6 pack of what?  
saihara00: beer??  
Kinghorse69: LOL   
Kinghorse69: no i mean abs  
saihara00: oh

Shuichi stared at the screen until his eyes unfocused. This was a disaster. He was way out of his league. This dude was a hot model from the USA and he was a loser, wasting away his family’s money in a college he didn’t like, going nowhere.

Kinghorse69: tell me more about yourself sweatheart <3  
saihara00: well um  
saihara00: im 19 and im going to saishu university in tokyo  
Kinghorse69: yeah your profile says that. studying law? gonna become a lawyer and rake in the dough babey?  
saihara00: well... i dont know  
Kinghorse69: what do you mean  
saihara00: i dont actually know what i want to do with it.  
Kinghorse69: oh word? i thought all law student types knew everything  
saihara00: i started studying it because my uncle wanted me to and he's paying for my college  
saihara00: but i dont really know if i like it. i dont have any other choices though. so im just telling myself i can do it and that itll be ok  
Kinghorse69: hmmmm so youre lying to yourself to get through…….  
saihara00: well  
saihara00: sometimes its better not to know the truth

He rubbed his eyes. He hadn't meant to get this personal, but this person had asked, hadn't he?

Kinghorse69: well said.  
Kinghorse69: me tho, i didnt go to college now im just in the school of hard knocks makin bank and raking in hoes bling bling babey LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
saihara00: well good for you! im happy you could make your own path :)

Kinghorse69 is typing........

He stayed typing for a long time. Shuichi bit on a fingernail. Had he said something wrong? He wasn’t sure what was normal to say, but he wasn’t sure if this was a ‘normal’ interaction. He would’ve given up a long time ago if Kaede hadn’t insisted.

Kinghorse69: youre really nice. i’d like to meet with you sometime  
Kinghorse69: your name is shuichi, right?  
saihara00: yes!  
saihara00: whats yours? :) i cant read the english on your profile very well...  
Kinghorse69: dolph  
Kinghorse69: its short for dolphin  
Kinghorse69: cause i swim a lot  
saihara00: really?  
Kinghorse69: yeah its a Hawaiian name  
saihara00: wow! thats cool!  
saihara00: you must get to swim a lot being in hawaii  
Kinghorse69: yeah  
Kinghorse69: i was introduced to water at an early age  
saihara00: i sure hope so?  
Kinghorse69: LMAO  
Kinghorse69: i mean swimming ;p  
Kinghorse69: maybe i could swim back to japan and come see you. once i go back to hawaii ;p   
saihara00: probably not. its really far away.  
Kinghorse69: awwwwwww maybe i could do it  
Kinghorse69: maybe im closer than you think ;)  
Kinghorse69: maybe im right behind you right now

Shuichi turned around. Nobody was there. Kaede must still be in the hallway, talking to her mom. A message awaited him when he turned back.

Kinghorse69: bet i made you look lol  
saihara00: i guess  
Kinghorse69: hehehe  
Kinghorse69: youre so cute >:3c  
saihara00: i dont like that face  
Kinghorse69: >:3cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc  
saihara00: er  
Kinghorse69: do you wanna play? >:3c  
Kinghorse69: we could meet  
saihara00: well look.  
saihara00: im already interested in someone. im just on here because she made me  
Kinghorse69: awwww maaaannnnnnn rlly????  
Kinghorse69: boooooooooooooooo  
saihara00: sorry.  
Kinghorse69: so she made YOU go onto a dating website?  
saihara00: yes?  
Kinghorse69: are you sure youre from “tokyo, japan?”  
Kinghorse69: sounds like youre in the FRIEND ZONE >;p  
saihara00: its not like that. theres no such thing. it doesnt matter if we’re friends. i respect women.  
Kinghorse69: uhhhhhh ok LMAO  
Kinghorse69: no wonder youre on a gay dating website  
saihara00: whatever.  
Kinghorse69: heheh ;p for real tho if shes so great why are you here?  
Kinghorse69: why not tell her how you feel? too scared, huh?  
saihara00: im just waiting for the right time!  
Kinghorse69: hmm yeah.. .sniff sniff.. smell that? smells like some bull shit  
Kinghorse69: youre lying to yourself in more ways than one  
Kinghorse69: sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I know you were into me so much but i cant date a liar!!!!!!! :’ (  
saihara00: im not into you! im not a liar!  
Kinghorse69: ok liar

The conversation was starting to annoy him. He stood up and started pacing. It was true that he had fallen in love with Kaede when they first met a year ago at the start of college. It was also true that every attempt to confess to her had failed, as if he had too much of a mental roadblock to overcome. He pulled his hat lower over his eyes until he couldn’t see the computer screen anymore, but the message notification sound was too loud to ignore.

Kinghorse69: hey babey are you a washing machine??  
saihara00: uh no why  
Kinghorse69: cause i wanna   
Kinghorse69: FILL YOU WITH MY DIRTY LOAD LMAO  
saihara00: oh. okay.

He should have anticipated that it would end up like this. After all, even if it was a hot guy, it still was a hot guy who was using a dating profile. Anyone who used online dating was clearly desperate. He turned off his computer and was left staring his reflection in the eye. Clammy, nervous, with bags underneath the bags under his eyes.

Shuichi closed his laptop, hiding his shame. It was tempting to think that people would be interested in him. But it wouldn't ever work.

Kaede returned a moment later. "I'm back. Sorry that took so long… my mom was going on about rumors that there’s an assassin at this school or something. Give me a break,” she said. “More importantly, why did you close the laptop? What happened?"

"Oh, we had a conversation," Shuichi said. Another half-truth. He was about to reveal the miserable details when Kaede wrapped him in a hug.

"Shuichi, I knew you could do it! I'm so proud of you!" she said. "I know I was pushing you to do it, but it makes me so happy you pulled through and did it in the end! You did so great!"

He felt like his stomach was doing flips. He gulped and patted her awkwardly on the back. "Th-thanks."

"Hey, do you want to celebrate?" she said, clasping her hands together. He cocked his head. "Me and a few friends were going out tonight! It'll be something small this time, so you should come with us!"

"Out? Well..." He clicked his tongue. He had no interest in going out, but Kaede's eyes were all lit up. Anything was worth protecting that joy, even suffering through some social interaction for a few hours. "Sure, I'd be happy to."

"Great! Come meet me at my dorm around 9!" she said.

"Like, PM?" he said.

Kaede laughed and patted his arm. "You're such a kidder," she said. "And hey, if it doesn't work out with this kinghorse dude, maybe you'll find someone tonight! There's definitely someone I've got my eye on."

He leaned in. His heart was threatening to burst out of his chest. "There is?" he asked. She nodded, biting her lip. He almost wasn't sure if he could speak, the pressure too great, the tension pulling their lips closer and closer. "Who is it?"

"Oh, you haven't met her. You'll see her there," she said, smiling.

He could hardly hear her over the sound of his heart shattering. Shuichi took a few deep breaths, trying to steady himself. What had he expected? After all, nobody would ever be interested in him. That's how it had always been, and that's how it always would be.

"Oops, I lost track of time! I've gotta catch an afternoon music theory lecture," Kaede said. "It was fun hanging out with you, Shuichi! See ya!"

"Y-yeah. Bye," he said. Even after she left, he stared at the door, inhaling her lingering scent, remembering the feeling of her body against his when they hugged. His heart thoroughly ached, like there was no meaning to life anymore, like all the light had drained from the sky. Although he might be depressed already, this was the first time in his life he wondered if there was a word stronger than despair.

His phone chimed. He pulled it out and took a look at it.

Kinghorse69 would like to add you on LINE.

Shuichi accepted and immediately typed a message.

saihara00: how the hell did you find me here?  
Kinghorse69: same username lol  
saihara00: oh. yeah.  
Kinghorse69: was your daddy an astronaut? cause your ass is out of this world  
saihara00: you cant even see my ass in that pic!!  
Kinghorse69: want to change that hehe ;p

He tossed his phone onto the bed and collapsed facefirst onto it, ignoring the notification sounds. He would lie here until he died. That sounded like a reasonable course of action for someone so thoroughly heartbroken.

"Yo, Shuichi!" his roommate said, kicking open the door. Even without looking up, Shuichi could tell that Kaito was pumping his fist in the air. "Let's hit class! Rise and grind, baby! It's time to put the LIT in Classical Japanese Literature!"

Or, he could get up and force himself to go to class. That sounded more like something he would do. "I'm on my way," he said.

\---

The hours dragged by, his phone heavy in his pocket. Literature was something that Shuichi personally didn't care about, but it was a required class for both he and Kaito that they'd both been putting off, and the other boy did help make it bearable. Despite his bombastic attitude, Kaito was surprisingly intelligent- fitting of a future astronaut- and he was also just as charismatic as anyone would expect.

Athletic, too, Shuichi thought; they'd taken to running to class, both because they were always late and for 'training purposes'. It really felt like Kaito Momota had it all and Shuichi couldn't help but wonder how long they'd be friends before Kaito realized he was a loser.

As soon as the teacher excused them, Kaito shoved his books in his bag and was immediately swarmed by freshmen fangirls. Where Kaito attracted adoration, Shuichi had only gotten weird looks, as if he were already a 40 year old man. Kaito laughed and balked in the attention for a bit and only left to grab Shuichi's arm when he tried to leave. "Hey! Don't just walk off without me!"

"Sorry. Thought you were busy," Shuichi said.

"I'm never too busy for my friends, and you're one of my best! Don't ever forget that!" Kaito said. His energy was infectious; even Shuichi had started smiling. "Tell me, what have you been up to? I saw Kaede leaving the dorm earlier."

Kaito raised his brows suggestively and his face only fell when Shuichi started shivering. "Hey, what's wrong? I was just teasing-- is everything okay?" Kaito asked.

"She's got her eye on someone else," Shuichi said.

"Oh... damn dude, that must hurt," Kaito said. He looked solemn for a moment before he put on another grin. "But keep your chin up! It just means it wasn't meant to be, y'know? There's loads of other people out there! Besides, if Kaede couldn't see how great you are, that's her problem!"

It brought him little comfort. He kept walking, dragging his feet, formulating ways to cancel his plans with Kaede tonight in a way that wouldn't make her just drag him along kicking and screaming. Maybe he could get Kaito to lie and say that Shuichi suddenly got sick. Or maybe he could die.

"Hey... it'll be okay. Really," Kaito said, putting a hand on Shuichi's shoulder. "You were really serious about her, huh?"

"I've been in love with her for a year."

Kaito gave a serious nod. "Then you know what you gotta do."

"Give up?'

The slap rang in his ears for several seconds before Shuichi registered that he'd been the one hit. Kaito stood with his hand still out. "No, dummy! Lift your spirits up or you'll never get with her! Now's the time to tell her how you feel! Shout your feelings into the sky! Scream your love from the rooftops!"

"I thought you said that there's loads of other people out there."

"Dude, I say stuff all the time! But I'm serious about this!" He grabbed Shuichi and stood not an inch from his face, looking him in the eye. "You just said she's got her eye on someone, right? That's not a commitment. If you don't make a move now, you're gonna lose her for real. I get that you're scared, but would you rather get rejected or spend the rest of your life not knowing if she would've said yes?"

Shuichi squeezed his eyes shut, beads of sweat racing down his face. Even that weirdo on the internet had called him out, which was a new low. He needed to do something. "You... you're right. Tonight's the night I'm going to tell her."

"That's right! My man Shuichi!" He slapped Shuichi's back a little too hard and he nearly fell over. "Let's get you pimped out! Tonight's a special night!"

"'Pimped out'?" Shuichi repeated, but Kaito was already dragging him out toward the mall. "Woah, woah--"

"It's gonna be true love tonight. I can feel it in the air, and my sixth sense is never wrong!" Kaito said. "It's all happening tonight!"

\---

Their shopping trip consisted of Kaito picking out items for Shuichi and walking the clothes up to the register as if he were paying, and then walking off so Shuichi would foot the bill himself. Shuichi didn’t care, forking over his Uncle’s credit card. He didn’t have a job anymore, and no allowance per se; he’d worked with his Uncle since he was a child, and this was his reward. Saishu University. The time of his life.

He watched Kaito texting his hundreds of other friends while walking with him. All Shuichi did was look through the pictures of Dolph, the only person he’d spoken to in days besides Kaito or Kaede. Every one of his pictures was sexy and enticing and Shuichi forced himself to close them. He was annoying, but worse than that, he was foreign and male. Shuichi couldn’t have disappointed his family any worse. At least that was over with.

Even though Shuichi could afford a single dorm, he had chosen to roommate with Kaito- his friend from high school- because he knew that his grandparents’ money could only take him so far. They were getting older, and it was becoming more and more common for Kaito to rush home after classes to care for them.

Shuichi wasn’t sure how it was possible to be raised by his grandparents and still have such outlandish fashion taste. Maybe it was overcompensation, he thought, as he hobbled down the hallway in his new pair of combo skinny jeans/flare pants with a removable ass.

"Bro, I'm telling you. You look absolutely baller," Kaito said.

Shuichi wouldn't say he looked gaudy, but at least one student had been declared legally blind looking at him while he tried to get to Kaede's dorm. He at least could thank his negotiating skills that he talked Kaito out of the feather boa and the cavalier hat, but meeting Kaito in the middle still looked like an entire disco vomited on him.

But then again, he wore his old high school uniform for half a year out of high school, too depressed to change his routine-- so what did he know about fashion? Maybe this would finally impress Kaede.

He lifted his fist to knock on her door and Kaito stopped him. "Don't just knock on the door," he said. "That's kinda old hat. You need to be cool. Send her a message that says 'I'm here'."

"What if she doesn't see it?" Shuichi asked.

"Of course she'll see it," Kaito said. "Girls always have their phones on them."

He rolled his eyes at Kaito, holding back a comment about how the astronaut-to-be spent all his time playing with snapchat filters, and pulled out his phone to send a text. 9:10 PM-- they had been late leaving the store, but Kaito reassured him it was okay to leave her waiting a little bit.

Shuichi sent Kaede a message on LINE that said, 'I'm here'. Doing so, he noticed that Kinghorse69 hadn't been active since he last bothered him with the astronaut pick up line, as if he only made the LINE account just to talk to him. It certainly was unusual dedication for someone who was probably just an internet troll.

Shuichi lingered, staring at his phone for a moment too long before chasing the thought out of his head and pocketing the device. "Done."

Kaito leaned against the wall, smirking. "Great job! Now she'll come out any second and say she was waiting for you, and she'll definitely be impressed by your fashion sense--"

The phone buzzing interrupted him. Shuichi nearly dropped it, pawing it out of his pocket with sweaty hands.

bachtothefuture: Oh! Sorry, I forgot to tell you! m(_ _)m  
bachtothefuture: I just left at 9 with the others! I thought you might not be coming! (^^ゞ  
bachtothefuture: You can still join us! Here's the address!

"She already left," Shuichi said. "I knew this would happen!"

"It's no problem at all," he said, peering over his shoulder. "Let's just hit this place up and make our grand entrance."

"'Our'?! This is your fault! If it wasn't for you, I would already be there with her!"

Some people had stopped in the hallway as he raised his voice, unsure if he were practicing for a clown fight of some kind. Shuichi rubbed his temples and sighed. "I'm sorry, Kaito. I know you were just trying to help me..."

Kaito clapped him on the shoulder, leaving a bruise in the same spot he always accidentally did. "Listen, my grandpa always told me that when one door closes, you pull it right back open! We'll take my car. C'mon."

Pretending he understood that, he followed Kaito out to his car-- a beat-up old convertible. Kaito had spent the money he saved to get it fixed on getting a galaxy-themed paint job. Shuichi thanked the stars above that they made it in one piece to the karaoke bar that Kaede had gone to.

The two went in and informed the attendant that their party was already waiting for them. The attendant directed them to the karaoke room that Kaede had rented. Right before they entered, Kaito stopped him again. "Remember what I told you?"

"You said that I gotta sweep them off their feet," Shuichi repeated.

"That's right. Now show me those pearly whites," Kaito said. Shuichi put on a look that could only be matched by biting into a lemon and immediately remembering you have a citrus allergy. "That's good enough. Let's do this, bro."

The room's soundproofing proved exquisite; the force of a high note nearly knocked Shuichi backwards when they walked in. On the small stage stood Miu, from the engineering department, belting out a Ke$ha song and missing every note exquisitely. Everyone still applauded once she was done. Kaede waved the two of them over. "Shuichi, you made it! You look..." She pursed her lips. "Fresh?"

"Thanks, boob."

"Boob?"

"He means babe," Kaito interjected, saving Shuichi from having a seizure on the spot. "I don't think we've been properly introduced. Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars."

"Oh, nice to meet you! I'm Kaede Akamatsu!" she said, smiling. "Aren't you the guy who passed out watching the Goosebumps movie that one time?"

"U-uh... I just had a bit too much to drink, that's all," Kaito said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Kaede giggled. "It happens. Speaking of, let me order you guys some drinks. What do you guys want?"

"Water," Shuichi said, sweating exquisitely from both nerves and the fact that the weight of his full outfit had raised his body temperature to feverish levels.

"Rum and coke," Kaito said.

"I'll go put them in right away!" Kaede said. She stood up to go to the room's wall phone that would let them speak to the attendant. Kaito and Shuichi sat awkwardly in empty seats. The two of them shared a look, Shuichi's meaning _'I was counting on you to teach me the ways of smoothness'_ and Kaito's saying right back _'My confidence is partially a farce and you haven't noticed it yet because you have none'._

Miu soon finished her next song to a resounding wave of tepid applause. Only one person stood up, slamming his hands together in uproarious clapping like it was his job-- a strange, stiff boy that was most kindly described as 'robotic'. "Thank you, thank you!" Miu said, returning to her seat. "I’ll stop hoggin’ it, though I know you can’t get enough of me! Keebs, you're up!"

"I'm honored!" the strange boy said. "I have been practicing for two weeks straight in anticipation of this event! I am excited to finally showcase my skills!"

"I think that's Kiibo. Undecided major, but spends a lot of time with Miu from engineering," Kaito whispered.

Shuichi raised his eyebrows. "Are the two of them...?"

"Dunno." Kaito stroked his goatee. The two of them looked over everyone in the room-- Kaede ordering their drinks, Miu smacking Kiibo's ass as he climbed onto the stage, Kiibo pretending he didn't notice his ass was smacked, a proper young woman placing coasters under everyone's drinks, a dark-haired girl glowering in the corner, and a jovial green-haired boy trying and failing to make polite conversation with her. "If they are, it would cross 'em off your list of suspects for who Kaede's into, yeah?"

"Yeah," Shuichi said. Kaede had said it was a girl, but on second thought, he wasn't entirely Kiibo was a boy-- everyone just called him a 'he' and he never said otherwise. The green-haired boy over there was someone he recognized as a part-time local model, and even with Shuichi's own oblivious gaydar it was obvious that he wasn't into girls. That narrowed it down to either Miu, or the angry dark-haired girl, or the young lady who made him feel as if he should've wiped his feet and washed his hands before coming into the room.

His investigative train of thought lasted another two seconds before flying off the rails. Kiibo had selected a Top 40 Japanese pop song, parted his lips, taken a deep breath, readied himself as the lyrics begun, and immediately shrieked into the mic. It sounded so awful that Shuichi wasn't sure if he blacked out for a moment, but when he next regained his senses, Kaito was fighting back tears and the dark-haired girl quickly had inserted silicone earplugs. The only person who seemed to be enjoying it was Miu, who was headbanging to a song that didn't call for it at all, if this could still even be called a 'song'.

Only the lyric video told Shuichi that it was over because he lost his sense of hearing only a few seconds in. He could tell that people were clapping politely, but it felt like he were watching the world on mute. Kaede had returned to her seat and was saying something not an inch from his ear and he just gave a weird smile, praying that she hadn't asked a question.

"That was fuckin' awesome!" Miu shouted, loud enough that Shuichi could hear it. "Keebs, that blew my tits clean off my body! I'm fuckin' titless now!"

"But they are right there?" Kiibo said, stepping off the stage.

"You gotta major in music! I'm telling you! Ask Piano Virgin, she'll tell you!" Miu said, pointing at Kaede, who gave a nervous wave in response.

Through the head pain, Shuichi registered that Kaede hadn't made eye contact with Miu once yet. It might not be her. That only left the dark-haired girl or the young lady, who was now standing up to select a song. "Who's she?" he whispered too loudly to Kaito, who still was holding his head in-between his knees.

"Oh, that's Kirumi!" Kaede said, clasping her hands together. "She's amazing! Everyone calls her 'Mom', pretty much! Her entrance exam scores were some of the highest that Saishu’s ever had!"

Shuichi gulped. If it were intelligence and responsibility, he might be just below on-par with her, but he had nothing compared to her looks. Her intense stare melted him, and the dark lipstick she wore made her look like a mythological witch or siren. Oddly, she selected a traditional Japanese song and began singing.

If Kiibo's voice had destroyed his ears, then Kirumi’s song nursed them right back to health. By the time it ended, not only was he feeling energized, but his hands had stopped shaking and his heartrate had returned to normal. Kirumi curtsied before stepping off the stage to whoops and cheers. She caught Miu's hand before her ass could be smacked and the death glare she leveled at her nearly killed Miu on the spot.

"Isn't she charming?" Kaede sighed, resting a hand on her cheek. Shuichi gave a tentative nod.

It seemed like the green-haired boy and the dark girl were arguing over who would go next-- the green-haired boy being humble and the dark girl nearly biting off his throat. It bought them the perfect opportunity and he wouldn't waste it. "Kaede, I wanted to tell you, that, um..." Shuichi bit his lip. All he could think of were Kinghorse69's dumb-ass pick up lines. He would never say something so vulgar to a lady. "You look... beautiful."

"Aw, thanks, buddy," Kaede said. "You look pretty okay yourself."

Shuichi nearly begged Kirumi to sing another song to heal the mortal damage he'd just been dealt. He nearly cried into his water as the drink arrived, but instead forced himself to drink, wishing it had alcohol so he could gain some confidence by proxy.

It seemed that, in the meantime, the avocado-looking model had gotten up and was choosing a song. "That's Rantaro," Kaito said. "He keeps getting ranked as one of the hottest teens by girls magazines. He didn’t even apply to be a model, but he was Instragram famous for his travel pics, so some companies fought over him. But... I dunno. What do you think?"

"Huh?" Shuichi said. “About what?”

"Well, you're bi, right?" Kaito said, causing Shuichi to curse his decision to come out to Kaito first. "What do you think about him?"

He suddenly felt like he couldn't look right at the model. He looked at Kaede for help, but she was messaging someone using LINE and didn't seem to be listening. Although he was indeed bisexual, he didn't think as much about his attraction to men; it was something that hadn't been outright discouraged in his household, but was certainly made clear that it wasn't approved of. "I, uh... well, I... he's green," he sputtered.

"Right?" Kaito said. "Way too much green. There's no way that chick would be into him, right?" He jerked his thumb at the dark girl with death in her eyes.

"Huh?" Shuichi tried to look over inconspicuously, being extremely conspicuous in the process. Maki looked up from her phone and glared daggers at him. The color drained out of his face and he sank lower into his seat.

"Chill, it's just Maki Roll," Kaito said. "She's in one of my classes. I'm trying to talk to her but she's pretty cold." He winked. "I guess I just gotta go warm her up! Wish me luck, bro!"

"Y-yeah, good luck." With a fistbump, Kaito was up and heading over to take Rantaro's seat, and then Shuichi was alone with Kaede again. Soon, Rantaro selected his song and began singing a popular song from a boy band. "Hey, Kaede--"

"Ssh!" Kaede held a finger up to her lips. "You can't disrespect music by talking so much during a performance!"

His jaw hung open. He and Kaede sat arm-length apart, not making any contact while Rantaro sang a love song addressed to a non-specific 'she'. Shuichi had to admit that the model had a certain appeal; his heart was racing now. Rantaro’s movements were all smooth as a dance, as if he always were modeling. Even though Shuichi didn’t like this song, it was quickly becoming one of his favorites hearing Rantaro’s suave voice serenade him. He was only a part-time model? He wondered what a full-time model would be like. Someone like Dolph...

No. He couldn't get distracted. Even if Rantaro was attractive, Kaede was his only true love. After it was over, Rantaro bowed and Shuichi clapped with the rest of them, getting an idea-- he could sing a love song to Kaede. That way, it would be musical the way she liked, and his feelings couldn't be mistaken. His turn had to be coming up soon.

Kaito slumped back down into the seat next to him. "No good. She's into someone else," Kaito said. He gave Shuichi a weak smile. "But at least I made a friend, right? Gotta stay positive!"

"Yeah," Shuichi said, suddenly alarmed. Could she be the one that Kaede was talking about? But Kaede was so upbeat and musical and 'Maki Roll' had been glowering all evening.

"I refuse to sing," Maki was saying, now.

Miu booed. Rantaro sat back down. "Why were so eager to come along, then?" he asked.

"Shut up. It's of no concern to you," she said.

"Pleeeeeaaassseee, Maki?" Kaede asked, holding her hands to her chest. "Just one song?"

Suddenly, it clicked in Shuichi's mind that she and Maki were both looking at their phones at the same time. When Kaede had been on the LINE app and Kaito directed his attention to Maki's corner, she might have been on LINE as well. What could they be talking about? Him? How dumb he looked? Or maybe their attraction to each other?

His fears only grew as Maki stood up. "Fine. One song," she said, glaring as Kaito cheered.

Shuichi's mind raced. If she did get up there and sing and gave a beautiful performance, it would seal it; the way to Kaede’s heart was surely through her ears. But maybe it was already too late. Maybe he should sit down and give up, the way he always had. The way he always would.

But he couldn't let that happen. Not this time. He sprang to his feet and nearly leapt across the room straight onto the stage, intercepting Maki at the stairs. "I... I, uh, just got inspired! I'm going to do a song!" he said.

The force of Maki's glare nearly made him wet his pants. "Do you want to die?"

"Shuichi, it's Maki's turn!" Kaede said. "Let her sing."

"No, we should give Shuichi a shot," Kaito said, catching on. "This is gonna be really special for Shuichi, I can tell."

Miu burst out laughing. "Oh, shit! Is he gonna sing us a carnival song? He's got the outfit for it! I gotta see this!"

"Maki did just finally get up her courage to go on stage. Can't it wait just a few minutes?" Rantaro said.

"Courage has nothing to do with it," Maki growled. "Whatever. I don't care," she said, storming back to her seat.

Shuichi kept his head buried in the song selection screen to pretend that Kaede wasn't fuming at him. It would all be worth it, he told himself. Just you see.

His mistake only became apparent once he realized that he didn't know any love songs. He fumbled through the list with shaking hands. "Hey, what's the holdup?" Miu said. "I thought this was special! You're keeping me waiting, no-dick!"

"He's just looking for Love Across the Universe," Kaito said, a bit too loudly. It was a popular love song. Shuichi immediately forgave Kaito for embarrassing him so many times earlier. He picked the song quickly. He didn't know the lyrics, but that's why there was a teleprompter, right? Shuichi steadied himself as the song begun. He could do this.  He had to do this.

The performance would become the highlight of his nightmares for years to come. It started going wrong when he missed his cue to start and tried singing faster to catch up. He couldn't read some of the kanji on-screen so he filled in the blanks with 'lah lah lah'. The tempo changed pace in the middle and highlighted his out-of-tune yelping. The worst of all, the thing that would forever be burned into his mind, was the look of horror in Kaede's eyes as he replaced the name of the girl the song was about with 'Kaede'.

Everyone sat in stunned silence, jaws slack, as if they were watching a train crashing into a car stopped on the tracks-- as if there were thousands of things they could have done to stop it, but now it was too late and all they could do was witness the pure and utter destruction.

An eternity passed and the two-minute song ended. Shuichi blinked sweat out of his eyes and bowed, dropping the microphone on the ground like he heard was cool, causing a screech to ring out. He winced. "Th-that was.. for you, Kaede," he said.

Nobody applauded. They'd even managed to smack together their half-dead hands after Kiibo's song. The only sound was his heart pounding in his ears. Even Miu wasn't laughing.

His legs reacted first. He was sprinting off the stage and slamming open the door, barreling down the hallways, out the front door and disappearing into the crowded Tokyo streets to conceal himself like a peacock feather in a haystack. He didn't know where he was going, he just wanted to run, to flee, to escape. His phone buzzed and he reached into his pocket to turn it off without looking, barely holding back the urge to toss it into a storm drain. He ran until his awkward dress shoes fell off, until he tripped in the mud and ruined his plaid jacket and polka-dot tie, until his lungs were burning and he couldn't run anymore.

He wound up in a run-down neighborhood. There were few people out in the streets, and the ones who were out looked odd enough that Shuichi no longer felt out of place. He shoved his hands into his pockets and started walking. It didn't matter to him if he got mugged or kidnapped or whatever. His life was already over.

A chemical smell caught his attention. Following his nose led him into a dark alley where three figures were spray-painting the wall-- a lanky figure, a fat figure, and a small figure. The only thing that all three had in common were the strange white uniforms they wore, like straightjackets, and the clown masks. "Uh-oh, boss. Someone caught us. What do we do?" asked the fat one.

Shuichi thought at first he was addressing the tall one, but the small one answered. "Uh oh! What are we ever gonna do?!” he cried out. His attitude changed immediately, as if he were bored before he even produced crocodile tears. “Let him go. He looks sad enough," he said. Judging by the authority in his tone and the strange hat and cloak, he must be the leader.

The tall one, who was the nearest to Shuichi, gave him a once-over. "Hey. Are you trying to join DICE with a getup like that?"

"What? DICE?" Shuichi asked.

The small one put his spray can aside. "That's us. DICE. We're a terrorist organization feared worldwide, y’know! We're 10000 members strong and our goal is to bring the world to its knees, crumbled under the weight of despair!" he said, walking closer and closer, the horrible smile of his mask chilling Shuichi to his core. 10000? How had he never heard of such a terrible thing?

"Uh... boss, I thought we had 10, not 10000?" the fat one said.

The boss spun on his heel and threw up his hands. "Damn it, Booboo, you overinflated balloon! How many times have I told you? No explaining the joke!"

So it was a lie after all. Shuichi would've thought it was an obvious lie, but something about the small boy's aura genuinely radiated malice. "Hey, are… are you guys clowns or something?"

"Are we?" The small boy turned back to him, holding a finger to where his lips would be. "You must think us strange, hm? Like we're a joke? I prefer to think that the rest of this society is a joke and we're the punchline."

As he spoke, the leader continued approaching until he had Shuichi backed up against a wall. The boy lifted his clown mask, just the faintest bit, revealing an even scarier smile. "Looks like you've come to the wrong part of town. Sooooo... what brought you here? Perhaps you're going to tip us off to the police?"

"No," Shuichi said, surprised by the lack of fear in his own voice. "My Uncle's a detective, but we only do small-time cases. Infidelity, mostly."

The boy laughed. "So honest! That’s rare these days," he said. He turned to his lackeys, suddenly. "Boys, give me 15. Go hit up base for more spray cans, alright?"  

"Roger," the tall one said.

“And if you’re not back by then, the penalty is cutting off a little finger, like in the yakuza!” He called after them, as they walked out. “Or should I make it one finger for every minute they’re late? But those idiots would run out of fingers.”

Once they were gone, the small boy's shoulders relaxed a little. He became an inch shorter suddenly; Shuichi realized he had been standing on his toes. Perhaps he kept up a certain facade around his little organization. "Nee-heehee... that was fun," the boy said. "Usually, folks run away seeing three harlequins in a dark alley. What about you? Not afraid of the dark, huh?"

Shuichi shook his head, finding the sad truth rattling inside him. "I just... don't care. I don't care what happens to me anymore. That's all."

"Nothing left to lose, huh?" the boy said. "Wow! That sure is interesting! I can't believe I ran into someone as unique and special as you are!"

It felt like the boy was mocking him, but he couldn't care less. "Whatever," Shuichi said, slumping against the wall. His legs were still burning from his sprint.

"C'mon, c'mon! Tell me what your story is! Didja lose it all on pachinko? You look like you just got tossed out of a game room!" the boy said.

"I confessed to a girl and she shot me down," Shuichi said. He corrected himself, "No, she didn't even shoot me down. I blew it, plain and simple."

"Oooohhh." The boy sucked in air through his teeth. "Too bad there's only 3.5 billion other ones out there. You really screwed yourself over with this one chick, huh?"

"Shut up!" Shuichi said. "She was special to me!" His eyes fell again. "Just... out of my league."

"Knowing the truth hurts, doesn't it?" the boy said. "It almost would be better if you never told her."

"But then I'd never know."

"Sure! And then you wouldn't be here now," he pointed out. "You'd be laying nice and cozy in your bed, dreaming about holding her hand in a flower field or something yucky like that. Instead, you're here talking to an evil clown." He relaxed against the wall, giggling. "What a trade-off!"

He clenched his fists, trying to hold back the tears. The hope that Kaede might like him back one day was the one thing keeping him going. If it weren't for her encouragement, he would've rejected his Uncle's offer to send him to college. After all, he had no dreams; he never did. Whenever he stood out, he was hammered back in twice as hard. Now he was stuck halfway through a degree he didn't want, preparing for a future he didn't have. "It's all my fault. It's because I'm worthless. I'm stupid and ugly and disgusting."

Whenever he went into a depressive spiral, Kaede or Kaito were all over him, comforting him and offering soothing and inspiring words. The boy just shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so."

Shuichi looked up in surprise. "What?" the strange boy said. "You want me to lie to you? I don't know anything about you. You oughta just lie to yourself."

"What are you talking about?" he asked. “Why would I lie to myself?”

"Lying is lying, plain and simple. It isn't good or bad," the boy said. Suddenly, he pulled his hat a little lower, casting deep shadows over his mask. "You know, if truth’s so impartial and perfect, why do our courts have such a 99% conviction rate? Is the truth decided by the one strongest to enforce it? Is our justice based on a universal truth that everyone deserves punishment?”

After a moment, he answered his own question with a shrug. “I dunno, but I don’t want any part of it.”

The words stunned Shuichi into silence. It felt like everything went wrong during his first big case as a detective, when he caught a vigilante who killed an abuser and had them arrested. Even without the damning evidence he found, even if that person were arrested on a whim, there still was a 99% chance that they'd go to jail. And even his Uncle had said it would have been better if he hadn’t done anything.

The truth was a service, one that weary people with dead eyes purchased from his Uncle; even if they knew their partner was cheating on them, even if they knew they were being betrayed, it fell on his Uncle's shoulders to be the one to break their hearts and sever months or years worth of trust and honesty. It was all twisted and Shuichi hated it, hated it so much that he ran away to college to hide from it, hated it so much that he hid his eyes behind a hat and sat on a love confession for over a year and squandered any potential interest in him with negativity all the while.

"So what's wrong with a little lie? Who cares if you're a total loser?" the boy was saying, now. "Tell yourself that you're a confident casanova! Once you lie to yourself enough about these things, it becomes the real truth." He tapped his finger to his temple. "Why not become a real panty-dropper? If you’re gonna lie, do it good! Tell yourself that you’re real hot shit! Once she's laying nude in your arms, her love will be 'true', won't it? You'll feel happy, won'tcha?”

"I suppose, but..." He looked away. It wasn't far off from what Kaito was telling him to do, to play up his confidence. But Kaito told him to confront his weaknesses and become a better person, which Shuichi never could fully do. But if he could lie convincingly enough, he wouldn't need to.

"Juuuust somethin' to think about. I am a world-renowned neurologist, after all. I know allll about the brain." He gave the impression of a wink. "Or am I? See? There's a lesson for you right now!"

If nothing else, the idea of a five-foot tall clown being a neurologist made him chuckle. "Thanks," he said.

"No problem! My consultation fee is 100000 Yen, by the way!"

"I forgot my wallet," Shuichi said, deadpan.

"Then what's that in your pocket?"

He remembered a joke his Uncle told him. "Maybe I'm just happy to see you."

The boy laughed. "Not bad! See, you're doing better already!" He crossed his arms behind his head, relaxing. "My real fee is your name. Cough it up. My time's valuable and I gotta know whose house to burn down if you snitch later."

As much as he didn't like the sound of that, a part of him really wanted to see the boy again. "I'm Shuichi Saihara."

The world stood still. The boy stopped responding, as if he were a doll that ran out of battery. "Did you say... Saihara?"

"Uh, yeah? That one's not a lie," he offered.

The boy slowly put his hand to his mouth, as if to hold back a laugh. "I see... I suppose that I can tell you my name. It's Kokichi Ouma."

"How do I know that's the truth?"

"You don't." The boy wagged his finger. "But you'll use that name to call me, so it’s true enough to us.”

The other DICE members returned with more spray cans. Kokichi took one and held it out to Shuichi, who stared blankly. "Well? Aren't you tired of the same routine day after day?” he said. “That’s the danger of lies. The rat can tell himself he enjoys the maze, but he’ll never convince himself he put himself in it. If you’re gonna break the rules, do it well. Find your own way out of that maze.”

"But... I don't want to get kicked out of my school," Shuichi said.

"Don't you worry. We're a loooong way from Saishu University."

He balked. "How did you know?!"

"Nee-heehee! Oh, I know a lot of things," Kokichi said. "Besides. You just confirmed it."

After a moment's hesitation, Shuichi took the spray can. If he went home now, all that awaited him was a carousel of tests and hiding from himself and miserable social interaction. His heart raced as he shook up the can and began adding to the clown design on the brick wall. Even though Kokichi was wearing a mask, somehow he could tell that the small boy was smiling.

It felt like he cast out his inhibitions the more he painted. He wasn't just a rat in a maze, he was alive, he was free, leaving a definite mark on the world. His heart was pounding and soon he was laughing and joking with the other DICE members. The paint smelled sharp and the night's humidity clung his damp clothes to his body and his legs shivered from his earlier workout and he had never felt happier. It felt like nothing could ruin this night.

Nothing, anyway, except the police cruisers that screeched to a stop just outside the alley. The fat and tall DICE members dropped their cans and instantly fled. Kokichi grabbed Shuichi's hand first. "Time to split! C'mon!"

"W-wait, we can't run from the police!" Shuichi said, holding his other hand up in surrender.

"Then this is where we part ways," Kokichi said, pivoting on his heel and fleeing. Shuichi's hand lingered with warmth as he squinted at the police lights. 99% conviction, huh?

Before he knew what he was doing, he was running again, the pain in his legs long forgotten. Kokichi and his DICE members had jumped a chain link fence and he had never done such a thing, but the heavy police footsteps behind him spurred him on. He leapt onto it, nearly slipping off with his sweaty grip, and dug his toes into it. He climbed up as the cops screamed at him to freeze and leapt to the ground on the other side and took off running again.

He lost sight of the fat and tall DICE members but Kokichi waited near a garbage can, pointing a thumb to a blind turn to the left. Shuichi raced past him to the left, blindly trusting him even though it could be a dead end. But it wasn't, and Kokichi kicked the garbage can at the cops before running right after Shuichi.

It tripped up the cops long enough for the two DICE members to lift one another over a brick wall. Kokichi held out his hands and Shuichi instantly realized what he wanted. He stood on his hands and Kokichi lifted him up. He must have trusted him, Shuichi thought; he sat on the brick wall now and he only looked up at Shuichi to help pull him up.

What if he wasn't strong enough to lift him? What if he just left him behind? No, Kokichi must know he was loyal-- or maybe the DICE leader was more slippery than he thought and could get away on his own. Regardless, he reached down and pulled Kokichi up over the obstacle just as the cops drew near again. The two lingered for the faintest of moments on top of the wall, Shuichi's face not an inch away from Kokichi's mask, tension thick in the air. Then one officer reached for his taser and they both jumped to the other side of the wall and ran side-by-side.

It felt like hours that they evaded the law, but it was only minutes in reality. Eventually the two spotted a propped-open dumpster and a flash of a clown mask and Kokichi dived right in. Shuichi climbed in tentatively, retching from the scent, but Kokichi held a hand over his mouth to keep him silent. The strange boy was right atop him now, their hearts pounding together.

The cops ran right past the dumpster and down the alleyway. The DICE members stayed perfectly still until the officers' footsteps disappeared into the night. Then the only sound were Kokichi's giggles echoing inside the dumpster. "That was sooooo scary! We could've gone to jaaaiiiil!" he switched to a whine. “WAAAAAH! I was so scared!”

"I had fun too, boss," the fat one said. "Kinda risky move trusting that dude, though."

"Aw, Shuichi here's proved himself to me," he said. For some reason, Shuichi's heart was pounding extremely fast. It must be from the excitement of running from the law, he thought. It probably had nothing to do with the fact that he and the strange boy were pressed right up against each other in close quarters. "In fact, I think he could be an honorary member of DICE!"

"What? Really?" the tall one said.

"No, dummy, that's obviously a lie!" the fat one said.

Both were silenced in awe as Kokichi reached up to his face and pulled off his mask. Even in the darkness inside the dumpster, Shuichi could tell he was beautiful-- with slight, angular features but with round eyes and a button nose. He looked nothing like an evil leader, but rather the type of cute kid that he might find holding his grandma's hand walking across the street.

"Nee-heehee. Feel lucky. Only my other DICE members have gotten to see this face and live," Kokichi said.

"I... oh," Shuichi said, thankful that the darkness hid his burning cheeks.

It was short-lived, however; a moment later, Kokichi began whining about the stench and they crawled out of the dumpster. Shuichi's eyes widened as he realized that they had wound up not far from the karaoke bar. "It's been fun, but... I guess I should go home before anyone worries about me," he said.

"Of course, of course." Kokichi smirked. "You wouldn't want anyone to think that you were taken hostage by an evil organization..." He neared the boy again. "You wouldn't want me to force you into that white van and take you back to our base."

The idea almost didn't sound half-bad. His red cheeks betrayed him and Kokichi backed off, laughing. "Go on, go. Get back in that rat maze." He watched Shuichi leave, only calling out once: "But if you ever want to have fun, come find me if you can."

"I... I will," he said, waving, walking faster. His rational mind was catching up with him and he couldn't believe what he had done. His Uncle would tear him limb from limb if he learned what he had done. If the law actually caught him, too, he might get kicked out of his school. But he hadn't thought about those things when he made the decision to run. He had just focused on Kokichi.

He wasn't quite happy, but he wasn't sad anymore, either. Whatever he was feeling, it felt better not to put a name on it. Shuichi just enjoyed it as he walked right back to his empty dorm and laid down, falling asleep almost immediately.

For once, he slept deeply rather than tossing and turning all night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the rough draft of this whole work is complete, so dont worry about this remaining unfinished. i'll update with chapters periodically as they're edited!


	2. not so ok cupid

Shuichi woke up rested, but shivering. An unusual cold front had permeated the city, though Summer was ending and Autumn was beginning, so it couldn’t be that unusual. Kaito had changed into a tracksuit for their morning training and Shuichi couldn’t tell if the coldness that woke him was from the room’s draftiness or Kaito’s demeanor.

“Go back to sleep. Training’s canceled for sidekicks this morning,” Kaito said. “You got your fill of running around last night.”

He reached down to tie his shoelaces, deliberately refusing to look Shuichi in the eye. His bed was made; he never made his own bed. The only explanation was that he hadn’t slept and the bed was still made from Shuichi’s cleaning the dorm yesterday before Kaede came over.

The thought of Kaede shot him through the heart. Everything came flooding back. The dating website. The karaoke bar. Kokichi Ouma. His phone still was powered off in his pocket. Even after he made it safely home, he never told anyone. Judging by the amount of wear on Kaito’s new sneakers, he had probably been out all night looking for him.

Shuichi sat up in bed. “Kaito, let me explain--”

The other boy held up a hand. "Stop screwing around. I'm tired of excuses.”

“Why won’t you hear me out?”

Kaito stared at the wall. "Do you know how much it scares us when you pull some kind of stunt like that? I try to take responsibility for my sidekicks, but this is too much. We were looking for you for hour!  We thought you were hurt, or..." He closed his eyes and swallowed the words. Instead of voicing that thought, he gestured to Shuichi’s muddied clothes. "And where did you go, to roll in a sewer? Why don’t you just stop wallowing in every mistake you make? I told you that there's lots of other fish in the sea!"

Normally, he'd shy away, apologize profusely, ask for a second (or third, fourth, fifth) chance. But something ignited inside him. "What do you mean, 'you told me'? It's your fault that I went there dressed like that to begin with,” he said, his voice raising higher and higher from its usual whisper. “It’s your fault that I worked up the courage to confess to her instead of giving up since I knew she was into someone else!" He stood up from the bed. "You didn't even go there to support me, did you? Was it all to hit on that Maki girl? You probably knew she'd be there last night and wanted a reason to invite yourself!"

Kaito clenched his fists. "What the hell are you talking about? I only--"

"I know you and Kaede have done a lot to support me, and I know I went too far last night." He sighed. "But you know what I did? I ran out of there and I wound up making a choice by myself for once. I’m tired of always being told what to do and how to think. I’m tired of being tossed aside when someone finds something or someone better!”

"Shuichi, you aren't listening to me!" Kaito said, finally raising his voice. "I’m only trying to help you! If you stopped being such a sad sack, then--”

"Maybe I don't want your damn help anymore," Shuichi said. He stormed into the bathroom and locked the door behind him and ignored the banging that subsequently followed.

“Shuichi, you're just gonna lock yourself away now? Is that how you're gonna deal with your problems?"

He closed his eyes. In a way, the action was an elaborate lie-- a way of convincing himself that the outside world wasn't real, that he wasn't hurting right now. After a while, he heard the door to the hallway close; Kaito must have left. Shuichi opened his eyes and stood up, staring at himself in the mirror. The person that stared back at him looked as awful as he was used to, but in different ways-- he expected bags under his eyes and gaunt skin, but he was just met with disheveled hair and a gaudy outfit. Instead of slouching, he was standing up straight.

Regardless, he still had worries. He had just lost Kaede, and now Kaito was mad at him too. Those were the only two who spoke to him regularly. But if he could lie to himself convincingly, and make that lie a reality, then things would be different. Shuichi forced himself to smile.

After showering and changing his clothes, he decided to turn on his phone for the first time that day. Notifications flooded him like he opened a dam-- several were from Kaede and Kaito, but others were from a different source. He took a deep breath and decided there was no delaying the inevitable; he clicked on Kaede's username, scrolling through several dozen worried messages that must have happened after he ran out of the karaoke bar. Then there were more recent ones from not too long ago. Kaito must have told her that he had returned safely. 

bachtothefuture: Shuichi, I'm glad you're okay.  
bachtothefuture: I am upset that you ran out of there like that and worried all of us, but I can't say I don't understand why you did it.  
bachtothefuture: That's why I want to get this out here so nothing like this happens again. I'm sorry, Shuichi, but I don't return your feelings. I've been interested in Maki for a little while.  
bachtothefuture: I'm sorry I led you on. I've suspected that you had feelings for me for a while, but I didn't turn you down openly in case I was wrong or in case it hurt you badly. I know you're not in the best place lately.  
bachtothefuture: You're a good friend and I hope that we can continue to be friends. Now that this is out in the open, maybe we can be better friends than before. For now, though, I think it's best if we avoid seeing each other for a little while.  
bachtothefuture: Please try to take care of yourself during this time. Kaito made it seem like you two were having trouble, but I’m sure he'll cool off soon.  
bachtothefuture: A good piano piece to listen to right now might be Chopin’s Nocturne Op. 9 No.2! When I listen to it, I feel like everything is okay!  
bachtothefuture: But if you don't want to listen to the piano, then you do you. I'll see you later, Shuichi.

[bachtothefuture is offline]

Unlike Kaede's other messages, they were devoid of LINE stickers or emoticons. He ignored the aching in his chest as he selected Kaito's username. There were only texts from the night before. Finally, he looked further and found that the other notifications were from Dolph, and the messages had only been sent within the last half hour.

Kinghorse69: aloha, Shuichi! ;p thats how we say ‘whats up sexy’ in hawaiian  
Kinghorse69: it sure is a chilly day in japan!! Brrrr! wish i had someone to warm me up!  
Kinghorse69: hope you slept well!  
Kinghorse69: i'm so sorry about all those weird pick up lines lol can’t help myself ;p  
Kinghorse69: i hope you can give me a second chance!    
Kinghorse69: let's talk today. I'll be online

Shuichi stared at the messages for several moments. The right thing to do would be to delete his dating site profile, since Kaede had made him create it, and he was trying to live past her and Kaito's control. In retrospect, it should have been obvious that she wasn't interested and was trying to help him find someone else when she had him make that profile.

But he was lying to himself now, and it gave him an odd but immense sense of freedom. Kaede hadn't made him make this profile. He did it on his own. And he wanted to talk to this weird random model on the internet. After all, he had nothing, but it meant he could do anything.

saihara00: hey. how are you?  
Kinghorse69: oh im great! never been better! wbu  
saihara00: im doing. pretty well i guess :)

It was a lie, and a bad one, but he wasn't about to start venting to this stranger. At least, not again.  

Kinghorse69: hmmmm are you really????  
Kinghorse69: i guess i brightened your day ;)  
Kinghorse69: i had a good night modeling so im celebrating today ;p  
saihara00: congratulations! was it for a big magazine or something?  
Kinghorse69: ya  
Kinghorse69: its called Monokuma Monthly  
Kinghorse69: it allows bears only ;p

Shuichi opened his web browser to look it up. He was instantly flooded with messages, as if Dolph knew he'd do just that.

Kinghorse69: its an american only magazine  
Kinghorse69: look at me talking about myself again  
Kinghorse69: shuichi, i want to know more about you  
Kinghorse69: you said your uncle is paying for everything rite? what about your mom and dad?

It distracted him enough that he forgot why he opened the internet browser, which may have been Dolph's plan to begin with.

saihara00: well. i dont really have parents  
Kinghorse69: wow like batman?  
saihara00: no…. theyre alive…. just overseas  
Kinghorse69: what happened lol  
Kinghorse69: (lol stands for LOTS OF LOVE here)  
saihara00: theyre away on business  
saihara00: sometimes they call but not really anymore. they didnt even tell me they got divorced so theres a lot i dont know.  
Kinghorse69: why did they go overseas without you………? maybe they dont love each other but they still had you so they should love you  
saihara00: hm. i think they had me just to prove that they were still in love with each other.  
saihara00: although they weren't.  
saihara00: after i was born, they went back to jet-setting.  
saihara00: i thought the maid was my mom and the groundskeeper was my dad for a while because they were the only faces i saw.  
Kinghorse69: is your family rich?  
saihara00: my dad is a screenwriter and my mom is an actress. both are pretty famous i guess.  
saihara00: i only know that from doing some sleuthing.  
saihara00: when i was a kid my maid walked out on the job. luckily my parents remembered i was there after three or four days of me just sitting alone in the house  
saihara00: i pushed up chairs to the counter so i could get food. i just survived off of ritz crackers until they found me.  
saihara00: so they sent me to live with my uncle because he wanted a kid. and that was that  
Kinghorse69: your uncle huh? he wanted a kid? so was it a happily ever after then?  
saihara00: well. he never had kids, so i think raising me was his own second chance.  
Kinghorse69: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
Kinghorse69: so what youre saying is that he wanted a child not for the sake of raising a child  
Kinghorse69: but just to make himself feel better  
Kinghorse69: and your parents had you for the same reason?  
saihara00: i guess so.  
saihara00: i know i cant complain. i had a lot growing up and its more than some people had. at least i had a home.  
Kinghorse69: an idea of a home  
Kinghorse69: a father figure in your uncle who loved the idea of you more than you as yourself  
Kinghorse69: and two parents who had what they wanted once they proved they could stand one another and dumped you on this loser!  
Kinghorse69: can you really call that living?

It reminded him of what that strange harlequin, Kokichi, had said. Living day after day, chasing someone else's dream like cheese in a rat maze. Or, at least, a whiff of cheese. He wasn’t sure if any tangible reward actually existed for someone like him.

saihara00: i dont know. but im here. so thats enough.  
Kinghorse69: damn rite  
Kinghorse69: and nobody can take that away from you ;p  
saihara00: uhhh i didnt realize i was going on that much  
saihara00: im sorry i dumped all this on you. you must think im a freak.  
Kinghorse69: yeah! but so am i, so we work well together  
Kinghorse69: theres nothing wrong with being a freak. i’d rather be weird than be normal! otherwise i would get into a relationship with some woman i dont know and have a kid because thats what some poorly-defined “they” want me to do  
Kinghorse69: not that im your daddy or anything.   
Kinghorse69: yet ;)  
saihara00: uh well. Thanks.  
Kinghorse69: besides. im the same way!!!!  
saihara00: what do you mean?  
Kinghorse69: i didnt even think i HAD a family lmao  
Kinghorse69: i thought i just washed up on the shore one day!  
Kinghorse69: the first time i made money from my modeling career, i got a front page on the local paper!  
Kinghorse69: and then my dad came forward and claimed me  
Kinghorse69: "thats my son! my long lost precious son!"  
Kinghorse69: so he was able to take my modeling checks for years, sent to a PO box while i begged for change outside the studio  
saihara00: thats horrible!  
saihara00: im so sorry dolph. did you ever do anything about it?  
Kinghorse69: yeah  
Kinghorse69: i found his PO Box and stuffed a homemade bomb in it. when he came to pick up the check it blew his shitty head clean off  
saihara00: what?????????????????????????????????????????????  
Kinghorse69: hehe gotcha  
Kinghorse69: i thought about it. but i couldnt do anything. the law wasnt on my side. some law.  
Kinghorse69: i just let him ruin everything until i ran away to a different part of hawaii.  
saihara00: but that was your money. its not right.  
Kinghorse69: some shit in the world just isnt right shuichi  
Kinghorse69: what was i gonna do? hire a lawyer with my 0 dollars and 0 cents?  
Kinghorse69: i walked into the studio the day after my dad claimed me and my manager congratulated me  
Kinghorse69: said i was 'lucky someone wanted me'  
Kinghorse69: i should be 'happy i have a home’  
Kinghorse69: they say anythings better than nothing but thats a load of bull fuck. i wouldve chosen nothing if i had the chance. but none of us have that choice  
Kinghorse69: but now that im in this world im living to spite them. i lived bitch! im out here being gay and rockin out hunty!

For some reason, the story really resonated with Shuichi. Not only did this strange person understand, but they related to his story. He wished that he had Dolph's sense of freedom. He hadn't been able to live to spite his own parents because he didn't have that kind of strength.

Something else stood out to Shuichi. The law couldn’t protect Dolph. He didn’t know United States law, but it sounded similar to the point Kokichi had made-- that the law and the truth weren’t always right.

saihara00: thats quite a story.  
Kinghorse69: oh i know! youre the first person i told ;p  
Kinghorse69: im used to being toooootallly alooooooooone  
Kinghorse69: but youre not horrible to talk to!!!!!!!!!!!! ;p  
saihara00: neither are you :)  
saihara00: im glad you talked to me again.  
  
Kinghorse69 is typing.........................

He took a long time typing again. Something about the stranger really did put him at ease, helped him forget that he was talking to a model from Hawaii of all places. Maybe it was the anonymity of the internet after all, but he’d never held a conversation for so long or talked about such personal things.

Once Dolph erased and started again and erased and started again, Shuichi decided to take the lead.

saihara00: hey so um  
saihara00: i do like talking to you  
saihara00: do you want to take this any further? id like to hear your voice and all  
saihara00: you said you were in tokyo for a month? we could meet up…  
saihara00: as friends at first. im not ready for anything else yet. but maybe it could turn out that way.

Kinghorse69 is typing..........................

Kinghorse69: oooooooh you liiiiike me now? ;p lol  
Kinghorse69: what about the girl you like?   
saihara00: lets just say things didnt work out.

It also struck Shuichi as odd that this person asked to talk to him again- and adopted a much nicer attitude- today, after Kaede had rejected him. It was almost as if he knew too much.

Kinghorse69: works out great for me! only one problem. nonstop photoshoots for a while  
Kinghorse69: but you can hear my voice!  
Kinghorse69: my skype username is something you'll never guess  
saihara00: is it the same?  
Kinghorse69: you know it!  
Kinghorse69: add me and we could talk tonight  
saihara00: what would be a good time for you?  
Kinghorse69: how about we talk at...... 10 PM!  
saihara00: sounds good. i'll talk to you then :)  
Kinghorse69: until next time ;p

[Kinghorse69 is offline.]

He'd done it. He'd had a real human conversation with someone and now things were moving forward in their tumultuous relationship. Just the thing that Kaede had wanted to celebrate.

He checked the time. 8 AM. He would have a class soon. Instead, he laid down in bed, his legs screaming at him in pain. He had never skipped a class, but he had also never asked to go to them. Shuichi knew he couldn't escape his responsibility to his family, to his Uncle-- he was paying for his tuition and had done so much for him that Shuichi owed it to him to do well. Dolph himself had been through so much and made it clear that none of them could choose their circumstances.

Dolph... Suddenly he remembered why he opened his internet. Shuichi pulled out his phone and began searching. Monokuma Monthly was easy to find, but they had hundreds if not thousands of male models. Finding Dolph take forever.

Luckily, Shuichi had time. Even if he did go to class, he wasn’t sure he could focus, the strange foreigner taking up so much of his mind.

\---

The ringing of his cell phone woke him up. He reached for it, groggy and dizzy, managing to catch the time before he picked up: 12:30 PM. He must have fallen back asleep while looking through models. "Hello?"

"Why aren't you in class right now?" his Uncle said, in place of a greeting. "I was just going to leave you a message."

"I'm, uh... not feeling well," Shuichi said.

The disapproval radiated through the phone. "You must not know why I'm phoning you. I got two calls from the Tokyo police department this morning. One was reporting the sudden disappearance of Shuichi Saihara and the next was alerting me that it was a false alarm and you simply had gone out last night and returned to your dorm."

Kaito hadn’t mentioned the police getting involved, but it made sense. "You don't understand, I--"

"I understand two things very clearly. The first is that your studies have been neglected in favor of wasting your time on nightlife and other things unbecoming of a Saihara. The second is that you are not even in your class right now, or else you wouldn't have answered so quickly."

Shuichi pinched the bridge of his nose, fighting the oncoming headache. Although he knew his Uncle's name, he never found the courage to refer to him as anything other than 'sir'. "Sir, I scored 98% on my last exam. I am not falling behind in my studies."

"Just 98? Why not 100?"

"Sir--"

His voice softened, but only as much the difference in softness between a sheet of metal and a boulder. "Shuichi, I didn't get to where I am by only doing the bare minimum. I could find out 'whodunnit' and turn over what I know to the proper authorities. What makes me exceptional is that I figure out everything I can about the case and prove the culprit's guilt beyond a shadow of a doubt."

"I'm sorry, sir."

"Stop apologizing. You sound pathetic. It's unbecoming of a man," his Uncle said. "Aren't you ever going to grow up? No woman finds a weak will attractive."

Kaede's look of horror at his botched love song flashed through his mind. He swallowed back a lump in his throat. "I know."

"Don't sound so sad. I'm doing this for your sake. I always have been." Shuichi heard a deep sigh. "Studies are the most important, but don't forget that you'll need to find a wife one day."

"You're right," Shuichi said.

"Even your father had a child before running away with... non-productive relationships." He laughed, a deep and rough sound in place of what should have been gentle. It sounded like crunching through a bed of flowers. "If he could do it, so can you."

He didn't know what to say. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. If you want to make it up to me, then get your law degree and find your future wife. You have a duty to pass on the Saihara name." He gave the impression, even over the phone, that he was staring with his deep-set eyes at something far away. "Now go on. Get to class."

"Yes, sir."

A flashing message on his phone indicated the call had ended. Inexplicably, Shuichi found himself missing the office’s landline phone. A dial tone sounded on the landline whenever his Uncle hung up on him then. It was a confirmation that the discussion was over. Now he was just left hanging, waiting for his Uncle to snap at him again any minute.

'Non-productive relationships'. The last thing he heard of his father was that he finally separated from his mother and moved in with a man. Never was it explicitly stated that they were in a relationship or even liked one another; just that he moved in with a man. Shuichi checked his phone again, scrolling through his LINE messages, coming to rest on the ones sent from Dolph. Calling him tonight would make him happy. It would be freeing and fun. But it wouldn't be ‘productive.’

And if it wasn't, then there was no reason to even try.

\---

The door slamming was the only way Shuichi knew Kaito had returned from class. He hadn’t said anything when he came back from his workout and he didn't say anything now, not even when he dumped the lecture notes in front of the other boy. Shuichi looked at the notes in surprise while Kaito went into the bathroom. Based on the stench of cologne that seeped out of there, he was probably going out tonight. At least it would give Shuichi some privacy.

When Kaito finally left the bathroom, hair sticking up thanks to obscene amounts of hairspray, Shuichi thought about stopping him. Apologizing, maybe. He was good at it. He would say he was sorry and he should have just listened to everything Kaito said and done everything that everyone else wanted. Yet the words died in his throat, because he was nothing if not a coward, and he watched Kaito slip on his shoes and leave without a word.

Kokichi had told him to lie to himself. It would make sense that lies were the natural opposite of the truth, and he had long been afraid of the truth, so he should be able to lie easily. Yet lies weren’t the backside of the truth, as easy to find as turning over a coin; they were completely different altogether.

A lie might help him feel better, but it wouldn’t bring Kaito back. He could convince himself he would be happy. His Uncle probably also thought he was happy, sitting alone in his office chair, convincing himself he was in this career by choice.

Shuichi considered the lecture notes on the desk in front of him. Was this Kaito's way of apologizing? Or was it done out of obligation, returning the favor for the many times Kaito himself had missed class and Shuichi gave him the notes? Either way, he pushed them aside. He had a while until he needed to call Dolph and he wasn't sure what to do with his time. He checked LINE again and again, staring at Kaede's icon of herself and seeing her status set as 'Online', revising endless messages in his head.

10 PM came before he realized it and Dolph's Skype icon lit up as if it had been timed. His profile picture was the same as his dating site and LINE pictures. Shouldn't a model have a portfolio full of pictures to choose from? Maybe it was his best shot, Shuichi thought, swallowing the dread in his stomach. It still didn't escape him that this could all be a ruse, but a part of him desperately wanted it to be the truth. Dolph was the first person in a while he had trusted, he thought, watching his icon flashing as an incoming call came in. That trust propelled him to click 'Accept' just before the call bounced.

"Hello?" said a deep voice in perfect Japanese. "Are you there, Shuichi?"

It took a moment for Shuichi to get his courage together and reply. "Ah, yes, hello. It's me."

"Your voice sounds breathtaking, Shuichi. I already feel like I could listen to it all day," Dolph said.

Shuichi covered his face even though neither of them had video feed on. The second that Dolph started speaking, it became apparent that there was something unnatural with his voice. But Dolph was the first person to say he sounded nice-- even Kaede thought he sounded 'pretty awkward at times'. "Th-thanks," he said.

"Oh? Just a 'thanks'?" Dolph said. His voice was as rich and deep as freshly-brewed coffee. Yet something about it had the quality that, if it were coffee, sipping it would reveal it was just colored water. "What about my own voice?"

For the moment, Shuichi held back his doubts. He hadn't believed in himself in so long-- that he was cute, that he had a nice voice. He wanted to believe in Dolph. "Your voice is... really handsome."

"Thanks~ I know!" Dolph said. He held back a chuckle. "What did you do today, Shuichi?"

"Ah, well, I... didn't do much," he confessed. "I needed a break from my classes today."

"I didn't know you were naughty like that, Shuichi," Dolph said. "Did something happen recently?"

He bit his lip. "Nothing. I just needed a rest."

"You know, Shuichi, you aren't a very good liar." He gave the impression of smiling wider with every word he spoke. "But I won't pry."

"Well, what about you?" Shuichi asked. "What did you do today?"

"Oh, I had a photoshoot all day today! I had loads of fangirls chasing me and my crew around, so I had to tell 'em to back off! I'm interested in someone!" Dolph said.

"You are? In who?" Shuichi asked.

"You, silly!"

Shuichi reached to pull down the brim of a hat that he wasn't wearing. It was hanging up on the doorknob to his closet. "You went out of your way to tell people at this early stage?"

Another stifled chuckle. "And why not?"

"It's... irresponsible. We still barely know each other," Shuichi said.

"You've got that wrong," Dolph said. He seemed to lean in to his mic, getting closer with his husky voice. "I know a lot about you already, Shuichi. I know that you have the sweetest smile. I know that you have an adorably nervous voice that makes me just want to gobble you up. I know that you throw yourself into what you want to pursue, like your studies. I hope one day you'll be that dedicated to me."

It overwhelmed Shuichi. He sank lower and lower into his seat the more Dolph spoke, drinking in his words. If they were just water colored to look like coffee, then he drank them anyway as if he were parched. "I'm not that special. I'm not even that sure about my degree."

"I think you're very special. And when I have my heart set on something, I don't stop chasing it until I get it. Like a dolphin."

Although he wasn't sure if dolphins relentlessly pursued their prey, Shuichi wasn't about to argue. "But you're from Hawaii. You have to go back home in a month."

"Didn't I tell you? I'm rich! I'm absolutely stacked," Dolph said. "I could fly you out to Hawaii on a first-class jet first thing anytime.”

Shuichi wanted to ask why a rich person with so many fans needed to use a dating website to find friends or lovers. He also had looked up if Monokuma Monthly was having any photoshoots in Tokyo, but there were none. It was all so suspicious-- almost too suspicious.

But if it were all an elaborate joke, then why had Dolph shared such serious conversations with him? Was that all a joke, too? And what would happen if he did call Dolph out?

When he had his first breakthrough as a young detective and caught a murderer who killed their abuser, his own Uncle said it would have been better if he hadn’t said anything. Just like with confessing to Kaede, if he didn’t do it, the truth wouldn’t be lost. But he also wouldn’t be suffering. He didn’t want to make the same mistake again.

"Dolph, what magazine did you first appear in?" he asked.

"Why do you ask?" Dolph replied. "Can't get enough of me?”

He ignored his burning cheeks. Dolph was dodging the question. "I'd like to show people pictures of you."

"My, my. And you were calling me eager?"

"Answer the question.”

Dolph gave a soft sigh. “It’s hard to remember. I started off in local Hawaiian magazines. I only had my body, so it was my only choice. Once I got recognized, I made it into things like GQ, Playgirl, Horse&Rider, Popeye--”

“Playgirl?!”

“You’ll have to find those on your own,” Dolph said. His voice was just smooth enough to give the impression of a wink.

“I-isn’t Horse&Rider a horse magazine?” he stammered. His username might be ‘Kinghorse69’, but this was ridiculous.

“People can pose alongside horses,” Dolph said. “Or have I been in that one? I’ve been in so many, I forgot.” He chuckled. “Or maybe I’m a centaur? That would be funny!”

Shuichi felt like his head was spinning. “I, uh… I see…”

“I’ll send you pictures tomorrow. Oh, but you’re gonna have to hunt for the dirty ones, pervert,” he teased.

All he had to do was insist, 'why not send the pictures now?'. If he was really a model, then it shouldn't be hard for him. He might even have personal assistants who could do such chores for him. But Shuichi found himself biting his tongue. "I see. Thank you."

"Anything for you, Shuichi," Dolph said. “In return, could you send me pictures of you?”

“Huh? But I’m not a model,” Shuichi said.

“Yeah, that’s obvious. You only have one selfie on your profile, and it’s pretty blurry.” Dolph laughed. “Isn’t it fair to trade pictures for pictures?”

“But I…” He pulled his legs up in his chair and hugged his knees to his chest. He lowered his head. “I don’t have any other pictures of me.”

“Why not take some?”

“I don’t like how they come out,” he admitted. “Kaede forced me to take that selfie. Ah-- she’s the girl who rejected me.”

“Her loss,” he said. “How about just one new picture?”

“But if you send me multiple pictures, it won’t be even.”

“Sure it will be. Just one picture of you is worth that much to me,” Dolph said.

Shuichi felt his heart skip a beat. “If… if you say so.” He didn’t take selfies; he didn’t know how he should do his hair, or if he should wear his hat, or wear any special clothes. “What should I wear in the picture?”

“Hm…” As Dolph mused, Shuichi remembered how dirty the model had been. He feared- or maybe a part of him secretly hoped-  that he would ask for something inappropriate. Instead, he said: “How about you wear a smile?”

A smile, unlike the frown in the picture that Kaede made him take. He felt himself unable to stop a smile from spreading on his face now. A real one, not the obligatory one he wore when his Uncle told him to cheer up. There was a truth and a lie he could tell the difference between. “Okay. A smile it is.”

“Thank you, Shuichi,” Dolph said. “I should go for now. It’s getting late, and I have a photoshoot tomorrow morning.”

“You’re right,” Shuichi said, unable to hide his remorse. The time had flown by. He swallowed a lump in his throat and decided to be forward for once. "H-how about we talk again tomorrow? The same time?"  
  
"It's a date," Dolph said. "I'm looking forward to it."   
  
The two lingered for a moment, enjoying the comfortable silence. Finally, Shuichi spoke up again. "Dolph, could I ask you something?"  
  
"You just did," he teased.  
  
Shuichi rolled his eyes, a moment before realizing Dolph couldn't see it. "Well... I might be wrong, and it's none of my business, but..."  
  
"Go on."   
  
He hesitated. It had taken a while of talking to Dolph, but he had finally placed the tinny quality underlying his voice. "... Something about your voice seems a little bit... off."   
  
"You think so?" Dolph said. "Gosh, how cruel."   
  
"Not in a bad way!" Shuichi insisted. "More like... are you using a voice changer?"   
  
There was a long pause. "What reason would I have to use a voice changer?"   
  
"I... don't know," he admitted. "But if you're embarrassed about your real voice or anything, don't be. I'd love to hear it."   
  
"Aww, how sweet. Too bad that your conclusion's off."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Yep! My voice just sounds like this. No voice changer whatsoever," Dolph said.   
  
"But the voice quality is--"   
  
"--because of my microphone and the low quality of the Skype call," Dolph finished. "I have no reason to hide my voice from you, Shuichi."   
  
And, like he always did, Shuichi backed down. "I... I see. I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't be! It's just like the nephew of a detective to be such a sleuth!” Dolph said. “Anyway, goodnight, Shuichi.”

“Goodnight, Dolph.”

The name felt strange passing his lips. After they hung up, Shuichi sat for a long time bathed in the blue glow of the computer screen. His Uncle’s words about ‘non-productive relationships’ rang in his ears. He closed his laptop and then he was completely in the dark.

He still smiled, but he no longer was sure if he was happy.   


\---

Sweat rolled down his face. The walls of makeup products were closing in on him. How was he supposed to know the difference between types of mascara? It felt like a test he hadn’t studied for, except he was taking the test with a gun to his head, and also he was holding the gun.

He lifted up his hat to wipe down his forehead. The shopkeeper in the convenience store tried to show him the cold medicine, since he wore a surgical mask to disguise his face, but he shook his head and hustled to the cosmetics section. Now the shopkeeper must think that Shuichi is a pervert or a terrorist or, worse, a man who buys makeup for himself.

It was a multi-step mission. The first step was to disguise himself-- his hat, his old school uniform, and the surgical mask all successfully made him look like someone who was trying very hard to wear a disguise. This had the unfortunate effect of rendering his excuse of “I’m buying it for my girlfriend” ineffective, unless overgrown emo schoolboys with a chronic cough had become hot.

The second step was to walk several miles out of the city to a local, independently-owned corner store instead of a 7-11 or Family Mart. At three separate 7-11 locations, he had been offered a hot dog and ever since then he couldn’t shake the paranoia that they were a front for a massive information tracking network.

The third step was to get cash from an ATM so his purchase couldn’t be traced. His Uncle probably wouldn’t have asked what he bought at this ‘Hope Mart’ store, but he couldn’t run the risk; the man sniffed out lies for a living. If his Uncle found out, he might as well stop by the morgue on the way home and check himself in.

The final step- and this was the hardest- was to buy makeup.

This was the kind of thing that Kaede could have helped with. It was too late now. Somehow, he didn’t think that texting her about makeup would be the best thing to say after everything that happened. He couldn’t ask Dolph, either, even though models probably wore makeup. It had to be a surprise, since the photos would be for him.

Eventually, Shuichi couldn’t take the pressure anymore. He grabbed the first brand of mascara, eyeliner, and concealer that he could find and shuffled to the counter. The owner of the store made eye contact with him while he was 20 feet away and they held it for an awkwardly long time, completely silent. Shuichi stood at the counter and expected the shopkeeper to take the items from his hands, and then he didn’t, and then he dropped them all on the counter.

The shopkeeper rang him up. His eyes bore holes into Shuichi’s face. “Your total is 3774 yen,” he said.

Shuichi pulled out the exact change and handed it over. The shopkeeper handed him a plastic bag with the items in it. Everything was going according to the plan in Shuichi’s mind. Next, the shopkeeper would ask him if he wanted a receipt and he would say no. There could be no proof of his purchase.

Instead, the shopkeeper said: “Have a good day.”

“Nope,” Shuichi said, and then walked out.

Fuck.

\---

He held the plastic bag to his chest as if he were smuggling a bomb back onto campus and only breathed again once he was alone in his dorm. Apparently there was an emergency at Kaito’s grandparents’ house- a story told to him in one terse LINE message- and so Shuichi was alone.

Pulling off his hat and the surgical mask, he took the makeup into the bathroom. He reminded himself that there was nothing wrong with a man wearing makeup. Rantaro wore makeup. His old lab partner Korekiyo wore eyeshadow. Even Kaito admitted to covering up zits with concealer.

But he was different. His Uncle had caught him applying mascara once when he was getting ready for high school. When he came home, there were pamphlets for therapists on the table. But, he thought, his Uncle wasn’t here right now. And he was lying to himself. Escaping the rat maze.

His hand was shaky. Shuichi took several deep breaths. The next coating came out fine. His lashes looked long and full when he was done. Shuichi wouldn’t say he was happy, but his chest felt full instead of hollow for once, and he didn’t mind looking himself in the mirror anymore.

Next came the eyeliner and concealer. Painting his face with the makeup products let him lose himself in a kind of flow, the same kind as if he were absorbed in writing a paper. Soon he actually felt as satisfied with himself as with a finished essay. Dolph would have to do the grading.

Some people said that wearing makeup was deceptive because it caused others to think you look different than you truly do. Shuichi, however, wasn’t trying to fool anyone but himself. Besides, he wasn’t changing his whole face. He already had long lashes and fair skin; makeup just accentuated that. He couldn’t tell where the truth ended and the lies began. What he could tell was that he was happy.

Finally, Shuichi combed his hair. A thick strand stuck out on top no matter what he did, but that was fine. He looked like someone he was proud of now rather than looking like depression wearing a human mask. He pulled out his phone, opened his camera app, and couldn’t smile.

It was too bad he couldn’t paint that on, too. His first smile looked awkward, and his other attempts looked worse and worse. Had he always had dimples? Were his eyes always so beady? Shuichi didn’t know how he could compare with Dolph.

Dolph…

Dolph, who had sent him a variety of pictures that morning. Dolph, whos smile lit up a photo like the sun lit up the sky. Dolph, who put Shuichi first when nobody else did.

He still wasn’t sure what it was about the handsome- but admittedly suspicious- man that drew him in. Maybe it was the sense of freedom Dolph had, or the circumstances he had overcome only to still be thriving. Maybe it was the idea of escape, the thought of running away to Hawaii and never seeing his Uncle again. Or Kaito, or Kaede… and then his half-smile turned into a frown.

Maybe it was the way he listened. Maybe it was his sense of humor. Maybe it was the way he didn’t force positivity like others did.

Now that he thought about it, several of Dolph’s words sounded like the words of that strange boy-- Kokichi Ouma. He shook his head. No, it didn’t seem possible. He wouldn’t let it be possible.

Kokichi, who dressed like a clown and spray painted buildings. Kokichi, who ran from the police and helped Shuichi over the wall first. Kokichi, who sat on top of him in the dumpster and he radiated warmth and showed Shuichi his slight features and sparkling eyes. He wouldn’t be doing any of this if it weren’t for Kokichi.

And then he couldn’t understand why, but he was grinning wide. He quickly took a picture. It came out perfectly. He felt guilty sending it to Dolph; it wasn’t a smile for him. But then again, none of Dolph’s smiles were for him either. Deception was a natural part of any relationship. That’s what he had learned at his Uncle’s firm.

The messages came in as soon as he sent the picture.

Kinghorse69: you look so handsome shuichi!  
Kinghorse69: its blurry though. can you send a cleaner one?

His eyes widened. Shuichi took another picture and sent it.

Kinghorse69: another cute one!  
Kinghorse69: you have a smudge in your mirror though. can you wipe that up first?

Shuichi took out a glass cleaner and cleaned the mirror. He took one last picture.

Kinghorse69: this is the best one!  
Kinghorse69: but theres a fly in the background. can you kill it and retake the shot?  
saihara00: If you wanted more pictures, you could just ask  
Kinghorse69: I-it’s n-not like I w-wanted more pictures of you…. Baka!  
Kinghorse69: lol just kidding. that’s what a tsundere would say!  
Kinghorse69: i cant help but be critical of photos as a model  
Kinghorse69: you have natural talent for modeling, though, shuichi. I want to take photos together one day

Dolph probably meant on a set, but Shuichi couldn’t help but imagine the two of them at an ice cream date taking photos with their ice cream cones, or at a park taking candids of one another, or going into a photo booth at an amusement park making silly faces. When his Uncle showed off his photo album, Shuichi was studying or working in almost every picture. For a while, Shuichi thought that was just the way of things. But now, something about the other boy made him want to have pictures that would make him smile when he looked back at them.

saihara00: Me too :)  
Kinghorse69: gotta get back to the set! talk to you tonight! ;p  
saihara00: bye!

He pocketed his phone and walked happily out of the bathroom to see Kaito sitting at the desk. Shuichi froze as Kaito looked right at him. This was it. This was how he’d be exposed as a weirdo.

But, even though Kaito asked him several dumb questions ever since he came out as bi to him, he always kept his secrets. He looked right back down at his laptop. “You look nice,” he said. His voice didn’t betray any emotion.

“Thanks,” Shuichi said. He bit a fingernail. “I, uh... didn’t hear you come in.”

“I just got back.” He shrugged. “Grandma tripped and fell, but she’s okay.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”  
  
They sat for a while longer, words swimming in Shuichi's head. Lying to himself was always an option, but he'd seen what too much of it did to a person. His Uncle told himself he was happy, but he still fell asleep with a bottle in his hand in front of the TV. His father said he wanted a child, but he left Shuichi's mother as soon as he were free from Japan's social climate. But if he looked at himself with absolute honesty, he would feel ashamed. He’d missed classes two days in a row to chase after an internet stranger who didn’t seem to be telling the full truth either. And while he was stressing out about makeup, Kaito was stressing out about his grandmother almost getting severely injured.   
  
Finally, Kaito made his choice for him. But this time, he didn’t mind. “Listen up, Shuichi. While I was driving out to my grandparents’ place, I was really scared I was gonna lose my grandma,” Kaito said. “It made me think about how much I appreciate the people in my life. I should’ve just been happy that you were okay that night, not mad that you ran out of the karaoke bar like that. A proper hero also would have taken better care of his sidekick. So… I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” Shuichi said. “You always just wanted to help me. God knows I've needed a lot of help.”  
  
"Stop screwin’ around… it’s not like I haven't been selfish. I did know Maki Roll would be at the karaoke bar." He gave a weak chuckle. "Y'know what the funny thing is? She and Kaede officially told me and the others that they're a couple yesterday."  
  
"I figured," Shuichi said. For some reason, it didn't bother him anymore as much as he thought it would. He felt resigned, but also as if he didn't have to worry about it any longer.  
  
"Nothing gets past you, huh?" Kaito cocked a brow. "That’s my sidekick. Actually, no.” He smiled. “That’s my bro.”

“I’m being promoted?”

“We’re all the heroes of our own stories, yeah?” Kaito shrugged. “Although mine’s a lot cooler because it has space in it. No offense.”

“None taken,” Shuichi said, relieved things were going back to normal.   


“I think I’m gonna stay in tonight. Let’s rest up. I wanna get back to our training tomorrow,” Kaito said.

“Sounds good to me,” Shuichi said. Now that he thought about it, Kaito didn’t know about Dolph yet. “Ah, I just… have a call scheduled with someone tonight.”

“Oh, yeah? Good for you!” Kaito said. “Someone I know?”

“Er… no.”

Kaito didn’t pry. “I’ll make sure I give you privacy. Knock ‘em dead for me.”

“I’ll try,” he said. He began walking away when Kaito called his name.

“Shuichi, one more thing.” He pointed to Shuichi’s face.

His breath hitched. Was he going to make fun of him after all? After a moment, Kaito said: “that tone of concealer doesn’t blend too good with your skin. We should get you a better one.”

Kaito seemed surprised when Shuichi laughed in relief. “That sounds good,” he said.

\---

That night, he and Dolph talked for a while on a variety of subjects, from Japan to Hawaii to food to law. Talking to him became easier than ever. He no longer felt like he had to whisper his words. Even if he didn’t fully believe in Dolph, he was beginning to believe in himself.

After a while, Dolph brought something up out of the blue. "Say, it really doesn't bother you that I'm a model? It usually makes people jealous."

"It doesn't bother me. I'm just glad you found something to do that you're passionate about,” he said. He couldn’t hide the bit of regret from creeping into his tone.

"I mean, I do think about getting out of this business sometimes," Dolph said.

"Why?"

"Heh... I guess I never had too much of a choice with it. I never had anything but my body," Dolph said. "Being a model was my only choice."

"Right, you said earlier that you didn't go to school," Shuichi said. "Do you ever want to go back?"

"Oh, yeah, all the time!" he said. "Not. Of course I've got the money, but school's for people with futures, and I've always had to live in the moment so I don't go insane. Even if I don't always like what I do, it suits me. It's all I've got."

He wouldn't have expected that a model could struggle with self-confidence issues like that. But then again, people probably didn't think that a top-ranking law student could have such doubts either. "I'm sorry, Dolph. I know what it feels like."

"You're in school. You could still switch your major and change your fate, no prob," Dolph said. Even as he tried to sound breezy, Shuichi detected a hint of resentment in his voice as well.

"I couldn't do it without being forcibly switched back or pulled out of the school," Shuichi said, suddenly averting his eyes from the screen. "I'm only here because of my Uncle. He's the one paying for all of this. He won't accept me studying anything but law."

"Well, that's stupid. Your Uncle's not the one going to the damn school," Dolph said.

"In a way, he is," Shuichi said. "I didn't think I wanted to go here, either. Kind of like you, I didn't feel like I really had a future. But..."

"Let's save the 'butts' for later," Dolph teased. Shuichi chuckled, easing some of the tension. "You can relax and tell me."

"I suppose... what I'm trying to say is that my Uncle wanted to get a second chance using me," Shuichi said. “Kind of like I said earlier. He apparently had a girlfriend for several years. It was before I got there. She started cheating on him and eventually became pregnant. My Uncle wouldn't have found out it wasn’t his child if his doctor didn't tell him he was sterile."

"No shit," Dolph said, surprised and amused by the story.

"Yeah. He only talked to me about it once or twice, usually after he drank," Shuichi said. "Could he have prevented her cheating, or figured it out sooner, or tried some kind of fertility treatment... maybe that's why he wound up prioritizing infidelity cases." He ran his fingers through his hair. "I grew up around crying women and red-faced men all saying love was a joke, and he never said any different. But he's constantly on my case about finding a wife and having kids anyway."

Dolph listened silently, encouraging Shuichi on at times. And so the words flowed freely from him.

"His dad was a detective, too. I think he dropped out of school and joined the family business," Shuichi said. "I don't think he ever liked it that much, but it was a matter of honor that he carry on the family trade, even if they didn't have a long history with it or anything. I suggested once that he could go back to school if he hated being a detective, but he said he was too old. And so... I think it's important that I get the best education possible since he didn't."

"Your problem is that it sounds noble of him, and others must tell you all the time that you're sooooo lucky to have an Uncle paying for your education," Dolph said. "But he never asked you once if you wanted this, did he?"

"No, but--"

"And you don't even like law. You avoided your classes recently. Not to mention you're talking to me, a gorgeous man whose home is thousands of miles away, rather than going out searching for some ideal Japanese stay-at-home wife," Dolph said. "As glorified as your situation is now, you're only repeating the cycle that your Uncle is in. If he has his way, you'll hate your job and wind up in an unhappy marriage that's destined to fail. Any kids your wife pops out will grow up in an unhappy home environment 'cause you didn't want them and you'll be separated from your wife and it'll all just be the same!"

Dolph took a deep breath. He'd become more heated and high-pitched the more and more he spoke. After a moment, he spoke again, his voice returning to its deep quality. "I apologize for becoming... passionate. Like I told you, I had a complicated situation with my father. It's totally disgusting when people force this kind of thing on the next generation 'cause they think they can't change themselves."

"Yeah," Shuichi said. It startled him how Dolph’s speaking style changed at times. "I understand."

"Heh... if people weren't so screwed-up, then I guess neither of us would be screwed-up either."

"But neither of us might be here," he pointed out.

"I guess so," Dolph said. "Shuichi, what do you want?"

"Huh?"

"If you could do anything in the world, what would you want to do?" Dolph asked. 

"I... I don't know," Shuichi answered. "I don't usually think about it. It'll just make me miserable."

"Well, think about it. Unlike me, you've got the power to change yourself."

"Why do you think you can't change yourself?" Shuichi asked. "Didn't you say that you don't like it when people think they can't change themselves?"

Dolph was silent for a long time. Shuichi was close to apologizing when Dolph finally laughed. "I guess you got me there!" Dolph said. "You're so clever, Shuichi! Talking to you is never boring!"

"Well... thanks," Shuichi said. "Y'know, you're the first person I've talked to about all this."

"Aw, really? I'm so honored!" Dolph said. "You're the first person I've talked about this with, too!"

His heart melted. Not only did he trust Dolph, but he was trusted in return. He drowned out the part of his mind telling him that it technically wouldn't be a lie if he were the first person that 'Dolph' had told these lies to.

In his dreams, it would seem like they talked forever. Shuichi would wake up, clutching a pillow to his chest, imagining that he were holding Dolph instead. But the other man was always just out of reach, as if at the tip of his fingers.  
  
In reality, they only talked for a bit under another hour. Shuichi finally felt like a weight had been taken off his shoulders and the two chatted about small things, flitting easily from one topic to the next, laughing and joking all the way. The only reason that Shuichi finally felt that it was time to go was because it was reaching the early hours of the morning and Kaito had started snoring.  
  
"Do you know what I would do if I could do anything in the world, Shuichi?"  
  
He recalled the question he'd been asked earlier. "What?"  
  
"I'd drop everything to come be with you."   
  
Shuichi buried his face in his hands, even if the webcam was turned off, even if nobody were home to see his burning cheeks. Not once had he ever felt like someone's main priority, and he let himself get drunk on the compliment the way others got drunk on non-alcoholic beer. Dolph only chuckled, seeming to enjoy his embarrassed sputtering.  
  
“Do you want to meet up soon?”

“How about tomorrow?” Dolph asked.

“Okay! Tomorrow!” Shuichi said, pretending his pulse hadn’t skyrocketed. “Tomorrow it is!”

“I’ll send you the details on LINE… gotta work some stuff out with my manager,” Dolph said. “Until then. Goodnight, Shuichi.”  
  
"Goodnight," he said, hanging up the call.  
  
Shuichi closed his laptop and went to wash up for the night. When he went to bed, Kaito was snoring louder than ever.

Soon, he would have to tell Kaito about Dolph-- eventually, his roommate would want to know. But for now, he held his tongue. The last thing he needed was to be told the truth about Dolph that he already knew.

Tomorrow would prove it. Tomorrow would prove that Dolph was real or fake. Tomorrow.

It was all happening tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> commission me or perish https://officiallilith.tumblr.com/post/174676670574


	3. killing e-harmony

Shuichi was already awake by the time Kaito got up for their morning training. The future astronaut walked up to the bundle of twisted blankets that usually contained Shuichi, started shaking them out of habit, and only realized moments later the boy himself was awake and finishing his assignments at the desk. "Shuichi, you're gonna run yourself ragged."

"I got three hours. That's good enough," Shuichi said.

"What have I been tellin' you? Sleeping's also part of training! If you don't sleep, your body can't recover!" Kaito said. Sleeping happened to be a part of training he was great at.

Meanwhile, in Shuichi’s case, lying awake for hours in anticipation of the date with Dolph didn’t help his chances of getting rest. "I'll go back to sleep if you want me to," he said, stretching.

"Too late! It's training time! We'll work you up for class today!" Kaito said. The two changed into their tracksuits- Kaito’s purple, Shuichi’s black- and began with what Kaito called a 'leisurely warmup', which was a two mile jog around the school grounds. Early on, Kaito stood back and only timed Shuichi until they were ‘out of time’ for him to run.  Shuichi soon caught on and insisted they run together.

Exercising did help ease Shuichi of some of his anxiety. When he was training, it helped that most of his thoughts were focused on just surviving every exercise that Kaito threw at him. But over the months, his body had begun to respond positively. Only last month, he'd outlasted Kaito until the self-proclaimed Luminary of the Stars was gasping for air on the ground and Shuichi was still running laps.

The two ran this morning in near-silence until they passed a familiar figure, hair cascading in the wind behind her as she ran. "Yo! Hey!" Kaito waved wildly until the figure, Maki, had run out of sight. He turned to Shuichi. "We gotta get her to train with us sometime. I didn't know there were any other runners on campus."

"It seems statistically likely, since there's so many students," Shuichi offered.

"Statistics are just numbers trying to sound cool," Kaito said. “You know what the chances are that we’re gonna make a new friend today? 110%!” He gave Shuichi a look. "But if you wouldn't be cool with it, since she's Kaede's girlfriend now--"

"No, it's okay," Shuichi said. "I actually... have my eye on someone else."

Kaito raised his eyebrows. "Is it the person you were calling? Rebounding so soon?"

"I guess you could say that," Shuichi said. This early in the morning, it felt like there was nobody else in the world except for the two of them, and his thoughts flowed out freely. "I was thinking about it last night, and... I'm not sure how much I really liked her."

Fortunately, Kaito didn't tease him about the love song. "You said you were into her for like a year, weren't you?"

"I thought I was, but... well, my Uncle told me that I needed to start looking for a wife so I can have kids as soon as I get my degree," Shuichi said. "Then on my first day at Saishu, I met her. It just felt kind of like fate."

"Fate's nothing but a liar," Kaito said. The two slowed their pace as all the talking had made it harder to regulate their breathing. "Nobody's bound to fate. You can do anything you want to, hear me? No matter what, the impossible's possible if you just work hard and make it so."

"I know that now. That I was just chasing the idea of her," Shuichi said. "Not that she's not a good person or a good friend. In fact, I owe her an apology."

Kaito smiled, giving Shuichi a thumbs up. "I think she'll appreciate it. Then everything can go back to normal, yeah?"

"Yeah," Shuichi said. Kaito had a way of expressing things so simply. He wished he could believe in such an easy world. But his phone buzzed with one message after another, and he fished it out and found several messages from Dolph, and then he remembered why things weren't so simple. He put his phone back in his pocket and caught up with Kaito. Dolph could wait for now.

"Was that them now?" Kaito asked. Shuichi just nodded, unsure if he was ready to elaborate. "Listen, no matter who it is, guy or girl, I'm gonna support you. They just gotta be a good match for my good pal Shuichi, okay?"

He smiled. "Okay."

The two ran together further until their path crossed Maki's again and, for a moment as rare as the planets aligning, the three were running side-by-side. Shuichi couldn’t tell at the karaoke party, but it was apparent now that Maki was serious about fitness. Toned arms pumped as she ran. With every step she took, the hem of her tank top bounced up a little bit revealing a flash of her abs.

If it wasn’t evident from her physique that she was in peak condition, then it became clear when she took off in a dead sprint and left he and Kaito in the dust. The two exchanged a look and began picking up their pace, going faster and faster until they were at their limit and just barely managing to keep up with Maki so that she didn’t run out of sight over the horizon.

She waited by the front of the school. They had completed one lap and Kaito collapsed on the floor, gasping desperately for air as if he had just crawled to safety from the void of space.  Shuichi wasn’t in much better condition, leaning against the building and doing everything in his power to hold back from collapsing. Maki seemed a bit winded. “Why are you following me?” she asked. “Do you have another song you want me to hear?”

Shuichi’s face would have gone red if it weren’t already crimson from the physical exertion. Kaito lifted his head off the ground. His eyes were obscured by his long bangs that were now in his eyes as he had sweat off all his gel. “It’s ‘cause… you’ve been… shoving everyone away,” he said, breathing hard. “But I… still believe in you. I think we could… be… friends.”

“I don’t need friends.”

“What about Kaede?” Shuichi asked.

Even though he was burning up from the workout, her glare chilled him to his core. “That’s different.”

“At least train with us in the mornings!” Kaito said. “C’mon, don’t you think this guy could use all the help he could get?”

“Hey!” Shuichi said.

Maki couldn’t help but smirk. “You might be right. But you two would only slow me down the way you are right now.”

“Yeah? I bet you that, if you give us one week, we’ll be able to keep pace!” Kaito said. “But you gotta train with us every morning until then!”

“If you fail, then you both agree to leave me alone forever,” Maki said. “And leave Kaede alone as well. How about that?”

Shuichi shook his head. “I don’t think--”

“Alright, bet!” Kaito said. He pumped his fist in excitement, still laying on the ground.

“Kaito!” Shuichi snapped.

“We can make it happen! We just gotta double down on our training!” Kaito said. “Plus, now Maki Roll’s gonna train with us and give us her tips, so we’ll figure out her secrets!”

“There are no secrets. I’ve simply been training my body since I was old enough to walk.” She paused. “... Although, I will say, your form is atrocious.”

“What do you mean? We get places, don’t we?” Kaito said.

“Somehow.” She stepped forward, rolling from her heel to her toe. “Don’t slap your feet down on the ground. You need to land on your heel and roll forward to propel yourself into the next step.”

“Huh, really?” Kaito said. “Wow, Maki Roll, that’s awesome! Here I was thinking that if you hit your foot on the ground hard, it makes your foot muscles stronger!” 

“How did you get accepted into this school?” Maki rolled her eyes. “Anyway, I heard the two of you wheezing as well. You need to breathe from the bottom of your lungs, and breathe in time with your steps. Shallow breaths will give you a side stitch. It’ll be easiest to teach you by showing you. Get up.”

“Hey, hold on, aren’t we done for the day?” Shuichi asked.

“Don’t try to weasel out of this one. You asked for this,” Maki said, crossing her arms. “Or are you giving up?”

“The Luminary of the Stars never gives up!” Kaito said. He glanced at Shuichi, too exhausted to fully turn his head. “Now… go on. Help me up, Shuichi.”

Shuichi managed to help him up and the trio spent the next hour practicing proper running form. By the time the sun finally rose high in the sky, Kaito sounded like a chain smoker and Shuichi knew what torture victims went through. Maki had finally broken a sweat.

“Everything hurts,” Shuichi said.

“Even my arms hurt. It’s not like I was running on my hands,” Kaito said.

“Good thing we’re done for the day,” Maki said. “There’s one last thing you need to know. If your arms are sore, try to hold your hands in this position.”

She balled up a fist and Shuichi flinched like a half-dead prey animal waiting for the final blow. But then she uncurled the fist and said, “this is called the core fist. You fold your middle three fingers in so the knuckles aren’t bent, then fold in your thumb and pinky.”

“Huh? I don’t get it… How’s that help?” Kaito asked. “What’s wrong with holding your hands open? That’s how they do it in the anime.”

“You’ll tire yourself out unnecessarily,” Maki said. “This core fist position helps fortify the structure of your carpal bones, muscles, and the connective tissues. It allows you to harness correct tension and allows you to move your body more fluidly without restricting arm and shoulder movement. It will help your shoulders feel more stable and avoid workout injury.”

“I see,” Kaito said. Shuichi couldn’t tell if he was bluffing or if he did follow the anatomy and physiology talk; he was incredibly intelligent in his field of expertise. Kaito followed instructions and made a core fist. “Woah, my arm feels totally different!”

Maki nodded. “That’s all. See you tomorrow.”

“Hold on!” Shuichi said. She turned, glowering. “What are you studying? Exercise science? Sports medicine?”

“Early childhood education,” Maki answered, before walking off.

\---

After cleaning up, Shuichi and Kaito went their separate ways for the time being. Shuichi’s Japanese Criminal Law class was led by a scary-faced man, a former state prosecutor. While he waited for the professor to arrive, Shuichi checked the messages from Dolph.

Kinghorse69: let’s meet at rekisen park!  
Kinghorse69: we’ll meet in front and go for a nice walk together <3  
Kinghorse69: is 4:20 PM good?  
saihara00: sure :)  
saihara00: why such a specific time?  
Kinghorse69: ;p  
Kinghorse69: see you then!

It was only a 30 minute walk from Saishu University. He would have plenty of time to get there once his classes were through for the day. Of course, his muscles were aching something fierce. Maybe he could get a lift from a friend-- but he didn’t want anyone to know about Dolph yet, and Kaito and Kaede were the only people he knew with cars.

Of course, he could just ride the train! He opened his wallet and his train pass wasn’t there at all. Shuichi did what any reasonable person would do, which was start patting himself down as if trying to put out a small fire, but it was gone. He decided that he wouldn’t let this bother him, and only thought about it during roughly 95% of the lecture instead of focusing.

He tore apart his dorm room after class but came up empty-handed. Where in the world could he have lost it? It’s true that lately he had just been walking or getting lifts from friends, but he always kept things in specific locations to prevent himself from completely and totally flipping his shit-- such as right now.

3:45 PM and Kaito was still in class-- he would have to walk. Without time to apply his makeup, he shoved on his hat and left.

Clouds hung low overhead. Shuichi kept his head low, afraid of making eye contact with anyone. TVs blaring in shops and cafes along the street warned about the increasing crime rate. He stopped near one of the cafes, suddenly too nervous to keep walking.

“It’s really quite scary. You can’t even feel safe walking down the street anymore,” said a male newscaster.

“It is frightening. Even though the police have been cracking down on yakuza activity, such as the Kuzuryuu clan, we’re still seeing the crime rate increase,” said his female co-host.

The newscaster pressed a hand to his ear. “This just in-- an exclusive report from the leader of a church who claims he was targeted for his faith. Shinbun?”

The viewpoint switched to a young man with clean-cut dark hair. He stood next to a completely nondescript man-- the type who you could pass in the street and not even notice. “Thank you. I am here with an official at Holy Salvation church who wishes to be referred to as Brother Oda. May I ask what happened, Brother Oda?”

‘Brother Oda’? A strange name for such a nothing-looking man. Still, he began speaking without hesitation: “yes. The past two or three days in a row, a group of vandals has targeted our church. We are not sure why we are being targeted except because we are a religious minority.”

The camera panned over and Shuichi’s heart stopped. It revealed the graffiti of a clown that he had helped Kokichi paint that night after fleeing karaoke. The building hadn’t looked like a church at all, except for the old sign hanging in front-- otherwise he would have hesitated more to vandalize it. The graffiti had been expanded upon; whereas it had only been the face of a clown when Shuichi was there, now it showed the full upper torso of a clown with his arm outstretched. He was pointing down the alleyway that they had used to escape from the police.

“I understand that, even though the police have noted activity of suspicious characters around this area, you haven’t gotten the police involved yourself?” asked the reporter, Shinbun.

Brother Oda shook his head. “No. It is our belief that the righteous will punish the unholy.” He suddenly looked directly into the camera-- almost through the camera, directly at Shuichi. For an ordinary man, he had the most piercing stare he’d ever seen. And suddenly Shuichi was struck with the sensation that he wasn’t an ordinary man, but the real ‘Brother Oda’ was a thing inside this man that killed him and put on his skin. When Brother Oda finally looked away from the camera, Shuichi’s legs were trembling. “That is all.”

Fortunately, the camera panned back to Shinbun. “I see. There is the report. To our viewers: if any suspicious individuals are seen at night, we advise contacting the local police department. The Tokyo Police Department has issued a snapshot of one of the persons believed to be involved with this incident.”

Shuichi’s heart stopped again, but for a different reason. What appeared on screen was partially censored, but nonetheless, it was his ass. It was undoubtedly his ass. If the boniness didn’t make sure of it, then the extra-tight black and grey boxer briefs did. His head wasn’t fully visible in the picture, but his horribly ugly skinny/flare pants that Kaito had made him buy for karaoke were. The butt flap must have come open at some point during the chase.

The scene returned to the male reporter and his co-host, who were both laughing. “Let this be a message to any aspiring criminals,” said the reporter. “If you mess with the Tokyo Police Department, it is your butt on the line!”

He leaned against the wall to try and catch his breath. Not only had they caught a picture of him, but this meant that Kokichi had definitely seen his underwear. He took in the scene around him. If only the traffic wasn’t jam-packed, he could jump in front of a speeding car.

“Excuse me, sir, you look pale… would you like to come in for a glass of water?” said the cafe owner.

Shuichi shook his head too hard and his hat fell off. He picked it up by bending his knees, suddenly conscious that someone would recognize his butt and call the police. “Ah-- no. I’m fine. Thank you,” he said, before running. Now he would be late to meet Dolph.

When he arrived at Rekisen Park, nobody was waiting out front. A bored-looking attendant in a booth raised his head from his magazine. “Hello, sir. Would you like to take a walk? If you’re interested in a guided walk to learn about our historic monuments, it’s only 300 Yen per person.”

“Thank you, but I’m waiting for someone,” he said. This time, he nailed his rehearsed line perfectly.

The attendant nodded. “Understood. Please let me know when she arrives.”

‘She’. The corner of his mouth twitched as if he might smile, might grimace. He stood by the entrance to the park and checked the time. 4:30 PM. He decided to type a message.

saihara00: im here!

No response came. He lifted the brim of his cap a little and let himself watch the passing clouds. Sometimes he felt like he had no imagination for someone who was the nephew of a famous detective; no matter how much he looked, he couldn’t see any shapes in the clouds. They all just felt meaningless to him. Recently, though, it hadn’t bothered him as much as it used to. Even if they were meaningless, the clouds were still beautiful.

About 10 minutes passed. Shuichi noticed that more people were leaving the park than were entering it. He worked up his courage and asked the attendant, “excuse me--”

Right as he began to speak, he noticed a train pulling away. He checked the map on his phone. The park was directly attached to Korakuen Station.

“Is something the matter?” the attendant asked.

Suddenly, he felt extra stupid about losing his train pass. “It’s nothing,” he said. If he purchased a replacement, his Uncle would berate him.

The attendant gave him a weird look but returned to his magazine. Shuichi decided to send another message to Dolph.

saihara00: is everything ok?

Again, no response. Maybe there was a delay. Or maybe he was dead. He tried to be casual, relax, pretend like panic hadn’t hit him like a baseball bat to the crown of his skull. But soon enough, it was impossible for anyone not to notice.

“Are you okay, sir?” the attendant asked. Even in the middle of the cold front, Shuichi was sweating profusely.

“I-- I’m fine,” Shuichi said. Now he couldn’t just stand here. It was already 5 PM and more and more people were passing. What if someone recognized his butt from the news report? What if someone looked at him weird? What if Dolph wasn’t real the whole time? The thoughts battered him like he were caught in a typhoon and soon he found himself walking, trying to escape.

He passed a small sandwich shop just as things went wrong. Two harlequins burst from the front of the store and took off running. An old man in an apron rushed out after them. “Thieves! Thieves! I’m never serving clowns again as long as I live!”

The old man turned and saw Shuichi. “You can run, can’t you, youngun? Go after them and I’ll reward you! I’m calling the police!” he said.

Shuichi had no intention of actually stopping them, but started running anyway, if only so he wouldn’t look like a complete loser to this old man whose opinion mattered nothing to him. He trailed the harlequins at a distance and eventually followed them to an overgrown parking lot. Weeds and ivy had taken over whatever the building in front of it had been. An overgrown bush provided Shuichi the perfect cover as he spied on them. One of the harlequins was tall and one of them was short.

“Ahahahaha! Another successful heist!” said the short one, his laugh chilling Shuichi to the bone. Now that he listened in and looked closely, it was unmistakably Kokichi Ouma. He almost didn’t recognize him in broad daylight rather than the cover of night. In the daylight, he looked even cuter, his strange uniform hugging his slender body. “You got your fill of The Stuff, didn’t you?”

The other DICE member nodded. “Stuffed my pockets full, boss.”

Shuichi put a hand to his chest to try and stop his pounding heart from bursting out. It was only because he chased after them-- but he had completed much worse training running that morning and didn’t get worn out that easily. But what other cause could there be for his heartrate being so high? He bit his lip, eyes trained on Kokichi.

“Eww, geez! That’s what we brought those drug bags for!” Kokichi scolded.

“Oh.” The clown looked at his saggy, lumpy pockets. “Oops.”

He laughed again. This time, it was a much cuter sound-- a truly carefree laugh. Shuichi wanted to hear more of it. “You’re full of surprises, Bubbles! Let’s make the drop.”

Shuichi listened in. It didn’t sound like a drug drop, the way he expected from an evil organization. It instead sounded like several small wet slaps on the pavement. Something smelled foul.

“Here we go! Our biggest addict and our best client! C’mon, Evil Daisuke the Marauder!” rang out Kokichi’s voice.

Evil Daisuke the Marauder? He wanted to look closer to get a glance at such a fearsome person, but he didn’t dare look directly at them in case he was spotted. Was he someone who Kokichi was supplying? A fellow criminal? The name made him sound more like a pro wrestler.

There was nobody in sight. Shuichi didn’t dare peek out of the bush and get caught. He couldn’t afford to get in trouble with the police-- even if a part of him thought being with Kokichi would be worth it.

Light footsteps appeared in the parking lot, as if from nowhere. It sounded like someone smacking their lips together. Shuichi gulped nervously; these were edible drugs, then. Mushrooms, perhaps? But it didn’t make sense why they would get their supply from that sandwich store. Unless it was a front for the yakuza. Now that he thought about it, the man did look suspicious, and the TVs had been warning about increasing criminal activity.

Shuichi felt a pit in his stomach. Then, by ‘reward him’ for catching these clowns, did the man mean that he would swear him in as an honorary yakuza? Would he supply him with drugs? It all sounded too horrible to bear.

“More of ‘em, boss,” said Bubbles. “I think that one’s Chi-chan.”

“That’s Chiharu the Devil Worshipper!” Kokichi snapped. “Don’t you disrespect him! He kills in cold blood!”

“Sorry, boss.”

Chiharu didn’t sound like a name for a devil worshipper. The lip-smacking noise only got louder. Shuichi finally peeked toward Kokichi, unable to reel in his curiosity. Chiharu the Devil Worshipper and Evil Daisuke the Marauder both looked up from licking the pavement of the parking lot and meowed.

Kokichi reached down to pet the heads of the stray cats. “Aww, you guys would eat my flesh right off my body if I wasn’t careful, huh?” he chuckled. “Don’t worry! I got the fresh stuff for you! Stolen, just how we like it!”

He reached into a restaurant take-out bag and pulled out another tuna sandwich. He tossed it to the cats. A third and fourth appeared (Greedy Ginjiro the Forsaken and Bob, according to Kokichi) and they began eating the food as well. The cats all looked raggedy and none of them had collars.

Bubbles- the DICE member accompanying Kokichi- took a tuna sandwich out of his pocket, which somehow felt worse than him actually having drugs. He gave it to the cats as well. “You know, boss, tuna’s not too expensive. We coulda got it from the corner store.”

“Boooooring!” Kokichi said. “Y’know these beasts will kill and eat anyone who tries to give them store-bought tuna!” He sniffled. “Th-that’s what happened to the 11th DICE member… I miss him so muuuuuuuch!”

“Boss, we don’t have an 11th DICE member.”

“Not anymore,” Kokichi said.

Shuichi held back an unexpected laugh/snort. Why and how could Kokichi always make him laugh? Kokichi and Bubbles turned suddenly, maybe thinking they heard a bird fart or something like that, but the cats demanded attention. He sighed as Kokichi turned back to the cats, unsure if he was relieved or disappointed.

Greedy Ginjiro the Forsaken finished his meal and licked Kokichi’s hand. Chiharu the Devil Worshipper did the same. Kokichi sneezed but the cats weren’t deterred, licking the crumbs off his hands. Hives began breaking out on his skin. “It’s too late for me!” Kokichi cried. “Save yourself! Get out of here! These foul creatures are applying their noxious poison to render me immobile before feasting on my flesh!”

“The allergy meds didn’t help, huh?” Bubbles said. He was completely unaffected. “We don’t gotta feed the cats if we don’t want to, boss.”

Kokichi sneezed again. When he spoke, he sounded overwhelmingly congested. “It’s not allergies! It’s the Satanic power of those dogs!”

“Those are cats,” said Bubbles.

“They have a special quality. They only appear as cats to complete and utter morons,” Kokichi said.

All the cats cuddled up with Kokichi and started purring. He was laughing, even as more and more of him broke out in hives. Shuichi felt as if all the anxiety had melted out of his body. It was so oddly sweet-- Kokichi could have stolen the sandwiches because he was a little gremlin, but also because the more Shuichi saw of DICE, the more he was struck with the feeling that none of them had anything except each other. Even with a debilitating allergy, maybe Kokichi couldn’t abandon those strays because they reminded him of himself.

(Shifty but sparkling eyes, lithe and almost fluid bodies, lips curled up in a natural smile, a sense of innocence despite the mischievousness-- Shuichi could see the similarity.)

They might have different ways of getting to the same outcome, but there was no doubt that his and Kokichi’s morals lined up. There was nothing to be afraid of now-- and yet, Shuichi remained hidden. Kokichi might not be a tall foreigner, but he had a big heart. Kokichi might not have six-pack abs, but he had a slender body that would fit so well in his arms. If only he didn’t have that mask on, Shuichi could see his face again, his slight features and pouty lips. Would he really be betraying Dolph by buying Kokichi a meal of his own? The take-out bag was empty; all the food they had stolen went to the cats. Not to mention that Dolph had stood him up at the park.

Yet, no matter how many false starts he made, he remained hidden and admired Kokichi from afar. Dolph had only seen pictures of him at his best, and Kokichi had seen him at his worst. Even if he knew now that Dolph was almost certainly fake, it was just easier. Someone like Shuichi couldn’t afford to get choosy, anyway.

While they were preoccupied, Shuichi sneaked out of the bushes and briskly walked back in the direction from which he came. After he walked a few blocks, a police officer ran up to him. “Excuse me, young sir! Are you the one sent off by the owner of the sandwich shop?”

“Yes,” Shuichi said, being extra cautious not to turn around and let the officer see his butt.

“Did you catch the thieves? If not, did you see which way they went?” the officer asked.

Shuichi hesitated. Kokichi was probably still in that parking lot. It would be a lot harder for him to run away if he was sick with allergies. Plus, even though he had broken the law, he couldn’t say Kokichi had done anything morally wrong; the cats would go hungry otherwise. “Ah, I couldn’t catch them but… I, uh… saw which way they went,” Shuichi said. He pointed down an alleyway in the completely wrong direction. “They went in there.”

The officer nodded. “Thank you for your bravery. Japan could use more upstanding young men such as yourself,” he said, before heading down the alley.

Shuichi looked down at his feet and tried to hide his grin. By the time he got back to the park, he was laughing. The park attendant looked at him weirdly, but he didn’t care anymore. He had just lied to an officer. Him! Shuichi Saihara! It gave him a weird thrill. It felt freeing. Almost as freeing as putting everything aside to spray-paint that building.

Still he didn't understand why Kokichi chose that church to vandalize-- maybe he didn't recognize it was one, or maybe there was a deeper story he hadn't uncovered yet. He felt as if he wanted to peel away every layer of secrecy from Kokichi until he had reached the bare truth. Shuichi forced himself to stop thinking about the boy. Why was he so obsessed with him? What did it matter? 

He decided to text Dolph again. Hopefully he hadn’t come by while Shuichi was busy.

saihara00: are you coming?

No response. He craned his neck up to look at the sky. It was starting to get dark. He wondered where Kokichi slept at night. They must have a home or a base of some kind, right? And their uniforms were always clean, any tears neatly sewn. They fit even the tall and lean harlequin and the stout harlequin that he had seen accompanying Kokichi the night they met. He must not just buy them-- maybe Kokichi made them himself.

It felt as if he and Kokichi were as far apart as night and day. Shuichi was stuck as a straight-laced law student and Kokichi stole everything to get by. It’s not like he hadn’t had the fantasy of running away from it all and living off the land in total freedom, but it felt like an unachievable dream. And yet there Kokichi was, an escape, and even then he was too afraid to take it.

Then his phone buzzed and he nearly cried.

luminaryofthestars: bro send an ass pic

Needless to say, it wasn’t the message he was hoping to receive.

saihara00: What???? Did you send this to the wrong person?  
luminaryofthestars: bro not like that!! A friendly ass pic! its 4 sciense!  
luminaryofthestars: *sciencse  
luminaryofthestars: *csience  
saihara00: *science  
luminaryofthestars: is that a yes?  
saihara00: no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
luminaryofthestars: wats wrong? do we gotta trade ass 4 ass?  
saihara00: NO!??!?!?!?!  
saihara00: what the heck is your problem?  
luminaryofthestars: did u see the news?  
luminaryofthestars: ur ass is on tv 4 real bro…the pants i bought u and everything  
saihara00: i bought those.  
luminaryofthestars: details  
luminaryofthestars: but i cant believe u would spray paint!!! I got2 see if the butts match to confirm it… or i wont b able 2 rest  
saihara00: …. Im on my way home. Lets talk then.  
luminaryofthestars: u better not remove ur ass to avoid police detection

He sighed and closed his phone. Dolph definitely wasn’t coming. He should have known better than to believe in him. Even though he knew this would happen, his heart ached the whole walk home.

By the time he got home, he’d nearly drowned in his sorrows and forgot about the ass pic thing until Kaito asked him to bend over. He waved his hands. “Let me just explain. It’s me on the news,” he said. “Or, my butt.”

“But why?” Kaito asked, not even taking time to laugh at his own pun. “I know you ran out of the karaoke bar because of… what happened. I just don’t get why or how you’d tag that whole church.” He looked at Shuichi in disappointment. “Are you anti-religious, Shuichi?”

It felt like a lot easier of an answer than ‘a faux-evil clown asked me to do it’. “Uh, no…”

“And who did you go to meet today? The person you called last night? Is it a classmate?”

That felt like a lot easier of an answer, too, than ‘a Hawaiian model I met on a dating site’. Shuichi wasn’t sure when his life became this weird. “Uh… yeah…”

Kaito sighed and bowed his head. “I don’t wanna get in your business, Shuichi. I know you aren’t my sidekick anymore. I just…” He looked away. “Worry about you, I guess. I feel like you’ve been keepin’ secrets more lately and it makes me feel like I don’t know how to be there for you when you need it.”

He really had no reason to lie anymore. Kaito had earned his trust when he came out to him and Kaito kept the secret all this time. He just would feel so, so stupid for getting played so easily if he said it out loud. But it was something he was going to have to face eventually. Shuichi opened his mouth to speak.

Suddenly, his phone chimed. When he pulled it out, he saw a message from Dolph.

Kinghorse69: video call tonight on skype. I need to apologize.

He bit back the full explanation he owed Kaito. How could he tell the story of Dolph and be told it was a catfish before he had found out the truth? “I... can’t explain yet. I know it must sound crazy, but… I’ve been turning away from the truth this whole time. And even though I’m still turning away from the truth, I feel that if I do it long enough, I can get the real answer,” he said.  “I’m not in danger. I just need you to trust me.”

“I don’t think I follow, but… I believe in you,” Kaito said. “Whatever’s going on, I think you can get to the bottom of it. No pun intended.”

“Thanks,” Shuichi said.

“But you gotta give me a full report of your findings once you’re done. Even if I don’t fully get it or whatever, I wanna hear it.” Kaito grinned. “‘Cause we’re bros, right?”

“Yeah.” Shuichi smiled. “Because we’re bros.”  

\---

Although Shuichi claimed he was putting on his makeup, what he was really doing was practicing his glare in the mirror. He was really going to let Dolph have it for standing him up. That is, if the person he would speak to is Dolph and not the true face of whoever was behind him.

By the time 10 PM rolled around, Shuichi’s glare was weakened by the sleepiness in his eyes. Even after getting a coffee, he felt as if training that morning had wiped him out. Still, he perked up when he saw the incoming Skype video call from Dolph. He clicked ‘accept’ before he could let himself get nervous.

His face appeared in the bottom corner of the screen. For several nerve-wracking moments, nothing appeared on Dolph’s video feed. And then there he was: the man himself, Dolph. His long black hair looked even more luxurious in motion. The tanned skin of his face only was interrupted by laugh lines. The video quality was a little low, but the man was still gorgeous.

The only issue was that he didn’t speak. Instead, a message appeared in the chat.

Kinghorse69: aloha! ;p  
Kinghorse69: how do I look?

He tilted his head. “You look-- uh, really good. Can you hear me?”

Kinghorse69: i can hear you  
Kinghorse69: this is why i need to apologize.  
Kinghorse69: i wanted you to see my face so you know im sincere  
  
The look in Dolph’s eyes certainly did seem sincere, if not vacant completely. His pupils seemed to be in the wrong place to be using a Skype call. Shuichi’s eyes were aimed down and to the side to look at the computer screen, but Dolph’s were aimed straight forward, as if looking right into his webcam.

Kinghorse69: i got sick and lost my beautiful voice!  
Kinghorse69: i just couldn’t make it out to the park today  
Kinghorse69: i wanted to explain sooner, but my manager just wouldn’t leave me alone until i saw a doctor  
Kinghorse69: im so sorry, shuichi. can i make it up to you?

He supposed it was a believable story, although he was upset that Dolph didn’t contact him earlier if this were true.  

saihara00: its ok.   
saihara00: now i know you have to be real, right?  
Kinghorse69: of course im real!

Dolph on screen smiled a little too wide.

Kinghorse69: u really doubted me? ;p  
saihara00: sorry.

Kinghorse69: you have me on video now! and you got my pics rite?   
Kinghorse69: even the nudes?  
saihara00: the what?????????  
Kinghorse69: oops! Just kidding… didnt send those yet ;p  
Kinghorse69: or do you want those types of pics, pervert?  
saihara00: um…….  
Kinghorse69: too bad. thats going to have to wait for now! you’ll have to hold back your thirsty ways  
saihara00: i didnt ask!!!!  
Kinghorse69: dont you think the loudest statements are sometimes left unsaid?  
  
The model winked. Shuichi felt his head spinning.

saihara00: i dont….  
Kinghorse69: hehe youre so cute when youre embarrassed  
Kinghorse69: im just trying to make you laugh shuichi  
Kinghorse69: i just feel bad for making you wait all aloooooone   
saihara00: well i guess i wasnt totally alone  
Kinghorse69: oh? What do you mean?  
saihara00: while i was waiting, i saw this sandwich store get robbed so i chased the burglars  
Kinghorse69: shuichi, i didnt know you were so brave! ;o  
saihara00: well... I was asked to by the owner  
Kinghorse69: still so brave! did you fight the big scary burglars?  
saihara00: no need to. it turned out that they took some fish so they could feed stray cats :)  
Kinghorse69: thats stupid!!! they could just buy tuna from the corner store!  
saihara00: i suppose it was the principle of the thing to the leader. he acts like his organization is evil so he must want to steal and stuff for fun  
Kinghorse69: it sounds like youve met him? the burglar?  
saihara00: its a long story, but yes  
saihara00: he's really... interesting  
Kinghorse69: sounds like a total loser to me!  
Kinghorse69: who the hell would follow a guy who steals from sandwich shops? loser alert!  
saihara00: yeah. Hes a loser  
saihara00: but so am i

Kinghorse69 is typing…………

saihara00: maybe he does bad things but i think he has a good reason. even if i dont fully understand it   
saihara00: i think he has a good heart  
saihara00: he helped me out. i want to help him

Kinghorse69 is typing………………

saihara00: i didnt tell the cops about him, so i guess it makes us even enough.  
saihara00: sorry, were you going to say something?  
Kinghorse69: wow... to think you're such a bad boy, shuichi!  
saihara00: i'm not... really. I just want to protect good people.  
saihara00: you both said it yourselves actually. Sometimes the law cant help when it should.  
Kinghorse69: hey do you think hes cute?  
saihara00: huh??  
saihara00: u-um... not as cute as you?  
Kinghorse69: so you do think he's cute!!!!

On-screen, Dolph frowned.

Kinghorse69: i feel so betrayed :' (

saihara00: no no i didnt mean it!! youre the cutest!!!!  
saihara00: i’ll tell you the truth, i mean! he has a sweet smile and a cute laugh and really nice eyes  
saihara00: and i want to know more about him when i talk to him… but

Kinghorse69 is typing………

saihara00: but!!!  
saihara00: i think youre really handsome and i love your muscles.

Suddenly, he felt incredibly shallow. He couldn’t deny that a big draw to Dolph was that he was rebelling by being interested in a foreigner, especially a handsome male foreigner-- and it was easy to talk to him online. But when he started to think about it, he wasn’t sure how much he was attracted to him. If he actually met Dolph in person, he would feel completely awkward and ugly standing next to him, and he would have much more trouble talking to him. Sure, he was sexy, but in the same way a movie star was sexy-- in that you could picture yourself having a one-night stand with them, but not sitting side-by-side and throwing scraps to stray cats with them.

Kokichi was the type of person he would be attracted to in real life-- small, gorgeous, with a face that he’d like to cup in his hands and kiss. While muscles were nice, Shuichi had the creeping feeling that he was mostly attracted to Dolph because Dolph seemed to be attracted to him.

But he wouldn’t admit it. He was already getting more serious with this person. Even if he did admit it to himself, he’d keep it locked up in his heart, because he was the type to be too afraid to ever make change. If he had to force himself to be more attracted to Dolph and stop caring about Kokichi, then so be it.

Besides, Kokichi took in strays. He must have only cared about Shuichi that night because he was a stray, too. It was nothing more than pity. That was all.  

saihara00: and i think your hair is really… nice!!! very hairy.  
saihara00: so you dont need to worry!  
saihara00: it probably would never work out between me and him anyway we lead completely different lives  
saihara00: so he probably wouldnt be interested in me  
Kinghorse69: that almost makes it sound like you’re interested in him  
saihara00: no of course not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The lies went deeper and deeper. And yet- strangely- Dolph didn’t seem badly upset.

saihara00: im sorry i upset you… im pretty stupid, i know  
saihara00: i mean… you’ve been there for me, and kokichi hasnt  
saihara00: i really really like talking to you  
saihara00: you understand me. I know your feelings and your stories are true :)

Kinghorse69 is typing……………………

Kinghorse69: yeah  
Kinghorse69: of course ;p thanks, babe  
saihara00: uh no problem!

Even though the conflict was resolved, Dolph didn't stop frowning.

To Shuichi's relief, the conversation calmed down after that point. He described his class that day and what he learned, and Dolph inquired more about his classmates and if he thought they were cute. He told Dolph about Kaito ("no-- only a dumb kind of cute") and mentioned that they had worked out with Maki this morning ("she's too scary"). Suddenly, he remembered the way Dolph's muscles looked in those pictures.

saihara00: what about you? Do you work out?  
Kinghorse69: of course! I got this ripped by swimming a lap around Hawaii every day babey  
saihara00: That sounds a bit excessive  
Kinghorse69: it's easy when you're a really fast swimmer like me ;p  
Kinghorse69: anyway, this Maki girl. I'm a little jealous!!  
saihara00: huh? why? i said she's scary  
Kinghorse69: you said she's ripped!  
Kinghorse69: youre just into the muscular type, aren't you?  
saihara00: not in particular....  
saihara00: i didnt even know her until recently. i met her at this... thing.  
saihara00: but we didnt really talk... i just made an idiot out of myself and left...

Dolph seemed to be thinking for several moments.

Kinghorse69: i see..... you wouldnt have feelings for anyone else still would u?  
saihara00: no of course not!

He began to type 'i mean, we're boyfriends' and stopped. That didn't sound quite right. What if he was being too forward? Or what if Dolph was still fake somehow after all?

saihara00: i wouldnt lie to you  
Kinghorse69: me neither.  
Kinghorse69: hey, look at the time! it's my turn! since you talked all about your day, i'm gonna tell you all about mine!

Shuichi settled in for Dolph's story, only wishing he could hear his voice tell the tale. The story whisked him away, even over text, to a world of photoshoots and modeling and fast cars and being sped to the doctor over something as small as losing his voice. Shuichi had gone to school with fevers before. He rested his face on his hand, then crossed his arms on the desk and placed his chin atop them.

Since Dolph could still hear him, whenever he paused while typing out his story, Shuichi would make a noise of encouragement. He found his eyes getting heavy halfway through the story, the morning's exhaustion weighing heavily on his body. Before he realized it, he had fallen asleep, his unconscious mind piecing together Dolph's face and voice and only missing the way it would feel to be held in his arms.

When he woke up the next morning, the call had ended but several messages sat unread in the chat window.

Kinghorse69: aw, did I bore you that much?  
Kinghorse69: just joking ;p I know you were tired  
Kinghorse69: youre cute when you sleep... i could watch you sleep alllll night  
Kinghorse69: just kidding! i'll let you have your privacy.  
Kinghorse69: sleep well, babe. i hope you're dreaming of me.

'Babe'. Shuichi felt his heart flutter at the word. Even though he had fallen asleep on him of all things, Dolph still cared about him. Even when he wasn't there, Dolph still thought of him. He was someone's top priority. As they headed off for training that morning, Kaito didn't ask why Shuichi was smiling, but something told him that it was easy to guess.

\---

When they met up with Maki for training that morning, she was scowling-- or at least, scowling even more than usual.

Kaito either didn’t notice or, more likely, did notice and tried to crank up his positivity to counter it. “It sure is an awesome day! I’m super fired up! I feel like I could run 100 miles!”

“100 miles it is,” Maki said. “Let’s go.”

She led them in a run at twice the pace of yesterday’s. Shuichi wasn’t made for this. He was wheezing halfway through the second mile, and when Maki asked if he needed to top, Kaito said: “we’re fine! We could run twice as fast and we wouldn’t be winded!”

“Twice as fast it is,” Maki said, before doubling her pace. Shuichi gave Kaito a look that expressed if it wouldn’t take up too much extra energy, then he would strangle him.

Maki cut them off after their usual two miles. Kaito and Shuichi both collapsed into the grass. “Only 98 more to go,” she said, hands on her hips.

“We can do it! I’m just gettin’ warmed up!” Kaito wheezed.

“Please stop,” Shuichi begged. “I can’t take any more.”

She chuckled and kneeled down in the grass near them. “At least you know your limits. Most people can’t say that.”

“That’s cause… my limits… are beyond the stars,” Kaito said. Then he passed out.

“Kaito!” Shuichi said.

“He’s fine,” Maki said. “You make an unusual pair. I have no idea how you two found each other.”

“Oh, well…” He tried to catch his breath enough to tell a story. The more he waited, the more Maki seemed interested, as if it would be a dramatic tale. “In high school, I didn’t have any friends. He walked up to me one day and said, ‘you look like you don’t have any friends’. And then he became my friend.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah.” Shuichi looked down at Kaito. “He won’t admit it, but I think he didn’t have any friends, either.”

“Neither did I, but I didn’t get all sentimental over it,” Maki said. “Then again, both of you seem like the overemotional type.”

Shuichi couldn’t argue. “Did you go to high school around here?” he asked instead.

“It doesn’t really matter,” Maki said. She stood up. “I don’t know why I started this conversation.”

“Because we’re friends, right?” Shuichi blurted out.

She looked over her shoulder at him. “You’re both idiots. You know that if you can’t easily keep pace with me by the end of the week, then you agreed to never bother me or Kaede ever again.”

“But it isn’t the end of the week yet,” he said. Damn, Kaito was rubbing off on him.

Her lips twitched in something that was almost a smile, but she didn’t say anything else. Opening her water bottle, she poured the contents all over Kaito’s head. He sprung to his feet. “I’m up! I’m ready!”

“Good. We’re going another two miles.”

Even though it was excruciating, Shuichi didn’t argue-- and not just because he was afraid of her. Although he didn’t trust his gut, and he didn’t get involved, it seemed like she was upset over something. She ran harder than usual, brows furrowed as if a predator locked onto prey. Shuichi couldn’t help but wonder what was wrong.

Because they were friends. Because he was someone who was worthy of being liked. He must have really been drunk on exhaustion to think like that. By the time they were done with their next two miles, Shuichi felt too dead to worry about being killed for asking a stupid question. “Is everything okay?”

“I’m feeling fine. You two are the ones who got winded by this,” she said. Both Shuichi and Kaito were leaning on one another to prevent themselves from collapsing. Maki had only just broken a sweat.

“No, I mean… emotionally,” Shuichi said.

She furrowed her brow. “What?”

“Yeah, if somethin’ is wrong, Maki Roll, you can tell us,” Kaito said, in-between gasps for air. “Hey, is it ‘cause the Autumn Equinox is coming up?”

Maki looked away. “Why would that matter?”

“Cause you gotta visit your family and pay respect to your ancestors and stuff,” Kaito said. “I get to go back to my grandparents, and they’re good folks, but not everyone has a good family. So I thought…”

“You thought wrong,” she snapped.  “I’m here to train, not be pestered by your idiotic assumptions. We’re done for the day.” And, before they could say anything, she stormed off.

The two of them hobbled back to their dorm room. “Hey, Shuichi. Do you wanna come to my grandparents’ place for the equinox?” Kaito asked. It would only be in a few days. “Y’know that you’re like their other grandson.”

He smiled. They were a sweet older couple, but Shuichi always felt like he was intruding. “It’s okay. Tell them I said hi, okay? I might have to go visit my Uncle.”

Kaito sucked in air through his teeth. “You sure? Well, I guess he is your family,” he said. “Just let me know if you change your mind. You’re always welcome.”

Then again, he felt as if he might not be intruding. On the inside, Kaito was a lonely person. Maybe if Shuichi were there to keep them company, it wouldn’t be so solemn. But his Uncle would be alone, too.

“How about… I’ll visit my Uncle, and then I can swing by?” Shuichi offered.

Kaito’s face lit up, but he was pretending it didn’t just because he said that. “Sounds awesome! We’re kinda in the boonies, you know, so you’ll have to take the train.”

“About that… I lost my train pass.” He hoped Kaito wouldn’t ask why he couldn’t get another.

“That’s no problem! I’ll get you a new one! It’s the least I can do!” Kaito said.

“If you insist,” Shuichi said. At this point, he knew Kaito well enough that if he said no, Kaito would insist and buy him two or three train passes instead.

As they reached their dorm, he looked at the autumn decorations being put up in the hallway-- cheesy stuff like pumpkins and wreaths. He wondered if Dolph had a family. Suddenly, his thoughts shifted to Kokichi feeding those cats. He wondered again if he had somewhere to go home to, especially since it was only getting colder. The thought made him sadder than he thought it would.

“Is something up?” Kaito asked.

He shook his head, putting on a smile. “It’s nothing,” he said. They went back inside their dorm, and Kaito didn’t ask any further.

\---

Before class, Shuichi returned to searching through Monokuma Magazine. He had been through all the models one by one and, for his hours of effort, came up with nothing. There was no trace of a model called Dolph ever working for them. Dolph had never said which issue he had been a part of, but he didn’t dare ask at this point, lest he ensnare Dolph in his own lies and lose him.

With no options left, Shuichi chose his last resort and reverse image searched Dolph’s pictures on Google Images. It felt too easy. His Uncle seemed to have stepped out of a noir movie, smoking cigars while interrogating long-legged women. Shuichi, on the other hand, solved his share of infidelity cases by scouring social media to see if one partner posted obvious evidence of their affair. It was effective, but whenever he found the damning post or picture, it felt as horrible as if he were the one cheated on.

The truth hurt. But no matter how much he turned away from it, it would still be there.

Dolph’s pictures turned up several results. The first thing of notice was that the young man appeared in GQ, Men’s Fitness, Seventeen, Vivi, Popteen-- no ‘Monokuma Magazine’.

The second thing of notice was that his name wasn’t Dolph. The name associated with the pictures was ‘Kai Namazu’, and he was part Japanese. Shuichi supposed that would explain his appearance in Japanese magazines and his proficiency with the language. Maybe he used a pen name when appearing online? Maybe he gave the name of the wrong magazine?

saihara00: hey is dolph your real name?  
  
Kinghorse69 is typing…..

Kinghorse69: maybe ;)

[Kinghorse69 is offline]

Shuichi sighed. It seemed like he wouldn’t get an answer that way. What would his Uncle do if he were here, besides berate Shuichi? He would interview someone who might have information.

Giving up the search for now, he joined Kaito in time for them to get to their first class, which was held in a large lecture hall. Students lined up to deposit their assignments up front. As Shuichi lined up, he caught a flash of green from nearby. He hadn't noticed until now that he shared this class with Rantaro Amami-- along with another hundreds of other people, though, so he excused himself. Fortunately, Rantaro didn't notice Shuichi watching him and memorizing his seat's location.

It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in Dolph, he told himself again. He was doing this because he wanted to believe in him.   
  
After class, Kaito clapped Shuichi on the shoulder, re-opening the bruise on the same spot. "Worn out from earlier? I get if you are, but I’m doing fine,” he lied. “How about we go get ourselves a couple coffees? We’ve got a few hours before our next class.”   
  
"Ah, not today. I have to meet up with someone," Shuichi said.

“Oh, really?” Kaito seemed a little dejected. Perhaps he wasn’t used to Shuichi having other friends. He put on a smile for him. “That’s all good. Next time?”

Shuichi nodded. “Next time.”

Once Kaito left, Shuichi pushed his way through a crowd of students and made his way to Rantaro’s seat. Fortunately, the model hadn’t left yet. “Excuse me, Rantaro?”

Rantaro looked up, flashing a breezy smile. The secret to his success must have been his ability to put people at ease, even as he began chuckling at Shuichi. "Hey there. Shuichi, right? From the karaoke night?"  
  
"Uh... yeah. From the karaoke night," he said, tugging at his collar. "Hey, anyway, besides that, uh... I have a quick question for you."   
  
"A question for me? I feel honored," Rantaro said, raising a perfectly-maintained brow. "Alright, shoot."   
  
Shuichi almost choked on his own spit, or maybe it was Rantaro's cologne. Was this was it was like to be up close with a model? Even Rantaro was only a local, part-time model; he couldn't imagine being close with Dolph. But the thought steeled him, reminded him of why he was here. “Perhaps we could go somewhere… more private to talk?” Shuichi said.

“Sure. I was just about to go get a cup of coffee,” Rantaro said. He combed his fingers through his green hair and it fell back into place in a messy-but-natural way that made Shuichi want to slap and/or kiss his stupid face. “You’re free to come along with me.”

“Th-that sounds good,” Shuichi said. “Let’s go.”

Walking to Starbucks together got them some weird looks. Girls would look at them and then turn away, giggling. Rantaro winked at a group of them and Shuichi thought one of them fainted. “Are you going home for the Autumn Equinox?” Rantaro asked, helpfully filling in the silence.

“Huh? Uh, yeah,” Shuichi said. He would prefer not to have to spill the details about his Uncle to Rantaro. “What about you?”

“Nope. All my family’s in different parts of the world, and we can’t all get together that easily,” Rantaro said. “Last time I got together with my sisters, we had to rent out a stadium.”

“What? How many sisters do you have?” Shuichi asked.

All Rantaro said was, “the number grows every day,” as if that answered the question.

Finally, they reached the Starbucks. Rantaro didn’t break his stride as he walked straight up into the counter. He bumped a middle-aged woman out of the way and she nearly thanked him. “Hello, I’d like a Venti Vanilla Sweet Cream Cold Brew- light ice- sub almond milk in place of cream, two pumps of liquid sugar, flavor swirl of mocha, shot of espresso, whipped cream and a touch of caramel drizzle,” Rantaro said. “And chocolate sprinkles on top.”  

“Y-yes, sir!” the barista said. She entered the order into the register. “M-m-may I have your name for the order?” Before he could answer, she cut herself off. “Rantaro, isn’t it? Like in Miracle Monomi Magazine?”

He gave a humble wave as if this didn’t happen all the time. “Yes, that’s me.”

She wrote down ‘Rantaro’ on the cup with a little heart next to it. Below it, she wrote her phone number. Suddenly, she remembered Shuichi was there the way someone remembered they spilled water by stepping their sock into the puddle. “And you?”

“Uh… do you have… coffee?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Can I get a small coffee?”

“A what?” she asked.

“A small--”

“A what?”

Rantaro interrupted, “he means a Tall Coffee with cream and sugar.”

“Of course!” the barista squeaked. She entered the order in as well. “Name?”

“Shuichi,” Rantaro said. Somehow it sounded suave, even mysterious, when he said it.

Shuichi reached for his wallet but Rantaro stilled his hand. Rantaro’s palms were smooth, uncalloused. “It’s my treat,” he said.

“I-- oh-- okay,” Shuichi said. His entire face was red. “Thank you.”

After Rantaro paid, they sat down at a nearby table. “What was it you wanted to talk about?”

He remembered his mission and tried to calm himself down. “I wanted to ask you about being a model.”

“Are you looking for a job?” Rantaro asked. He looked Shuichi over. “I could see it. I’ll put in a good word for you with my agency.”

“No, no,” Shuichi said. “I wanted to ask you how familiar you are with other models.”

“Not much, I’m afraid,” Rantaro said. “I don’t care about modeling, actually. I’m just saving up so I have a bit extra to spend on my travels. I only took the job because it was offered to me.”

Shuichi recalled what Kaito had told him about how Rantaro was Instragram famous and then companies fought over him. “Ah, I see… So you wouldn’t know anything about Monokuma Magazine.”

“Hey now, I didn’t say that,” he said. “It’s the men’s equivalent of Miracle Monomi Magazine. Much bigger budget and readership. I haven’t been a part of that one.” He checked his makeup using his phone camera as he spoke. “They hire models internationally, not just Japanese ones.”

Now he was getting somewhere. He opened his mouth and someone called out their names.

It would be more accurate to say that the barista sang Rantaro’s name and then added Shuichi’s like a damp cough. “One moment,” Rantaro said. His scent lingered in the air as he walked over to pick up the coffees.

While he waited, Shuichi went over the facts. Monokuma Magazine had no photoshoots in Japan lately. Dolph had never been a part of the magazine to begin with. A reverse image search on Dolph’s photos had turned up a model named ‘Kai Namazu’. Dolph could still be real. He’d seen his face. They had a video call.

Rantaro returned with the coffees, placed them on the table, and Shuichi finally cracked. “This model has been talking to me and I think I’m falling in love with him but I’m scared it’s all fake and we’re in too deep for me to confront him and I don’t know what to do. I feel like my heart is going to shatter if I lose him, even if it’s not real. He’s the only person who’s ever cared so much about me, even if I have flaws.”

The shutter sound of a camera went off multiple times. Rantaro was standing on the chair, photographing his coffee from multiple angles. He put the straw to his lips and took another picture. Once he was satisfied, he immediately chucked the drink in the garbage.

“I can’t stand coffee,” Rantaro said. With his phone lowered, Shuichi could see the model was uploading the pics to Instagram. “But a guy’s got an image to maintain, yeah? My agency practically begs me to do weird stuff like this. Anyway, were you saying something? I didn’t hear you.”

“No, nothing,” Shuichi said.

“Alright.” Rantaro sat back down in the chair, every moment as graceful as if he were figure skating. He seemed remarkably unconcerned with the fact that he paid nearly 1000 Yen for that drink. “What else was there?”

“Do magazines ever take photos and not use them? Or only post them privately?” he asked. Rantaro gave him a weird look. “Maybe they only post some pictures in physical magazines and not online?”

“Sorry, but I don’t really get what you’re talking about.”

“Is it possible for a model to work for a magazine, such as Monokuma Magazine, but have no photos of them anywhere at all?”

He stroked his chin. “No. If a model’s name is associated with the magazine, there’s publicity. People ask me to take selfies with them. Paparazzi try to get creepshots of me looking ugly. Doesn’t happen, by the way.” He chuckled. “There’s no pics taken professionally that don’t get leaked. Even happens before the mag comes out sometimes.”

Shuichi sank lower and lower in his seat. “I… see. So it’s unlikely that a magazine could have a secret photoshoot, either.”

“Maybe for a small-name magazine, but not a big-name one,” Rantaro said. “Why, what’s all this about? You’ve piqued my interest.”

He looked down at the table. The time was bound to come eventually that he would have to tell someone about Dolph. He opened his mouth to speak and the barista shouted out, “Luminary of the Stars?”

Shuichi looked up in surprise. Kaito walked up to the front, his head craned to the right to avoid looking at him. Shit. He had been so absorbed in Rantaro that he forgot Kaito asked him to get coffee, too.

After he picked up his order, Kaito ‘happened’ to pass right by their table. “Oh, hey! Shuichi! Rantaro! It’s nice to see you guys!” he said, reminding Shuichi why the future astronaut had flunked his drama class.

“Kaito, right?” Rantaro gave a small wave.

“Yeah! From karaoke!” Kaito said.

“Oh, you were there?” Rantaro asked. “I know you because you passed out watching the Goosebumps movie that one time.”

Kaito gritted his teeth. “It only happened one time,” he said. Then he raised his voice to the fake-surprised tone again. “Shuichi, I didn’t know you would be here with Rantaro! You two make a lovely couple!”

Rantaro burst out laughing. “Kaito, I love your sense of humor!” he said. “You’re such a kidder!”

“Oh!” Kaito gave a laugh so fake it bordered on him saying ‘ha ha ha’ out loud. “I just thought you were a couple ‘cause you look… so much… like a couple?”

“We’re not.” There was a sudden intensity to Rantaro’s words that almost hurt more than his laughing.

Kaito gave Shuichi a look that read, ‘not YET’. “Well, anyway, nice to see you!” he said, and walked mechanically away.

“Strange guy,” Rantaro said. He started scrolling through some site on his phone.

“Yeah,” Shuichi said. It gave him the opportunity to pull out his phone and type a furious message.

saihara00: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING  
luminaryofthestars: chillll bro lol ;)  
luminaryofthestars: i didnt pass pilot school without becoming an ace WINGMAN 

Suddenly it dawned on him: Shuichi had said he was meeting with an indistinct ‘someone’ and Kaito thought it was the same ‘someone’ that he was calling on Skype. Namely, Dolph. He had also vaguely agreed when Kaito asked if it was a classmate.

saihara00: NO NO YOU HAVE IT WRONG  
luminaryofthestars: its cool man just cos ur bi doesnt mean u gotta be bi urself  
luminaryofthestars: i accept u no matter if ur in a gay relationship or a normal one  
luminaryofthetars: love is love bro  
saihara00: theres so many thing wrong with what you said that i dont even know where to start  
luminaryofthestars: dw about it bro focus on ur date  
saihara00: ITS NOT A DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
luminaryofthestars: it is if you believe in yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!! u can do this shuichi!!!!!!!!!! get it in his avocado pit tonite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Shuichi, you’re going to crush your phone in your hands like that,” Rantaro said. 

Shuichi realized that his hands were turning red with the force of how hard he was gripping his phone. “Sorry,” he said.

“Are you apologizing to your phone or to me?” Rantaro asked.

“Yeah.”

“Anyway, before we were interrupted,” Rantaro began, “you were about to tell me what the problem is.”

“R-right.” He already had his phone out, anyway. It was time. He pulled up a picture of Dolph and showed it to Rantaro. “Do you recognize this model?”

He looked it over. “Interesting… maybe I do.” He leaned back in his chair. “Why do you ask?”

"Well, you see, Kaede had me set up a dating profile and... this guy, he calls himself Dolph, which is short for 'Dolphin' because he swims a lot, messaged me and... he's from Hawaii and he's a... model... and..."   
  
His sentence trailed off as Rantaro’s look became more incredulous with every word. "I know how it sounds, but he can be really genuine! So I thought I'd ask you, Rantaro, if you know anything about him. He’s claimed to have been in a lot of magazines. Like in Popeye, or Playgirl, or Horse&Rider..."

“Horse&Rider is a horse magazine.”

Suddenly, he felt incredibly weary. “I know.” Searching Kai Namazu’s name hadn’t brought up either that one or Playgirl-- to his slight disappointment.   
  
Rantaro shook his head. "Well, I do recognize this guy, but it's not anyone named 'Dolphin'."  
  
"Kai Namazu, right?”

He frowned. “You know that’s his real name? Then why are you going along calling him ‘Dolphin’?”

“Dolph,” Shuichi muttered. “I wanted to ask… Er, maybe he changed his name? Models change their names, right?”   
  
"It does happen, but I wouldn’t say it’s happened in this case for sure,” Rantaro said. “Did you find any evidence he changed his name?”

“Well… no.”

“It comes down to the agency whether or not a model can change their name. I have surprisingly little autonomy with this job, and I’m only part-time,” Rantaro said. “Even then, agencies don’t like strange-sounding names. Models usually change their names so they go from strange to normal, not the other way around.”

“Maybe he only uses the name online?”

Rantaro shrugged. “For privacy? I suppose I wouldn’t put it past him, especially if he’s on a dating website. Maybe he wanted to be as anonymous as possible.”

“But what’s bothering me is… he told an obvious lie,” he said. “He claimed he was in Tokyo for a photoshoot with Monokuma Magazine. But there’s no evidence he’s a part of Monokuma Magazine, and they’re not having any photoshoots in Tokyo. That’s why I asked if those strange questions.”

He expected some type of response from Rantaro, but his face had become as still as a statue. Shuichi couldn’t get a read on him at all. Finally, he said: “so?”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“The way I see it, there are two options,” Rantaro said. “First, this is the real Kai Namazu. He’s using a fake name and a fake reason for being here because he’s lonely and tired of being wanted only by gold diggers and people chasing his name.”

Shadows danced over his face as he leaned in. “Second, and I find this more likely, myself… it’s someone else using his face, but not his name.”

“But… why?” Shuichi asked. “If he really is a model, why use a fake name like that and tell such obvious lies?”   
  
"Perhaps he's simply not a good catfish. Or perhaps he wanted to be caught."  
  
"But isn't the point of a catfish that they don't want to be caught?" Shuichi asked.   
  
"Yep. It’s pretty strange. I've been told that others have catfished using my pictures before," Rantaro said. "Usually, they ask their targets for money or favors. They try to keep it going as long as they can."

“He hasn’t asked me for anything like that. I mean, he asked for pictures, but nothing inappropriate… yet.” He regretted saying the last word as soon as it left his mouth. “I… I dunno.”

“I see.” Rantaro studied Shuichi as if he were under a microscope. Shuichi squirmed in his seat. “You must not know what to do at all, huh? Completely at a loss?”

“Well… yeah,” Shuichi said. “Is it that obvious?”

“You seemed like you had already figured it out and only came to me to have irrefutable evidence. Yet you’re the nervous type, Shuichi-- ah, no offense.” He held his palms out. “It seems to me that, if you felt there were anything off about him, you already would have stopped talking to him. But you’re still talking to this ‘Dolph’, aren’t you?”

“Yeah… I suppose I feel like.. If I confront him and he blocks me, I’ll never figure out the truth.” He looked at his reflection in his own dark phone screen. “It feels like not all of our bond can be fake. I just don’t know how much of it is. I want to know why he’s done this and maybe get to know the real him.”

“Only the most skilled liars can hold on for a long time,” Rantaro said. “Eventually, he’s going to slip and say something he shouldn’t. That will be your chance to start unraveling this ‘Dolph’ instead of scaring him away with a big accusation.”

Shuichi nodded. “You might be right… thank you, Rantaro.”

“Anytime.” He stood from the table. “If that’s all, I should be going.”

Before he left, the barista brought a box of pocky to their table. They had a few of them near the register as quick snacks, along with chips, cookies, and various fresh fruits. “This was purchased for you by another customer,” she said.

“Oh, thank you!” Rantaro said. Shuichi’s phone buzzed.

luminaryofthestars: POCKY GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOWS YOUR CHANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shuichi was about to turn around and personally tell him to stop when Rantaro opened the box and put a pocky in his mouth. He leaned down. The world seemed to stop. It was as if he was beckoning for Shuichi to take the other end in his own mouth. And then they would get closer, closer, and their lips would touch.

But instead, Rantaro leaned down to pick up his phone off the table. He took a selfie with the pocky in his mouth and then spit it into the trash. “I can’t stand candy, either,” he said. And then he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kaito made this his avatar https://pm1.narvii.com/6570/2eb9c3f0be3ae0ed87f1b442b118246a0dcacfa0_hq.jpg


	4. strike the match.com

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. extra long 17k word chapter because i love you all. if you comment or send me nice messages then i love you and you mean the world to me  
> 2\. please check out this beautiful fanart of this fic by shinomiya https://twitter.com/ShinomiyaxX/status/1032863299300417538?s=19 !! im crying too  
> 3\. please note that i preemptively added the tag 'canon typical violence'. some stuff starts to get a liiiittle bit more serious in this chapter

It wasn’t unusual for Shuichi to be awake before Kaito got up in the morning, especially if Shuichi had stayed up all night. It was unusual, however, for Kaito to not get up after several alarms.

Shuichi checked his pulse, slightly terrified what he might find. To his relief, Kaito was alive. It calmed him down for a moment before realizing how that only opened up more avenues of possibility. Sleep paralysis? Brain death?

He tried to shake Kaito awake. “Hey, you ready for our morning training?”

Kaito opened his eyes at a regular rate-- not shooting them open as if he’d been broken free of a nightmare, but not slowly prying his eyelids up as if he’d been in a deep sleep. Rather, it seemed to Shuichi that he had been lying awake there with his eyes closed.

“Huh? Yeah… training,” Kaito said. He checked his phone and sighed, dropping it back onto the bed. With a tremendous amount of effort, he lifted himself up and sat on the edge of the bed. His eyes were bloodshot. “You’re all dressed and ready, so you go ahead and meet Maki Roll and tell her I’ll be late. I’ll catch up with you two, no prob.”

“Are you okay?”

What appeared on his face wasn’t quite a smile; he curled up the corners of his mouth, but his eyes didn’t move at all. “Of course! The Luminary of the Stars is always 110%.” He looked to the side, running his hand through his hair. “I’m surprised you think anything else, Shuichi. You can focus on your own issues.”

Shuichi’s stomach felt as if it were doing flips. Had he done something wrong? After Rantaro left the Starbucks yesterday, he explained to Kaito that it wasn’t Rantaro who he was pursuing and it was a misunderstanding. Yet, again, he hadn’t told Kaito who it really was. Seeing Rantaro look at him like an idiot when explaining Dolph had been painful enough.

“Uh… I’ll see you up ahead,” Shuichi said. Kaito just nodded. When he left the dorm, Kaito was still sitting there on the edge of his bed.

In front of the school stood Maki. Rather than waiting with her arms crossed like usual, she was in the middle of a heated phone call. He didn’t need to hear the words to feel their sting as she whispered them furiously into the phone. Even though he thought he was being completely silent- not slamming the door, crunching through the grass, or even breathing- Maki still somehow noticed him and hung up the call abruptly. “Where’s Kaito?”

“He said he’s going to catch up with us,” Shuichi said.

Maki hesitated. Then she let out a sigh. “It doesn’t matter to me. I don’t care if he catches up or not. Let’s go.”

Even though she didn’t speak to him as harshly as she spoke into the phone, she still was having trouble holding back her voice from trembling in anger. Shuichi felt as if he woke up this morning in a parallel universe in which everyone was tense and unhappy. Of course, that was his natural state, but not everyone else’s. It felt as if the world existed on a careful balance and now he had disturbed it.

He stayed silent as they ran, afraid of making things worse. After they completed their first lap around the school, Kaito caught up with them. “Whew! Working up a sweat!” he said, as if he had quickly completed the first lap and hadn’t just been waiting by the school entrance to join in.

Maki didn’t say anything, but Kaito didn’t seem to mind. They finished their run in silence. The only sound were the birds chirping, the grass crunching under their feet, and Maki’s phone ringing every five minutes exactly. She methodically ignored it, though every time it rang, she started grinding her teeth harder.

The tips about proper running form had helped significantly. Shuichi was still exhausted by the time they finished working out, but he didn’t feel as if he were about to collapse, which was an improvement.

He probably should have kept his mouth shut, but he didn’t have a good track record with shutting up when he should have. “Maki, are you feeling any better?” 

“Huh? Are you sick?” Kaito asked.

Maki glared at each of them in turn. “I just had a stressful call with a client earlier. It’s not strange.”

“A client?” Shuichi asked. “You’re studying early childhood education, right? So you do babysitting?”

She hesitated for a moment too long. “Yes.” Then she looked away. “Parents aren’t easy to deal with. That’s all.”

“Boy, even my folks don’t call me that often,” Kaito said. “I was getting kinda used to it though. It’s like when you did that interval running exercise in high school.”

Shuichi wasn’t sure what else to say. Was the same client calling her repeatedly? He wasn’t keeping track of time, but it felt mechanical how frequently they called.

An awkward pause. “We’re done for the day, then,” Maki said.

“Hold on. We’re only just beginning!” Kaito pumped his fist. “Shuichi here knows that run is only the warm-up! After that is the real training!”

“You’ve barely been able to do your warm-up the past few days if that’s the case,” she said.

“I was doing it easy! I just didn’t want to leave my bro Shuichi here in the dust, that’s all!” Kaito looked straight ahead to avoid catching sight of Shuichi’s eyes leveling the Bullshit Detector on him. “The next part of our training is 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 100 squats!”

“Kaito, no!” Shuichi said. That would kill him for sure.

“‘No’ is right. That’s far too little for any tangible benefit,” Maki said.

“Okay, 5000 each!”

“How did you jump from 100 to 5000?” Shuichi cried.

“You gotta give it 110% all the time! No days off!”

“110% of 100 is 110!” Shuichi said.

Maki just rolled her eyes. “Our agreement was only that we would train so you both could supposedly keep pace with me by the end of the week. That only refers to running. I have no obligation, verbal or otherwise, to help you with this.” 

As she spoke, her phone started ringing again. She finally took it out and checked the caller ID. As she did, her pupils shrunk to a pinprick. Kaito tried to look and see her phone and she pulled it away, stuffing it back into her pocket. “Mind your own business!” she snapped.

“Woah, I was just trying to see,” Kaito said. “What’s it matter if I see who’s calling so much?”

Even as the call bounced, the phone rang again and again as if the same person wouldn’t give up on calling her. She hovered her finger over the volume down button and the ignore button in turn, but couldn’t bring herself to press either. She walked away to try and deal with it privately, but Kaito and Shuichi only followed her. “Maki Roll, is this parent harassing you?” Kaito asked. “I thought helicopter parents were only like that for their own kids.”

“Do you want to die?” she snapped. They stopped in their tracks. “I said leave me alone.”

Shuichi raised a trembling finger. “We’re here for you--”

“I don’t need anyone.”

“Wait!” Kaito reached out, but she started running. Instead of grabbing her shoulder or her arm, he wound up grabbing one of her long twintails by accident. It popped right off. He yelped in surprise before it dawned on him that they were hair extensions.

Tears of anger were welling up in her eyes when she turned back around. She snatched the hair extension back from Kaito and shoved him back hard into the grass. While he was down, she re-attached the extension and stormed away.

Shuichi walked over and offered a hand to help Kaito up, but he ignored it and stood up on his own without lifting his head up. His loose bangs obscured his eyes. “Damn it... “ He exhaled, blowing some strands of hair free. “That could’ve gone a lot better…”

There were a lot of things Shuichi could have said, and all of them would haunt him for the rest of the day. Instead, the words that came out of his mouth were: “Maki’s hair is short.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

They returned to their dorm, but it didn’t feel as if they were walking together. To anyone else’s eyes, they were two people who happened to be heading in the same direction. Shuichi occasionally interjected with something or another, but the moment had passed.

\---

10 PM. Shuichi stood in the bathroom, checking his makeup. Whenever Dolph called, the sound would alert him and he’d return to his computer.

Kaito had gone out earlier. He had been going out more lately, as if trying to avoid him each night when Dolph would call. Shuichi had wanted to say something, but he wasn’t sure what to say.

He picked up the concealer, the one that Kaito said didn't match his skin tone. Shuichi had been in a rush because of his nerves and he just wound up grabbing the first he saw that looked right. He had meant to go get a new one, but Kaito had been the one to suggest it to begin with. It felt rude to buy it without him, like watching a movie alone that they were planning to see together. 

But then again, it’s not like they hadn't made a formal agreement to buy the makeup together. And it’s not like it would hurt Kaito as badly as it had hurt Shuichi when he went to see Mamma Mia! in theatres without him, which hurt pretty badly. It was just something that didn’t feel right.

The time on his phone read 10:05. Usually, Dolph called at exactly 10 on the dot. Maybe he was busy. Maybe it was an omen. Whatever it was, he had extra time. Shuichi picked up a pair of kitchen scissors that he had brought to the bathroom with him. He pulled off his hat and smoothed out his hair. Then he leaned in close to the mirror to get the best view of himself that he could. His bangs were far straighter than he was.

The thought made him chuckle a little. Ever since he started talking to Dolph (and Kokichi, said a little voice in the back of his head), he had been letting out his dumb sense of humor more. If he could make them laugh, it felt like he was doing something right.

While praising himself for being clever and making good decisions, he began trimming his own hair.

In the past, he had counted on his hat to just cover it up, but now it felt like something had changed. Maybe some type of emotional revelation, or maybe it was getting in his eyes too much.

Shuichi only made small cuts at first. He tried to remember what his Uncle’s barber usually did, minus the chain smoking. Hopefully he wouldn’t cut it too short.

Once he was satisfied with the front, he opened the door to the small medicine cabinet. The front of it had a mirror that, if he angled just right, he could use in conjunction with the bigger bathroom mirror to see the back of his own head. Once he had it positioned, he began trimming the back as well.

Small, almost unnoticeable motions. The locks of black hair tumbled to the ground. For some reason, he felt significantly lighter even if it was only a trace amount of hair. Finally, he smoothed out the top again. A long lock of hair stuck up no matter how much he tried to pat it down. He positioned it in-between the blades of the scissors and hovered for several moments. Then, for reasons he didn't fully understand, he pulled back and put the scissors down.

Overall, he thought he looked much better. Maybe not radically different, but it was a lot easier to look at himself and smile. He had successfully evolved from ‘swamp goblin’ to ‘law student goblin’.

He rinsed off the scissors and went to return them to the kitchen. As he did, he glanced at the time on the wall clock. 10:15. He could just be petty and not message Dolph again; he’d felt idiotic sending so many small dumb messages when waiting for him at the park. But it was quiet in their dorm, the kind of quiet that felt unnatural. Living in Tokyo made it so that noise was as much a part of the environment as air, and without it, Shuichi felt suffocated. He pulled out his phone and turned on the first podcast he could find (“Lucky Lottery with Nagito”, some kind of variety show); he didn't care, he just wanted to hear voices.

Shuichi swept up the hair and dumped it out, then returned the broom and dustpan. 10:20. His computer had gone dark. He pressed a key on his keyboard and the Skype window reappeared. Instead of it being dead like he imagined, there was something in the chat window.

Kinghorse69 is typing...............

It appeared and disappeared and reappeared as if he were revising something to say. Otherwise, Shuichi would think that Dolph’s keyboard was jammed. Five minutes passed, then ten. Dolph couldn't seem to get it out. Shuichi decided to type a message.

saihara00: is everything okay?

And then all at once, Dolph seemed to erase everything and the notification was gone. Shuichi felt like he had really screwed up, but then a small message appeared.

Kinghorse69: yea im not feeling so well ;( i dont think i can call tonight  
Kinghorse69: i think i came down with ligma  
saihara00: that's ok! i hope you feel better!  
Kinghorse69: ….   
Kinghorse69: yea thanks bro  
saihara00: do you want to talk here? by typing, i mean?

Kinghorse69 is typing...............

Kinghorse69: only for a little bit. i need to be up early tomorrow, rise and grind babey  
Kinghorse69: ;p  
Kinghorse69: haha.

Shuichi couldn't tell tone over instant messages, but something felt off.

saihara00: is everything okay?  
Kinghorse69: no dummy im sick............. duh...........

That didn't seem like it was everything. Shuichi wasn't wearing his hat to hide from looking people in the eye anymore. Even if Dolph wasn't showing any eyes for him to look away from, he looked right into the webcam as he typed his next message.

saihara00: dtr ogi dur; thst onfd himnh bkldf  
Kinghorse69: what?  
  
Or maybe that was just the type of dramatic thing that only looked cool in movies. He looked meekly down at his keyboard.   
  
saihara00: sorry i meant to ask  
saihara00: are you sure that's the only thing bothering you?  
saihara00: i've vented a lot to you. you can talk to me.  
saihara00: i'm here for you.  
saihara00: I really care about you, dolph.

Kinghorse69 is typing.................

Kinghorse69: its nothing, really! just feeling a little under the weather  
Kinghorse69: ;p  
Kinghorse69: i'm gucci (thats hawaiian for good)  
saihara00: I don't think that's true.  
Kinghorse69: youre right….. fuck… gucci is hawaiian for updog  
saihara00: No, not that. I mean I don’t think you’re doing all good.  
saihara00: Can you tell me even a little bit?  
Kinghorse69: wooooow youre becoming so assertive  
Kinghorse69: you can see right through me!  
saihara00: so I was right.  
Kinghorse69: of course you were right  
saihara00: can you tell me the truth?  
Kinghorse69: about what?  
saihara00: you know  
saihara00: every time we talk lately i feel like something’s off  
Kinghorse69: and every time we kiss i swear i could fly  
saihara00: This is serious Dolph .  
saihara00: even though you might not have a voice, you still have this. Talking like this has special meaning to us, I think.  
saihara00: It's... something that only the two of us can see or hear. So it's separate from the rest of the world.  
Kinghorse69: Shuichi, why are you so serious about me?

He felt as if he were finding a rhythm for a moment, but now he was thrown completely off.

saihara00: huh?  
Kinghorse69: feel grateful that i spared you from the “why so serious” batman joke.  
Kinghorse69: but really. Why do you care about me?  
saihara00: Uh... well...  
saihara00: You always told me the truth. Like when you told me that I was a freak, but it was good to be weird, instead of trying to reassure me otherwise. I have lots of people who give me lots of positivity already. But without meaning behind it, it's nothing more than attempting to convince yourself nothing is wrong.  
saihara00: You understand me. When I tell you things that are difficult to talk about, you not only sympathize but you empathize too.  
saihara00: You can make me laugh. Even if you're weird and crude at times.  
Kinghorse69: owwwwch ;p :' (  
Kinghorse69: Let me ask you another question.  
Kinghorse69: If I just went back to Hawaii and never was able to come back to Japan, would you still be interested in me?

Shuichi admittedly thought about it for a moment. They hadn't fully met yet, but it all felt real. Even then, the strain of loving at a distance had begun to take its toll. He longed to hold someone and be held in return. He wondered how Dolph looked different in real life. He tried to picture the way his laugh sounded. Tried to inhale and imagine how he smelled. But the reality was still there, that Dolph could leave and never come back to Japan. Could he leave the country and live in a foreign place just to be with one person? And if not, how could he expect Dolph to do the same?

Kinghorse69: You hesitated. That's what I thought.  
saihara00: I still would be interested, I think, but I don't know if it would work out. The time we spent together is real, but we still haven't met up in real life. I'm sorry.  
Kinghorse69: Hm... the time we spent together is real.  
Kinghorse69: Do you really think that?  
saihara00: Huh?  
Kinghorse69: When you wake up from a dream, do you feel bad for all the dream-people who can only exist in that realm who you just killed by waking up?   
Kinghorse69: Would you rather sleep forever so all those dream-people could lead happy and fulfilling dream-lives?  
Kinghorse69: Probably not, right? You're real. You have a life to live. Unlike them, your heart is beating.  
saihara00: Why are you talking about this all of a sudden?  
Kinghorse69: oh. I swallowed like 500 cold pills before I started talking to you and now I’m high  
saihara00: what??  
Kinghorse69: just kidding!  
Kinghorse69: it was only 499  
Kinghorse69: no really. just kidding.  
Kinghorse69: Forget I said anything.   
Kinghorse69: just. Forget it.   
saihara00: Uh, ok...  
Kinghorse69: Shuichi, what are you doing tomorrow?  
saihara00: Exercising in the morning, but that's it. I could do a little studying if I don't have anything else.  
Kinghorse69: Let's meet up tomorrow.  
saihara00: Huh? Even though you're sick?  
Kinghorse69: Rekisen Park, same time.  
Kinghorse69: Make sure you get a train pass, and don’t forget your updog  
saihara00: how did you know I'm missing my train pass?  
Kinghorse69: not much how about you?

[Kinghorse69 is offline.]

No matter how many times Shuichi read over the messages, he didn't understand them. Or rather, it felt like he couldn't understand them-- as if he were reading a foreign language that he didn't speak. All he knew was that he would get his hopes up again tomorrow, and hopefully they wouldn't come crashing down as hard.

11:00 PM. Kaito was still out. Shuichi closed his laptop and laid down on his bed. His thoughts drifted back to his Uncle. He solved all his cases on his own without need for outside help. The man would consult experts for fields he couldn't hope to breach on his own-like forensic psychology- and interviewed witnesses who saw things he couldn't ever have seen on his own, but that was the extent of it. Shuichi wanted to follow in his example. He learned how to tie his shoes by seeing a kid do it on a TV show. He learned how to tell time by sitting in a public park and staring at the clock until the sun went down. Coincidentally, Shuichi wore slip-ons and could only read analog clocks.

But now-- now he was sick of it. He wasn't his Uncle. He couldn't ever be his Uncle. He ran his fingers through his shortened hair again and again until it stood up every which way, so much that a hat couldn't even press it all down.

\---

Maki was waiting the next morning, the same as always.The only difference was that her hair was short today, no extensions in sight. For a moment, Shuichi wondered what compelled her to keep coming back. She said herself that there was a legal binding that forced her to attend training. It just was a silly verbal agreement.

Even when Kaito stumbled out after Shuichi, still half-asleep, she didn't say anything. They began with a fast walk and then went into a run. Soon, their breathing and heart rates had synced up. It was as if they were one being-- an unholy combination of emo, jock, and goth.

Shuichi was still exhausted by the time they finished, but he had begun to appreciate it. When he worked himself like that, he felt alive. No more feeling half-alive, half-dead as he dragged himself through life. The pain was a choice he had made all on his own. Not unlike listening to sad music at 4 AM, but with better health benefits.  

The first conversation came at random. "You cut your hair," Maki said.

He nodded. It wasn't a compliment or an insult, just an observation. "Your hair is looking shorter, too."

She kept her eyes trained on him, thinking. "I decided not to wear them, if that's what you're asking. It felt like too much of a hassle."

"I thought they looked nice on you," Kaito said. He scratched the back of his head. "Maki, I'm sorry for--"

"Save it. I didn't stop wearing them because of you." This time, she looked away. "It's more like I feel as if I haven't earned them yet. That's all."

"What do you mean?" Shuichi asked.

"I've been wearing them and dressing up more so I can be... the person I want to be, I suppose. Still, I haven't grown into that person yet. I want to be able to change before I put them on again. And when I do, I want to feel..." She struggled with the next word, as if surprised she spoke so much to begin with. "Proud."

Kaito gave a thumbs-up. "That's right. I always pick winners as my sidekicks, so I know you can do it! Just keep your head up and you'll get there!"

Although she narrowed her eyes, her face betrayed the slightest of smiles. "Excuse me? Sidekick?"

"Don't worry. You'll graduate from it eventually," Shuichi said.

Nobody brought up Kaito's 5000 sit-ups, push-ups, and squats, so they all went their separate ways. Maki hadn’t apologized, per se, but she didn’t look like she wanted to kill anyone anymore, which Shuichi thought was always a success. The sun had begun to rise.

"Kaito," he began, as they started walking. "I owe you an apology."

He looked up with obvious surprise, but didn't stop Shuichi from talking.

Even if he was afraid of the truth, and even if he wanted to figure out Dolph’s secrets, the only thing holding him back was his own fear of being mocked. It had taken him ages to open up to anyone, much less Kaito. He had been running for so long that he didn't know what it was like to be honest. He had also been running so long that his legs really hurt this morning and he wanted to just get this over with.

"I'm sorry I've been keeping so many secrets from you. It doesn't have anything to do with you. And like I said, I'm not in danger." He tried to collect his thoughts before continuing. "I've been just afraid of opening up in case you make fun of me, but there's no reason for me to think you will. It's not fair of me."

They kept walking. After a minute, Kaito nodded. "Is that's all that's bugging you?"

"Huh?"

"It's okay if you want to keep things from me, Shuichi. You're on your own now, yeah? You can handle things."

"Well... I don't always want to handle things on my own," Shuichi said. Kaito was looking at him now. "Maybe I'm like Maki. I might have tried to be someone I'm not- not yet- too soon."

"Are you saying you need the help of Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars?"

"Maybe not as a wingman this time," he admitted. "But I need your help to figure out what’s going on.”

They reached their dorm. The fall decorations were still out in full. "I think Maki needs some time, too,” Shuichi said. “But we're all coming around. Once she's ready, she'll probably need our help too."

"You're right, Shuichi." He grinned. This time, it didn't feel forced. "Man, it's like you read my mind. I'm not into her anymore, but I'm worried about her, you know? Feels like something's off, besides the fact that she’s actually got short hair.”

"Maybe Kaede has more insight...? I still owe her that apology, so..."

"Good thinking," Kaito said. "Of course Maki Roll needs her time, but there's gotta be something we can do! How about we head over to Kaede’s dorm right now?"

"I think we still need to get cleaned up," Shuichi said.

"Sweat is a man’s natural cologne, Shuichi,” Kaito said.

“... And you smell like a whole perfume department.”

Kaito laughed. “Ah, fine. I’ll clean up. Gotta make a good impression on the ladies, even the gay ladies.”

“Hey, Kaito?”

“Huh?”

He hesitated. He didn’t have to ask, but he had finally placed it. Kaito’s eyes hadn’t been red yesterday just from sleep deprivation; his snoring proved that. They weren’t red from substance use; Kaito said drugs were for losers. They had been red from crying.

“Were you upset yesterday?”

Kaito looked off to the side. “... Guess I owe you the truth if you’re gonna give it to me, huh?” he said. For a moment, he looked surprisingly vulnerable. It was a side of him that Shuichi hadn’t seen as just his sidekick. “Yeah. The truth is I’ve been feeling a little less than 110%. 99%, maybe.”

“What’s wrong?”

He scratched the back of his head. “Just feel like I haven’t been able to help anyone lately… not you, and then not Maki Roll.” He gave a weak grin. “But I can’t just tell you it’s bugging me. I told you I wouldn’t be overbearing anymore, yeah?”

“You don’t have to put on a brave face all the time,” Shuichi said. “You could have said something.”

Kaito was silent. Shuichi added, “You’re my friend. You don't have to be the Luminary of the Stars all the time if you don't want to be."

After a moment, Kaito nodded. “Thanks, Shuichi."

Shuichi smiled. “Any time.”

It had been a brave face the whole time. Kaito really had been worried about him. At least he finally had the chance to clear everything up.

Idly, he wondered how much of Kaito’s confidence was a facade. He had him fooled for so long that it was all natural confidence and optimism. He wondered if Dolph had to put on a facade like that.

No matter how much he thought about it, he couldn’t reach a conclusion.

\---

Flowers were too romantic, so those were out. The only candy he had to offer were Kaito’s vitamin gummies, and he was protective of them. Hopefully, Shuichi’s words would be enough of an apology without a gift to accompany them.

He smoothed out his hair again. As he stood outside Kaede's door, he recalled Kaito's lecturing him that it was old-fashioned to knock and he should text instead. It felt wrong to text her first. He lifted up his fist and knocked on the door.

A few seconds passed. A soft voice called out "be right there!" from inside. And then the door opened and he was face to face with Kaede.

It had only been a few days, but it felt as if it had been an eternity-- standing there, with neat hair and makeup and no bags under his eyes and a put-together outfit rather than the circus tent that he bought for karaoke. Shuichi bowed deeply.

"Kaede, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put you on the spot by singing a song like that and I shouldn't have run away and worried everyone like that. I don't know if you can ever find it in your heart to forgive someone like me, but--"

Something smacked him upside the head while he was bowing.

"Shuichi, stop being silly! We didn't take time apart just for you to still be beating yourself up." She shook off her hand. "Has anyone ever told you that you've got a hard head?"

"Not especially." He stood back up to his full height, a lump forming on his head.

She put a hand on her hip. "I mean, I'll take the apology. And like I texted you about, I owe you one as well. I'm sorry. I kinda thought you were into me, but I didn't want to let you down. It felt like... I dunno, like you couldn't handle it?" she said. Even though he knew it were true, it still hurt a bit to her. But she pumped her fists now, grinning. "But look at you now! You look great! I'm really proud of you, Shuichi!"

"You're proud?" he asked. "Uh, thanks."

Kaede squinted, looking closer at his face. "But that brand of concealer doesn't match your skintone too good at all. We need to get you a better one."

He laughed, to her befuddlement. "It's nothing," he said. "I just already had plans to go get a new one today."

"Alright, we're all going together! It’s decided!" she said. "I know the best place to get it! It's not somewhere you'd expect!"

"I'll look forward to finding it out," Shuichi said. "I got this stuff just at this little place. It was really out of the way, and it had a strange name. Kind of like..."

"Hope Mart?"

That rung a bell. "Yeah, that's it! How did you know?"

"The owner there is a really nice guy! One time, a creepy old guy was following me down the street and the owner beat him up real bad!" Kaede said, as if describing a heartwarming story. "We should go there!"

Meanwhile, his best memory of the place was being told to have a nice day and saying ‘nope’. His stomach flipped just thinking about it. Maybe, without the mask and hat on, the owner wouldn’t recognize him.

“I’m surprised you didn’t beat up the old dude yourself,” Shuichi said.

“Whaaaat? What kind of girl do you think I am?” Kaede asked, playfully punching Shuichi in the arm. Yep, that was going to leave a bruise.  

“Ah, before we go--” He checked the time. Only 12 PM. They had plenty of time until he had to go meet Dolph. “I need to talk to you and Kaito about something.” 

“Huh? Is something wrong?”

He tapped a finger to his chin in thought. “Well… not ‘wrong’, per se… more like, part right and part wrong… it’s a mystery I need help solving.”

“Is the mystery why you always speak in riddles?”

He laughed again. It felt as if things weren't back to normal, but that was alright. If they were back to normal, he'd be trailing behind her in hopes that one day she'd notice him rather than standing on his own two feet. Now it felt as if things were better than before.

\---

Kaito had just finished putting gel in his hair when Shuichi and Kaede returned to the dorm. “Woah, Shuichi! Finally bringing a girl home!” he teased.  
  
“I’m gay,” Kaede said.  
  
“Me too,” Shuichi said.  
  
Kaede grinned. “You’re bi, you moron.”  
  
“My guy Shuichi is whatever he wants to be!” Kaito slammed his fists together. “Gay, bi, or lesbian!”  
  
“I don’t know about that last one,” she said.

“Whatever! Shuichi had big news for us to talk about!” Kaito pulled up the chair from the desk and sat down. Since that was their only chair, Kaede sat on the edge of his bed and Shuichi stood. “Lay it on me!”  
  
For a long time, Shuichi stood and just talked. He spoke more than he had ever consecutively spoken before. He talked about Dolph, starting with how they met after Kaede helped create their profile (“I knew it would work out!”) and how they called on Skype every night and how he hadn’t shown up to meet in real life but how he video called. He went over his conflicted feelings and how he wasn’t sure how he really felt.

Once he was done speaking, he sat down on the floor. After a moment’s consideration, he laid on his back and stared at the ceiling. “I don’t know what to do.”

Both his friends considered it for several moments. Kaito was the first to speak up. “You said you want to believe him, right? If you hold back for even a moment, he’s gonna tell and it’ll affect your relationship. Just like that last convo you guys had.” He grinned. “Believe wholeheartedly in the people who believe in you!”  
  
“But you gotta admit it’s fishy, and not just because his name’s Dolphin.” Kaede crossed her arms. “Isn’t it convenient that he happened to get sick? Or that he hasn’t been able to meet up since because he’s busy as a model? Or how his magazine isn’t even shooting in Japan?”

Shuichi had told them about what he discussed with Rantaro, even including Kaito’s meddling. Where he should have been embarrassed, Kaito just laughed. Shuichi wished he could shake off his embarrassments just as easily.

“I still want to think there’s the possibility that Kai Namazu is the person behind Dolph, and the reason this all has happened is because he doesn’t want anyone to know who he really is,” Shuichi said.

“Let’s say for a moment that’s true. Hypothetically, you meet up with him in person,” Kaede said. “And hypothetically, let’s say he is who he says he is. You have the sexy Hawaiian dude right there in front of you. Would you be happy?”

That was the issue-- it had been nice having a confidant in his time of need, someone who made him feel attractive and wanted, but it all just felt too much like a dream that he was starting to wake up from. It could just be his social anxiety that caused him to be scared of meeting Dolph in real life, but he had the feeling like something still just wasn’t right.

“I… think so. I don’t know,” he said.

“There’s just one more thing bothering me, too,” Kaede said. Instead of elaborating, she pulled out her phone and began working. “Kai Namazu… Kai Namazu… here.”

Shuichi wasn’t sure if he noticed the videos at first or if he still chose to ignore them. But now, with Kaede forcing his hand, he couldn’t turn away any more. The video loaded, and then there he was: the man himself, Dolph. His long black hair looked even more luxurious in motion. The tanned skin of his face only was interrupted by laugh lines. The video quality was a little low, but the man was still gorgeous.

Oh, shit.

“That’s the same video he used when he was calling me!” Shuichi blurted out. He pointed to the video, which- upon closer inspection- was some kind of behind-the-scenes photoshoot film. “The quality is the same!”

“I had a feeling,” Kaede said. Even though she was right, it didn’t seem to bring her much joy. “I’ve had this kinda thing happen before. People will set another video as their webcam video and try to act like that’s them. He must have claimed to have lost his voice so he wouldn’t have to speak. Otherwise you could tell his mouth wasn’t moving.”

“Wait, really?!” Kaito gasped. “So Shuichi really has been getting lied to?!”

“Well… hold on. Maybe it wasn’t the exact video,” he stammered. “I mean, maybe he just looked the same.”

Kaede fixed on him an intense stare. “Only you would know the answer. You’re the only one who saw the video call,” she said. “But, Shuichi… you need to face the truth. That’s the only way you’ll find an answer you can live with.”

Her words dug their way into his heart. She continued: “Even if you lie, even if you get a happy ending, there will always be something bothering you.”

“But if this is the cold truth awaiting Shuichi, it’s going to be heartbreaking! This is the first time my bro’s put himself out there, and look!” Kaito gestured to him. “He looks better than ever!”

“How can living a lie be any happier than finding the truth?”

“Sometimes, the absolute truth doesn’t gotta be your truth!”

“Guys,” Shuichi said. They both stopped. “I think… maybe I can figure out the Dolph without hurting either of us. An answer that isn’t fully the truth, but isn’t fully a lie. I think that, somewhere in the middle… that’s where Dolph really is. Do you believe in me?”

They shared a look. Finally, Kaito nodded. “Yeah. I believe in you!” he said. “Of course I would figure it out myself, but I think this is your case!”

Kaede ignored that last part. “I also think that you can figure it out! But if you need anything, Shuichi, we’re here for you! No matter what!”

Finally, he had the support of his friends again. And with that, he felt like he could take on the world.

“Oh, we gotta turn this vid off,” Kaede said. “He’s taking his clothes off now.”

“He’s what?!”

\---

The clouds blanketed the sky in a dark grey. Shuichi stared up at them and tried to resist the temptation to search for the video.

Meanwhile, Kaede brought an oversized umbrella for the three of them to share, just in case. Kaito’s car had every single check engine light on, so they opted against taking it and walked instead.

“I don’t know why I’ve even got a car if it doesn’t get used,” Kaito mumbled.

“So you can call it the ‘Momotamobile’?” Kaede said.

He stroked his chin. “No, but not a bad idea.”

She laughed. “Anyway, thanks for walking with me. I’d get Maki to drive us, but…”

Now, whenever someone trailed off with ‘but’, Dolph’s stupid joke ‘lets save the butts for later’ rang in his head. It was his legacy. Shuichi shook the thought of Dolph out of his head for now. “I didn’t know Maki has a car.”

“Yep! I guess she bought it using the money she saved up from her jobs,” she said.

He paused. "Is everything going okay with her work? She's seemed pretty stressed out..."

It was nearly imperceptible, but her eyes flickered to the side and the corners of her mouth twitched in a frown. Then the raindrops started to fall. She put up the umbrella-- a pink design with music notes on it. There was more than enough room for all of them underneath it without needing to huddle too close. They were almost at the store. "Yep. Just some tough times. She's gonna be fine."

"That's good!" Kaito said. "She better give it her all! If we can't keep pace with her by the end of the week, we gotta stop talking to you and her forever!"

Her eyes widened. "What? What kind of idiot would agree to that?"

Shuichi decided not to say anything.

The store came into view just as the storm began to get worse. They ducked inside and were faced with rows of empty shelves, flickering fluorescent lights, and three burly men all lined up in front of the counter.

"We know that you know something. We don't have to ask nicely anymore," said one of the men. Shuichi peeked over his shoulder. It seemed as if they were talking to a smaller (but still strong-looking) man behind the counter-- the store owner that he met last time. "This is a nice store, Hideyoshi. It really would be terrible if anything happened to it."

"Accidents happen to little places like this all the time. Maybe someone would drop their cigarette and the whole place would go up in flames," said another man.

The third man just grunted. Shuichi wondered if he couldn’t think of a threat in time.

"You all are worse than yakuza. It would be a cold day in hell before I'd cooperate with bastards like you," the owner- Hideyoshi- said. He didn't even flinch in the face of the threats. "Go on. Get out. You're scaring my customers."

The men turned around. Kaito had assumed an aggressive stance. Kaede stuck close to Shuichi, who was trying not to shake. All he could tell about them was that they were muscular, nondescript, and wearing matching black suits. The only thing of note was that they all wore sterling silver fish necklaces. It looked like the type of fish symbol that was used in lieu of a cross.

The men considered them all for a moment, as if memorizing each of their faces in turn, before they filed out one by one through the door. It almost felt surreal to hear the bell jingle as the three of them walked straight out into the rain and out of sight.

Hideyoshi shook his head and lit a cigarette. "Shit... I'm sorry you all had to see that," he said.

"That sure as hell isn't okay!" Kaito said, clenching his fists. "I'm going after them!"

Kaede grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. "Don't!" she snapped, her eyes wide. "They'll kill you for sure!"

"Who were they? You said they're worse than yakuza," Shuichi said. The news had said that the police were cracking down on the Kuzuryuu clan lately, but that didn't mean they wouldn't target small places for a protection racket. "They weren't yakuza?"

Hideyoshi took a long drag of his cigarette before he answered. "Pescatarians.”

“I thought they were Japanese?” Kaito said.

“A pescatarian is someone who eats fish, but not meat,” Shuichi said.

“You saw the fish necklaces, right?” Hideyoshi said.

Kaede laughed awkwardly. “Yeah... Pescatarians. Hey, let’s get some makeu--”

"I don’t care if they don’t eat meat ‘cause I got a beef with them!” Kaito said. “I mean… you should call the police next time those idiots come around! You don't gotta put up with that!"  

He tapped the ashes into a small ashtray on the counter. It was lumpy, handmade, like something a child would create. It definitely wasn't anything they sold in stores. "Wouldn't work. That's all," he said. "Did you come here for something?"

"Makeup," Kaede said, a little too quickly.

"Back of the store." He jerked a thumb toward it. "You know where to go, Ms. Akamatsu."

"Thank you." She dragged the two of them back toward the makeup. "Let's see... what kind of concealer should we get for Shuichi..."

Shuichi decided to go along with it, if only because he wasn't used to seeing Kaede act so meek. "This one was too dark, so a paler tone would work well for me," he said.

"I can definitely see that. Maybe this shade?" She held up another one to his cheek.

"Oh, yes--"

"Are you guys just gonna let this fly?" Kaito demanded. Shuichi sighed; he had tried. "This man is being harassed by fish-eaters and nobody's doing anything! We gotta help him!"

Kaede rubbed her forehead. "No, you really don't want to get involved with them... I mean it."

"Why not?" Kaito asked.

“Because they’re…” she shrugged. “Too… fishy?”

They both stared at her in disappointment. Finally, Kaito shrugged. “I guess he looks like the kinda guy who can take care of himself,” he muttered. “Let’s just get what we came here for.”

The resignation in Kaito’s tone was depressing, but it was best this way. Besides, Shuichi had his own problems to worry about. He checked his phone. The meeting time with Dolph was coming up.

In the end, Kaede ended up picking out a foundation and lipstick for Shuichi on top of the concealer. Kaito got himself a value-sized mega container of hair gel and an energy drink, and then they were on their way. The clouds overhead were only still gathering.

“By the way, Kaede, there’s something that I wanted to ask about Maki Roll,” Kaito said.

“Oh, yeah? What is it?” Kaede asked. She seemed to light up at the mention of her girlfriend’s name.

As if on cue, her phone started ringing. Kaito seemed shocked by the sudden eruption of Beethoven’s Symphony No. 5, but Shuichi was used to it. “Oops, that’s her now! Hold on!” Kaede said. She picked up the phone. “Hi, babe!”

It was rude to listen in to phone calls. Shuichi absolutely would never do such a thing. But as Kaede’s face slowly fell- from happy to dejected to outright horror- he wished he could have heard whatever it was Maki said. The next thing he knew, Kaede hung up without saying goodbye, muttered a ‘gotta go’ to he and Kaito, and took off running.

Shuichi and Kaito shared a look of concern and confusion. What just happened? Was Maki in danger? Was Kaede in danger now, too? Anxiety gripped Shuichi like a snake constricting its prey.

And for the rest of his life, Shuichi would never know if Kaito was just trying to lighten the mood or if this was the first thing that popped into his head: “Dude, we didn’t even bring our own umbrella.”

\---

Like promised, Kaito bought Shuichi a new train pass. The thunder rumbling that seemed to only be getting closer made him feel relieved to not have to walk again.

He reached Rekisen Park by 4:10 PM. People walked through in a hurry; few were loitering around or strolling through the park for pleasure. The attendant in front of the park today was reading the newest issue of Monokuma Magazine. It made Shuichi feel a bit forlorn.  

saihara00: im here. again.

The occasional drop of rain hit him on the head, but it didn’t turn into a full-fledged rainstorm. Now he wished he had time to go back to his dorm and get an umbrella. He could have picked up a new one at the store, but he didn’t feel like going back in to Hope Mart after they already left. Not especially because Hideyoshi was being bothered by not-quite-yakuza, but because he couldn’t imagine anything more awkward than leaving a store and then coming right back in.

He noticed that the attendant was looking at him overtop his magazine. When Shuichi glanced over at the young man, he quickly looked back down at Monokuma Magazine. He was holding it with one hand, and based on the blue light on his face, it seemed as if he was using it to hide his phone. Shuichi gulped. Hopefully he wasn’t contacting the police. Maybe he had recognized his butt from the news.

“Shuichi! Fancy meeting you here!”

It wasn’t the deep voice of Dolph, but rather a voice with a childish and melodic lilt to it. Standing behind him was none other than Kokichi-- although Shuichi didn’t recognize him at first without the mask and the straightjacket. Instead, he wore his wild hair in a little ponytail. The black and white bandana was replaced with a low-cut checkered tee that revealed his collarbones and the slightest bit of his midriff, only cut off by tight-fitting purple pants and an intentionally gaudy belt. 

He quickly glanced at the time on his phone, which gave him an excuse to look away from how adorable Kokichi looked. 4:20 PM. Shuichi spoke, hoping his voice didn’t betray how nervous he was. “What are you doing here?”

“Nee-heehee-- why do you sound so suspicious? Can’t an evil supreme leader take a nice walk in the park?”

“Not when the weather’s like this,” Shuichi said. The thought that Kokichi came out here to see him made him feel more embarrassed (and somewhere deep down, happy), but he couldn’t believe it. Even Dolph was standing him up.

Kokichi winked. “Oh, yeah? I could say the same thing to you. What are you doing just loitering around when there’s a storm coming?” he asked. Before Shuichi could answer, he held up his hand. “Ooh, ooh, I know! You must be waiting for someone you reeeeaaallly like!”

Shuichi scratched his cheek, feeling the heat reverberating off of them. There was a strong wind out; surely he was just pink from being battered by the breeze. “Uh, well…”

“I got it, didn’t I? I knew it!” he said. He held out his hands; extending his arms lifted a little more of his shirt. His stomach looked so pale and soft, like the rest of his skin. Shuichi’s face went redder imagining his bare chest. “Well, wait no longer! Here I am!”

He looked Kokichi over. Could he mean…? No, it just had to be coincidence. “Ah, I’m sorry, but… it’s not you I’m waiting for.”

“Boo, you got me!” Kokichi said. “Yep, I’m not who you’re waiting for. In fact, I’m waiting for someone, myself!”

Suddenly, a pang of jealousy. His brow furrowed. “You are? Who?”

Kokichi held a finger up to his own lips. “That’s my secret. Unless you want to share who you’re waiting for?”

It felt too silly to say that he was waiting for a Hawaiian model. Besides, for some reason, he no longer felt as if he would mind if Dolph didn’t show up. But Kokichi took his hesitation as refusing to answer, and so the smaller boy stretched his arms behind his head and they waited together.

The time passed more quickly with Kokichi around. They made small talk and told jokes to each other as they whittled time away, the sun hiding behind the clouds. Shuichi wouldn’t have guessed that this boy was the leader of an underground organization that vandalized buildings just by looking at him now; in fact, it felt like the old Kokichi was nearly a different person. But if there was one thing that was a definite constant, it was the way he smiled.

Kokichi seemed to have a lot of them in his arsenal. The mischievous smirk. The dumb innocent grin. The genuine way his face would light up, but only for a moment. The wicked smile that cut through his face like a knife only came out occasionally, and thank goodness-- but when Kokichi really smiled, when it met his eyes, Shuichi had no doubt that the wicked smile was a facade and the real Kokichi was much softer, kinder.

So was he. But they were both raised in a harsh world.

“Looks like they’re not coming, huh?” In an instant, his face shifted from a grin to pouting. “I can’t believe it! What are the two of us gonna do all alone at dinner time?”

Kokichi rubbed his stomach. Suddenly, Shuichi wondered when was the last time he ate. He was skinny as it was, but he definitely put others before himself, if feeding those cats was any indication. If he did ever get his hands on something to eat, Shuichi wondered if Kokichi would claim he wasn’t hungry and give it to a member of his organization. But now, it was just the two of them.

He checked his phone one last time. 5 PM. No new messages. Dolph really wasn’t coming. “I guess we could get something to eat.”

“Wow, great idea!” Kokichi gasped, as if he were surprised. “Where are you gonna take me? You’re paying, right?”

“Who said I was paying?”

“Uh, duh? You did? When you called me out here?”

“I didn’t call you out here,” Shuichi said.

“Whoops! Just a little lie,” Kokichi giggled. “You’re smart, Shuichi! Anyway, I forgot my wallet.”

Shuichi wanted to ask if someone like him really kept money in a wallet and not in an underground vault or a rotting treasure chest or something, but he was quickly becoming exhausted. “The only place I know where to eat around here is a sandwich shop…”

“Wow!” His eyes lit up. “I totally, really, honestly hate sandwiches, but when you say it, I wanna get one!”

“Is that a yes or a no?” he asked.

“I’ll go anywhere with you, Shuichi,” Kokichi said.

He had no idea why he suddenly wanted a sandwich so bad, either. He began making his way toward the sandwich store and Kokichi skipped by his side. This all was coincidence, wasn’t it? Maybe Kokichi only wore the clown getup at night time. But when he saw Kokichi steal from the sandwich store, he had been wearing it, and that was during the day.

It felt as if the absolute truth was appearing before him like an oasis while crawling dehydrated through the desert. It was right in front of him, but he still told himself it was a mirage.

Kokichi did mention Saishu University when they first met, but it could have easily been a lucky guess; it was the biggest college in the country, much less Tokyo. Dolph and Kokichi could at times have similar styles of speaking and acting, but that surely was just because they both were childish.

The owner of the sandwich shop- Sandoicchi, his nametag read- smiled when they entered. “Welcome!” he said. “I remember you! You chased after those clowns for me!”

Once again, he wondered when his life had become so weird. “Uh, yeah… sorry I didn’t catch them,” he said.

“Nothing you could do, son, even the cops couldn’t catch those damn clown menaces.” He shook his head in disgust. “I’ll make a free dinner for you and your brother over there as thanks for trying. Just tell me what you want.”

‘Brother’. Shuichi looked over at Kokichi. They really didn’t look anything alike. His heart stopped in fear when Kokichi opened his mouth to speak, but he apparently had bigger fish to fry. “You never caught those thieves, huh?” he said. “I sure wonder what happened to them…”

Sandoicchi narrowed his eyes. “Say, you look a little bit familiar--”

“He’s just got that kind of face,” Shuichi said, quickly. “Uh, I’ll have a chicken salad sandwich. And my, er, brother here will have--”

“Tuna.” Kokichi winked and pranced off to find a table. Shuichi bowed his head and thanked Sandoicchi before following.

“Shuichi, I didn’t know you were keeping things from me,” he said, looking dejected. Shuichi’s heart skipped a beat, but Kokichi wiped away his crocodile tears a moment later. “You must have seen me with those dogs too, huh?”

“Those were cats.”

Damn his inability to stop pointing out obvious facts. Kokichi smirked. “Oh, they have a special quality. They only appear as cats--”

“To complete and utter morons. I know,” he sighed.

“So you were watching!” Kokichi said. “More importantly, you were chasing me!”

“Don’t say that so loud.” Shuichi glanced back at Sandoicchi, who was absorbed in his craft.

“Nee-heehee… y’know, Shuichi, somehow I feel like you’re still chasing me even right now.”

Shuichi couldn’t understand why, but it felt as if there were butterflies in his stomach at the suggestion. “What do you mean…?”

“I think that’s up to you to figure out,” he said. And then his expression changed again, as if they had never talked about it in the first place. “Yay! Our food is here!”

True to his word, Sandoicchi placed a tray in front of them. Both of their sandwiches were wrapped up neatly and he’d given them both cans of soda. Kokichi tore into his wrapper and took a big bite of his, while Shuichi carefully unfolded the paper. Afterward, Kokichi washed it down with a sip of soda and immediately spat it out.

“Gross! I hate Sprite!” he cried.

“Er… I’ll go ask him for a different one,” Shuichi offered. Couldn’t Kokichi tell it was Sprite just by looking at it?

Kokichi grabbed his hand when he stood up and all of Shuichi’s brain functions instantly stopped. “How dare you harass that poor working class man for another free soda on his dime! We’re already sending him to the poorhouse, I can tell!”

Shuichi looked around. The sandwich shop was bustling with customers; they had gotten the last table. “I don’t… think that’s a problem.”

“There’s only one thing to do. Give me your soda instead. We’ll trade!”

His eyes widened. “What? Trade?”

“Yeah! You’ve got Dr. Pepper!” Kokichi said. “That’s the good stuff! I only drink sodas that have medical licenses!”

“But… but you already drank from yours!” he said. His protests sounded pathetic, even to him.

Kokichi arched a brow. “Yeah? So?” he asked. He giggled. “Oh, I get it. Are you worried about having an indirect kiss with me, Shuichi? That’s so anime of you.”

“I… I am not!” Shuichi sputtered. He snatched the Sprite can and took a big sip from it. All the while, Kokichi gazed at him as if he were getting exactly what he wanted. It was infuriating, but at the same time, he still felt so drawn to the little jerk.

The rest of their meal went normally, to his relief. “I like Panta better, though. Grape’s the worst, though. I only drink it because a purple tongue is aesthetic,” Kokichi said. He considered his words for a moment as if that all made sense. “Do you like soda, Shuichi?”

“Usually I just drink mineral water or juice,” Shuichi said.

“Hm… yeah. That’s a pretty Shuichi answer.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? What’s a Shuichi answer?”

“You sure do ask a lot of questions,” Kokichi said. “You’ve hardly even touched your meal!”

In truth, Kokichi had been scarfing down his sandwich like a man possessed and Shuichi was eating at a normal rate. It seemed he was on the mark; Kokichi really was hungry. He picked up Shuichi’s sandwich, and for a moment- a blissful, innocent moment- Shuichi just thought that Kokichi was going to eat it.

That’s why he didn’t know how to react when Kokichi flew the sandwich around his face and then brought it to his lips. “Here comes the airplane! Open wide!”

“What are you--” But his sentence was cut off by a sandwich being shoved in his mouth. He reluctantly took a bite. If there was a moment this whole time that he hadn’t been blushing, then he was longing for it. He wished he wasn’t so easy to read. Kokichi had the most satisfied look on his face-- the look of a cat who just ripped into and ate a full bag of treats.

“I’m feeding you, dummy. It’s pretty clear you don’t know how to eat,” Kokichi said. The corner of his mouth twitched for just a split second. “Y’know, you should totally join DICE! Then you could have all the food you wanted! We eat like kings every day and wash it all down with the blood of virgins!”

“Does it hurt to bleed that much?” Shuichi asked.

Kokichi’s jaw dropped. His expression rapidly shifted between nearly sobbing and laughing; he seemed like an overloaded computer. “You’re sharper than you look,” he said, giggling. It seemed as if Shuichi wound up with something better: a genuine laugh, the kind that was accompanied with a snort. “See? You’d fit right in!”

“I’m sorry, but… I’m not interested in joining,” Shuichi said.

Kokichi shoved the sandwich in Shuichi’s mouth a little more aggressively. “Maaaan, you’re totally missing out! You’re already basically a member!” A shadow fell over his face. “I mean, you vandalized a church with us. A holy building! You ran from the cops and lied to one, didn’t you?”

He tried to speak with his mouth full, but Kokichi wagged his finger. “Ah-ah-ah, no need to lie to me. If you really did chase us all the way to that parking lot, you could have told the cops. I’m sure Sandoicchi called ‘em on us. It was such a straight shot, they surely would’ve found me there… unless somebody diverted them.”

As much as he wanted to demand Kokichi answer why he chose that church to spray paint, he doubted he’d get a true answer out of him. Besides, now he was nervous. He had become an accomplice-- but he’d rather become an accomplice to Kokichi than side with an unjust law. “I couldn’t help it. You looked really… cute. With those cats.” Before Kokichi could say anything, he added: “Or should I say, dogs?”

He giggled. “Clever boy. Cute, though? You’re gonna make me blush!” he said. “How cute can someone look covered in hives?”

“I think it means a lot that you try to take care of them even though you’re allergic. It really meant a lot to me, actually.” He smoothed out his hair awkwardly. “It shows you have a big heart.”

For a moment, Kokichi seemed like he couldn’t think of what to say. His eyes were downcast, inspecting the last bit of his sandwich. “Sounds like a medical condition,” he muttered, but the joke didn’t even seem to amuse himself.

Kokichi had been eating so rapidly and then forced himself to stop, probably so he could feed it to one of the cats. Shuichi took a deep breath and decided to take a chance.

Picking up the last bit of the tuna sandwich, he moved it back and forth near Kokichi’s lips. “Uh… here comes the choo choo train! Open up!”

Kokichi sat frozen for a moment before he laughed again, and Shuichi took the opportunity to feed him the last bit of his meal. His finger brushed Kokichi’s lip as he did, and it came away sparkling. Was he wearing lip gloss? He felt mesmerized just looking at Kokichi’s soft lips. Shuichi looked again at his can of Sprite. Maybe he really was a dumb and cliched hopeless romantic, but he couldn’t stop thinking about how his lips had touched a spot where Kokichi’s had been.

“If you want to go feed them, we can go buy some tuna from the store,” Shuichi said. Hope Mart was too far away, but there was another store nearby.

“I think you mean you’ll buy it,” Kokichi teased. “Or we could swipe it together!”

“I’d rather stay out of trouble for now.”

He stuck out his tongue. “Aww man!”

Shuichi threw away their trash. They thanked Sandoicchi and headed outside and made it halfway down the block before the rain started. It seemed that Kokichi had forgotten to bring an umbrella, too. Everyone else on the street put up their umbrellas or the hoods up on their raincoats. Shuichi looked around to look for places to take shelter and Kokichi grabbed his hand and then sparks went flying in his heart. “I know just the place! C’mon!” Kokichi said.

They began running. As the rain intensified, they only went faster, Kokichi’s hand slipping out of Shuichi’s own. Shuichi put his fists in the core fist position; Kokichi held his arms out behind him as if doing some kind of strange anime run. They soon reached the overgrown parking lot that Kokichi had gone to. It was surrounded by tall trees and moss-covered buildings, so it provided some shelter from the wind, but the rain still was pouring down on them.

“Where are we supposed to hide?” Shuichi asked.

Kokichi let out a laugh. “What do you mean, hide?” he asked. He gestured to several large pot holes in the concrete. “This place is the best to come to when it rains! These big puddles form super quick and you can jump in them as much as you want!”

The rain soon had them both completely drenched. It was too late to take shelter, anyway. Without waiting for Shuichi, the smaller boy began splashing in the puddles and laughing as if he were having the time of his life.

And it was hard to tell, but he actually just might be. Shuichi couldn’t fully understand why- he was cold and his mascara was running- but he found himself walking tentatively up to a puddle, looking at himself in it, and then stomping right down on the reflection. He couldn’t help but laugh as the water splashed up at him.

Every time he was with Kokichi, it felt as if he was pulled into some kind of alternate dimension. Surely later on, when he was peeling off his soaking-wet socks and shivering from the cold, he would regret this. But right now he didn’t care about any of that. Kokichi made him have fun, and he was grateful for that.

They only stopped once Kokichi began shivering. His shirt was plastered to his body, hugging his trim figure. Shuichi could see the shape of his chest through it, but he tried not to stare. “Kokichi, maybe we should go inside and warm up.”

“What are you talking about? I’m totally fine!” he said, through chattering teeth. “I don’t even know what cold is!”

“That’s definitely a lie.”

He laughed again. “You’re definitely seeing right through me! I must be getting rusty!” he said. “Maybe you want to warm me up?”

"I don't know if huddling for warmth will help if both of our clothes are soaked through," Shuichi offered. Just the suggestion made him feel nervous.

Kokichi took his hand again. "C'mon, in here."

He led Shuichi into one of the buildings surrounding the lot. Through the weeds, an old door was visible. Kokichi produced several small rods and began working on the lock. It clicked and he pushed the door open.

What awaited them inside was darkness and a lot of dust. Shuichi took a moment to adjust his eyes. Some light came in from the windows; he had the feeling that, if it were sunny, it wouldn't be dark inside at all. "Stick with me and you won't trip on anything," Kokichi said. He squeezed Shuichi's hand and led him inside the building.

Shuichi still hadn't figured out what kind of place this was- or used to be, before it became abandoned. As he neared several objects, he was able to see them with the limited amount of light. A table that seemed to be missing a leg;  several waterlogged books without covers; a chair with springs sticking out. He yelped as he stepped upon a doll that began singing-- which normally wouldn't be scary, but this felt like the set of a horror movie. "You said I wouldn't trip on anything!" he said.

Through the darkness, a giggle. "You didn't trip, right? Just stepped on something."

He sighed. The only way he could avoid incidents like that was to stick closer to Kokichi. He followed as closely as he could, his breath raising goosebumps on Kokichi's neck. He expected someone who was used to dirty parking lots and deserted buildings to smell the part, but he actually smelled nice. It was like a lingering sweetness, like freshly baked sugar cookies. He certainly hadn't noticed that smell when they were hiding in the dumpster from the police. Maybe Kokichi really was putting effort into his appearance rather than dressing in normal clothes for some other purpose? Either way, he took another deep breath.

The furniture was scarce and what remained had been thoroughly scrapped for parts. It didn't seem like the type of place that used to be a business, though. When Kokichi finally stopped in front of a fireplace with an assortment of knick-knacks on the mantle, Shuichi realized that this used to be a home.

"I'll light the fire! I'm sure that the fire safety in this place is great, so we've got nothing to worry about!" Kokichi said. Shuichi's hand felt empty once he pulled his away. It was hard to see exactly what Kokichi was doing, but suddenly there was a whoosh of flames and the one brittle log was alight and they were both bathed in a warm glow.

"We sure are lucky we found this place!" Kokichi said. "Super duper convenient!" 

"I have the feeling that you've been here before," Shuichi said, as Kokichi sat next to him. "Otherwise you couldn't lead me through it, right?"

"Oh, that? I was totally bluffing. We could've fallen through a hole in the floor and fallen into a rat-infested basement at any moment," Kokichi said, completely casual.

Shuichi rolled his eyes. Sometimes it felt like Kokichi was more allergic to the truth than he was cats. Regardless, he was warm. They held their hands out to the fire to warm themselves up as the rain continued pouring down outside.

Now that the room was illuminated, Shuichi could see that there were a variety of sleeping bags and personal objects in the room that wouldn't be in a normal house's living room. If he had to guess, he would say that squatters were keeping Tokyo real estate agents from bulldozing the place and putting in a shiny new business. It felt like the only way a home like this would survive in the middle of a shopping district.

"I hate rain," Kokichi said. "It just sucks, doesn't it? Wouldn't you rather have the sun shining and a million possibilities rather than be locked up in some stupid house."

Shuichi studied his face. He was pouting a little, but otherwise it didn't seem like an obvious lie. "You seemed like you were having fun earlier."

"Well, yeah. Duh," Kokichi said. "You've gotta find a way to make fun of the stuff that you don't like or you're gonna go insane. Like a salaryman who just goes through every crappy day until he totally snaps and jumps off a roof or something." He leaned back a little, craning his head up toward the ceiling. The pale expanse of his neck gave way to his defined collarbones and then to a little of his chest, revealed by the collar of his soggy shirt hanging low. Shuichi felt a bead of sweat rolling down his forehead.

"My Uncle always told me that suffering is a part of life. It's a Buddhist philosophy," Shuichi said. "It can't ever be avoided."

"And who the hell was Buddha? Some dumbass who sat under a tree for a million days and realized the world sucks?" he scoffed. "I realized that in like, one day, so I've got him beat."

The only sounds for a little while were the crackling of the fire and Kokichi's breathing. Shuichi watched the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. He wasn't sure what to say in response and wound up staring for longer than he thought he would. The other boy looked at him suddenly and Shuichi quickly looked back toward the fire, unsure why he couldn't stop looking at Kokichi's neck and his jaw and his cheeks and why he couldn't stop imagining what it would feel like to kiss them. He was starting to feel a lot warmer, but not because of the fire.

Finally, Kokichi spoke again. "You never stop talking about your Uncle. Like, ever."

"He's my only family," Shuichi offered. Did he really talk that much about him? He supposed he had mentioned him when they first met.

"Yeah, I know. Because you won't stop talking about him," Kokichi said. "Imagine if you had an Aunt, too. We'd never run out of conversation topics.”

"Well, what about you?" he asked, feeling defensive. "Any aunts or uncles?"

"Nope."

"Parents?"

"Nah."

"Siblings?"

"Ate ‘em alive.”

That was as good as a no. Even with the joke answer, Shuichi felt unable to keep a grip on the irritation he felt just a moment ago. It was as if Kokichi had picked this fight just to intentionally lose. "You don't have... any family at all?" he asked. Then he remembered who he was talking to. "How do I know that's the truth?"

He shrugged. "Why would I lie just to make you feel better?" he asked. It felt acutely familiar. "Would it be more comfortable for you to believe that, when you go home to a soft bed and a promising future, that I can go home to a clown dad reading the newspaper and a clown mom making a pot roast and they'd ask me about my clown day at clown college?"

The fire began dying down. Kokichi reached over and tossed in some crumpled-up pages from one of the old books. Shuichi wasn't sure why he was telling him this. "I'm sorry, I didn't think... I don't know what I thought."

Some kind of struggle was evident on Kokichi's face, but he couldn't imagine what it was about. It surprised him that Kokichi trusted him with this. Even if it were false, he still hadn't said 'just joking' or started laughing or anything that would prove this was fun for him. In a roundabout way, this was how he opened up.

"That's why I had to steal you, Shuichi," Kokichi said. "What would you have done if the person you were waiting for had showed up? You would have never spent time with me." He looked at him in the eye. "What if you hadn't run away from something or another that night? There would be no reason for you to meet up with a clown in a dark alley. That's like, the first thing they teach you not to do in a safety class."

It was true that, if the circumstances were different, they never would have met. It had been a weird and bumpy road, but at the end was a warm fire and a warm body next to him and some kind of warm regard in those violet eyes. Shuichi had thought that Kokichi took him in because he was a stray, but now he realized they were both strays. He wasn't sure why, but he reached over and held Kokichi's hand again. "It's so I don't get lost in the dark," he said, meekly.

Kokichi smiled and intertwined their fingers. "Juuuust in case."

Their clothes were beginning to dry. The storm had no signs of letting up. Shuichi still had a bit of doubt in his mind, like he were all falling into some kind of perfectly-placed trap. But Kokichi couldn't plan the rain. He couldn't plan Shuichi happening to see him feeding those cats.

He couldn't plan Dolph.

Shuichi thought about checking his phone to see if he had missed any messages, but decided against it. He knew there wouldn't be any. When he was with Kokichi, he didn't feel like he needed anyone else. It was as if he had been missing an arm but felt the phantom sensation of having it. And when Kokichi held his hand, he realized the part he had been missing was there all along.

"I don't know what I would have done if the person I was waiting for showed up," Shuichi admitted. "But I guess I'm glad they didn't."

The exhaustion began to settle in now that their needs for warmth and safety had been met. His legs reminded him of that morning's training in a series of extensive aches and pains, and the rest of him wasn't much better off. Kokichi seemed to lean in at the same time Shuichi did, as if they were connected by some kind of force, and rested his head on his shoulder. Shuichi got comfortable resting his cheek against the top of his head.

It might have been a perfect scene. They might have opened up about all their feelings and confessed their love and spent the rest of their lives together. They might have even kissed at that moment. Some stories would end here. But that would be a lie.

What really happened: just as soon as Kokichi rested his head on Shuichi's shoulder, the door began rustling. Shuichi was suddenly glad that Kokichi had reset the lock when they entered. Kokichi leapt to his feet, causing Shuichi to fall over, and doused the flames without a second thought. "If you want to live, do exactly as I say," he said.

"Wh-what?" he asked. His heart rate had jumped to a panic episode in a moment's time. "What do you--"

Kokichi placed a hand over his mouth. "The first thing I say is don't talk," he whispered. "This way."

He gripped his hand again, but Shuichi couldn't focus on the sensation rather than the rattling of the door getting louder. Kokichi led him to an empty mattress. Nearby sat a mountain of discarded sheets, pillows, and some raggedy stuffed animals. "We're hiding under there. Don't move a muscle or they'll find us."

As much as he wanted to ask who would find them, he didn't want to speak and break Kokichi's first rule. His mind was racing but he climbed underneath the pile of sheets and forced himself to be still. It smelled like mildew. He gagged as he settled in underneath, his limbs twisted up. Kokichi crawled in next to him, the warm sweet smell doing little to comfort him now.

They made it just in time; as soon as the last part of Kokichi crawled underneath the bedding, the door slammed open. Shuichi expected loud footsteps, shouting, anger-- but whoever entered was exceptionally quiet, stalking them like prey. If it were the police trying to chase them out, surely they would announce it. This was someone who not only didn't want to be known, but seemed to know exactly what they were doing. He didn't dare peek out and look in case it would be the last thing he saw.

The person walked clear across the room and stopped. They were either thinking or examining something in the room. If Kokichi had just put out the fire in the fireplace, there still would be embers and smoke. The person must know they were in there.

His heart stopped completely as the footsteps began to grow closer. His body tensed as if getting ready to run for his life, but Kokichi silently pleaded for him to stay still, their faces just an inch apart. The footsteps came to a halt right nearby. Shuichi heard breathing now, and it was coming closer, as if they were reaching a hand toward them. He closed his eyes and braced for the worst.

Then: the toy began singing again.

Something soft slammed against the wall and the source of the singing was suddenly far away. His mind pieced it together: they had grabbed one of the old toys on top of their pile of sheets and pillows and it had began singing its recorded song. The person grunted and the footsteps, miraculously, began to retreat. Kokichi gave the smallest shake of his head; they weren't clear yet.

Whoever it was took their time. They must have laid there for an hour while the person looked around. Finally, the door creaked again.

They stayed still a moment longer. Kokichi was first to move, crawling out from under the pile. "Oh no! I shouldn't have come out-- aaagh!"

Shuichi threw off the blankets and leapt to his feet, holding up his hands in surrender to the cracked-open door. It took him several moments to stop hyperventilating and realize Kokichi was lying on the floor and giggling. Shuichi grabbed his shoulders. "What the hell was that?! Who was after us and why?!"

"Don't compliment yourself. They probably had nothing to do with you. Lots of people want me dead, though. Leader of a top secret evil organization and all," Kokichi said. He stood back up. "We lived, though! We made it! This calls for a high five, right?"

Kokichi held up his hand expectantly, but the magic of it all was gone. All that remained was an aching in his head, a slight dampness to his clothes, and the stench of mildew. He walked back toward the front of the building and peeked out the door. There was nobody in the parking lot. "C'mon, just gonna leave me hanging?" Kokichi asked.

"I'm going to the police. Whoever that was, our lives were in danger," Shuichi said.

"Yeah... no. That's not gonna work," Kokichi said. He lowered his hand. "The coppers are preeeeeeeetty mad about us nasty squatters. If you tell 'em that someone was trying to hurt you in here, they wouldn't investigate it! They'd find that person and thank them!"

"There has to be something we can do!" Shuichi said. "What if they come back?"

"If I was them, I'd probably see the doused fire and think we just left before they came in here. They might think we're still nearby. It'll be at least a few hours before they come back here," Kokichi said. He grinned. "Ooh, they were so close! I feel so bad for them! They just gotta work a little harder and believe in themselves!"

"Kokichi, your life is on the line!"

He didn't know when he started shouting, but now he was practically making himself hoarse with how loud he was. "You could have died, Kokichi! Don't you get that? Why are you sympathizing with them? They could have killed you!"

"Geez, keep it down! They could still be out there!" Kokichi said. He paused as if he wanted to make another joke, but then he just sighed. "Maybe it was just some other squatter or a drunk person or whatever."

"Then why did you tell me to hide? You seemed prepared for this."

Kokichi looked down at the floor. The shadows of the room hid his expression, whatever it may be. When he spoke again, it was a whisper, so quiet that Shuichi almost didn't hear it. "Who the hell cares?"

"What?"

"I said who the hell cares?" His voice raised from whisper to shout shockingly fast. "So what if I get bumped off? You're so fucking dense! I acted so quick to protect you! Do you think I care that much if I live or die?"

"D-don't say things like that," Shuichi said. He had never seen Kokichi so angry. "Lots of people would care if you died... DICE would care--"

"Then you don't know DICE. We all look out for ourselves," he said. "We're bound together because we were all thrown away by a world that doesn't care. Remember how they ran and left us behind when the cops were chasing us that night?"

Now that he thought about it, he did remember that they helped each other over the fence but left Kokichi behind. They had held the dumpster open for them to hide, though. He bit his lip. "Well... that one fed the cats with you--"

"Who cares? When I die, the next one in line will be able to command them to do whatever stupid crap they want," Kokichi said. "That's the world I live in."

"You've got other people who care--"

"Didn't I just tell you, smart guy? No family. Nothing. Zilch. Zero," he said. "You know who will care when I die? Whoever handles records down at the police station, and that's only if they find and identify my corpse. They'll care as long as it takes them to get my file off their desk. Then, that's it."

"Kokichi!" he shouted. Finally, Kokichi settled down, his jaw clenched, eyes watering. "You don't understand! I would care!"

He flinched. "You... what?"

"I said, I would care if something happened to you!" Shuichi said. "I care about you! You're kind and clever and funny and really good looking so-- so stop talking like that! I want you to live, Kokichi!" His arms went limp by his sides. "I-- I’m--”

‘Falling in love with you’. The words lingered just at the tip of his tongue. He covered his mouth as if to stop them from slipping out.

The rain stopped. The birds hadn't come back out yet to sing. The clouds hadn't parted yet to reveal the sun. It felt like a moment in-between time, a moment that didn't really exist. They both stood frozen in the room.

He was too lost in his own anxiety to try and read Kokichi’s expression. Was he happy? Sad? He couldn’t tell. Kokichi, for once, was silent.

His breath hitched as Kokichi drew near. The tension between them was suffocating. His violet eyes met Shuichi’s own. They were both breathing heavy. Kokichi’s lips- with that sparkly coat of gloss- were parted.

And then, as if nothing had happened, Kokichi walked past him and slipped out the door. When he looked a moment later, Kokichi was gone. The only trace of him left was the crackling of the last ember in the fireplace and the feeling of longing from his parted lips.

\---

He couldn’t remember what happened afterward. He didn’t want to remember. He didn’t want to imagine a world where their lips didn’t meet and Shuichi went home and took off his soggy clothes and settled back in to his normal life in the rat maze. He didn’t want to imagine the possibility that Kokichi never wanted to see him again after that.

Kaito went out to give Shuichi privacy to call Dolph. He didn’t say anything to correct him. By the time it was 10 PM, he was already long asleep.

Shuichi woke up to several LINE messages.

makiharukawa: I am unable to attend training this morning. Please continue on without me.

He supposed that she must have gotten his information from Kaede. He typed a quick acknowledgement.

The next message was from Kaito. The lack of the scent of hair gel or singing in the shower probably meant Kaito wasn’t home.

luminaryofthestars: sorry bro i left earlier than i thought 4 my grandparents place cus the storms are gettin worse. No trainin today…. One day off i guess… the grind sleeps sometimes  
luminaryofthestars: ur still gonna see ur uncle right?  
luminaryofthestars: come join me at my grandparents place when ur free. Hmu if u forgot their address

[luminaryofthestars is offline]

saihara00: ok, take care.

He still had his hopes up, but to his disappointment, no messages were from Dolph. He dropped his phone and rolled over in bed. With both Maki and Kaito gone, there was no reason to attend training. Especially not with the thunder rumbling outside.

Shuichi hugged his pillow. He wasn’t sure who he wanted to pretend he was holding-- Dolph or Kokichi.

How was this possible? He couldn't believe that Dolph was real, not after being stood up again without so much as an apology this time. But he couldn't fully accept his feelings for Kokichi, either-- partially on the off chance that this was all a big misunderstanding with Dolph, and partially because he just couldn't let things be that simple. That's just how Shuichi was.

After growing up around adults cheating and stealing and lying, it felt like he just couldn't betray Dolph's feelings. But he wasn't brave enough to fully end it, either, and focus on Kokichi instead. He would never fully know why. Why had Dolph- or Kai Namazu, or the person behind him- chosen him? Why had he gotten so intimate? Why had he never asked for money or favors? It just didn't add up. And trying to fully figure out Kokichi was like trying to solve a Rubix Cube with all the colored stickers peeled off. Even if he had it right, there was no way to ever know for sure.

Times like this actually made him long for the days when he just liked (or thought he liked) Kaede. Sure, he was miserable and had no confidence and his friendship with her was incredibly strained because of it, and maybe he lived his life accepting that he was hideous and unloveable and hiding his eyes underneath a cap, but at least he didn't have to think about anything. He just held his head under the current and let the waters carry him where they may. Now it felt like was attempting to swim up a waterfall.

Even if he did surmount that waterfall, he wasn't a koi that would transform into a mighty dragon as a reward for his efforts, like in Japanese legend. All that awaited him was one miserable realization: that both the objects of his affections were both men, and no matter how much he tried, he could never be fully accepted in society.

The thought lingered like a foul aftertaste. If only he could just be like Kokichi and discard all of society and its 99% conviction rate and its traditionalist ways. But that would mean abandoning Saishu, and thus leaving Kaito and Kaede and Maki and everything he had done here, only to chase an uncertain destiny.

And so he stared up at the ceiling for longer. It was the Autumn Equinox. Kaito was already gone. Kaede might still be on campus, but she might not be; although she had claimed she had no plans to go home to see her family, she had been strangely distant ever since Maki gave her that worrying phone call. And Maki-- she had no idea if Maki even had family.

Now that he thought about it, he didn't even know if Dolph had family. Thinking about Kokichi’s family- or lack thereof- made his heart ache. He wondered how he would be spending the day.

He looked at his belongings scattered about on his dresser. His Uncle's office was in Tokyo, and he had a small apartment nearby, so he could afford to leave a bit later to see him. But that didn't mean he wasn't lonely now, lost in his own thoughts.

The phone rang.

Shuichi struggled to lift his body from the bed. The light of the phone shone like a beacon in the dim room. He glanced out the window as he crossed the seemingly endless expanse of floor, wondering if Kokichi was out there somewhere in the city right now. The name on the caller ID scattered his thoughts like dandelion seeds in the wind: Kesamaru Saihara. His Uncle.

He took a deep breath. Maybe he just wanted to ask when he would be over. Surely that was it. Either way, he couldn't ignore it. He would have hell to pay if it went to just a voicemail. "Hello?" he answered.

"What are you doing?"

"I have no class today. I'm caught up on my studies and have no projects--"

"Not that, Shuichi." They were just a few words, but the atomic bomb was just a little hunk of metal. Yet he felt the nuclear fallout on the wind, heard the rumbling from far away. "I'm talking about Kai Namazu. I'm talking about Kokichi Ouma."

For a moment, Shuichi felt as if the names were the same-- as if he had his eyes unfocused and one object were split into two images. It took a moment to process what his Uncle was saying. "How do you know those names?"

"I'm not stupid, Shuichi. I'm one of Tokyo's top ranked private investigators," he said. "You must think that I'm paying all of this out of the pocket- my honest salary- so you can party it up at college." The words had so much venom behind them that Shuichi had to hold the phone away from his ear. But his Uncle's voice was raising, and he could hear every word perfectly. "Oh, sure, you young kids think that college is just a party you earn by surviving high school! Need I remind you, Shuichi, that you are not just any young kid! You are the lone heir to the Saihara name!"

The world was crumbling before his eyes. The walls cracked and shattered in front of him. The window vaporized into dust. All the buildings sank into the dirt, reclaimed by the Earth, and Tokyo was a level piece of land once again. The only things left standing were him and his Uncle, staring out his office window, looking right at him.

He struggled to keep his voice level. He was alone. He was in his dorm. He was safe. "I have been taking my responsibilities seriously. I've not let any... extraneous matters detract from my studies."

All at once, his Uncle's voice went quiet again. He was never the type to shout. His anger was dry, prickly. "And your father was a wonderful screenwriter, too. However, that is not the point. Talent and hard work do not matter if one is going to waste time with meaningless 'relationships'. Shuichi, do you want there to be anyone to take care of you when you're old?"

The cracks began to show in his brave exterior. "What does that matter? I'm only 19. I don't even want to think about having a child yet."

"Only 19," his Uncle scoffed. "You get old before you know it. You think you have it made one day, and the next, all of it is gone. You can't count on anything in this world except the definite."

His Uncle paused, as if choosing his next words carefully. "If you want to have some kind of strange, hedonistic relationship with someone on the side... I know times are changing. But having a child isn't a matter of love. It's a matter of responsibility."

That did it. "Having a relationship with a man isn't strange or hedonistic! I don't just want to have a relationship like that on the side! I just want to be with someone who treats me well! If that's a man, then..."

But his bravado only took him so far. He was choking up, now, but fighting back the tears. He couldn't cry. If he cried, then his Uncle won. The man seized the opportunity. "Shuichi, you'll understand when you're older. I'm only doing this for you. All of this has been for you."

"How has this all been for me?" Shuichi asked. "You never asked if I wanted any of this! What if I never want to have a child? Why would I want another child to grow up like me?"

"Shuichi, don't be unreasonable. You have everything you need. I paid for everything."

"But you can't just buy love. You can't buy self-acceptance," he said. "Sure, I could have a child. I could send him to a great school and buy him everything he wanted. But you said yourself that you view having a child as a matter of responsibility, not of love." He gritted his teeth. "How can I put another child through that? How can I make someone else grow up like me?"

For a long time, his Uncle was completely silent. Shuichi couldn't tell tones that well- especially when he couldn't even see the other man's face- but it felt as if all the anger had gone from his voice. It felt as if, inside the shell of a proud and powerful man, there was nothing at all. It was the first time he had seen his Uncle in such a way.

The tone of his voice when he next spoke confirmed it. "I never thought you would turn out like this." He sounded twice his age-- weak, upset.

Shuichi was struck with the overwhelming urge to apologize. But he couldn't, not without betraying himself and everything he had done so far. "You mean... happy? I didn't think I would, either," he muttered. He forced himself to keep his voice even. "I want to know how you knew those names. Were you always stalking me, or did something tip you off?"

"I saw on the news... it was you, running from the police. Even if it didn't show you, it clearly was you. Although I can't imagine why you would wear such a getup," his Uncle said.

The embarrassment was palpable. "And that's what made you start stalking me?"

"It wasn't stalking. I became overwhelmed with worry," his Uncle said. "I searched your name and found your profile on the dating site. You had one 'match' on the site, this person who called himself Dolph-- of course, I instantly saw through such a stupid name and quickly tracked down his real identity as Kai Namazu."

It all pieced together in his head-- ignoring the jab at how stupid of a name Dolph was. It was a public profile, and Dolph was the only one on the site he had spoken to. "That doesn't explain how you know Kokichi."

"I at first suspected his little group was involved with vandalizing the Holy Salvation Church." He paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts. "I... had my reasons to suspect the two of them were linked. To confirm my suspicions, I tracked your movements. I paid the attendant at Rekisen Park to report to me. He told me that you met up with Kokichi Ouma yesterday. It seemed like you headed on a... date."

Another piece of the puzzle. He recalled the attendant staring at him and badly obscuring his cell phone using a copy of Monokuma Magazine. Only one thing didn't seem to fit. "This isn't your style. You could have confronted me at any time, or even followed me yourself. You work alone. Why did you do this?"

The next answer surprised him. "Because I know how you feel about me, Shuichi," he said. "I know we won't see eye to eye. But I do not want you to live out my mistakes. I want you to live your life in a way where you won't be consumed by regrets every night."

He really was starting to feel bad for his Uncle. But, again, he couldn't forgive everything. "I think this call isn't doing either of us any favors, so I think it should end here. But there is only one last thing I'll say." He checked his phone to make sure his Uncle was still on the line; he was. "If I don't see this through, then I'll be consumed with regrets every night. That may not be your truth, but it is mine. That's all."

A moment of silence told him that his Uncle had nothing left to say. He was the one to hang up the call on him this time. Shuichi pictured his Uncle sitting alone in his office, watching his name blink on the phone, hearing only silence in place of a dial tone. Once it was over, he dropped his phone on the ground and laid back down in bed-- facedown, so his heart wouldn't shoot out of his chest and break through the ceiling with the rate it was pounding at.

The old Shuichi would have absolutely backed down and apologized. But now he had come too far. Even if his Uncle pulled him out of Saishu, even if everything fell apart, he had to figure things out.

He had to.

\---

saihara00: sorry i missed you yesterday at the park  
saihara00: and didn’t call you last night  
saihara00: are you there?  
saihara00: is everything ok?  
saihara00: dolph?

saihara00 is typing………

Shuichi didn’t like to put all his faith in intuition, but dread was gathering in his stomach like the grey clouds had gathered in the sky. He glanced out the window at the approaching storm. The conditions seemed terrible, but he had to go out anyway.

Not to see his Uncle-- not anymore. To find Kokichi. The one who had mentioned that he didn’t have a place to go back to like Shuichi did. If there was anyone who was vulnerable in this storm, it was him. And he had a feeling that, if he were going to face the truth, then he had to find Kokichi before trying to help Dolph.

Still no reply from Dolph. The model had made time consistently for Shuichi. Why would he just stop suddenly? What happened? What changed? The only answer he could draw was the cute snort laugh Kokichi did when he caught him off guard.

Shuichi stood up and paced around his room. Finally, he couldn’t stand it any longer. He pocketed his phone and headed out, lack of umbrella be damned.

He flinched as thunder roared in the sky. If he were smart, he would go inside and just wait out the rain. Forget about all this. Just act like nothing ever happened. But he had proven that he wasn’t smart, time and time again.

Kokichi had offered that night to ‘come find him’. He hadn't thought about it until now. Kokichi had always found him, not the other way around. Now that he was out in the streets, he wasn’t sure where to even begin. Rekisen Park? The sandwich shop? That overgrown lot?

No-- Kokichi had no attachment to the park; it was Dolph’s meeting location. The sandwich shop was just means to an end. The lot was a tempting idea, but he was too afraid that whoever had been looking for Kokichi would still be there. He wrung his hands in frustration. It felt like, at this rate, the truth would just get washed away.

Washed away… He began walking, then running, thankful he had been training. He was gasping for air by the time he made it back to Holy Salvation Church, where the clown graffiti was still pointing.To his credit, though, the rain hadn't started when he finally found Kokichi and two other DICE members in a parked car.

"Shuichi! You're just in time!" Kokichi said. He lifted his mask. Despite the threatening hat that belonged atop a dictator and the flowing black cape, Kokichi's soft face and long lashes made Shuichi's heart skip a beat.

"In time for what?"

"Go ahead, hop in." He gestured to the passenger seat, himself being in the driver's seat.

"Am I being kidnapped?" Shuichi asked.

"Yep! And held for ransom for 100 yen!" Kokichi said.

"That's too high a price. Nobody will pay that.”

Kokichi laughed, seemingly caught off guard. "You're full of surprises, Shuichi! For real though, hop in. Aren't you here for the truth?”

He blinked. “Yes, I--”

A car's high beams blinded him. The sound of an engine roaring echoed in the small alley. "Shit, they're here!" said one of the DICE members, a woman with pigtails.

"Now or never, Shuichi. What’s it going to be?" Kokichi asked.

It was back, the intensity when their eyes met. Kokichi was nothing if not a liar. A trickster. But it felt like not all of their bond could be false. Kokichi had saved him yesterday, after all. And his eyes had a pleading look under those long lashes, as if he were trying to tell him that he felt the same way.

He decided to trust in those eyes. He decided to trust in his intuition as a detective. And he decided to trust in his feelings. Shuichi reached for the car door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliffhanger............... also maki has hair extensions dont @ me, kodaka dont fucking interact


	5. sleeping with the PlentyOfFishes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, you may be noticing that I've updated the chapter count to 7. I apologize to everyone who was excited to get the finale, but as I was editing and adding stuff, I realized that Chapter 5 would have been 30k+ words and that felt excessive. This fic has grown a lot since my initial rough draft and all of your support has played a huge role in helping this story grow to what it is today, so thank you for that. 
> 
> Chapter 6 will be the finale and Chapter 7 will be an epilogue. I'll be posting them at the same time, so the next time this fic updates, make sure you read Ch6 first.

As soon as Shuichi got in, Kokichi reached over and buckled his seatbelt for him. "Safety first!" he said. **  
**

"Boss, we gotta go now!" said the other DICE member, a man with an afro.

"You got it!" Kokichi said. Without further hesitation he floored it and the car roared to life, kicking up a huge cloud of dust. They veered out into the street and into the night just as the rain started to pour. The other car cut through the dust cloud and chased after them. The high beams burned brighter than the absent sun, ruining any chance Shuichi might have had at seeing the other driver’s face.

Shuichi gripped the edges of the seat as the tiny hand of the speedometer began reaching further and further to its max. Kokichi barreled through red lights and swerved through alleys and dirt roads. They only managed to lose the other car for a matter of moments before they reached a busy intersection. Kokichi’s hands gripped tighter onto the wheel. “Hang on tight!”

He slammed down onto the horn and veered onto the sidewalk and for a moment, the civilian screams were louder than Shuichi’s own. If it weren’t for the horn, some of them might not have gotten out of the way of the mad car in time; by some miracle, Kokichi managed to avoid hitting anyone. The only thing he hit was a conspicuously-placed fruit stand. “Alright! I always wanted to do that in a car chase!” he said.

But slowing down to avoid the pedestrians combined with slamming his horn caused the other car to catch up, skidding back into view just as they got back onto the open road. Kokichi slammed his foot down on the gas pedal and the car groaned as they began picking up speed again, but the driver was gaining on them now.

Now that they were getting closer, the biggest detail that Shuichi could make out about the other driver was that they wore a hood that obscured their face. The license plate of their car had been removed; the only distinguishing feature was its bright red color.

"This is getting fun!" Kokichi laughed. Shuichi managed to peel his eyes off of the nightmare in front of him and looked over at the other boy. His eyes reflected mania; his smile tore across his face like a scar. But at the same time, his knuckles had run white from his grip on the steering wheel and beads of sweat were rolling down his face. Still, when he began laughing, Shuichi couldn’t convince himself that Kokichi wasn’t at least partially enjoying this.

They sped up faster and headed straight toward a large construction site. They drove off a ramp leading up to the bed of a large pickup truck and Shuichi closed his eyes for what was undoubtedly the end of his life, but they had picked up enough speed and for a moment they were flying through the air. His eyes shot back open as they landed hard. The car swerved again but managed lurch onward. The red car had a harder landing and veered into a ditch. The DICE members let out a cheer that quieted quickly with two things: the car backing up quickly to resume its chase and the wail of sirens surrounding them. Shuichi himself could barely hear them, the sound was so overpowered by thunder, his pounding heart and the techno-pop song that Kokichi had put on the radio.

“Hey, there’s a convenience store. Can we stop for some tuna still?” Kokichi said, turning his whole head to look at Shuichi.

"Keep your eyes on the road!"

"Is that a no?”

"Boss, we're not losing 'em. Can we break out our secret weapons?" said the one with the afro.

"I almost forgot! Let's really make this a fun time!" Kokichi said. Pigtails reached into a duffel bag and pulled out three rifles. She passed one to Afro and offered another to Shuichi, who looked at it like it were a live bomb. "Hope you're a good shot!"

The DICE members rolled down the windows, rain pouring into the car, and took aim. Shuichi squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the explosion of the guns firing that never came. He looked back to see the other car's windshield covered with neon-colored paint. "Nee-heehee! Great job, team!" Kokichi said.

They fired several more paintballs, this time at the police. Shuichi hugged his gun to his chest like it were his pillow. The police were gradually picked off one by one until only the red car was still chasing them. Kokichi had sped out of the city's limits and was heading down a deserted road, but more police would still be on the way.

The person in the hood had their head out the red car’s window, their windshield rendered useless. The force of the wind caused their hood to fly back but all Shuichi could see was short hair, death in their eyes, and a pistol aimed right at Kokichi’s head. His voice wouldn’t work and he ducked, pulling Kokichi down with him, the car spiraling out of control.

An explosion cut the night in half. The bullet- a real bullet, not paint- had pierced through the back window and the windshield, leaving a gaping hole that could’ve gone through Kokichi’s head. The attacker fired several more in anger, all of them piercing the car and lodging in the front windshield.

Afro had leaned forward to grip the steering wheel and barely managed to get the car back on the road. Shuichi and Kokichi shared an electric charge between their gazes, shocked and grateful to be alive and then Kokichi was just laughing. “Guns? In a Japanese car chase scene? Booooring!”

Shuichi couldn’t say anything, but then he was laughing too, overwhelmed by fear and relief and anger. He had come too far to lose Kokichi now. He rolled down his window and took aim. The first several paintball shots missed. The person aimed the gun at his head and his heart stopped and it was too late to pull his head back in and the attacker--

Hesitated.

“Now!” Kokichi shouted and it shocked Shuichi enough to fire. Either lady luck smiled down on him or he was more of a sharpshooter at heart than he thought, because he hit the attacker square in the head. They let out a scream and fired a blind shot that soared uselessly into the night sky.

“Nice shot!” Pigtails said. Afro clapped him on the shoulder. Pride filled him for a moment. He had done it. He had saved them. But when he looked back, he realized in horror that, even totally blind, the attacker wasn’t stopping.

"Stubborn one, aren'tcha?" Kokichi said. He glanced at the rearview mirror. The attacker still managing to steer and rubbing the paint off their face. "Alright! Time for Plan B!"

The DICE members reached into their own bag and pulled out caltrops. Briefly, Shuichi wondered if they were always prepared to run from the police or if they knew the attacker was coming somehow. They tossed several of the spikes out the window. None of them seemed to take effect until thunder struck again-- except it wasn't thunder, but a tire bursting. The red car veered hard to the side and slammed into a tree on the side of the road. This time, the car didn’t start again. The DICE members shared a high five.

"Wait! They're running after us!" Shuichi said. In the rearview mirror, he saw the figure had leapt out of their car and was following them in a sprint, head low, fists clenched.

"Uh-oh! Now we're done for!" Kokichi mocked. The car hit a harsh bump as they transitioned from shoddy pavement to a straight dirt road, but the attacker continued, not slowing even as they climbed a hill. "They might run 100 miles per hour and catch us! What are we gonna do?!"

The DICE members laughed. Kokichi looked over at Shuichi. "Y'know, this isn't my first high-speed chase. I think I know what I'm doing--"

As soon as he glanced back at the road, the stray cat right in their path looked back at them. It would be flattened if they continued on. Its eyes shone bright as they got closer and closer and Shuichi squeezed his eyes shut and braced for a small but horrible bump- but Kokichi wouldn’t have it. He swerved hard to the side, but at 100 MPH, he couldn't right it in time. They careened into the underbrush and then the world was upside-down-- but it wasn't, they were rolling down the hill and Shuichi slammed his head hard into the dashboard, only saved by his seatbelt. The force of it knocked him unconscious.

Water was pouring into their windows when he came to. It wasn't the rain, coming down in harsh drops, but a torrent that had was already up to his waist.

Shuichi struggled to undo his seatbelt. When he looked back, the first thing he noticed was that the other DICE members were gone. The second was they were underwater. His survival instincts kicked in and he crawled out through his window into open water. Light streamed from the surface. He swam up and gasped for air.

"Hey! Over here!" Pigtails called out. He swam to shore. They were in a lake at the base of the hill. "You're okay, thank God--"

"That's good, but..." Afro wrung his hands. "What about boss?"

"Was boss in the car when you got up!?" she asked.

It felt like his head still was underwater, aching with pressure. Even then he was running back into the water as soon as she asked, their cries cut off as he dove into the lake.

Although it was hard to see, he could tell that the car must be the amorphous mass at the bottom. He swam down and found the driver's side window. Kokichi sat in the driver's seat, his seatbelt still buckled. Shuichi reached into the car and undid the seatbelt, then pulled the smaller boy out of the car. He didn't respond, limp in his arms. Shuichi swam back up as fast as he could and pulled Kokichi out of the water, adrenaline surging through his body.

"You saved him! You saved the boss!" Pigtails cried.

"I'm... I'm so happy! Thank you so much!" Afro said, also sobbing.

"He's not saved yet!" Shuichi shouted. He laid Kokichi down. Why wasn't he responding? Had he knocked his head like Shuichi had? He couldn't remember what had happened. Or maybe it was too late.

He shook his head. That couldn't be possible. He dropped to his knees and leaned over Kokichi. He'd only read about mouth-to-mouth resuscitation in books, but he had to do something. He started pumping Kokichi's chest and leaned down, their lips an inch apart, and Kokichi lifted his head and kissed him.

It felt like he was flying-- but the way he would fly if a car slammed on its breaks and he went soaring through the windshield. The world around them dissolved and the only thing left were Kokichi’s lips, the way he seemed to grin into the kiss, the way his teeth faintly tugged on the lower lip. The taste on his tongue of a lie, sweet and indulgent. The moment after they parted where neither of them were breathing.

He wasn’t sure what came back first: the dull ache in his head or Kokichi’s laugh. "Gotcha!" Kokichi said. "It's a lie!"

Shuichi froze, his lips still parted. He wondered for a moment if they sparkled with his lip gloss. "What are you...?"

"Everything was just for fun. Y'know, cause I'm a liar." Kokichi stood up and held up his hand. Reluctantly, the other DICE members held theirs up and Kokichi high-fived them. “Woo! What teamwork! What a thrill! Once we catch up with Bozo, I don’t know if I wanna hug him or kill him for doing so good!”

“H-hold on! What do you mean it was all for fun?” Shuichi stammered. “Who’s ‘Bozo’?”

“Did you hit your head that hard or were you always stupid?” Kokichi asked. He wrung out his cape onto Shuichi’s head. Shuichi crawled backwards through the mud. “Aw man, I lost my hat… I guess we match!”

Against his will, the pieces began to fit together. “Bozo… was that the person chasing us?”

“Ding ding ding! You got it right!” Kokichi clapped his hands. “Y’know, Shuichi, I don’t play for so long with any idiot I meet online. So you better work extra hard to figure everything out, or else I’m gonna be really disappointed.”

A feeling of immense dread settled into his gut. “No, we met in person… unless…”

“Yep! I could’ve totally got myself out of that car!” he said. “Y’know, because I’m such a _strong swimmer_.”

All the evidence he had been trying to suppress fit together. All of Dolph and Kokichi’s shared mannerisms. The need to use a voice changer. The fact that Kokichi showed up instead of Dolph at Rekisen Park. How Kokichi and Dolph both always seemed to know a little too much.

“You… you’re Dolph?” Shuichi said. “And if one of your members was chasing us, then…”

“It was aaaalllll just a game! None of it was real!” Kokichi said. “Man, doesn’t that sound like a half-assed plot twist at the end of the stupidest video game ever? You were even easier to manipulate than a fictional character, though, Shuichi! You played along so well!”

“So… it was all just according to your plan? Your game?” Shuichi said. “Everything we talked about and shared was…”

“All made up!” Kokichi grinned. “You really thought there was a Hawaiian model named Dolphin on a dating site? Goes to show they sure don’t teach common sense at those expensive colleges, huh?”

He let out a cackle as he continued, “I even planned out us meeting in person! It was all I could do not to laugh as you acted like a puppet dancing on its strings!”

“You’re lying,” Shuichi found himself saying. “You couldn’t have planned everything out. If I just waited at the park like I was supposed to, then I wouldn’t have seen you steal from that shop. And… you couldn’t have known I would run away from karaoke on that first night.”

“Geez… I’m already getting bored,” Kokichi said, examining his fingernails. “You’re so dense that you’re about to collapse into a black hole. I guess I better spoon-feed you the truth you want so bad. So listen close, okay?”

He continued, “going on that site is a little fun thing in my spare time. People there are total desperate losers-” He looked at Shuichi intently, “- so it’s super duper easy to get ‘em to send me indecent pics. Then I threaten to send them to their family members if they don’t pay me. It’s the easiest scam in the world.”

“But you didn’t--”

“Ah-ah.” Kokichi wagged his finger. “I’m getting there. Nobody appreciates theatrics anymore, huh?” he chuckled. “I was going to give up on you, but then something totally unexpected happened. I met some total weirdo running around in an ugly suit in the middle of the night!”

“You mean… me.”

“Yep! And you proved to be the most trusting and gullible moron in the whole wide world! You vandalized a church just because I said something about society or whatever!” Kokichi said, beaming. “You even told an evil supreme leader your full name! After that, I couldn’t resist. I knew I could get a total moron like you to fall in love with me.”

Shuichi’s jaw hung open in shock. Pigtails started forward, seemingly concerned. “Boss--”

Kokichi shot her a furious look and she stopped in her tracks. The smile came back. “I’m getting to the good part, don’t you worry!” he said, turning back to Shuichi. “I knew you were an inquisitive little detective, so I was sure that you would walk around and start investigating! Once I caught sight of you, I ran out of the store and paid that Sandoicchi guy to ask you to chase me!”

The old man’s face flashed through his mind. He had seemed suspicious of Kokichi when they came into the store together. “You were paying him?”

“Who else would ask you for help?” he sneered. “Oh, scrawny loser to the rescue! Just who we needed!”

Shuichi was speechless. Kokichi only carried on. “I did it all so you would see me with those stupid mangy cats so you would think I was a good person! Then, next time we met, all I had to do was dress up a little and you thought I was just misunderstood! That I had a heart of gold! That I was beautiful!”

He laughed, a horrible and mocking sound. “Everything just went so well! Your buddies going out for the equinox or whatever to cry over their dead family! You coming out here to find me! I haven’t had this much fun in years! So thank you, Shuichi. Thank you.”

His smile bared his teeth like fangs; his eyes seemed to be swirling with madness. But for a moment- the slightest moment- Shuichi saw the corner of his mouth twitch into a frown.

A part of him wanted to think it was regret. Maybe there was still some truth to it all. But he had played by Kokichi’s game long enough. He clenched his jaw. If he didn’t, he thought he might throw up. “Then… you really planned all of it. Even the person attacking us that day and today. It was just your clown?”

“Yep! I should’ve won an Oscar for my acting job after that one!”

“Then why wasn’t the person chasing us wearing one of your organization’s masks?” he asked. He wasn’t sure why; the words came out of his mouth involuntarily.

Kokichi balled his fists. "'Cause then it would be too obvious! Duhhhhh!"

"You couldn't have faked all that!” Shuichi was saying, but the reality was pouring down on him as hard as the ice-cold rain. “You… you couldn't have placed that cat in the road! You couldn’t just get a real pistol to have one of your members try to shoot us! You couldn’t know I would’ve gotten you out of that bullet’s path or pulled you out of the sunken car! You couldn't have totaled one car and then drove another into the water just to... to mess with my damn head!" Shuichi shouted.

In an anticlimactic move, Kokichi just shrugged. "Aw, why not?” he asked.

“... What do you mean?”

“I'm the leader of an evil organization, you know. I have loooots of connections and fun toys like those cars. Besides, it was worth it!" He tapped his lips. "Now you'll remember me forever!"

"But... why? Why?" Shuichi demanded. Even though his soaked clothes clung to his body, even though his wet hair hung down his head like a mop, even though he was shivering from the cold, he stood tall and strong and furious. He didn’t know what he wanted, but he couldn’t stop asking. “Why?”

"Because I’m a liar." He gave Shuichi a wink. "But didn't you have fun? Wasn't that an escape from the rat maze you're locked in?"

Shuichi clenched his fists tighter. It would be so easy to throw a punch right in his smug little face. But instead, he turned and stormed off. His phone was broken from water damage and it was storming; he had no idea how he would get home. He didn’t care. Anything to get away from him.

He should have expected this from some harlequin who ran around and tagged buildings. He must have been really stupid or really desperate- or both- to even listen to him in the first place. And the thought of all those cops they had run away from- attacked, even- left him shaking with terror and fury.

"You hate me now, right?" Kokichi called after him. "You just really, really hate me? More than anything in the world?" His laugh echoed in the night. "Yeah, go on then! Walk away!"

He kept walking-- even angrier, now that Kokichi was acting like it was his idea. He would never understand why Kokichi did the things he did. More doubts sprang into his mind- what if the other car caught them, or what if Shuichi didn't swim down to rescue him- but he turned them away. He didn't care anymore. He just didn’t care.

He rubbed his lips hard on his sleeve until the sweet taste of Kokichi’s lip gloss was gone.

\---

The rain had stopped when he found the red car. All the lights were on, but it was apparent from just looking at it that the car was totaled. The attacker- or, the DICE member- was nowhere in sight.

He was hurting and cold and exhausted but he found himself drawn to the car like a magnet. There were still so many unanswered questions and his heart was heavy from being deceived. But how long could he deny the truth? Even Kokichi had told it to him.

The inside of the car struck him as unusual because it was so ordinary. No blood splatters or anything conspicuous, but it also wasn’t completely clean, the way it would be if the attacker had hijacked a new car. There was a half-finished water bottle in the cup holder. A few scraps of paper were on the floor. There was some dust and grime in the car that came along with regular use. He supposed that the DICE member could have taken it from someone on the street, but that didn’t feel right. When would they have time to remove the license plates if they just stole it off the street?

Nothing else caught his eye. The pistol was gone. Shuichi pulled open the glove compartment instead, hoping there was some semblance of a clue-- anything. To his disappointment, it was empty. He supposed car registration papers would be too much to ask for on a vehicle without license plates. He was about to close it when something caught his eye. He reached in and pulled out a red scrunchie. 

He studied it for several moments. Why was this here? Examining it closer revealed nothing-- no attached hairs or anything that could be used for DNA evidence. It felt familiar. Too familiar.

Shuichi shook his head. Plenty of people wore scrunchies. He slipped in into his pocket and closed the glove compartment, then stepped away from the car.

The right thing to do would be to report this to the police. But the first thing he imagined, even before picturing himself getting in trouble for acting as an accomplice, was Kokichi in handcuffs. Even if he was a monster, Kokichi was right. Shuichi had fallen in love with him.

And so he walked away until the car’s lights disappeared over the horizon.

\---

Once Shuichi had walked his way back into the city limits, he was able to flag down a taxi back to Saishu University. To his relief, the cab driver assumed that his clothes were soaked through from getting caught in the rain rather than taking an involuntary trip into the lake. “I have an extra towel. This type of thing isn’t unusual during rainstorms,” he said, handing a towel back to Shuichi.

Shuichi thanked him and dried off the best he could. He would have to give an extra large tip to makeup for getting the back seat so waterlogged.

The cab pulled onto the campus just as the sun was beginning to inch into the sky. The storm was over and, now that the adrenaline was leaving his system, he was exhausted. Lifting up his bank card to pay the cab driver felt like lifting a million-pound weight.

Dragging himself the short walk back to his dorm from the entrance felt harder than all his morning trainings so far combined. What was the point? He had been training with the idea that things would get better one day. He thought things would change.

What a joke. There was no changing. He wasn’t a rat in a maze, but a rat in a wheel. No matter how hard he ran, he didn’t go anywhere. He just kept going and going and going and going for someone else’s amusement- to see him panting, to see him trying his hardest- until he finally realized he had been in the same place the whole damn time.

He was done. As soon as he got to the empty dorm, he peeled off his wet clothes and tossed them aside. For some reason, he decided to fish the red scrunchie out of his pocket and hid it in a desk drawer. Afterward, he only bothered to pull on a pair of shorts so Kaito wouldn’t be scandalized when he came back from his grandparents. That effort used the last of his energy and he collapsed on his bed, managing to hide under the covers.

As he drifted off to sleep, he decided he wouldn’t care if he didn’t wake up. Nothing mattered to him anymore.

\---

After that, it's like he checked out of the flow of time. He didn't get up to eat or drink or go to class or bathe or go out or do anything. The only way he could tell time was the sun rising into the sky and casting its light through the window. He got up once to close the curtains.

His waterlogged phone still was dead. He wondered if Kaito was messaging him to say that he was on his way back. He wondered if Kaede sent one of her messages to ask if he was okay. He wondered if ‘Dolph’ had come back online.

The hours crawled by without food or water. He couldn’t tell if it were day or night. He didn’t care if it were day or night.

Finally, the door opened. It was too dark to see who it was, but he could smell cheap cologne and overconfidence. Definitely Kaito.

"Shuichi, are you here?" Kaito called out. He turned on one of the lights to reveal what looked like a corpse lying in Shuichi's bed. Further examination revealed it was indeed his friend and roommate-- alive, but not seemingly by choice. "Woah, Shuichi, what happened to you?! Are you okay?!"

Shuichi couldn't find it in him to reply. He laid still even as Kaito ripped the blanket off of him and tried to shake him awake. "Shuichi! Answer me! Is this just a power nap gone wrong? I’ve had those naps that are supposed to be 20 minutes and then it’s been 20 hours and your soul left your body--"

A mumble. Kaito leaned in closer. "What?"

He tried to say something- anything- but his throat was too parched. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say, anyway. That he was hoping he could die in his sleep? That he had been running in circles like a complete idiot?

Once Shuichi gave up on speaking, Kaito leaned back and crossed his arms. "Shuichi, what's going on? What went wrong? Did you see your Uncle?"

No response. Kaito didn't fault him; Shuichi seemed as if it were using all his strength to respond at all. "I got worried when you didn't meet up with me and my folks,” Kaito continued. “Did you get any of my messages?"

No response. "Can you even still hear me?" Kaito asked. Nothing. This called for drastic measures. Kaito gave him a couple light slaps across the face. "Shuichi! Are you in there? What happened?” The voice got further and further away, as did the pain. “What's wr o n g?  S  h  u   _i   c     h  - -_   "

The next thing Shuichi knew, someone poured ice cold water on his face. He sat up in reflex, his eyes unfocused. There were two people rather than one with him. He supposed he must have lapsed out of consciousness and Kaito had gone to get someone. The first thing he saw when his eyes focused in was Kaede. He tried to speak but only coughed.

Kaede shoved another glass of ice water in his face. "Drink this, now." He began to protest and she cut him off. "Do it or I'll pour it on you."

So he did. Life flowed back into his body. He was cognizant again. It was late and he still was shirtless, wearing only the pair of shorts he had put on-- thank goodness. His once-soggy clothes were rotting in the corner. All of his muscles ached from disuse. His head still was aching, but he wasn't sure if it was from the head injury or from just laying there having a depression nap marathon.

Also, someone had put his phone in a bowl of rice. “Better late than never?” Kaito asked, shrugging.

The next thing Kaede gave him was a bag of trail mix. "Eat this. It's not much, but it's something."

Once he began to eat, his stomach started stabbing him with hunger pangs. He scarfed down the food and subsequently everything else that Kaito brought him-- granola bars, beef jerky, he almost began eating the raw rice from the bowl with his phone in it. Kaede brought him a shirt from his dresser-- an old and faded Fall Out Boy shirt, but it was something. He slipped it on, feeling warm and cared for and relieved and too emotionally numb to appreciate any of it.

Kaede's voice was soft, but stern. "Are you feeling better? Can you tell us what happened?"

"Y-yeah. I'm really sorry I worried you," Shuichi said. After that night, he didn't care about his friends or his family or anything or anyone. He just wanted to be alone. He just wanted to curl up and stop moving. Fortunately, he had people who cared about him still.

Shuichi tested his voice for a bit before he spoke. He caught up his friends on what had happened. Kaito had trouble suppressing his anger during the story, clenching his fists and pacing, and Kaede just sat with her arms crossed the whole time. Once he was done, they both had the same idea and went to hug him and the three of them bumped their heads against each other hard. "Ow!"

She rubbed her forehead. "Ouch, that's gonna leave a mark."

"Shuichi, buddy, you've got a really hard head," Kaito said.

"I told him," she said.

"Yeah. I figured that out when I trusted Dolph and Kokichi."

If there was any humor in the room, it died with that remark. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Ah, I’m sorry…”

Kaede let out a sigh. Something seemed to be bothering her, and it wasn’t just the dark joke. Something didn’t seem right-- but Shuichi was too tired to worn out to think about it. She seemed to catch on and stood up. “Trail mix and snacks aren’t gonna cut it. What was the last thing you ate, Shuichi?”

The past several days felt like a haze. “Trail mix, beef jerky...”

She rolled her eyes. “The last meal, smart guy.”

His head ached when he tried to remember anything. He hardly had gotten out of bed. “Tortilla,” he said.

“That’s not a meal!”

“Ate some shredded cheese after. Basically a quesadilla,” he muttered.

“At least you tried!” Kaito said. “Last time, he just ate the cheese.”

It reminded him of the last time he and Kaito went to a party- before that dreadful karaoke night- Shuichi was trying to make friends. He was talking to a girl his age named Himiko and the conversation shifted to food. When Himiko asked what he usually ate, Kaito- a wingman- butted in and said Shuichi usually ate shredded cheese straight from the bag. She asked what type of diet that was. Shuichi muttered ‘depression’. Some strange girl named Angie said that was a customary meal on her island. Some big guy named Gonta thought they said they were eating ‘fleas’ rather than ‘cheese’ and punched a hole in the wall.

He heard laughing and realized it was him. Kaede and Kaito were looking at him like he had really gone off the deep end. In the past, it was an embarrassing and upsetting memory, but now he thought it was funny. He even remembered singing that song at karaoke and laughed harder.

“Uh… I’m going to make something for you to eat, okay? Just relax,” Kaede said, with a nervous smile. She quickly shuffled off to their small kitchen and sifted through their fridge. “Soy sauce, ketchup-- why is there an onion with a face drawn on it in here?”

“That’s Onion Boy! Don’t throw him out!” Kaito said.

She sighed. Sifting through the few edible ingredients in there, Kaede finally settled on heating up some miso soup on a hot plate.

Kaito awkwardly patted Shuichi on the shoulder. “Hey, buddy, it’s gonna be alright.”

After a moment, he calmed down, tears rolling down his cheeks. He couldn’t tell if they were from laughing too hard or from his misery. It still felt as if there were a gaping bullet wound in his chest, but at the same time- watching Kaede cooking and complaining about the filthy state of their kitchen, Kaito handing him a pack of pocket tissues with some cheesy shonen anime on it- he felt like he could still live, after all.

\---

Lips. Sweet lips on his, kissing, suckling, he needed more. He pulled Kokichi closer and melted into him.

Kokichi was warm and he still smelled so sweet. Shuichi’s hand reached out and he felt his chest, the beating of his heart, and smiled. He couldn’t lie about that. He was real, he was alive, he was there. Shuichi pulled him closer and Kokichi parted his lips and whispered _“beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep--”_

Opening his eyes brought on all kinds of disappointments. An alarm going off. The fact that Kokichi wasn’t actually there. Kaito wearing booty shorts that said ‘THIS IS WHY I SQUAT’ on the rear.

“Up and at ‘em! Training starts now!” Kaito said.

“What in the world are you wearing?”

“New training gear! I got you a matching pair!” Kaito held up a pair of shorts that read ‘ARE YOU NASTY?’

Shuichi rubbed his eyes, unsure if he was experiencing sleep paralysis. “What’s wrong with our tracksuits?”

“Wearin’ em’s too easy! A real man’s gotta brave the cold!” Kaito said. “Plus, these have motivational text on ‘em!”

He still wasn’t sure if Kaito was interested in men or not. “Motivation for who?”

“Shuichi, training’s important!” he said, dodging the question. His voice softened. “I know you were in a depressive funk there and… you’re my bro, y’know? I wanna help.”

He supposed some fresh air would help. Now he had an intense desire to not be in bed anymore. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Kokichi’s face. “... Alright. You’re not taking no for an answer on this, are you?”

Kaito grinned. “Nope!”

As soon as he got up, he realized why they couldn’t wear their tracksuits: Kaede had taken their mountain of dirty clothes to the laundromat. He gingerly changed into the shorts, throwing on a baggy T-shirt to hide his shame, and followed Kaito outside.

The stars were still out, as always. What wasn’t there was Maki. As if reading his mind, Kaito said: “Kaede told me that Maki Roll’s fine, but she’s not doin’ good either. She’s only talking to her girlfriend.” He paused. “She also told me that if I stood outside her dorm and knocked for an hour, she was gonna smack me.”

“So how long did you stand out there for? 59 minutes?”

He laughed. “What kinda guy do you take me for?”

But he didn’t deny it. Shuichi checked his phone. By some miracle, the rice had saved it, even after all the time it spent drenched. Today was the last day they had before they were supposed to race with Maki and see if they could at least keep up. He wondered if he would be ready. He wondered if _Maki_ would be.

They began with a fast run, and despite Kaito’s badgering that a man needed to always give it 110%, he eventually slowed down to match Shuichi’s pace. His muscles still ached horribly.

He listened as Kaito made small talk about his grandparents and about classes and the like. It seemed as if he really was trying his hardest to help Shuichi get his mind off of Kokichi. But despite his best efforts, everything made him think of the other boy.

Every time a car passed, his chest felt tight. A bitter, vengeful part of him wanted Kokichi to be hurt, but he couldn’t help but want him to be safe. Every time he checked the time on his phone, he wound up looking at LINE to see if ‘Dolph’ had come online.

The smell of breakfast cooking wafting from the cafeteria hall made him wonder if Kokichi had enough to eat; he licked his lips, remembering the taste of the sandwiches they shared together. Even seeing a stray cat running across their path brought a sad but fond smile to his lips.

Either Kaito had gotten more perceptive or he was just that obvious. Once they finished running, Kaito confronted him. “You’re still thinking about him, huh?”

Shuichi’s face felt hot. “I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t--”

“Hey, don’t feel bad. Everything only just went down. It’s only natural that it’d still be on your mind.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “S’ not like I know much about love, but… I know you really cared about him.”

He looked down at his feet. "It's... so stupid," he muttered. "I mean, here I am, still running away from the truth. I know that it was all fake, but I can't help but feel like... maybe it wasn't." He couldn't meet Kaito's gaze right now. "It's like I said about Dolph. Even if I was suspecting that he wasn't real, I thought that some part of our bond had to be real. I thought... if there's a person with a heart behind this, then they couldn't just make up all of these feelings."

Now he especially couldn't look Kaito in the eye, not with tears rolling down his cheeks. Times like this made him wish he still had his hat. "I know it just makes me an idiot. An idiot for believing."

"Pick your chin up."

He did. Kaito reared back as if about to smack him. Shuichi flinched, but the blow never came. The hand stopped near his face and lowered to rest on his shoulder. "Listen to me, Shuichi. A man's trust- and I'm talkin' real trust- is never misplaced. He puts his faith in the people he wants to believe in with his whole heart. And if anyone betrays that trust, it's their fault."

Shuichi couldn't say anything. At least he didn't get some sense knocked into him physically.

"You said earlier that you think the real Dolph- or Kokichi- is in the middle of truth and lies, yeah?" Kaito continued. "So answer me this for real. And don't answer with your brain. Answer with your heart. Do you think you found the real him?"

The genuine laugh with a little snort in it. The way he jumped up instinctively and grabbed his hand to protect him in that abandoned house. The pleading look under those long lashes. The warmth of his hand against his own. The moment of electricity that passed between them when he pulled him over the wall, when he saved him from that bullet. The sweet scent he wore when they were together. The urgency with which Kokichi pressed his lips onto his.

"No."

"Then what are you doin' giving up already?" Kaito lowered his hands to his sides. "I'm not gonna tell you what to do and lead you down the wrong path, like the karaoke thing. But it's just as bad to give up without finding an answer you can live with. Whether you go after him or not, it's gotta be the right answer." He put a hand on his hip and looked off to the side. "You don't wanna have regrets."

Regrets. Like walking away in the pouring rain, leaving Kokichi stranded too-- possibly with a murderer, not just ‘Bozo’. Too many details of Kokichi’s story didn’t add up, but he was nothing if not a great actor. Why would he try so hard to drive Shuichi away if it weren’t true?

That kiss couldn’t lie. Kokichi liked him. Kokichi wanted him. But there was something stopping them from being together, and he didn’t just think it was because they were from two different worlds. Kokichi might have been trying to get rid of him for his own safety. He must have known that Shuichi would refuse if he just asked.

And if it all were a lie, then Kokichi could be in danger right now.

Shuichi took a deep breath. "Thank you, Kaito. You always know what to say."

He grinned. "A hero always does!" he said.  "Hey, one more thing.”

He snapped out of his thoughts. "Huh?"

"Carnival's coming into town. I was gonna drag Maki and Kaede out, but it seems like they’ll need some convincing to come," he said. "Can I count on you to come with?"

It sounded like his way of trying to help the two of them feel better, since they were shutting him out. He really did admire Kaito. Even if he wanted to focus on Kokichi, he couldn't help but agree. "Yeah… uh, I'll be there."

"Alright! I'll get it all sorted out!" Kaito said, shooting him a thumbs up.

The sun had started to come up. He really did miss Maki. Even if she tried to hide it, Shuichi had noticed that she always watched the sun rise as if for the first time. Maybe that's what she originally came out for in the mornings, rather than to train.

But the red scrunchie still sat in his drawer. He felt as if he couldn't stop glancing back at his dorm. "Are we done for today?"

"Hell no!" Kaito said. "That was the warm-up! We're doin' squats first! Push-ups next!"

"Is this why you bought the shorts?"

Kaito was already doing squats. Shuichi sighed and joined in. He watched the sunrise as they continued working out. He hoped that, one day, he could watch it together with all his friends. Kaito, Maki, Kaede-- and Kokichi, too. Even though he wasn't just a friend.

\---

While Kaito was showering, Shuichi opened his laptop and got to work. Not on the classwork he had fallen behind on, though; he opened several local news websites and began looking.

He found out several things. To his relief, there was no mention of Kokichi Ouma in the obituaries or even any reports of unidentified bodies being found. There was always the possibility that a body hadn't been found yet, but he wouldn't let himself believe that. Of course, it was possible that Kokichi wasn't lying and the person chasing them was a member of his organization. But that wouldn't explain why the attacker wasn't wearing a clown mask. The only person who had taken the mask off in front of him was Kokichi, and the other members of DICE were shocked to silence when he did.

What he did find in the news was that the police had found two abandoned cars: one crashed by the roadside and one at the bottom of a lake. The submerged car hadn't been taken out of the water yet. The crashed red car had no identifying characteristics. Police were inquiring into local car dealerships, but results for the possible owner were inconclusive. He would keep his eye on this story for now.

Next, he looked up the Holy Salvation Church.  It had a small website: a single page that described their location and hours of worship. At the top was a logo that looked like a fish. His stomach did a flip-- it was what those menacing men, the 'pescatarians', had been wearing.

Despite his better judgement, he searched 'Brother Oda' next and found a transcript of the news story that he had seen on TV earlier. Nothing else came up. He backed out of the news story and continued searching. He couldn't give up on this one. Although he hadn't thought much of it at the time, his Uncle had mentioned there was some connection between the church and Kokichi. It would be simplest to just ask him, but at the same time, he couldn't. His anxiety flared up whenever he so much as looked at his Uncle's contact information.

Eventually he came to the end of the search results. He decided to come back to it and move on to his next point for now. He googled 'Hope Mart' and found their website. It helpfully mentioned the owner's full name: Hideyoshi Hasui. Shuichi searched it, not expecting much. A Facebook profile, a phone book listing, and a news article about murder and arson.

Wait.

He clicked the link and read over the story. It had happened roughly 9 or 10 years ago. Firefighters responded to a call about a suburban house caught in an inferno. Inside was the burned body of the house's owner, a middle-aged man named Iruka Hasui. The police suspected foul play. The body was found to be wounded as if by a knife, but the coroner ultimately ruled that the man had died of smoke inhalation. Neighbors mentioned they saw a child with dark hair fleeing the scene, but nothing else. A search for the child was unfruitful; there was no record of Iruka having any children, nieces or nephews, or the like. Begrudgingly, the case was closed.

The last line of the news story read: "Iruka is survived by his younger brother, Hideyoshi." It mentioned information about a memorial, but Shuichi stopped reading. He found what he was looking for.

At the same time, none of it made sense. He lined up the evidence in his mind. His Uncle said there was a connection between the Holy Salvation Church and Kokichi, even though he couldn't have known it was Kokichi who spray painted the church. Thugs from the church (apparently this was a thing now) had come to harass Hideyoshi, the owner of a small convenience store. Hideyoshi's brother, Iruka, had been killed in a house fire a decade prior. A child with dark hair was seen having fled the scene but was never found.

None of it added up. Right now, he only knew two things. The first was that he needed to carefully inquire more into Hope Mart. The second was that he needed a shower.

For some reason, he couldn't stop wondering if Kokichi had been telling the truth when he said he had no family. It made sense that he would be unsupervised, running around leading a gang of clowns, but everyone had to start somewhere. Even if he did find Kokichi now and ask him about all this, though, he doubted he'd get a true answer.

He searched one more thing, his heart fluttering. He typed into the search bar: 'Kokichi Ouma'. No results, not even a social media profile. He smiled sadly. He supposed it would be under the name 'Dolph'.

Dolph… Dolphin… ‘Iruka’. It was spelled strangely, but suddenly he was able to place it-- it was the Japanese word for ‘dolphin’.

It could just be a coincidence. But it was such a peculiar name that it stuck out in his mind. Could there be some kind of connection? He doubted that a dead man was catfishing him; rather, he wondered if there was a particular reason Kokichi chose the name, besides a dumb joke.

The more he thought about it, the more things started to add up. Dolph was, in a way, Kokichi’s ideal self. Muscular where he was thin. Tall where he was short. Rich where he was poor. Respected where he was hated. Of course Kokichi would create a perfect individual in order to catfish people, but at the same time, Shuichi wondered if acting as ‘Dolph’ was therapeutic for him, too.

There was one more thing he needed to look up after all. He opened Skype and searched through his messages until he found what he was looking for.

[You are now viewing old messages]

Kinghorse69: i didnt even think i HAD a family lmao  
Kinghorse69: i thought i just washed up on the shore one day!  
Kinghorse69: the first time i made money from my modeling career, i got a front page on the local paper!  
Kinghorse69: and then my dad came forward and claimed me  
Kinghorse69: "thats my son! my long lost precious son!"  
Kinghorse69: so he was able to take my modeling checks for years, sent to a PO box while i begged for change outside the studio  
saihara00: thats horrible!  
saihara00: im so sorry dolph. did you ever do anything about it?  
Kinghorse69: yeah  
Kinghorse69: i found his PO Box and stuffed a homemade bomb in it. when he came to pick up the check it blew his shitty head clean off  
saihara00: what?????????????????????????????????????????????  
Kinghorse69: hehe gotcha  
Kinghorse69: i thought about it. but i couldnt do anything. the law wasnt on my side. some law.  
Kinghorse69: i just let him ruin everything until i ran away to a different part of hawaii.  
saihara00: but that was your money. its not right.  
Kinghorse69: some shit in the world just isnt right shuichi  
Kinghorse69: what was i gonna do? hire a lawyer with my 0 dollars and 0 cents?  
Kinghorse69: i walked into the studio the day after my dad claimed me and my manager congratulated me  
Kinghorse69: said i was 'lucky someone wanted me'  
Kinghorse69: i should be 'happy i have a home’  
Kinghorse69: they say anythings better than nothing but thats a load of bull fuck. i wouldve chosen nothing if i had the chance. but none of us have that choice  
Kinghorse69: but now that im in this world im living to spite them. i lived bitch! im out here being gay and rockin out hunty!

Shuichi made mental notes as he read. Kokichi (as Dolph) hadn’t mentioned a mother, but a father-- as if a father were a more natural figure for him to mention.  Most of this story couldn’t be real if he weren’t actually a model, but he felt as if there were a kernel of truth.

First: Kokichi claimed that the law couldn’t save him. Second: Kokichi claimed that others told him he should be ‘lucky to have a home’. Both of these were things he had claimed before. In their first meeting, Kokichi had cited the weakness of the law. In their last meeting before the car chase, Kokichi seemed resentful of Shuichi for having a home and a family. It felt as if these things had to be true.

What they meant, however, he wasn’t sure yet. Google could only take him so far. He shut his laptop. He wasn’t a detective- not fully- but he would try for Kokichi.

\---

Everything in Hope Mart was familiar that day: the chime of the bell above the door, the scent of yakisoba and industrial cleaner, the overfilled clay ashtray on the counter. The only thing missing was Hideyoshi himself.

As far as Shuichi could tell, the man ran his business alone. Maybe he was in the back? Surely that was it. Yeah. No need to worry.

The yakisoba was turning black while unattended. Drops of water leaked from the sink’s faucet, a half-washed dish sitting on the counter. The cash register was open, empty.

He managed to lie to himself for all of a moment before running to the back of the store. “Hideyoshi?!” he called out. No response. He came to a shabby door with ‘OFFICE’ written on a sticky note attached.

Pushing it open, he braced for the worst and was promptly met with a whole lot more nothing. For the office’s size, it could be a renovated broom closet. A hard plastic chair sat in front of what appeared to be an end table. There was a computer from the early 2000’s and a bunch of paperwork that Shuichi didn’t care about. Only a few things caught his attention, and all of them were staring right  back at him.

A picture of Hideyoshi, but maybe 10 years younger, and a similar-looking man. Laugh lines ran like deep rivers on his face. Messy hair shot wildly all around his head, like a photograph of a firework. Nothing like Hideyoshi himself, who kept his hair slicked back and had deep grooves in his forehead.

He supposed this was Iruka himself, then. Seeing a picture of such a jovial-looking man only made it more sad to know he had met such a cruel fate. The next picture on the wall only made it worse: it was a picture of Iruka with a young child.

It was less a picture that one would frame and more something that one might take by accidentally grabbing a camera. Shuichi could make out raincoats, puddles, and-- he swore he could hear the laughter just by looking at this image. But as frustrating as it was, he couldn’t make out either of their faces at all.

Shuichi couldn’t imagine why it caught his attention so suddenly. He had to pay attention to the task at hand. Should he call the police? He could still remember each of the threats of those men-- the ‘pescatarians’, the Holy Salvation Church. 

The bell chimed again and subsequently stopped Shuichi’s heart from beating. This was it. They’d returned to the scene of the crime to finish him off. He glanced around the room but couldn’t find anything suitable as a weapon. The plastic chair would have to do.

He picked it up. It had the weight and consistency of a lawn flamingo. Maybe it would surprise them and buy him enough time to run for it. Either way, he couldn’t hesitate anymore. The heavy footsteps were getting closer.

Breathe in time with your steps. Roll from the back of your foot to the front. These might be principles for running, but they helped Shuichi creep out of the back room without making any sound. As soon as a hulking figure appeared in the doorway, he launched into his plan of action.

His vision: a manly battle cry, the chair knocking the evil pescatarian unconscious, him being a hero.

What actually happened: a pathetic shriek, the chair bounced off of Hideyoshi’s chest like a fly smacking into a car windshield, him being a clown and not even joining DICE.

“Goddamn, kid, what the hell?” Hideyoshi asked. He gripped his plastic shopping bag tighter. “Didn’t you see the sign that said I’d be back in 15?”

Oh. Huh. He looked at the door and there was, upon closer inspection, a sign. “Are you robbing me or something?” Hideyoshi asked.

Shuichi shook his head. “No, this is all a misunderstanding!” He gestured to the open cash register, the burning yakisoba, the leaky faucet. “It looked like you’d been abducted and left everything in a hurry!”

“It always looks like that, actually.”

In retrospect, the first time he had come here, he couldn’t hear anything over his own anxiety; the next, he had been so absorbed in the ‘pescatarians’ and their threats that he overlooked the details.

“Oh.”

“You’re that kid, right?” Hideyoshi said. His face had lit up in recognition.

“The one who was there with Kaede and another friend when those yakuza-like men were there?”

“No, no. The one who said ‘nope’ when I told you to have a nice day.”

This was getting him nowhere. He stepped over the plastic chair and out of the back room. “Ah, yes… yes, that’s me.” He scratched his head. “Actually, I came here to investigate something.”

“The quality of my chair?”

“No. The murder of Iruka Hasui.”

Hideyoshi looked like he’d been smacked across the face. He pulled a paper bag out of the shopping bag. Within the paper bag was a bottle of whiskey. He began to drink it straight.

When he spoke again, his voice was a whisper.  “You saw him, didn’t you?”

“Saw who?”

He jerked a thumb back at the office. “My brother. In the photo.”

"Y-yeah," Shuichi said. "I saw the pictures."

The man's face wasn't made to smile. Even as he attempted, it looked like a dog that got stung by a bee. The attempt eventually gave way to a deep sigh. "Handsome, wasn't he? The real favorite kid of us both."

He wasn't sure why they were having this conversation. "I couldn’t say. I’m sorry to bring up something so personal, but I promise it’s important."

Hideyoshi waved a hand. “No, no. It’s good timing. I knew that you were gonna come by." He added, under his breath: “He really did know you, huh?”

“What did you say, there?”

“Listen. You know who those men were, right? The ones who came in and threatened me the other day?”

He took a moment to answer. It felt like a test of some kind. "The... Holy Salvation Church?"

He snorted. "They're not any more a church than this place is. Their real name's the Holy Salvation Society. Big difference, huh?" he asked. "Yeah. As big a difference as a snake and a serpent. That Brother Oda guy can't even try and pull it together for a single one-minute TV spot."

Shuichi's eyes widened at the mention of Brother Oda. "How do you know all this?"

"You're a sharp kid." He looked at him again. "I've heard a lot about you, actually."

His eyes widened. "You have? From who?"

Hideyoshi lit a new cigarette. He tapped the ashes into the clay ashtray. "The Holy Salvation Society only uses Christian imagery and the like because it's not popular enough in Japan for anyone to call them out. Using the religious front allows them certain protections and to operate beyond the underworld to a certain extent," he said, ignoring Shuichi's question. "Even I don't fully know their real purpose."

Shuichi's mind was reeling with the new information. It felt as if Iruka's eyes were still boring into him from the photographs, even now that he had left the office. "Are you suggesting the reason you know all this is because... you think they're involved with the incident that claimed your brother's life?"

His face didn't betray any expression. After a moment, he blew a smoke ring up into the air. "Seems as if the rumors were true," he said. "Guess it's lucky on my part that you broke in today. If you didn't, I might've sought you out myself." When he looked at Shuichi again, the fluorescent lights highlighted his age-- the wrinkles, the bags under his eyes, the graying hairs. He looked as if a decade separated each of their interactions so far. "They're going to strike again."

"Then... then should we put you under police protection?" Shuichi stammered. "Or if they won't do anything, you could go into hiding, lock up the store--"

"If they wanted me dead, I wouldn't be talkin' to you right now," Hideyoshi said.

"Then... it's not you they're after? Who is it?"

He stubbed out the cigarette in his ashtray. "I'm sorry, kid. They're watching me, even now. Anyone who's connected to that person. Even you. Their eyes might be even closer than you think."

Reflexively, Shuichi looked out the door. Nothing. The street was oddly empty, save for a few passers by who didn't look in the store window back at him. The only thing across the street was a little stand selling wigs and hair extensions.

Once again, his Uncle’s words echoed in his mind: "I at first suspected his little group was involved with vandalizing the Holy Salvation Church. I... had my reasons to suspect the two of them were linked.”

No. No, it couldn’t be. A chill ran down his spine.

"If you know about Iruka, then you've got everything you need to figure this out." Hideyoshi coughed into his fist before speaking again. "There's only one thing I can tell you without 'em scalping me immediately for it."

Shuichi leaned in. This had become even more important than he thought. "What is it?"

"After the cops suspected foul play, they launched a huge investigation. It turned up nothing. There was no record of any man or woman coming to the house and causing the incident." He glanced at his ashtray. "Before you ask, I didn't smoke back then. Not yet. Neither did he. There was no evidence of the fire being caused by an appliance or any malfunctioning electrical equipment. The weather conditions weren't even especially dry."

"Then..." He didn't like where this was going. "Could Iruka have kill--"

"Yep, they thought the suicide angle too. Didn't add up. The knife was gone from the scene. Could've been lost in the wreckage, but... we lived kinda poor. Had a set of kitchen knives we got from a local department store, so it was easy to get a new set of them to test if the stab wound matched any knives like that." He shook his head. "Nothing. No matter how you look at it, someone else brought a knife and stabbed him before setting the fire."

He listened carefully. The only reason why he must be allowed to tell him this was because it could be found in police records. "Where were you at the time of the incident?"

"Out of town. Visiting a friend. I was a prime suspect, but had a solid alibi."

There was only one other thing he could think of. "Do you know what happened to the child in that picture? The one taken on the rainy day?" he asked. "I was under the impression that he didn't have any children."

Hideyoshi's lips pulled into a thin line. His finger twitched as if about to reach for another cigarette, but he restrained himself. "Can't tell you that. But I will say one thing."

"Huh?"

"Witness accounts saw a kid fleeing the scene, yeah?" he said. "Funny thing, memory. It could just be 'cause nobody got a good look. But for some reason, witness accounts were split. Some people were sure they saw a boy. Some people swore they saw a girl. Only thing they could agree upon was that the kid had dark hair."

He listened quietly. It was too soon to draw any definite conclusion, but he definitely had a lot more information to work with now-- even if the circumstances of acquiring it were strange. "Thank you. But, still... why are you telling me this?" He scratched the back of his neck. "I'm not really a detective or anything, I just worked with one. And... why do you want me to get involved?"

"Let's just say that it has to be you,” he said. This time, he gave a smile that met his eyes. "That's all."

That didn't help much at all. Still, he bowed. "I, uh, better get going." There was more he needed to investigate. He turned and began to walk out. "Have a nice day," he said.

"Nope."

\---

The Holy Salvation Church wasn't too far of a trip from Hope Mart. He could walk, but he still had the train pass that Kaito bought him. Might as well use it. Shuichi couldn't help but wonder what happened to his old one. Maybe he just dropped it.

The journey went pretty quickly, although he couldn't stop looking at everyone around him in suspicion. Any of them could be Holy Salvation Society spies in disguise-- like the old man who kept falling asleep on his shoulder, or the punk kid who was wearing a Love Live t-shirt under his school uniform's white button-up but it was totally showing through, or maybe the infant child across the aisle that was staring directly at him. He would never know for sure.

Right as he began playing with his phone so he could stop worrying, he got a LINE message-- almost as if it were timed.

bachtothefuture: what are you doing???  
saihara00: oh sorry i left without saying anything. kaito said you and your gf were busy so i thought you wouldnt miss me  
bachtothefuture: stop with the self-deprecating crap, shuichi. youre important to me!  
bachtothefuture: seriously though where tf are you  
saihara00: uh well... remember how i was telling you and kaito about how kokichi was catfishing me as dolph and the car chase stuff  
bachtothefuture: yes and i am STILL worried for you  
bachtothefuture: you better not be doing anything stupid  
bachtothefuture: we all do dumb things for love but that was. especially dumb, shuichi.  
saihara00: im afraid to say its about to get dumber  
saihara00: im going to investigate the holy salvation church  
bachtothefuture: what??????????? why?!?!?!?!  
saihara00: kind of a long story, but... kaito and i were talking this morning. i dont think kokichi was telling the truth. he's told me before he's a liar.  
bachtothefuture: so you think that fucking dolph is just going to be waiting at the church for you?  
saihara00: no. I know he was telling the truth about that part. But i think he wasn't being fully honest about everything being fake  
bachtothefuture: what does that church have to do with it?  
saihara00: At first, it was just a bad feeling. Usually, pescatarians don't bully people into a fish-based diet.  
saihara00: I didn't want to get involved, but I found out that those men who were threatening Hope Mart were members of the church. They were wearing a symbol on the church's website.  
saihara00: I wanted to know the connection. My Uncle, on the phone, let it slip that there was a reason he thought Kokichi was connected to the church as well.   
saihara00: It's apparently going back to this one incident where Hideyoshi's brother was stabbed and ultimately killed in an "accidental" house fire. The culprit was never caught, but a child with dark hair fled the scene and was never found.  
bachtothefuture: so your genius conclusion is that the church committed arson and murder on this random man? for what? and if that was true, wouldnt they want to NOT look suspicious by harassing the victim's brother?  
bachtothefuture: and your SUPER SMART idea is to go right up to this church and accuse them of this crime? do you think they're just gonna snap their fingers and be like "shucks, you got us!"  
saihara00: well... uh... yeah?  
bachtothefuture: Shuichi, no matter what the truth about all this is, you should give up on it.  
saihara00: i can't. What if Kokichi was lying about the person chasing us being a member of his organization? What if he's really in danger? Hideyoshi said the church was after another victim  
bachtothefuture: Then call the fucking police, Shuichi. That's their job.  
saihara00: if they catch kokichi, they'll just arrest him!  
bachtothefuture: Sounds to me like that's where he belongs. Besides, he'll be safe there.  
bachtothefuture: You shouldn't get involved with a guy like that. He's already done so much harm to you.  
saihara00: .............  
saihara00: hang on.  
saihara00: Why are you telling me to give up so much?  
saihara00: You were pushing me to find the absolute truth about Dolph and Kokichi earlier. You found that video of Kai Namazu, remember?  
bachtothefuture: This is different!!! This isn't just about your online lover or whatever! This is about life or death!  
bachtothefuture: I'm saying this because I care about you!  
saihara00: Usually you're so stubborn. You're really going to tell me to give up? Last time, you said that I would always be haunted by what could have been if I didn't.  
bachtothefuture: I AM NOT STUBBORN  
saihara00: You once spent an hour trying to see if you could push open a pull door just because you tried the wrong way at first  
bachtothefuture: just because I'm a Useless Lesbian doesn't mean i don't care about you shuichi  
bachtothefuture: Look, you're right, but... Nothing good is going to come from getting involved with that church. So please... please don't go  
saihara00: ...............  
saihara00: Kaede, you seem really adamant about me not going to the church specifically, not just because you don't want me involved with Kokichi.  
saihara00: In fact, you reacted strongly to the ‘Holy Salvation Church’ before I even said those were the people who were targeting Hideyoshi.  
  
bachtothefuture is typing………………………….

saihara00: Is there a reason for that?  
bachtothefuture: It’s just rumors. That’s all.  
saihara00: You, at the time, were adamant that Kaito not pursue them and we didn't inquire about those 'pescatarians' anymore.  
bachtothefuture: Do I have to know something special to not want to get involved with evil-looking men?  
bachtothefuture: I know Kaito's reckless and wanted to get answers, but women spend their whole lives trying to avoid getting in confrontations with men like that. And I don't want my friends to get hurt.

Shuichi looked up from his phone. He didn't want to distrust his friends. But Kaede especially-- even if he wasn't attracted to her anymore, she still was one of his closest friends and best advisors. He could count on her to help whip him into shape when he needed it, such as cooking for him and helping clean up his stuff after his depressive episode. And she was right that marching right in to the church and digging up this old incident would probably only get him hurt.

saihara00: I don't want Kokichi to get hurt.  
saihara00: I'm scared, Kaede.  
saihara00: Regardless of whether or not you think he's bad for me, he could end up killed. How do you think I could live with myself if that happened?

bachtothefuture is typing....................

saihara00: And I believe in him. I believe he has a good heart. I believe that the feelings we shared were real. There has to be a reason he's doing this.  
saihara00: That's why I need to find the truth, even if I get hurt.  
saihara00: Even if Kokichi tried to hurt me.  
saihara00: I love him.

bachtothefuture is typing.........................

bachtothefuture: Haha... You really have changed since last time, haven't you?  
bachtothefuture: Usually I could get you to agree to whatever if I just put some pressure on you... no offense  
saihara00: it's the truth  
bachtothefuture: I can tell I can't stop you...  
bachtothefuture: But please, please, please be careful. Promise me you'll be careful.  
bachtothefuture: I know you want to protect Kokichi, but I couldn't bear it if you got hurt. None of us could. Me, Kaito, or Maki.

There was no way he could promise that. Even now, his throat was dry. But even though he was still scared, and still anxious, and even still awkward, he had to keep going. And to get to the truth, he needed to tell a lie.

saihara00: Okay. I promise.  
bachtothefuture: thank you, Shuichi...  
bachtothefuture: I... need to go. Take care of yourself.

[bachtothefuture is offline]

He leaned back in his seat and sighed. The old man sleeping on his shoulder let out a snore. The infant, possibly spy, across the aisle giggled. There was still time before he got to the church. They might be the last living moments of his life-- here, in a stuffy train, alone in a crowd.

He found himself scrolling through Dolph's old messages. And then he couldn't even tell the truth about his own emotions. His eyes were welling up with tears, but at the same time, his heart rate was slowing down. He was becoming calmer.

Where would he have even been if Kokichi hadn't contacted him? Even if Kokichi didn't share his feelings, he couldn't deny that Dolph had turned Shuichi into a better person. Kokichi could have asked for any picture of Shuichi, even something to blackmail him with. But instead, he said he wanted to see Shuichi wearing a smile.

So he put one on now. A lie, both to himself and the rest of the world. And soon enough after scrolling through more of their conversations, it wasn't a lie anymore.

\---

In retrospect, Shuichi wasn't sure what he expected from the church. Fire and brimstone, maybe, or an altar with a skull on it. What he actually found was an area the size of a matchbox, dotted with wooden pews and a small podium that smelled like decay. None of the other rooms he poked his head in caught his attention: a storage room full of cardboard boxes, a single bathroom, a classroom that looked like it must be for Sunday school.

It was the lack of findings that intrigued him, though. That is to say, absolutely nobody was here. Granted, it wasn't any of their usual times of worship, but he thought there should at least be somebody around.

"Hello?" someone asked, and he jumped.

A young woman had come out of a back room. The only striking thing about her was her blue hair. Otherwise, she was completely nondescript-- the type who you could pass in the street and not even notice. "I didn't mean to startle you... I have a bad habit of sneaking up on people. 'Cause I'm plain."

This was the second time today he had been caught committing breaking and entering. He bowed deeply. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come in when I realized nobody was here, but I--" He stopped himself from spilling everything like a complete moron. "I was interested in the church and wanted to know more."

She rested a hand on her cheek. "Is that so? That's great. Could I ask how you heard about us?"

"Uh... Google?"

"Right. Google." The young woman seemed to be making a mental note. "Well, I'm afraid to say that the only one here right now is boring ol' me. Everyone else is out at a volunteer outreach event in a nearby orphanage." She adjusted her glasses, and for a moment betrayed an intensity behind her stare that seemed familiar but he couldn't place. "Brother Oda is there. He's the guy you probably want to talk to."

"Ah, actually, he is," Shuichi stammered. "Where is this orphanage? Maybe I could help."

"It's called the Spring River Orphanage. You're in luck, it's only a few blocks away." She gave directions and Shuichi committed them to memory. He thanked her and began heading on his way, finding himself wanting to leave the church building as quickly as he could. She smiled and gave him a little wave until she was out of sight.

Then, she immediately pulled out a disposable pre-paid cell phone and began to dial.

\---

Just as she promised, the orphanage wasn't far. The walk only took so long because he passed it three times.

He wasn't sure what to expect from an orphanage. Something that looked like a school, perhaps, with luxuries like windows. What he found instead was more or less a massive concrete brick with a door on it. He would have missed it if the mailbox didn't have the street address on it.

His heart was pounding. This didn't have to be anything dramatic. Appearances could be deceiving. People usually thought he was an anxious, miserable, loser. The reality was that he was only an anxious loser these days.

Besides, it could just look like this due to a lack of funding. Or maybe they had to buy out a warehouse in order to have suitable space to host all the children. Whatever it was, he wouldn't get answers by standing outside. The thought of the way ‘Brother Oda’ from the church glared into the camera during that interview, though-- the thought of the way those three men threatened Hope Mart-- it sent a chill down his spine. Maybe Kaede was right. Maybe he shouldn’t have come here.

No. It was too late for doubts. What would Kaito do if he were here? He would say that heroes never gave up. And he wasn’t just a sidekick anymore.

Shuichi crept around the side of the building. Two dumpsters rested far down the alley. He waited for a moment to make sure the coast was clear before investigating. Flattened cardboard boxes and recyclables filled one dumpster. The other nearly knocked him off his feet with the stench. This was the trash dumpster. It mostly was full of diapers and things beyond repair: shoes without soles, shards of plastic that might’ve once been a toy, underwear full of holes.

Two things caught his attention in the dumpster. The first was that there were no food scraps anywhere to be found. The second was that there was an unusually high amount of bandages and gauze. Was there a high accident rate at this orphanage? He made a mental note, closed the dumpster, and spent several moments gulping down fresh air.

After he regained his sense of smell, he looked around the back. A chain link fence enclosed what might be called a yard if it had any grass. It was more like a pit full of dirt. Old barbed wire sat atop the fence. Sad-looking plants poked out of the grass in some locations; he might have thought they were weeds if some weren’t tied to stakes or growing in planters. His vision trailed to a nearby bucket that was attracting flies. He supposed that answered the question of where food scraps went, to compost.

Shuichi wasn’t sure how many orphanages had their own gardens, though. They also threw away little that couldn’t be salvaged. The few children he saw wore shirts that were unrecognizable with how many patches they had. The children who had shoes only kept them for a matter of minutes before a bigger child beat them up and took them for themself. But none of the children, even the worst behaved, disturbed the garden. He guessed that either the penalties for doing so would be extreme or they all relied upon it for food.

He got a little braver and peeked further around the corner. From this angle, he could see the screen door that led from the building to the yard. A man stood behind it, his arms folded, watching the children.

It couldn’t quite be called ‘supervising’. The man did nothing to stop the children from beating on and stealing from each other. He didn’t help children who fell over and got hurt or even stop children who were trying to climb over the fence to escape. The only time he intervened was to walk outside and smoothly, as if he were used to this, walk up to a large child and place a hand on his shoulder. The boy was wearing shoes and thus had proven himself as the strongest in the yard.

Shuichi’s ears strained to listen to the conversation; the man spoke barely above a whisper. He said something about a ‘special program’ and about ‘getting away from these circumstances’. The boy didn’t seem to understand, but he agreed. The man took his hand and led the boy out of the yard into a nearby car with dark tinted windows. The car started, engine silent, and drove away.

He waited for 10, 15, 20 minutes. The boy never came back. None of the children even acted like they noticed he was missing.

Someone, then, placed their hand on his shoulder and he yelped. The person backed up, holding up his hands to show he meant no harm. It was a middle-aged man. He looked like the type who was born in a beige suit smelling of secondhand smoke. He looked like the type who got excited when he drank a non-diet soda. He probably drove a neutral-color sedan that was permanently tuned to public radio. "Sorry to startle you! I couldn’t help but notice you were there. Are you interested in adopting?”

At least he wasn’t being outright accused of being a pervert. He shook his head. “N-no, sorry. I was told that there was a… volunteer event?”

He let out a laugh as if Shuichi had pulled a string on his back. “You sure have come to the right place! Just call me Brother Oda! I’m the pastor of the Holy Salvation Church. We’re leading the event!”

“Ah… it’s nice to meet you. My name is…” He hadn’t prepared a pseudonym in advance. He struggled. “Dolph.”

“Dolph?” He quirked an eyebrow.

“It’s... a Hawaiian name.”

“Wow! I have family from Hawaii! What part are you from?”

“Monolulu.”

“Do you mean Honolulu?”

“It’s like Honolulu, except it’s not.”

They stared at one another for a moment, trying to judge one another. Finally, Brother Oda gave up. “Well, Dolph, come around front! I’ll show you on in! I’m sure there’s something you can help with if you’d like to volunteer with us.”

So this was Brother Oda. He certainly was just as nondescript in real life as he was on TV. Shuichi felt a moment of doubt. There was no way that this salaryman-looking guy was behind anything sinister. But he swore that, when Shuichi said his name was ‘Dolph’, some kind of predatory look passed his eyes. 

To the credit of the orphanage, the inside was a lot nicer. Childrens' drawings lined the walls. He couldn't take a step without nearly tripping over a puzzle or a toy. "Come on, I'll give you the grand tour," Oda said, leading Shuichi along.

They passed by a large indoor gymnasium. It was full of toys, sports equipment, and the like. "This is the play room! Our church has collected donations to contribute to its renovation into the fine facility it is today. Physical activity is important in the lives of children not just for physical health, but for their psychosocial development as well." Oda turned to him like a salesman faces the camera in an infomercial: eyes full of enthusiasm, cheeks rosy, giving off a squeaky-clean 'you-can-trust-me' vibe. "Why, this room may just be the shining star of Spring River Orphanage!”

"Fascinating," Shuichi said, desperately trying to seem as interested as Oda. It certainly did seem like a lot of work had been put into this place-- but the children weren’t playing with any of it. When Oda looked in, a hush fell over the room.

Before he could question anything, Oda led Shuichi to a cafeteria. "This is our lunch room! Here, children are served only high-quality meals with fresh ingredients. As many fresh fruits and vegetables as possible are sourced from a community garden that the children help maintain. This, in turn, makes them much more excited about eating the yucky green stuff when they helped grow it!" He clasped his hands, still with that infuriating smile on.

Shuichi peered in. The plaster of the walls was peeling. The smell of mold permeated the room. Every child with a tray had about a handful of food, not a full meal.

From what Shuichi could see, the vegetables varied wildly between either fresh or something that obviously was scooped out of a can. That confirmed it; the garden was started out of necessity rather than as an educational project. "When did--"

"Did you know that a startling percentage of this country's children don't eat their required serving of fruit and vegetables each day?" Oda interrupted. "That's just horrible! A child's growth and development begin with a healthy diet!"

"Why did--"

"Children between four and eight years old typically require about 1.5 cups of fruit and 1.5 cups of vegetables today. Some people get confused and believe one can choose between either, or it's 1.5 cups in total of fruits and vegetables. Neither are true. It's important to avoid these common mistakes," Oda said.

Shuichi paused. Oda paused, waiting for Shuichi to speak up so he could interrupt again. Once he was satisfied that Shuichi wasn't about to, Oda led him onward. They reached yet another indoor gymnasium. This time, instead of sports equipment and games, the floor was lined with cots and blankets. Inside, three burly men were standing around. They were wearing nondescript black suits and symbols of fish around their necks. Shuichi recognized them immediately, but when he opened his mouth to speak, Oda cut him off.

"And this is the dormitory! This is what we're working hardest to renovate at the moment. As you can see, this poor facility still needs a lot of work. Why, before we came along, conditions were so bad that children had to take care of other children!" Oda said. "That's why members of my church are working around the clock to fix this area!"

The three men were standing there, very obviously not doing anything. In fact, they were staring at the open door, as if waiting for them. "Say hello to Brother Asuke, Brother Ataro, and Brother Akid!" Oda said.

These were the most fake names he's ever heard. "Hello," Shuichi said.

"No, no. Really go on and say hello properly."

"Uh... hello, Asuke. Hello, Ataro--"

"No, no, no. Use their titles. That's what's proper in the church."

His voice came out as a squeak. "H-hello, Brother Asuke. Hello, Brother Ataro. Hello, Brother Akid."

"Perfect." His smile turned sinister. “You’ll get to know them quite well soon.”

His heart was racing. He glanced back down the long hallway. Past a certain horizon, the darkness swallowed it and he couldn’t see the way out. It felt less like an orphanage and more like a tomb.

A generic ringtone interrupted the silence. Oda scowled and pulled out his phone. “I need to take this. I’ll be right back.”

Relief overwhelmed him as Oda walked away into the darkness. Asuke, Ataro and Akid all continued to stare at him-- the kind of expression that meant they were barely restraining themselves from killing him, but would do it in a heartbeat if he stuck his nose where it didn’t belong.

Unfortunately, that’s all Shuichi was good at.

“Excuse me, which way is the… bathroom?” he asked.

They all looked at each other. Asuke pointed. “Take a left. First door.”

He shivered; that was the voice of one of the men from Hope Mart. If there were even the tiniest shred of doubt in his mind, it was gone now. “Thank you! I sure do gotta go!” he said, inconspicuous as always. He turned and began walking to the bathroom.

It was a narrow room with nothing but a seatless shabby toilet, a faucet sticking out of the wall and a broken mirror. Splatters of something dark red speckled the walls. It was the kind of set that an uncreative filmmaker would make for a horror movie, or an average restroom inside a Denny’s.

He turned and left as quickly as he could. If he had any sense, he would flee now. But he felt as if a breakthrough were right underneath his nose.

He passed by a room marked with a red cross and curiosity overwhelmed him. The dumpster had so many bandages in it. Shuichi peeked inside and his stomach sank.

Dozens of children were lying wounded on cots. Some of them were in far more critical conditions than others. It didn’t seem like a mass accident; their wounds were all unique, fresh, as if they earned them all from fighting. A single nurse was attempting to tend to all the children.

“C-can I help you?” she stuttered.

"Ah, I'm sorry-- I'm just... on a tour with Brother Oda," Shuichi said.   
  
The nurse looked as if he just said he were a death row inmate. She looked away, unable to meet his stare. Now that he looked at her, she was strikingly beautiful, except for the bandages all over her body. Her hair looked as if someone had attempted to cut it with hedge clippers. "I... see," she said.   
  
"Could you tell me what happened to these children?"   
  
"Th-they... they tripped and fell down."   
  
He wasn't buying that for a second. "What really happened?"   
  
"Y-you should get back t-to your tour."   
  
Shuichi reached out and grabbed her arm. She bit back a cry, looking at him with wide eyes. "I'm not going to hurt you. I want to help. There's something sinister going on here."   
  
"N-n-no. No no no there's not," she said. "Th-this is a fine pl-place. Children get... to good homes a-and... and go to the--” She needed to stop to take a deep breath, choking on the next words, “--s-s-special… program. Th-that makes them r-really... happy."   
  
"Special program?" That was the term that the man had used before taking that boy away. "What is this program?"  
  
She didn't say a word. It was as if she were looking down the barrel of a gun. Shuichi finally backed off; she yanked her arm away the second he released his grip. The skin had already bruised. He looked at his hands; was he that strong, or was she just that weak?   
  
The light source in the room- a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling- flickered. The lack of windows still concerned him. The chain link fence had been tall, with barbed wire on the top. And he had a good feeling that this 'Brother Oda' kept a good look on the front door. He decided on a different angle. "This building sure is... secure," he said. "Not to mention that the children are so, er, happy. About the special program. You must not have any children who run away."  
  
The nurse tapped her fingers together. "W-w-well... there was one... a long time ago..."  
  
Now he was getting somewhere. He leaned in. "There was? What was this child like?”

“Um… dark hair. Th-that’s all I was told, please forgive me!”

“This is the most important part. Was this child a boy or a girl?”

She chewed a fingernail. “Er… I think, maybe a--”  
  
"Dolph! There you are!"   
  
All the blood drained out of his face. Oda stood in the doorframe. Behind him were the three men, their arms crossed. "You must have gotten lost on the way to the bathroom," Oda said.   
  
The nurse nearly fainted. She bowed so deeply that her head almost smacked into the floor, then she got back to work, acting as if Shuichi were never there. His throat felt dry. "Y-yeah. I got lost," he said.

“That shouldn’t be an issue again. I believe our tour’s run out of time, unfortunately,” Oda said. He tapped his wristwatch-- the cheap kind you could get at a discount store. “It seems as if there’s nothing for you to do after all, Dolph, but we appreciate your kindness. It would be best for us both if you would run along.”

He took a deep breath. The nurse looked at him as if he were a lamb about to escape from a lion’s den. The children around them were unconscious or semiconscious; he couldn’t imagine what had happened here. He angled himself at the door, but his feet were cemented in place.

“No.”

Oda seemed disappointed, but not surprised. “Pardon me?”

“There’s something going wrong here. Something about all of this.” He gestured around him.

“We’re afraid to say that the incident rate is quite high due to the lack of funding for better supervision. As has been mentioned, older children often have to help take care of younger ones,” Oda said.

“It goes deeper than that. There aren’t just accidents. The dumpster outside was full of bloody bandages,” Shuichi said. “And these wounds seem too elaborate to just be kids roughhousing or having accidents.”

“Rifling through our garbage?” Oda quirked a brow. “It seems to me as if you weren’t here out of goodwill.”

There was no turning back now. Shuichi raised his stare and looked Oda in the eye. “I’m not. I’m investigating the murder of Iruka Hasui,” he said. “And I have all the evidence I need to prove that the Holy Salvation Society was involved with it!”

Any scraps of pretense Oda had left went flying out the window. A dark, hungry look settled into his eyes. Deep lines appeared in his forehead when he scowled. “How do you know either of those names?”

The missing pieces of information began to take shape in his mind, connecting like panels from a manga. “I believe this incident can be explained by the fact that this isn’t an orphanage. There’s no prospective parents here or staff-- besides the nurse here, or your men,” Shuichi said. “The only mention of children ever leaving was for this ‘special program’.”

Now that he saw the three men from the Hope Mart incident up close, there was no doubt that the man who took the child away earlier was also one of Oda’s goons. “Whatever this program is, it doesn’t seem like anything pleasant. This nurse- even despite her normal anxious demeanor- nearly panicked just mentioning it. If the damage to these children is any indicator, I believe it’s something violent.”

He glared as he continued: “it was said that a child with dark hair was seen fleeing the scene of Irukaa’s house after it was set alight. It was confirmed for me that a child with dark hair also was the only child to ever flee from this orphanage. It’s not outside the realm of possibility that they were the same child. He was stabbed first with a special knife that came from outside the house-- this is likely proof it was a premeditated by individuals other than the child. What seems most likely to me is that the Holy Salvation Society uses children to carry out murders for them. If any children were captured, they would face no consequences as minors, and the organization could relocate to any other open warehouse in Japan.

“The only reason why I can think that your thugs- ‘Brother’ Ataro, Asuke, and Akid- would threaten Iruka’s surviving brother is that he knows something about the incident that he shouldn’t. This is why they were there threatening him for information.” One thing they said stuck out in his mind. “And if it weren’t proven that the Holy Salvation Society is connected to this incident, then Ataro threatened to set Hope Mart on fire as punishment for failing to concede to their demands. It may sound like a general threat, but it has a whole new meaning to a man whose brother was killed in a similar way. And the only one in the church with the authority to carry this all out would be its lone pastor...”

He pointed a finger right at him. “You, Brother Oda!”

It felt as if every other sound became amplified in the ensuing silence. The buzzing of the old light bulb. The creaking of the floor as they shifted their weight. The only thing he couldn’t hear were sounds from outside, as if they were a whole world away.

Finally, Oda spoke again. “Are you done?”

“What?” he asked. “Uh, yeah, I’m done…”

“Good. Brothers?” He made a hand gesture. Ataro and Asuke grabbed either of Shuichi’s arms, squeezing so hard it felt like they would pop out of their sockets. Akid cracked his knuckles. “I suppose that wraps that up. Shame, really.”

Oda began to stroll out of the infirmary. Shuichi felt like his throat were closing up. He sputtered out another sentence. “You’re not going to get away with this!”

Great. Out of all the things he could have said, it was the most cliched line he could have. Oda glanced over his shoulder at him. “Why not?” he asked. “I’ll admit, it was impressive how much you got right. It’s a shame that knowledge dies here with you.”

It was as if the walls were closing in on him. He should scream or cry or do something but just hang from their arms limp but he couldn’t. Oda lingered for a moment, and when Shuichi caught his gaze again, he looked like a cat with a mouse trapped under its paw. “I was almost afraid for a moment. What kind of rookie detective move is it to think that a child with dark hair is special? Most of the country’s population has dark hair.” He let out a laugh. “Besides-- would a runaway still, in your hypothetical flight of fancy, carry out our orders? The fact you believed that type of reasoning would take me down, even in a setting in which that were possible, is laughable.”

As much as he hated to admit it, Oda was right. He thought he had all the clues, but it felt like one piece was missing. But what could it be? Endless possibilities raced before him and then Akid stepped between him and Oda, his fists at the ready.

“Just something to think about in the afterlife. Toodles,” Oda said. “Brothers, ki--” 

Piercing harsh cutting _noise_ tore through the room. Several children jolted awake; the nurse covered her ears and cried. A bright light started flashing like rhythmic bolts of lightning. It took Shuichi a moment to realize that it was the fire alarm.

Ataro and Asuke tightened their grip on his arms and Shuichi’s instincts kicked in; he bit down hard on Ataro’s hand and the man jerked it free, yelping. He reared back and threw a punch that hit Asuke straight in the crotch. Oda lunged at him and he jumped free; the man collided with Akid instead.

Adrenaline surged through his body as he took off in a dead sprint. As if on instinct he pulled his fists into the core fist position. He’d have to thank Maki if he ever made it out of here. Just after he tore through the hallway, children flooded out of every room in a blind panic. Oda cursed as they swarmed him, trying to swat them away. “Get out of the way, you little bastards! Out of the way!”

Ataro and Akid must have taken a different route; they moved to block the front door just a few yards ahead. He was running too fast now to stop and all he could do was hurtle forward into his inevitable demise-- and suddenly a cloud filled the hallway. He could roughly make out the two men crying and rubbing their eyes. They had been blinded. He noticed then that the fire extinguisher was missing. 

He closed his eyes, so the chemicals wouldn't blind him too, and ducked past them. Akid grabbed blindly for him but missed. The sunlight on his face was the sweetest relief he’d ever tasted. The used-up fire extinguisher sat on the ground. Whoever had saved him had already fled.

Shuichi couldn't afford to find them and thank them. He had to run, too. He couldn't stop, not to call the police,  not for anything; all he did was run and run until he was in the train station, lost in a crowd, blending in except for his gasping and wheezing.

He was lucky enough to get a seat on the train and he collapsed into it. He couldn’t stop shaking. _Should_ he call the police? It sounded to him like Oda was powerful enough that the police wouldn’t go near him. Who would believe that a nice pastor volunteering at an orphanage threatened to kill him? What evidence did he have besides conjecture?

All he could do was put his head back and do his best to calm down. As he slowly began to relax, questions flooded his mind. Who could have saved him? The only person who knew where he was going was Kaede. But she would have thought he was going to the church, unless that young woman with blue hair told her the same thing she told him. And what reason would she have to save him? The most likely explanation for her was that she was complicit in all of this. The church was too small to have members who didn’t know what was going on.

Murder. Arson. Cults. It all felt like he’d become a real detective and he wasn’t sure how to feel. The thought of Kokichi’s smile crossed his mind again. That’s who he was doing it all for. Kokichi.

It would all be worth it for Kokichi, whenever their paths crossed again. It felt like it wouldn’t be for a long time.

\---

It was a full moon. Its light shone through the window, illuminating the room as if it were under a spell. His tension melted right out of his body as if he stepped into a warm bath. All the stressors of the day were gone under this ethereal glow.

Also, Kaito was already snoring. But familiarity was good. He was home. He was with his friends. He was safe.

Shuichi needed a shower before bed. He went to get a change of clothes. The laundry that Kaede had so kindly washed for him had been returned to his dresser. Shuichi pulled out a shirt on top and noticed something in the pocket.

He pulled it out and examined it in the moon’s light. It was his train pass. Not his new one that Kaito had bought for him-- his original one. The one his Uncle bought for him. He could tell because it was so weathered and because it had a small ‘SS’ in the corner, for Shuichi Saihara.

He examined it for several moments. It didn’t appear like it had gone through the laundry. Had Kaede or Kaito found it? Neither had messaged him or talked to him about it. Had he left it in this shirt? No, he hadn’t worn this one in a while. Now that he looked closer, this shirt was sitting on top of the pile out of order. It was as if it were removed from his color-coded system and left so he would notice it.

Who would return a lost train pass to him in such a strange and pointlessly confusing way? Maybe he wasn’t much of a detective, but for some reason, he could only think of one person.

But why? Had Kokichi needed the money on the pass that badly? Or had he found it on accident and decided to return it? Why would he bring it back if he really didn’t care? It had to be a clue: Cinderella’s glass slipper, a little message saying to come find the truth. Even if the pass was originally his. Even if Cinderella’s spell wore off on her own accord and she was acting like the evil step-sister.

Shuichi never thought the boring little card would mean so much to him. He held it close to his chest, imagining a certain someone were close. The card smelled faintly sweet.

When Oda had asked him his name, Shuichi stole the name ‘Dolph’ from Kokichi. And now that he had his heart set on something, he wouldn’t stop chasing Kokichi until he got it. Like a dolphin.

The thought made him chuckle. He fell asleep with Kokichi’s lingering scent, feeling tired and sore and- above all else- oddly free.


	6. ClownPeopleMeet dot net

The problem with falling asleep with Kokichi’s scent was that, when Shuichi woke up, he reached to pull the other boy closer and he wasn’t there.

Sunlight streamed through the window. Kaito was already awake, fumbling with the 1000-Yen coffeemaker that he bought from a secondhand store. “Shuichi, can I just drink the little K Cup things like a shot of tequila?”

“No,” he said.

“There’s no law saying I can’t! It will be the most efficient way of getting my caffeine intake!” Following this bold claim, Kaito ripped open the K Cup, ate the contents, and then drank from a mug of steaming hot water. “No problem!”

There was a more pressing issue than whatever Kaito was doing. “Aren’t we training this morning?” Shuichi asked, rubbing his eyes. “What about the thing with Maki?”

“Oh yeah, Maki Roll texted us. She’s having car trouble or somethin’. She’s all tied up fixing it.” Kaito scratched his goatee. “I told her to go to a mechanic, and all she said was ‘I’m gay’. I don’t get it.”

“I think she means that she’s capable of fixing the car by herself.”

He raised a brow. “D’you think she could fix my car?”

Somehow, Shuichi restrained himself from saying that not even God could fix Kaito’s car. “You could ask.” Before Kaito could actually pull out his phone and text Maki, Shuichi added: “So does that mean the bet is off? We don’t have to avoid talking to Maki and Kaede ever again?”

Kaito laughed. “Whatcha talkin’ about? We’re totally gonna win the bet!”

“You say that like it’s still on.”

“It is!” Kaito said. He sipped the plain hot water again before giving another half-piece of information, like the world’s worst news anchor. “So Maki Roll’s car’s out of commission for a while, so we’re taking my car to the carnival. After that, we’re gonna run the race!”

“Doesn’t… doesn’t Kaede have a car?” he stammered. Whenever Kaito’s car turned on, the engine got closer and closer to speaking verbal language and begging for death.

“Kinda? Don’t think she’s got access to it right now, though. I think she borrowed it from her mom.” He shrugged. “What’s wrong with the Momotamobile?”

“The fact that you named it that, for one.”

“It’s a cool name! When you get your own car, Shuichi, you can call it the Momotamobile 2.0.”

No, he would call it the Saiharamobile. And then he shamed himself for entertaining that line of thought. “I’ll stick with the train for now.”

That reminded him. “Kaito, I found my old train pass!”

“Really? Awesome!” he said. “Don’t need that new one now, right? I can take it off your hands.”

“You just want to use the funds on it to buy chicken nuggets at the station, don’t you?”

Kaito took a long sip of his hot water. “Anyway, where did you find it?”

“In the pocket of one of my shirts… but it was one I haven’t worn in a long time, and I don’t think Kaede put it there.” He turned the card over in his hand. “I think someone placed it there.”

Kaito studied him for a moment, then chuckled. “I think you’re working too hard, Shuichi. Speakin’ of, make sure you’re saving your energy for the race with Maki, alright?”

Maybe he was thinking too hard. Maybe he was getting too hopeful. What were the odds that Kokichi managed to sneak in here and leave this for him?

What were the odds that he would be catfished by an evil clown posing as a Hawaiian-Japanese model and this would lead him to investigating a cold case that involved all of his friends in some unique way?

Shuichi just nodded, and then Kaito busied himself with his particle physics homework while brushing coffee grinds out of his teeth, and Shuichi had no idea how it was possible for someone to be so immensely smart and so immensely stupid.

\---

Not long after, they all found themselves listening to Beethoven in Kaede's borrowed car because Kaito's car wouldn't start and no amount of kicking it or saying 'cmooon' helped. Kaede and Maki sat in the front seats, resigning Kaito and Shuichi to the back.

The red scrunchie burned a hole in his pocket. He had taken it with him before they left, although he couldn't be sure why. Maki wasn't wearing her hair extensions today. It's not like it was for sure that the scrunchie belonged to her, and she could have been having car troubles for any number of reasons. What he did know was that being in a car again was making him jittery.

"I dunno about you guys, but I'm gonna get so many of those deep fried cookies," Kaito said, oblivious to the tension in the car. Maki hadn't said a word to any of them since they entered. Kaede wasn't looking Shuichi in the eye. Shuichi kept unconsciously looking in the rearview mirrors to see if anyone was chasing them. "And some cotton candy."

"Carnivals are the best for that kind of food," Shuichi offered. Maki didn't act like she heard them at all.

"Yeah! Maybe we could share some ice cream, Maki," Kaede said. She took one hand off the steering wheel and rested it on the center console. Maki hesitated, then reached out and squeezed her hand. It only lasted a moment before Kaede put both hands back on the wheel, but Shuichi spotted something red on Maki's hand. It was too cherry-colored to be blood and didn't have the right consistency. Her short fingernails weren't painted, either. It could be paint from an art project, or painting a house, or-- a car.

Shuichi shook his head. He was thinking like a cheesy TV show detective. He hadn't gotten that great of a look at the red car, so he couldn't say for sure what color it was. Red was one of the more common colors for a car, anyway.

Yeah. It was fine.

They reached the fairground without too much trouble. It wasn't anything on the scale of Asakusa Samba, a large carnival that was held in Tokyo last month, but it had all the excuses to eat fried food and drink nonetheless.

They headed in, trying to stick together throughout the crowd. Kaito stopped them near one of the attractions. "Why not have some fun here? It's a shooting gallery!" Kaito said, gesturing to the targets.

"Oh! Oh!" Kaede gestured at a big stuffed panda bear. "I want to win that one! I'm gonna go first!"

"Easy there, tiger. How about we give Shuichi a shot?" he said. Despite muttered objections, Kaito paid for Shuichi’s game and handed him the toy gun. "C'mon, win me one too, why don'tcha?”

Shuichi aimed for one of the targets directly ahead. Holding the fake gun reminded him of the paintball gun. He had managed to splat the attacker in the face. It could have been dumb luck, or it could have been panic when they aimed that handgun at him.

He fired a shot. Miss. He fired again. It scraped the very edge of the target. Now that he was thinking about it, the attacker aimed their handgun straight at his head and didn’t fire right away. Maybe they didn’t want to cause collateral damage? But if they had shot Kokichi, the car could have spun out of control and killed all of them. He looked back at the group. Kaito gave him a thumbs up; Kaede cheered; Maki was turned away.

Taking aim, he fired off the rest of his shots. All of them missed. He sighed and put down the gun and Kaito smacked him on the shoulder just as his bruise was starting to heal. “Shuichi, are you just gonna give up like that? A real man never stops until he gets his prize!”

Kaede elbowed Kaito out of the way. “Let me show you how it’s done!” she said. She grabbed the toy gun and played next-- and then again, and again as she was just short of winning the big prize each time.

Finally, on her last try, Maki took the gun with one hand and struck bullseye while only half-looking. Kaede jumped up and down as the attendant passed her the stuffed panda. "I can't believe you did it! Maki, that was so smooth!"

"That's Maki Roll for you! Even good at shooting for a girl!" Kaito said, unsure why both girls glared at him a moment later.

‘Good at shooting’. An explosion in Shuichi's mind. He remembered ducking down with Kokichi and a bullet hole appearing in the windshield relative to where his head had been a moment later.

He shook his head. No-- it was nothing.

“You think you’re any better? Why don’t you go next?” Kaede said.

“Nah. Maki Roll won the big prize. If she didn’t, I totally would’ve done it myself,” he said, shrugging.

“I’m sure that’s it.” Maki rolled her eyes.

"Are you doubting the Luminary of the Stars?" Kaito said. He jerked his thumb at another attraction nearby. "How about we compete on the ring toss?"

“It’s pointless to challenge me. You know I’m going to win.”

“I’m gonna win! I’m a natural born ring-tosser!” Kaito huffed. “You won’t know until you try! C’est la bee!” He said, pronouncing ‘la bee’.

Maki groaned. "Fine, if it will shut you up.”

The two raced to the ring toss, Maki easily outrunning him. She immediately clenched her hand into the core fist position while Kaito was busy still trying to figure out the positioning of his fingers. She always sprinted like a wolf homing in on a deer. Lightning flashed again in Shuichi's mind.

"They're getting along well, huh?" Kaede said.

“Yeah,” Shuichi said. “I’m glad that they managed to make friends.”

“Me, too.” Kaede went quiet for a moment. “Did… everything go alright at the Holy Salvation Church yesterday?”

"I got in some trouble," Shuichi said. It felt unreal. Also, inappropriate to talk about in public, surrounded by kids with candy-smeared faces and cartoon character balloons.

It seemed as if Kaede had the same thought. "I'm just glad you're okay."

The question still hung in the air: why had Kaede been so insistent that he not go to the Holy Salvation Church? Now that he had been through all that, it seemed clear that someone could only know if they had some experience with the church themselves. Yet, Oda had made it exceptionally clear that anyone who knew too much would be 'dealt with'.

The red hair tie was burning a hole in his pocket. "Did Maki fix her car?"

"Huh?" Kaede said. "Oh, kind of."

Shuichi watched a stray balloon float up into the air, higher and higher until it was swallowed by the clouds. "She must care about it a lot to insist on fixing it all herself," he mused, not looking directly at her. "Even with all the damage."

"Her car is really important to her." Kaede shifted her weight on her feet. "It's a big symbol of freedom."

And it could have been used in a crime. He wondered if it was still out there in the middle of nowhere. The police had discovered it, but Maki was still fixing it. There were two explanations.

The first: they were different cars, and the attacker hadn't been Maki.

The second: she recovered the car shortly thereafter. Which could have meant that she was lurking right nearby when a waterlogged Shuichi went through her glove box. Which didn't have a gun in it, which meant the attacker had it. Which meant it could have been aimed right at his head.

Shuichi thought again about how the attacker had it aimed right at him and hesitated to pull the trigger. And then he looked over at her playing the ring toss game with Kaito. If the second explanation were true- and he really hoped it wasn't- then why was she here? To avoid blowing her cover? Or was she testing herself in some way?

All he knew was that, if the attacker had killed him, it would have been a while before anyone noticed. They had no reason not to. Unless the two of them were friends.

Kaito made a perfect throw and did a little victory dance. Maki's hands reached for a twintail that wasn't there-- a nervous habit that she couldn't repeat.  _The person I want to be,_  echoed her words in Shuichi's mind.

"She had paint on her hands," Shuichi said. He was still watching that balloon even though it was long out of sight. "Was she doing touch-up painting on her car?"

"Perceptive as always," Kaede chuckled. "Some parts of it needed to be fixed."

"There must have been a lot of broken parts."

For a while, neither of them spoke. Silence, or as close to silence as you could get in a carnival with all the screaming kids. When Shuichi finally looked, Kaede was giving him an uncomfortable look.

"Do... you have something to say?" she asked.

Shuichi took a deep breath. Then, he opened his mouth to speak.

"I won, baby!!! I handled those rings better than Sonic the hedgehog at a Zales half-off sale!" Kaito proceeded to do a victory dance in place, shaking his arms as if the bones were slowly liquifying. Maki had a glare on would make Medusa jealous. Fortunately, Kaito already acted stoned. "I'm the champ, alright! Kaito Momota!"

Maki crossed her arms. “You won a stupid carnival game on a fluke. Are you happy?”

“Hell yeah I am!” Kaito said. “Winner picks next game! I’m picking the fishing game!”

The group followed Kaito as he ran up to the little kiddie pool full of plastic fish. He stood beside it with as much pride as a grizzly fishing captain stood over a roaring ocean. Grabbing a child’s pink plastic fishing rod, he reared back and tossed the line straight over the pool.

“I think that counts as an automatic failure,” Kaede said, smirking.

“No way! I’m just getting started!” Kaito said. He reeled in the line and tried again. Unfortunately, he gave 110% to everything he did and overshot it again. During his valiant efforts, the others got their fishing rods and placed the lines in the pool like normal people.

“I’ve never played a fishing game like this,” Shuichi said. “Do we have to catch the toy fish somehow?”

“Yeah! There’s a magnet, see?” Kaede pointed to the magnet on the end of her line. She caught one of the little fish and looked on the underside. “This one has a red mark. We need a green mark or a blue mark to win.”

“Gold mark is the best!” Kaito said, as if he hadn’t thrown the fishing line over the kiddie pool five times by now.

“You mean like this?” Maki said. When the others turned to look, she was holding a plastic fish like any other with a gold mark on the belly.

The attendant showed her the selection of prizes. Maki shrugged and looked at Kaede, who pointed out a stuffed alpaca. Maki took it and gave it to her. Kaede squealed and smooched her on the cheek.

Kaito looked at Shuichi. “Next time, I’m gonna win! And you’re gonna smooch me on the cheek,” he laughed.

Shuichi gave him a look to try again and determine if he was gay. The jury was still out.

The next closest attraction was the dunk tank. A clown was perched on a seat above a tank of water. A kid was throwing softballs and missing the target. Nothing unusual, it was just a regular attraction and the clown was wearing a DICE mask and Shuichi nearly fainted on the spot.

“I betcha I can dunk him,” Kaito said. “I’ve got a strong arm.”

“I’ve got two,” Maki said.

“My hands are only strong enough to play piano,” Kaede said. “I’ll root for you, Maki!”

Maki got in line, pretending her face wasn’t red. When it was her turn, she grabbed her softball and took aim. The clown was making honking noises with his mouth and slapping his stomach. This one was definitely Booboo, one of the members accompanying Kokichi that first night they met in person. What was he doing here? Was this a side job for them? Was there an Uber Clown service?

Try as he might, he couldn’t see any other clowns when he looked about, and then Kaede was tugging at his sleeve because Maki was charging up her pitch. She hurled the baseball forward with the force of a meteor and it hit the target dead in the bullseye. Booboo let out a “uh-oh!” before he plummeted into the water with a satisfying splash.

All the kids cheered, but Kaede was cheering the loudest. “That’s my girlfriend! That’s my clown dunker!” she said. “That’s my softball master! My target smasher! My ball babe!”

“That’s enough,” Maki said.

“Great job, Maki Roll!” Kaito said. “I knew you could do it!”

“Save it,” she said, accepting Kaede’s overwhelming embrace. Fortunately the two were too absorbed in each other to notice Shuichi was dissociating.

Booboo crawled out of the water back up onto his seat. “C’mon, any of you other overgrown kids gonna give it a shot?”

Kaito shook his head. “No need. If Maki Roll can do it, I sure can too.”

“What about you, kid?” Booboo looked right at Shuichi. “It’s your turn, ain’t it?”

“Ah, no, I…” Shuichi stammered. “I don’t think I will.”

For a moment, Shuichi could tell that whoever was behind that mask was staring him dead in the eye. And suddenly he could feel thousands of other stares on him coming from every direction, as if he were a pincushion and each person were piercing right through him in every which way. The clown shrugged and moved on to the next person.

“Wait! The final battle is right there!” Kaito said, pointing at a ‘test your strength’ game. “C’mon! I’m going first!”

“For once,” Maki said.

Once they got to the front of the line, Kaito went first. He took the toy mallet and slammed it down on the base of the machine. It lit up two sections and stopped at a level called “WIMPY BLIMPY”.

“Ooooh.” The attendant patted Kaito on the back. “Try again next time!”

“That was a fluke!” Kaito said.

Maki snatched the mallet from his hand. “Stop being a sore loser. Watch.”

She took a wide stance, the muscles of her toned legs tensing. She raised the rubber mallet high above her head, blocking out the sun, and slammed it down onto the base with all her strength!

Three sections got lit up this time. It lit up a level called “SMOL MUSCLES”.

“Are you kidding?” Maki growled.

“I’ll avenge you!” Kaede said, taking the mallet next. The most lifting she did was lifting sheet music. The little rubber mallet seemed kind of heavy to her. She lifted it like a baby with a stinky diaper.

A grunt, a swing, and one section got lit up: “ONLY STRONG ENOUGH TO PLAY PIANO.”

“Well, it’s not wrong,” Kaede said.

“That’s… specific?” Shuichi said. Kaede passed him the mallet next and then he remembered it was his turn. He was still thinking about DICE.

He stepped up, taking Kaede’s place. Kaito was cheering for him. Maki still was pointedly not looking at him.

Shuichi tried lifting the mallet up. There were people checking their watches and tapping their feet behind him in line. He better get this over with. The sun was beaming down in his eyes; he squinted and tried to look somewhere else.

Another DICE member- Bubbles- was watching him from a distance. Shuichi gasped and slammed the mallet down as his muscles locked up in fear.

The machine lit up ten sections and the bell on top rang. The word “HERCULEAN” lit up. Shuichi’s friends broke out in applause-- Kaito’s bordering on hysterical, Maki politely tapping her hands together, Kaede in the middle. The attendant gave him a T-shirt that said, “I beat the Test Your Strength Game and all I won was this crappy T-shirt.”

“The bragging rights on that are incredible,” Kaito said. “That’s a man’s prize! You better cherish that with every fiber of your being!”

“I will,” Shuichi said, awkwardly. Maybe he would wear it as pyjamas.

“They really just give these cheap things out for winning these simple games?” Maki asked, still perplexed by the idea. The stuffed animals had at least made Kaede happy, which seemed to warm her up to the concept.

“Of course!” Kaito said. “Maki Roll, haven’t you been to a carnival before?”

“No.”

Everyone’s eyes widened. “What? Really?” Shuichi asked. Even his Uncle had taken him once.

“It doesn’t matter,” Maki snapped. Shuichi flinched, causing mom friend Kaede to give Maki A Look. She sighed. “I just didn’t have anyone to take me. That’s all.”

“What about your family? Even my grandparents love this kinda stuff,” Kaito said.

“You don’t need to put her any more on the spot,” Kaede suggested.

“It’s okay.” Maki gave her another Look. “I… don’t have any family. Once I became a legal adult, I attended college on a scholarship.”

No family-- like an orphan? Shuichi realized that Kaede was giving him a Look, and Shuichi was giving Maki a Look, and Maki wasn’t giving anyone a Look, and Kaito was completely oblivious to the silent conversation going on. “Then we gotta make up for lost time! Maki, let’s have a rematch! My treat!”

“It’s free,” she said.

“My treat!” he insisted. “We’ll bet it all! I bet the first time was a fluke!”

“Alright. We’ll play with our lives on the line. The loser has to slit his throat,” Maki said, deadpan.

“‘His’?” Kaito said.

Kaede put her hands on her hips. “Nobody dies! That’s the rule!” she said. “I’m going to supervise, and you two can have your rematch!”

Maki muttered something under her breath. Kaede leaned in as menacingly as a pianist could. “Huh?”

“I said… I’d win for you,” Maki muttered. Her face was redder than the fleck of paint on her hands.

Even with a smirk on her face, Kaede leaned in closer. “Huh? I can’t hear you!” she sang. “Whaaat did you say?”

Frowning, Maki stormed back into line. Kaede blew her a kiss.

“Dude, you have bad hearing for a music major,” Kaito said. He proceeded to get back in line also.

This time, the two were further back. A group of kids had gotten in line ahead of them. Maki crossed her arms and prepared to endure the long wait until she could beat Kaito at the strength tester and/or hit him over the head with the rubber mallet. Kaito seemed to be reminding her every minute that he was the ring tossing champ with a shit-eating grin on his face.

Kaede wiped sweat off her brow. It wasn’t particularly warm, but her entire wardrobe lately was comprised of sweater vests and/or flannel. “Let’s get some shade.”

Shuichi, who was assigned emo at birth and wasn’t used to sun exposure, agreed. The two moved over to stand underneath an awning. For a shady spot, it was surprisingly unoccupied; they had the place to themselves.

And with that came an awkward silence. The air felt thick. How long could they pretend they were both just having fun? Every time Shuichi looked at Kaede, she looked back as if she staring at a missing poster. For once, it didn’t feel just like his anxiety talking. It felt as if she were behind a locked door and expected him to break it open.

In the distance, Maki was looking up at the sun shining in the clouds. Even though it smelled like stale popcorn, and the ground was made up more of spilled soda than grass, and even though she was developing a burn on the back of her neck, there was an unmistakable twinkling in her eyes-- like that of a child who got dragged on a family trip and was starting to enjoy it. The same look she had when she watched the sun rise in the morning.

 _“I want to be able to change before I put them on again. And when I do, I want to feel… Proud,”_  she had said. Shuichi took a deep breath, then released it. This was for their benefit. All of them. Even if Maki had been the one to chase them, he couldn’t hate her. It felt as if they were all pieces that had been tossed unwittingly into some game, something put on for a higher authority’s amusement.

It didn’t make the pieces evil. Shuichi just had to end the game.

“Kaede. I told you that someone chased Kokichi and I in a car, trying to kill him,” he said. “I also told you that, when I first met Kokichi, we vandalized a building.”

It seemed as if she chose her words carefully. “You did.”

“I didn’t tell you what I saw on the news. The building turned out to be the Holy Salvation Church. When I visited the area again, it confirmed it,” he said. “I believe that the clown that we drew was some kind of… sign. A message. This caused the members of the church to be aware of Kokichi’s presence in their area.”

“What do they want with him?”

“It’s interesting that we happened to run into those ‘pescatarians’ in Hope Mart. It seemed as if they were trying to get some information out of Hideyoshi,” Shuichi said. “I told you that they wore the symbol of the Holy Salvation Church. This Church, I’ve uncovered, is a front for a cult with a sinister purpose. I believe the reason those men targeted Hideyoshi is because he knew something that they wanted to know… and as far as I’m aware, Kokichi would be their main target at the moment.”

“Do you think that Kokichi has a connection to him? How do you know?” she challenged.

“It’s only a theory, but… the most meaningful piece of information Hideyoshi had to offer to me is that his brother, Iruka, was murdered roughly a decade ago. He showed me a picture of Iruka with a young child. However, there was no record of Iruka having any child.” He stroked his chin in thought. “Unless… it wasn’t an official adoption.”

Shuichi continued, “You see, the Holy Salvation Society is attached to an alleged orphanage at which I believe they scout talented children and force them to perform criminal acts. Only one child has ever fled this orphanage… a child with dark hair. The child who was seen fleeing the crime scene, having stabbed Iruka with a knife they brought with them from outside, also was described as having dark hair.”

“So what? You think they’re the same kid?”

He shook his head. “There’s too many pitfalls in that argument.” That’s something he learned the hard way. “It only makes sense if they were two different children. I believe one is a the runaway, who wound up somehow under Iruka’s informal care. The other is an agent of the Society. It would give them a reason to kill Iruka if he were sheltering a runaway.”

“And so this dark haired kid got the other kid back, or killed them and they didn’t get found, or whatever.” Kaede crossed her arms. “What’s any of that have to do with Maki? Or with us?”

His heart was pounding so loud that he couldn’t even hear the voices of the carnival-goers anymore. It had all come down to this. If he could find the truth- the real truth- then he might be able to stop this from escalating any further.

“I think that Maki is the agent of the Society who killed Iruka,” he said. “And I think she’s the person who chased Kokichi and I in the car that night.”

To his surprise, Kaede-- Kaede laughed. But the smile didn’t reach her eyes. “Shuichi, I think your imagination is going crazy.”

“I don’t think so.” He struggled to meet her stare. “I think you know the truth too. That’s why you’ve acted so suspicious.”

Kaede’s eyes narrowed. For someone so insistent that she was weak- “a pianist, not a fighter!”- an inferno burned behind her eyes. “Shuichi, there was something that you told me when you started college.”

“What was it?”

“You told me that you solved a case without your Uncle’s help.” She spoke through gritted teeth. He couldn’t tell if she didn’t want to say this, or if she didn’t want herself to say anything worse. “You said that, because you found the truth of that murder, a person who was doing the right thing went to jail.”

His stomach sank. She stared him down as she finished: “You said you wished you never found the truth. Finding the truth only got everyone hurt.”

And then her eyes gave way to those of that killer, the one who stared at him as if tearing him open and spitting in his wounds wouldn’t be enough, the one who made him wish that he had never been born. That glare had been branded into his mind, burning behind his eyes so brightly that he wore his hat low to try and pretend he couldn’t see. Every time he thought of it, it felt as if he were breathing through a straw and his feet were sinking into quicksand.

Even now, the pain hadn’t dulled. But something was different now. The pain was still there. The visceral hatred still burned as if the incident happened yesterday. But if it had happened yesterday, he would have held that person’s gaze until they were taken into the police car and out of sight instead of turning away.

“It’s like I told ‘Dolph’ that first day we met. Sometimes it’s better not to know the truth,” he said, keeping his voice level. “But I’ve learned something. Sometimes, you have to find it anyway.”

“God, just… just shut up,” Kaede said, clenching her fists. “Just stop playing detective already. Do you really want to get hurt? Do you want to get me hurt, too?”

“I don’t--”

“Then just stop!” she snapped. “It’ll be okay if you just… just stop!”

He opened his mouth to speak and she nearly hissed. It was no use; she wasn’t listening anymore. The fear had overwhelmed her.

I’m sorry, Kaede, he thought. I’m going to end this, even if it hurts.

“The person chasing us had a red car. Maki was doing touch up paint on her car. She had red paint on her hands,” Shuichi said.

“Lots of people have red cars!”

“It just so happens that the attacker totaled their car. Maki has been busy trying to fix her car as well.”

“That’s just a coincidence!”

“The attacker aimed their gun at me but didn’t shoot. They recognized me.”

“They just didn’t want collateral damage!”

“Maki won the shooting gallery in one try. She’s a sharpshooter too. Where else could she have gotten that kind of skill if she hasn’t played before or fired a real gun? The attacker also had amazing aim.”

“Maybe it was just lucky!”

“After the attacker totaled their car, they ran after us with their hands in the core fist position!”

“Anyone could look that up!”

“Maki was getting calls from someone constantly on the phone, and they were clearly unpleasant. I heard her fighting with someone.”

“Do you really think an assassin would fight their superior?!”

“I never outright said assassin!”

Kaede flinched hard. More of her mental barriers were crashing down. He had to continue on.

“Maki said before that she’s not wearing her hair extensions because she’s not the person she wants to be. There’s something seriously bothering her!”

“That’s none of your business!”

“On top of being angrier, she’s asked Kaito if he wants to die and said she wanted him to slit his throat if he lost the test your strength game!”

“That’s just a joke!”

“You already knew something about the Holy Salvation Church! If she were an agent of the Society, it would make sense that you knew!”

“It doesn’t matter!”

“I don’t think the Society would try to kill any simple vandal! I think Kokichi has a deeper role in Iruka’s death!” He was bluffing now, but he was so close. “That’s why the Society is reacting so strongly!”

“Just stop it already! Just stop!”

Then it clicked. “If Kokichi were the child that escaped from the orphanage, that would explain how he said he has no parents or family and how he lives on the streets now. It would explain his contempt for the Society and the failure of the law.”

“Do you think anything he does has any deeper meaning?!”

“And Maki just mentioned she has no family. She specifically mentioned ‘legal age’, which is when an orphanage would have to give her up!”

“She’s trying to open up and you treat her like this?!”

“And if Maki failed to recover or eliminate him after killing Iruka, then it would be her responsibility to finish the job she started all that time ago!” he shouted. “Even if she’s trying to start a new life in college!”

“You’re wrong, wrong, wrong!”

“And that’s why she was so desperate to end it that she used her own car and took off the plates!”

Kaede blinked back tears from her eyes. Shuichi could practically hear her heart pounding now. Her body was buckling as if a massive weight were crushing her shoulders.

When she spoke again, her voice was barely above a whimper. “You just… don’t have any solid proof of that! You have no proof of this stupid ‘truth’!”

The words formed in his mind, one piece at a time:  _The Red Hair Tie._

“I’m sorry, Kaede, but the act is up.” He pulled the red scrunchie from his pocket. “I recovered this from the attacker’s car after they totaled it.”

She snatched it from his hand. But rather than destroy it, she clutched it like a drowning person would clutch an inner tube. “There’s… there’s no doubt. This is Maki’s…” She buried her face in her hands and began to sob. “Maki… why did it have to turn out like this? You were starting over…”

Shuichi closed the gap between them and rested his hand on her shoulder. “Remember the rule? You said nobody has to die. I know that was just for the ‘rematch’, but…” He tried to smile for her. “I think I can get us out of this so Kokichi doesn’t have to die… but Maki won’t have to, either, if she fails to complete the mission.”

“It’s… it’s not her,” she said, sniffling. “It’s… the orphanage. She wants to protect it, even now.”

His fists clenched. “Brother Oda, is he--”

“Yeah. After all, the children who don’t make it into the ‘special program’ are… expendable.” She looks repulsed for just having said the word.

Shuichi had never felt such a clear example of absolute revulsion. Even after Brother Oda tried to kill him, he thought there would be some way that the man could be redeemed. But the more he heard of him, the more it was clear that he was a monster in a man’s skin.

He pulled out a pack of pocket tissues and offered it to her. It still had that anime character on it. Not quite as touching as offering a handkerchief, but it’s all he had. She accepted it with a little chuckle and used them to wipe her eyes and blow her nose. “What a change… you stood up to me. And now you’re comforting me crying at an event instead of the other way around.”

“I think the circumstances are a little more complicated,” he said, offering a small chuckle.

“I’m sorry I fought you, and for bringing up that past… incident,” she said. “Ever since Maki trusted me with her secret, I swore to her I wouldn’t betray her. I… guess I needed you to drag it out of me.”

“That’s what friends are for,” he said. “Speaking of friends, we need to confront Maki delicately.”

Kaede nodded. Something dawned on her. “Are she and Kaito done with their rematch yet?”

They had gotten absorbed in their own thing. At least nobody had interrupted them. “Knowing them, I bet they’ve played two or three times by now--”

Shuichi turned around and promptly found neither of them. A knot was forming in his throat. “--or… or maybe they moved on to compete on other games?” he stammered.

She stood. “No. If they saw or heard us fighting, they would have come over. Maki especially,” she said. “Something happened.”

It could be possible that neither of them noticed. It could be possible that they were off playing another ring toss game. It could be possible that they were smiling and laughing and Maki was living the life that she wanted to live.

Also, it was possible that the real Kai Namazu was kinghorse69.

They nodded at each other and split up to comb through the carnival. Shuichi checked the food stalls but didn’t see any sign of Kaito’s garrish jacket or catch a single whiff of his sharp cologne. He met up with Kaede near the entrance; she gave a small shake of the head.

He had a hunch. Leading Kaede out of the carnival, he ran into the parking lot. Something poked from behind a nearby tree. On the other side rested Kaito, as if he were enjoying an afternoon nap. Although naps tended to not involve blood dribbling from the corners of his mouth.

“Kaito!” Shuichi grabbed him and shook his shoulders. “Kaito, answer me!”

After a short eternity, Kaito coughed. He wiped the blood from his mouth. Fortunately, it was only a split lip rather than internal bleeding. "I'm... I'm good. Great, even. Never better."

"Cut out the macho crap already!" Kaede said. "What happened to Maki?!"

"Maki Roll... she hits hard," Kaito said. He blinked and struggled to his feet; Shuichi helped stabilize him. "Before we got our turn on the game, she got another call. I respected her boundaries this time and all, and guess what happens? Some dude says he's got orphans he's gonna kill as punishment.”

Surely, even Kaito had pieced together that she wasn't a babysitter. "Brother Oda," Kaede hissed.

"So she just books it, and of course I run after her 'cause something's wrong. Then she decked me and knocked me out."

"Here, behind the tree?"

He suddenly seemed to realize there was a tree there. "Pretty sure I remember my head hitting pavement. Did she drag me here? Oddly nice of her."

"She doesn't want to do this, but she has to," Kaede said, wringing her hands. "She needs our help."

"So are you guys gonna tell me what's fucking happening or just speak in parables?"

Shuichi quickly explained. Kaito's eyes widened at the mention of assassination. "Damn it... if only we found out sooner, I could've done somethin' to help her," he said. "Still, good job, Shuichi. If anyone could figure all that out, it was you."

"It doesn't matter if I can't do something," Shuichi said. It felt like a million variables were flooding his mind. "But if I stop her now, we don't know what Oda will do to those orphans. And I can't call the police... they'll throw both Maki and Kokichi in jail, and I don't have enough hard evidence against Oda."

"You're starting to sound too much like each other," Kaede said. "We're in this together, remember? The best thing we can do is split up. I'll go after Maki. I'm best suited to track her down, and if I find her, I know she won't hurt me."

"Then let me go save those kids! That's what a hero does!" Kaito said, slamming his fists together. "Shuichi, that means it's up to you to find Kokichi! If Piano Girl can't stop her, you've gotta protect him!"

He nodded. "Right. And... thank you."

The group shared a meaningful look before they parted: nobody was going to die. They promised. Kaede offered to take Shuichi back in her car, but he declined; he had something to check here, first. And with that, the end was in motion.

There was no time to waste. Shuichi turned and ran back in to the carnival. The dunk tank still was open, but Booboo had been replaced by a generic attendant. "Excuse me! Do you know where the clown went?"

"Booboo? He--" A child hit the target and the attendant fell into the water. They poked their head out of the water. "He's done for the day. He said he has someone to meet."

Bubbles, perhaps. He thanked the attendant and started searching through the crowd. How hard could it be to find a clown?

Well, if Kokichi set the standard, then the answer was 'very difficult'. He only hoped he wasn't too late. If they already left, then he was just wasting time. Maki was desperate now; she wouldn't fail again.

Then, to his surprise, he found Bubbles. And Booboo. And Pigtails and Afro, too. The four were in the middle of some kind of huddle. Shuichi cleared his throat and they all turned to him.

Afro gestured at Shuichi. "See? Problem solved."

"Stalling until he found us wasn't the easiest answer!" Pigtails huffed.

"Were you looking for me?"

They all exchanged a look right before they dropped to their knees and bowed before him. "Please, save our boss!" they said in unison.

"We didn't have an opening to ask you before now!" Bubbles said.

"He asked us to stay far away from you," Booboo said.

"Which of course means he wanted us to keep an eye on you," Pigtails said.

"But he's in danger! We need you to save him!" Afro said.

Shuichi could safely say that this wasn't where he expected today would go. "That's what I was seeking you out for," he said. "I need your help finding him."

Afro and Pigtails exchanged a look. "We thought that would involve a lot more convincing."

"Maybe some sniveling and sobbing," Bubbles added.

It was true that the last interaction between them had been Kokichi sending the car into the lake and then mocking him. “I know the truth. It wasn’t one of you chasing us in the car that night, like he said,” Shuichi said.

Pigtails nodded. “Well, duh. It’s against the rules for us to take off our masks.”

“Also, we only have one car,” Bubbles said.

“I think you mean, ‘had’,” Booboo said.

This was becoming a waste of time. "You have to know something about where he is. Is he at one of your hideouts?"

Bubbles scratched his head. "Well... probably."

"What do you mean, 'probably'?"

"He's not in any of the ones that we know of," Pigtails said. "The other five members are searching them right now."

“How many places are there to search?” Shuichi asked.

“Not a lot in Tokyo. Most of them are further out,” Afro said.

"But he could be in a certain spot. It's a place all of us have only been to once," Booboo said. "It's the place where new DICE members are anointed."

"Okay, where is this?"

"We don't know," they all said, again in unison.

Shuichi groaned. He could practically hear the clock ticking. "How do you not know?"

"We probably knew at the time," Bubbles said. "But, afterward, we lost memory of the whole initiation. I don't know how our boss does it. He says it's so nobody can cheat when they become a new member."

"I think it has something to do with the power of subliminal suggestion, covert hypnosis and conformity to the group mentality such that any outlier to the group would face clear punishment and retribution," Afro said.

They all looked at him.

"Some of us went to college," he said, crossing his arms. "Anyway, if he's in that place, nobody but he knows where it is. The only way to find out would be to go through the initiation yourself."

It sounded like the last thing he wanted to do, but if it really were the only way, then he had no choice. "Okay, how do I start?"

"We don't know."

He wasn't Maki, but he was beginning to develop the urge to murder them. Just before he tore his hair out in frustration, Bubbles spoke again. "But it might have to do with the graffiti he had us apply before he vanished. It was in addition to the clown we put on the Holy Salvation Church."

No matter what, it always came back down to that church. He knew where he had to go. Shuichi thanked them and ran out of the carnival. There was no time to waste.

\---

It was a bit of a run to the nearest train station, but soon he was on a bullet train back. There were no seats available, but he didn't think he could rest even if he tried right now. He held onto the handrail with one hand and, with the other, checked his phone. 'Dolph' still hadn't come online since their last interaction.

Regardless, Shuichi found himself typing a message.

saihara00: I'm coming to save you.

saihara00: I'm going to end this.

saihara00: And then, I want you to face me again and tell me the truth.

No reply came. Still, the thought that Kokichi might know he was on the way was comforting enough. He still had a little time to kill, so he checked the local news. Just like he thought, the red car- Maki's car- had been taken before the police could properly investigate it. However, the car at the bottom of the lake had been recovered. It was allegedly registered to a fake Western name under a defunct address.

In the article was a picture of the car being towed from the water. He could just barely make out the license plate number: 44-77. It wasn't censored. Either they were careless or thought it couldn't be of any use to anyone. Still, he had a detective's hunch.

Shuichi took a deep breath and dialed a familiar number. It was one of the first times he had called the number rather than wait to be called by it. His fingers were trembling as he pressed the green call button.

His Uncle picked up on the second ring. "Shuichi?" he said. Usually, his voice was as hard and uncompromising as a brick wall. Today, he sounded taken aback-- perhaps surprised that Shuichi would contact him after their fight.

"I need you to run a license plate number," Shuichi said. No use beating around the bush. "I know you're able to ask the local police station without arousing suspicion."

He heard a snort. "Why should I do this? Why aren't you studying right now?"

"With all due respect, it's more important than studying," Shuichi snapped. "This is the one thing I really need from you. I need you to do this for me or I'll never figure out my truth. If you can't help me, then I'll do it myself."

He bit his tongue in anger. He shouldn't have gotten upset. The only way he got anything was through a 30-minute session of begging and apologizing, but he didn't have time for that. And yet, his Uncle just chuckled. "That conviction... it sounds like you're finally becoming a man, Shuichi," his Uncle said. "I'll help you, just this once. But don’t think you can get off talking to me like that regularly. It will take a little while to run the plate. I'll call you back."

With that came a certain loud silence. His Uncle had hung up on him. A small smile crept onto Shuichi's face. Just like old times.

Soon, Shuichi got off at the stop nearest the church. He wished he had worn a hoodie or his hat-- something that could obscure his face. He walked closely behind a group of students as he passed by. The clown that he had spray painted on with Kokichi was still there.

Now that he looked at it properly, the eyes were looking off to the right, further down the alley. Bubbles had said that they had added on to the graffiti, hadn't they?

As he ran down the alleyway, Shuichi reminisced. It really had only been about a week and a half since he was running from the cops after running from a bad karaoke night. It felt like it had been a year. Back then, he had been so uncertain and followed Kokichi on a whim. Now he was following Kokichi with his whole heart.

It wasn't long before he found another spray painted clown. He was looking to the right. Shuichi followed it, which led him to a clown looking right, and then another, until he realized they were leading him in a circle. He racked his brain. Had he missed something? Had he gone wrong somewhere?

He retraced his steps. All of them were nearly identical-- except for one, who had a painted face rather than a mask. Was that one telling a lie? Instead of turning right like the clown would suggest, he turned left. He followed the alleyway to a custodian painting white onto a wall with a roller. He could see the faintest bit of the clown's hat before a slather of white covered it.

"What are you doing?!" Shuichi yelled.

The custodian glanced at him and frowned. "I'm cleaning up some of the graffiti." 

"What was the graffiti you're covering up?!" he asked. "Was it just the clown?"

"There was a clown and some writing," the custodian said. "Like a strange advertisement. It said, 'buy Panta at my store. Buy three of my favorite."

"Was the clown looking in a certain direction?" Shuichi asked.

If the custodian didn't think he was insane before, they did now. "No. It had its eyes closed."

"Thank you," he said, before running off. The custodian shook their head and returned to painting.

\---

It was only a hunch, but if he knew anything about Kokichi, then 'my store' had to be Hope Mart. If it were true that he were the runaway, then there couldn't be any other option. Even if it was a bit of a far walk, it was still a straight shot there. 

Shuichi shoved through the doors and nearly bumped into a man and a woman wearing all black. He would have noticed their menacing faces and pitch-black sunglasses if he weren't so preoccupied looking at the fish emblems around their necks. Shit.

If there was one benefit, it was that they weren't Asuke, Ataro or Akid. Also that they hadn't grabbed and killed him yet. That was always a plus. Hideyoshi had both hands on the counter as if he were discussing a business deal. He gave Shuichi a hard look, but didn't turn him away.

"Welcome," Hideyoshi said, his voice perfectly level. "Don't mind my friends."

The woman's eyes narrowed at the last word. The man studied Shuichi up and down. Shuichi made his way to the cooler, trying his hardest to avoid eye contact. If he ran now, it would mean that they knew he recognized them. The fact that they hadn't done anything yet might mean that they weren't sure he was the intruder from the other day. He had to play it cool.

“Can I help you find anything?” Hideyoshi asked.

“Smeearrrhgp,” Shuichi said.

“Okay,” Hideyoshi said.

That wasn’t playing it cool. Shuichi hung his head in shame.

Once he was face to face with the drinks cooler, he realized he didn't know what soda he was supposed to buy. Panta had dozens of flavors. Had Kokichi ever mentioned one in particular?

Suddenly, he remembered:  _“I like Panta better, though. Grape’s the worst, though. I only drink it because a purple tongue is aesthetic."_  That's the only time he mentioned Panta specifically. He did say that he didn't like grape, though-- unless it was a lie.

He took three bottles of the soda up to the counter. The man and woman from the Holy Salvation Society parted to make way for him. Hideyoshi scanned the items as if nothing were out of the ordinary. "Will that be all for you today?"

"Uh… Yes, that's it." He paid for the sodas with cash, yet Hideyoshi pressed something on his computer system before opening the register. A receipt printed and he stuffed it in the plastic bag with the sodas.

"Thank you. Have a nice day."

This time, Shuichi didn't say anything as he walked out. The bell above the door jingled. The chill air on his face- dripping with a cold sweat- made him shiver. One step forward, then two, and then he had nearly crossed the whole parking lot. He glanced over his shoulder. The man and woman were still watching him. Then, suddenly, the man answered his phone. He frowned. The two of them strode out of Hope Mart, but instead of following Shuichi, they went in the opposite direction. If he remembered correctly, the Spring River Orphanage was that way.

He clenched his fists. Was Kaito there by now? Was he okay? Knowing him, he didn't have a plan in mind. He might even try to just run in, hoist all the kids over his shoulder, and make a break for it. Hopefully, Kaede was okay, too.

All he could do now was trust in them and do his best, himself. But had that given him any clues? Or had he misunderstood the message on the wall? Just as he was about to turn back, he pulled out his receipt on a whim.

It listed the price for the sodas: 150 Yen each, plus tax. That's definitely the amount he had paid in cash. Yet the total price at the bottom of the receipt was written ZERO. It was spelled out rather than numerical.

Further down on the receipt, where usually it had information to call a number and complete a survey about your visit at this store, it said the following, in English: "“Did this visit Interest you? Call our Entourage." No phone number was listed.

It took him a moment to understand the message; he had completed basic English in school, but hadn't used it much. Shuichi wouldn't have thought anything was strange about the way it was written except for the way 'interest' and 'Entourage' were capitalized. Was that a common English word for a corporate office? 'Did' and 'Call' were capitalized as well, but they were at the beginning of a sentence, so it -- then it hit him. If he took the beginning of each capitalized letter, it spelled D I C E.

Shuichi felt as if he were tangled in a massive spider web. Hideyoshi must have been more involved than he thought; the reason he couldn't say anything more directly must have been because of Holy Salvation Society surveillance. He folded the receipt and slipped it into his pocket. But where should he investigate next? Kokichi could be anywhere, and not even the other DICE members had a clue. If he went back in and asked Hideyoshi for a clue, it could put the both of them in danger.

His phone rang.

When he picked it up, his Uncle spoke before he could get out a greeting. "The car's registered to 'John Doe'. Like the news said, it was registered to some empty lot," he said. "I found something that may be of use to you, however. Recently, an unidentified man filed to register the car as a business vehicle rather than a personal vehicle. The business was listed as a local karaoke bar."

He committed this to memory. "Which karaoke bar was it?" he asked.

"Club 11037," he said.

It took a moment to remember, but that was the same place that he had gone to with Kaede that night. "Thank you. This helps a lot."

There came a moment of pause. Shuichi thought that his Uncle hung up, but when he looked, he still was on the phone.

"Shuichi, no matter what your truth is, I'm proud of you," his Uncle said.

He blinked. Did his Uncle just actually praise him? "Thank you."

No response came. This time, his Uncle had hung up. He wasn't sure if he waited to hear his response or hung up immediately. Shuichi stared at his Uncle's contact information in his phone for several seconds before moving on.

\---

When he entered Club 11037, the attendant behind the counter was being questioned casually by a police officer. The officer glanced in his direction. "Ah, it's you."

Shuichi froze. "What do you mean?"

"From the other day! You went after those thieves who stole from Sandoicchi," the officer said. Now that he thought about it, the only thing bigger than his smile were his eyebrows. "You're quite the honest young man."

He chuckled. "Ah, yes, thank you."

The officer nodded to the clerk. "A colleague of mine may follow up," he said. "It was nice to see you again, Kuwata."

“Likewise, Ishimaru,” the clerk said.

Shuichi breathed a sigh of relief when the officer began to walk away. Then, his voice came from behind him: "has anyone ever told you that you have familiar buttocks?"

It wasn't something he ever expected to hear from a police officer. He froze. The news program.

"I hear that from a lot of lovers," Shuichi said. He wasn't even sure why the words left his mouth, but the officer just shook his head and walked out without another word. Shuichi breathed a sigh of relief and finally walked up to the clerk.

"Yo. Room for one?” he said, running a hand through his orange hair.

Just then, someone got his attention. "YO! Singing boy! Lookie here!"

That shrill voice could only belong to one person, even if they only met once. He turned his head to see Miu Iruma waving at him. "Yo, you're here alone on a Friday night? Damn, that's sad! Come join me and Keebs and the squad! We got room for one more!"

How could he say no to an offer like that? He turned to the attendant. "Will there be any charge?"

"For you? Nah," he said, with a strange smile. As he began to walk away, the attendant whispered: "don't get caught, dude."

Miu led him to their karaoke room. Kiibo waved at him as he entered. On the couches were a plethora of faintly familiar faces: Angie, Himiko, and Gonta from that one party. On stage, Rantaro was finishing another song from a boy band.

Remembering that he was still holding the three sodas, he placed them on the table. Angie, Himiko, and Miu each grabbed one. Gonta said something about being a gentleman and Kiibo said he couldn’t drink. Shuichi thought about explaining that they were non-alcoholic but didn’t have the energy.

Soon, Rantaro’s song was done. He bowed and stepped down from the stage. Miu turned to Shuichi.

"So, what brings you here? Following up on your fuckin' rad performance from the other week?" Miu asked, smirking.

His face flushed. "I'm... here to find a particular song," he said. It sounded better than 'I'm trying to stop an assassin from killing my clown love interest.'

"Oh, yeah? You can flip through the song selection. Keebs is goin' next, though!" she said, with enthusiasm, as if it weren't an omen of impending doom.

"Th-thanks." With that, she handed him a tablet that had a large selection of song titles sorted by genre. As far as he remembered, Kokichi never said anything about music. What did he have to work with? Could it have to do with 'ZERO'? There were too many songs and artists with 'zero' in their name to guess. None of the songs on the list had anything to do with 'dice', either.

Then, at the very bottom, he saw it: a song with the artist listed as 'John Doe'.

The title was "NINE NINE". Could this be a clue of some kind?

Just before Kiibo opened his mouth, Shuichi plugged his ears and braced himself. It helped him survive the way water wings might help him in a shipwreck. Even if an unforgiving, icy current were pulling him under to bring him to a watery grave, at least it was some sense of comfort.

The song ended like a tidal wave might spit him out on a cold shore. After several moments of gasping and trying to regain his senses, he realized he was still alive. Miu, Gonta and Angie were applauding. Himiko had fallen asleep. He realized that Rantaro had strategically stepped out for a beer. He cracked it open, put it to his lips, took a picture, and then pushed the drink aside.

"That was so fucking awesome it was like it took my fuckin' virginity and burst my ear-hymens," Miu said. Shuichi had half a mind to comment that those were her eardrums and she might need to see a doctor, but his head was still ringing.

"Thanks! I think I really might become a music major after all!" Kiibo said.

Which meant that, even if Kaede survived this incident, she had another thing coming. Shuichi clasped his hands together in a brief prayer.

"Hey! Big Dick Tracy!" Miu said. After a moment, Shuichi realized she was addressing him. "Didja pick a song yet?"

He paused. On one hand, he had. On the other hand, the tablet didn't show the song's lyrics. If there were a clue inside this song, he would have to sing it. In front of people.

But he couldn't just walk out and get a private room. Not because some assassins from the Holy Salvation Society would kill him or anything. It would be  _awkward._

Then again, could anything be worse than the performance he subjected himself to the other week?

Shakily, Shuichi got to his feet. This time was different. This wasn't for love. Well, in a sense, it was. But he wouldn't be replacing anyone's name with 'Kaede' this time. If she knew about this, she would probably cheer him on. Or at least politely turn away in embarrassment.

Shuichi selected 'NINE NINE' by John Doe on the machine. Almost immediately, gaudy pop music began blasting from the speakers. This would be it. As soon as the lyrics on the teleprompter appeared, he opened his mouth and began to sing.

And he froze. He missed the first few lyrics of the song. The music began to fade out before the sound of his pounding heart. No, no, no. It was all going wrong again. And then their jaws would drop in horror, and they would stare at him like some exhibit in the zoo, and he would be lucky if nobody took a recording and posted it on Nico Nico Douga with a million 'wwwwwwwwwwwwww' captions overtop it. He was hyperventilating.

Then: he heard laughter and felt his socks get soaked as he splashed in a puddle. He remembered letting himself go and dance in the rain with Kokichi. He had felt as if his clothes were clinging frozen to his soaked body, as if he were developing a fever from exposure to the elements, as if everyone in the world would think they were insane-- but he had felt alive. As if he wouldn't care if everyone laughed at them, because he was laughing back at them with Kokichi by his side.

Some kind of trickster's confidence filled him, and the next thing he knew, he was singing. He quickly caught on to the rhythm and followed the dance on the screen. He had been silent for the first few seconds, but as soon as he threw himself into it, Miu let out a 'whooo!' and Kiibo was nodding his head to the rhythm and Himiko actually woke up.

If anything, he learned that he was on the right track. Only Kokichi would choose a song that required a half-twerk, half-macarena dance to accompany it. The lyrics switched rapidly from Japanese to English to something he thought was Spanish, except he was pretty sure no language in the world conjugated the word 'bitches' like the song did. At some point Miu took off her jacket and spun it over her head and Kiibo made her sit down, which he thought was a good sign.

On another screen, the music video was some kind of avante-garde film that swapped between a Hawaiian man with a large belly doing some kind of fire dance and a Japanese woman with tears rolling down her cheeks. He had no idea if these concepts were related or if they filmed over a soap opera VHS tape and just went with it. At the end of the music video, it zoomed out and revealed both were in the same location: a well-maintained small park in the middle of a bustling city, nestled against a train station with several historical statues surrounding it.

Wait. He nearly stopped and squinted to memorize all the details, except he was in the middle of doing a split. He threw his arms up in the air with one final "YEAH BABY!", thanking the fact that his high school English teacher thought Austin Powers references were funny, and the song faded out.

The world was silent. This was it. This was the experience that would kill him. The others may forget, but he would lay awake every night reliving this nightmare. His cheeks burned red and he reached to pull down a hat that wasn't there.

Then, a roar of thunder. Except it wasn't; it was applause. The little karaoke room was rumbling, echoing with cheers. Miu stood up on a table and wolf whistled, and Kiibo had to pull her down again. Gonta’s jaw was hanging open but he was still clapping. Angie was cackling. Himiko was giggling. He had done it. There were laughs at him, too- it was an undeniably silly song- but then he realized he was laughing, too, and he didn't feel bad anymore.

"As they say on my island, 'holy shit!'" Angie said, with a childlike grin. "It is a customary phrase after a festival: 'Atua damn!'"

"Nyeh… I don’t agree with the delivery of that message, but the spirit of it? Totally," Himiko admitted.

"I got the whole thing on video," Rantaro said, in the tone of someone who was applying Instagram filters as they spoke. "This is gold. I can see this getting you a music contract."

"I'll pass," Shuichi said, gently placing the microphone back in the slot, rather than dropping it on the floor like in the music video. "Actually, I've gotta get going..."

"Got a dick appointment to run off to?" Miu laughed. "Lucky man! Come back anytime! Really, this was fuckin' incredible!"

"She means detective appointment, using old comic book slang," Kiibo said, blushing. "Please do come again, though."

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" Miu screeched. Everyone groaned. Shuichi took the opportunity to see himself out. He felt a little spring in his step.

\---

The train took him directly in to Rekisen Park. The same attendant sat in his booth near the park's entrance, his face buried in Monokuma Magazine. Briefly, Shuichi wondered if he ever went home.

"Excuse me," Shuichi said.

The attendant looked up. His face lit up in recognition. Shuichi might have wondered if he felt guilty over being paid off by his Uncle to spy on him, if he weren't preoccupied wondering why the letter '4' was drawn on his forehead in permanent marker.

"Yes? Would you like to schedule a tour?" he asked, as if nothing were wrong.

"Ah, no, not this time," Shuichi said. "I was wondering--"

"About the number?" the attendant said. "It's the result of juveniles. I fell asleep one single time on the job and I woke up with this. It so far hasn't washed off. If I ever catch who did this..."

"I see. I was wondering--"

"It's ridiculous, isn't it? Falling asleep on the job is a good thing!" the attendant continued. "It's a symbol of hard work and perseverance! And nobody perseveres more than I do!" These words were spoken as if his job involved anything besides sitting in place reading a magazine.

Shuichi nodded along politely. "It really--"

"It's the youth's disrespect of the working class!" he snapped. "These delinquents think they can get along in the modern world without a job! They don't understand the value of an honest dollar!"

"You mean like an honest dollar earned from a middle-aged man who asked you to spy on a college student?"

The attendant fell silent. His brow wrinkled up the '4' on his forehead-- oh, now Shuichi got the joke. '4-head'. This was definitely a Kokichi clue.

"The job doesn't pay as well as it used to. I haven't met my quota on tours," the attendant admitted. "Besides, I couldn’t say no to that guy. He sounded scary.”

At least someone else thought so. “So you don’t have any information? Were any other numbers written around here?”

“I’ll tell you all you want to know for 300 Yen,” the attendant said. “It will count as a tour in my books.”

“This is urgent!” Shuichi said.

“Is it 300 Yen urgent?”

He groaned and pulled out some coins from his pocket, then handed them over. The attendant counted the money and gave him a meaningful look. Shuichi repeated: “were any other numbers written around here?”

“No,” the attendant said.

As Shuichi stormed away, he made a mental note to leave a bad review for this park on Google Maps.

\---

At least his next stop was close by. Nothing had directly pointed to it, but it was worth checking.

Sandoicchi looked up from behind the counter. He smiled. "Ah, it's my hero. Could I make you a delectable sandwich?"

"Is it true that--" He realized that the man had asked him a question. "No, thank you. Is it true that Kokichi set it up so you would flag me down and ask for my help when nothing was really stolen?"

He smiled apologetically. "I suppose our little secret is out, then? I'm sorry for having deceived you."

Kokichi had told the truth about something, even if it was about his lie. Still, it only made him more confused. "Why would he do that? What's the point?"

"Well, he initially did start off stealing food from me," he explained. "He showed up out of nowhere one day. I remember all my customers’ faces, but I had never seen him before. I had a hunch that he might be without a regular source of food. I gave him a sandwich for free, but I had a strange feeling. I followed him a short while and found that he used it to feed stray cats. After that, I made it a point to give him food for free when he stops by."

Shuichi made a mental note that he wasn't just feeding the cats to seem like a good person, like Kokichi had claimed. "And this is the only time he asked you to pull an act like this?"

"Yes. He wouldn't explain why, but he seemed pretty insistent. It’s the only favor in the month or two this has been happening, so I obliged,” Sandoicchi said. “I didn't actually call the police, but I suppose an officer noticed the commotion or a customer called on my behalf." He shook his head. "If I had to take a guess... he might have done it to recreate what happened between he and I, such that you might follow him and see that he was feeding the cats."

"But... why? To prove that he's a good person? Why go to this length?"

"You must not know him if you're asking that question."

"... Fair." Shuichi ran a hand through his hair and sighed. It was Kokichi, after all. "He said he did it to get me to like him, but that wasn't... necessary of him. For me to think he's a good person."

"Well, he does have a reputation to uphold," Sandoicchi said. "Not to mention that I believe he cannot approach these things with honesty. I think that he wants to be close with people, but he pushes them away when they get close. Even if he and all the other members of his group are bound by a common thread, he still threatens to kill them every minute."

"What do you mean, 'bound by a common thread'?" Shuichi asked. "Uh, besides the clown shtick."

"Oh, this is something that a member happened to tell me. Kokichi got upset with him for it," Sandoicchi said. Booboo, probably. "All members of DICE are orphans, or at least weren't cared for by their parents and ran away from home."

And so, like Shuichi thought, Kokichi took in strays. But he didn't just collect them out of habit; he was a stray, himself. Was that why 'Dolph' felt a kinship with him, when he explained his family life so early on? It felt like the more he tried to understand Kokichi, the more lost he got, as if venturing deeper into a maze.

Even if Kokichi did like cats, it didn't explain why he would veer so hard and threaten all their lives to save running over one cat that was nigh unavoidable. If it had been Shuichi, he would have felt horrible about it, but he would have felt worse if one or more of the passengers died in a car accident. He had to wonder if it was a personal thing for Kokichi.

"Thank you for the information," Shuichi said.

"It's the least I can do, after having lied to you previously." Sandoicchi smiled. "Actually... may I ask a favor of you?"

"What is it?"

Sandoicchi reached under the counter and pulled out a brown paper bag. "Kokichi hasn't been around to get food for the cats since that incident. They usually can fend for themselves, but I'm a little worried. However, I don't have time to drop this off, myself..."

"I'm... sorry, I'm in the middle of something important right now," Shuichi said. He hadn't found a number here yet.

"I'm afraid I need to insist," Sandoicchi said, pushing the bag into Shuichi's hands. It felt oddly surreal. Shuichi peeked inside the bag and saw it: the number 'FOUR' spelled out on the paper wrapping of the sandwich.

When Shuichi looked up again, Sandoicchi's expression was unreadable. Shucihi struggled to think of words. "You... know?"

"He asked this favor in advance. I feel as if he's been anticipating this for a while."

After staring back down at the number, Shuichi gently rolled up the bag and held it by his side. He would still take it to the cats. A moment ago, he would have said that it was right near his next spot to investigate. Now, he was unsure. "Is this all just... another game to him?" Shuichi whispered. "Am I still playing right into his hands?"

The man across from him just shrugged. "I'm afraid I couldn't tell you. If you went home right now and just forgot about all this, I wouldn't tell anyone we met." He rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed. "But... if anyone were going to save Kokichi from himself, I believe it would be you."

The two held their stare for a moment before Shuichi clutched the paper bag tightly and walked out of the store. It felt like the numbers from Hope Mart and the karaoke bar could have been found at any point, but Rekisen Park and Sandoicchi had to have been planned in advance for Shuichi. Did Kokichi know that Shuichi was going to save him? If Sandoicchi's words were true, then maybe Kokichi wanted him to but simultaneously wasn't expecting anything. It felt like Kokichi woke up and devised several plans for how to brush his teeth, minus actually picking up a toothbrush and toothpaste.

The only thing he knew was that he couldn't stop now. Whether Kokichi really thought Shuichi would save him or not, he was in danger. His pace quickened from a walk to a run.

\---

The puddles in the abandoned lot had all dried up. The only marks left of them were the potholes that once were filled like little lakes in an otherwise dry desert. The moss and vines covering the place had grown another dozen feet since he'd last been here; he felt as if he needed a machete to cut through everything. But here he was, with a sandwich and no idea what he was doing.

The cats heard his footsteps or smelled the tuna. One poked its head out from behind an overflowing trash can, and another crawled out of a bush. A third cat leapt down from seemingly nowhere. The patterns of their coats seemed familiar. "If it isn't Greedy Ginjiro the Forsaken, Chiharu the Devil Worshipper and Evil Daisuke the Marauder."

Greedy Ginjiro meowed at him as if to say, 'you aren't the usual one that comes to feed us.'

Shuichi pulled out the sandwich that had 'FOUR' written on it. Another sandwich was below it without without a marking. He unwrapped them and started tossing them scraps. The cats greedily chomped down, smacking their lips together as they ate. Chiharu the Devil Worshipper tried to take a bite of food that was in front of Evil Daisuke the Marauder, and Evil Daisuke smacked him with his fat paw. The cats all certainly reminded him of Kokichi.

Or, should he say, 'the dogs'?

Soon enough, more cats had appeared. He tossed them scraps as well. Yet, they didn't appear to be strays. Their fur was on the scraggly side, but he noticed as the cats ate that they had yellow and purple bands around their necks. In place of names, the first one said 'FIVE' and the next one said 'THREE'. The 'Five' cat looked like the 'Three' cat, except larger; he guessed it might be the parent of the other cat. Or maybe it was just really fat.

"If only you guys could talk," Shuichi said.

Greedy Ginjiro looked at him in the eye for a moment, long enough for him to wonder if it was a legitimate talking cat who understood language the whole time and you were the first person to ever ask. Then it threw up a massive hairball onto the ground. He wasn't sure if that supported the idea that the cat understood him or not.

He waited for a while, but no more cats came. Once the cats realized that he had nothing else to offer, some of them began to depart, leaving him with nothing except a warm feeling in his heart and a warm feeling all over his arms and legs. From all the fur they shed. No wonder Kokichi nearly died from asphyxiation every time he fed them.

The cats all scattered into different directions; he didn't pick a single one to follow in time, and now they were gone. Were there any more clues? He still didn't know what purpose the numbers had, if any.

When Kokichi took him to this lot during the rain, they took shelter inside an abandoned building. The thought of going in to that dark place alone was enough to give him pause, minus the fact that someone had tried to kill them in there. If it truly weren't a DICE member like Kokichi claimed, then the only person it could have been was Maki. He recalled that the intruder's footsteps were light and quick, not the heavy-set stomping of Ataro or the other goons.

He also remembered how close Kokichi had been to him when they hid together. 

Blushing, Shuichi walked over to the abandoned building. Just like he thought, the door was locked. Lockpicking wasn't his forte, and there were no windows to climb in. He might mark that one as a dead end for the time being. Shuichi took a moment to sit and organize his thoughts. If he placed everything chronologically like scenes from a story in his mind, he might figure out what he was missing. He closed his eyes to concentrate.

Maki and Kokichi were orphans who grew up in the Spring River Orphanage. Kokichi ran away and was taken in by Iruka for a short time. Maki was sent after him, either to retrieve or kill him, and wound up killing Iruka. The fact that Kokichi was still alive meant she failed. In retrospect, she may have burned down the house in an attempt to kill Kokichi as well. This was the key that he was missing when explaining Oda's crimes to him-- that all the witnesses were correct in seeing either a boy or a girl with dark hair fleeing the scene.

After that, Kokichi formed DICE and Maki continued as an assassin for the Holy Salvation Society. Recently, Kokichi vandalized the church itself and alerted them that he was nearby. Maki, who was attempting in some way to start a new life, was called upon to finish what she started. Members of the cult came to threaten Hideyoshi, Iruka's surviving brother, likely to get information about Kokichi.

No, he was missing something. Prior to vandalizing the church, Kokichi reached out to Shuichi on a dating site posing as a Hawaiian model named 'Dolph'.

Shuichi's eyes shot open. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He still couldn't figure out what his purpose was in all this, if this had been planned from the start or if he had truly grown to create his own destiny. There was only one way to find out.

“Age: 21. Location: Tokyo, JP (visiting from Hawaii, US). Sex: 'Yes'. Body type: shredded,” Shuichi read. Dolph's profile was still there. But then, his eyes widened upon scrolling down. The description had been changed. He read it aloud to himself: "saihara00 and I fit so well together! kinghorse69 is always first, but he's always right after me!"

He also changed his relationship status to "its complicated." Yeah, it sure was. He felt as if that were secondary to the cryptic message, though. Why did 'Dolph' refer to himself in the third person with his username? Was it acknowledging the differentiation between Kokichi and Dolph? Nothing else on the profile suggested that he was giving up the catfish persona, however. Nothing on this page had to do with numbers-- oh.

"Six and nine first, then zero and zero," Shuichi said. He never thought that his uncreative username would be used like this. Or was that the answer? Were there more clues still? His thoughts raced faster than Kokichi's driving.

There had to be some purpose to the numbers. If the other DICE members were able to solve this initiation, then he could, too. He pulled the receipt out from his pocket. It had started with a 'ZERO', and then he found a 'NINE' and 'NINE' at the karaoke bar, and then the park attendant had a 'FOUR', then Sandoicchi gave him a sandwich with a 'FOUR', then the cats had 'FIVE' and 'THREE', and then their usernames had a 'SIX', a 'NINE', a 'ZERO' and a 'ZERO'. He wrote it at the bottom of the receipt: 09944536900.

Something about that amount of numbers in a sequence felt familiar. Experimentally, he spaced them out: 099-4453-6900. His eyes flickered up to the printed message at the bottom of the receipt: “Did this visit Interest you? Call our Entourage."

Jackpot.

Shuichi opened his phone and began to type before stopping to question himself. How did he know he had the numbers in the right order? Rekisen Park and Sandoicchi's shop were a relatively set order, but what if the older cat didn’t come first and it was a trick? What if he was meant to go to Hope Mart last? What if he was still missing numbers? Was Kokichi really so unhinged as to create a puzzle based around the assumption that Shuichi would go to the right places in the right order, with little to no outside guidance about which order to visit them in, and happen to find all the clues without any of them being altered or lost?

Yes, of course. It was Kokichi. Who was he kidding? He dialed the number.

It rang only once before an automated voice began speaking. The odd pronunciation of words and monotone reminded him of the bots that gave menu options when calling a business, except it greeted him with: "what's good, homeboy?"

"Uh... hello?" Shuichi said.

"If you're listening to this message, then you've passed the first part of the DICE Initiation," the voice continued. "I have been programmed to tell you that this is: 'pretty sick. hell yeah. it's pretty gucci, which is hawaiian for gucci."  

Shuichi listened silently. The bot, unaware of the atrocities it was forced to say, gave him an address. He wrote it down. It was an address like any other; he might guess it was on the outskirts of the city, not quite in a suburb, but probably tucked away in a little alley.

Once the automated voice finished giving the message, it said: "this phone will now self destruct." It began beeping faster and faster. Shuichi panicked and tossed the phone. It smacked into the garbage can with a loud 'clang' that caused all the nearby cats to start meowing and hissing. The beeping reached a fever pitch, and Shuichi covered his face with his arms, and he was just able to make out from the phone: "Ha-ha! Gotcha!"

With that, the line went dead. Shuichi stared at the phone and remembered all of a sudden that usually phones didn't have the capacity to explode. He'd just been so caught up in the heat of the moment. He walked over and picked up his discarded phone. It had been through so much recently, from having been completely waterlogged to--

"BOO!"

Shuichi shrieked and threw the phone at a second nearby trash can, which prompted a new symphony of meows and hisses. A faint robotic laugh came from the phone. "Ha-ha-ha! Gotcha again!" it said. This time, he watched as the line went dead for real.

Logically, there was no way that it was timed to scare him exactly as he picked it up. But since it was clearly an automated voice, there was no way that someone was listening for a cue to scare him, either. The only option he could think of was that Kokichi really was that asshole.

He picked up his phone and sighed, plugging the address into his GPS. Operation Rescue That Asshole was coming to a head.

\---

The nameplate read ‘HASUI’. That was the only thing intact about the building.

At one point, the house might have had police tape around it. Now, dirt and moss overtook barely-legible streaks of something wrapping around the walls. The windows had been boarded up, but new ones had formed by charred pieces of wood falling off. Even the grass around the perimeter had never regrown.

Tucked away in a tiny alley, it looked like the kind of place that kids would dare each other to walk up to on Halloween. All this time, the old Hasui house had never been renovated. Shuichi wondered if it was under ownership of Hideyoshi, now. It was entirely possible that he didn’t want anything to do with the husk after the murder.

Either way, he was here. This was the address he was instructed to come to. Had all the other DICE members had their orientation here? It was a needlessly creepy and dramatic choice for an organization of clowns. It sounded just like Kokichi.

He gathered his courage. Kokichi had to be in there. All he could hope was that he wasn’t too late. Shuichi climbed over the stone fence, crossed the barren yard and pushed open the front door. The inside was in no better condition than the outside; he coughed from exposure alone to a decade’s worth of dust and disuse.

“Kokichi?” he called out. “Are you here? I passed your test.”

Silence. With every step into the old house, another part of the floor creaked dangerously loud, bending under his weight. What might have once been the living room was cut off by a mountain of rubble.

The only other way to proceed was up a thin staircase. The old wood groaned with every step. One of the steps snapped under his foot and fell into an unseen darkness below. Shuichi managed to climb over it, delicately as he could. The next stair threatened to give way as well and he started going as fast as he could to avoid resting his weight in any one place for too long.

Finally, he wound up in a hallway just as narrow-- as if two people could just barely fit through side-by-side. Every door appeared to be locked except for one that was ajar at the end of the hallway. He couldn’t make out what was behind it. 

Shuichi crept closer to it. Even though his blood had run cold, even though his hands were trembling, he didn’t take his eyes off of the opening for a second. After an eternity, Shuichi reached his hand toward the doorknob. The metal felt more and more like ice the closer his palm got to it.

“Stop!” someone cried out. He pulled open the door and someone tackled him to the ground. A crossbow fired several shots over their heads, sticking into the wall at the far end of the hallway.

Shuichi took a moment to figure out what was going on. A wire connected the door handle to a mounted crossbow aimed out the doorway. Next to the crossbow was a bottle of poison. And most importantly, on top of him was the same feeling he had when he hid from the police inside that confined dumpster-- warmth, and weight, and the feeling of someone else’s pounding heart.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Kokichi spat.

It wasn’t the welcome he was expecting to get. “I came here to save you!”

Kokichi laughed. “‘Save’ me? Save me from what?” he said. “I’m a monster, you know. A dictator who ran you around in circles for fun. I set everything up so you’d think I’m a good person. Are you seriously telling me you’re stupid enough that you’re still playing my game?”

“That’s wrong,” Shuichi said. “It wasn’t a member of your organization that chased us. They can attest to that. It was an assassin from the Holy Salvation Society. You didn’t set everything up, Kokichi.”

  
The smaller boy relaxed. “Oh, so that’s what you think now?” he said. “Well, lemme put that one to rest! I riled up the assassin on my own accord for fun.”

His train of thought came to a screeching halt. “What?”

“Yep! It’s just one of the dangerous games I play,” Kokichi said. “Kill or be killed… that’s how it is in this world, Shuichi. And if you haven’t noticed, I’m not aiming to be killed.”

The poison in the crossbow bolts had begun to melt the sections of the wall that they were stuck in. Shuichi gulped. “You’re trying to say that this is all part of a game to you?”

“Yepperoni!” Kokichi said. “Why else would I spray paint the side of a church that belongs to a weird assassin cult?” Shadows danced on his face, his eyes glowing in the darkness of the destroyed house. “It’s just a game. It’s just for fun. And you’re just another pawn to me.”

Helplessness was beginning to drown him. He felt as if he were sitting by a riverbank in the mud again, soaking wet, miles away from home. Everything had just been a game. It would explain why Kokichi had set up the DICE initiation event for him-- just for fun. And yet, one light shone through the darkness. There was another reason for all this.

“Kokichi. On your dating profile, it said you’re only visiting Tokyo from Hawaii,” Shuichi said.

Kokichi raised a brow. “Yeah? Is that the big evil lie you’re gonna call me out on?” He laughed. “C’mon, at least pick a less obvious one!”

“On the contrary,” Shuichi said. “That one isn’t a complete lie.”

All the mirth drained from his face, leaving it stone cold. “What?”

“You’re visiting Tokyo. DICE told me that you only have a few bases in Tokyo. You’ve only been feeding the cats for a few months, too.” The pieces were fitting together. “It began when you were taken in by Iruka Hasui. Having fled from an orphanage under the thumb of the Holy Salvation Society, the search for you was huge. After Iruka got killed, you probably had no other safe haven in this city.”

“Ooooookay,” Kokichi said, trying to put on a smile. His face had gone pale at the mention of ‘Iruka Hasui’. “Are you ever gonna reach a point?”

“Yes. I think that the reason you’re back is out of obligation, not just for fun. You felt like you had to. You’re good to the people who treat you well, Kokichi.” DICE, Sandoicchi, Shuichi himself. “You couldn’t leave Hideyoshi here forever.”

“Sounds like a whole lot of conjecture to me!” Kokichi said. “Alright, I’ll bite. If I really wanted to ‘end’ things because I ‘had to’, or whatever cheesy crap you’re saying, why wouldn’t I just kill every one of those Holy Hallelujah Club idiots? I could’ve slit every one of their throats.”

“You’re not a murderer, Kokichi,” he said.

Three soft ‘thumps’ rang out from behind them. The poison in the crossbow bolts had finally vaporized the wall. The bolts fell free onto the ground. “Looks like there’s your counter,” he said. “I love it when I don’t even have to speak to prove a dummy wrong!”

“I don’t need to say anything to prove you wrong,” Shuichi said. And then he simply gestured at himself.

Kokichi looked him up and down. “What exactly did I say that you’re trying to prove wrong? Did I say that there’s no way that an emo could be ugly?”

Shuichi shook his head. “No. The fact that I found you here is proof that you’re not a killer. Not to mention the fact that you saved me from getting shot,” he said. “You had to have set up that DICE initiation test specifically for me. Everything was too specific to our time together, and everything was set up so recently.”

He just smirked again. Was he enjoying this? It was like an elaborate dance-- every time Shuichi took a step forward, Kokichi took a step back. “What makes you think I did that?” he said. “DICE watches nearly my every move! They’re sworn to protect my life, y’know! If those idiots really begged you to save me, then why couldn’t they have done it?”

It wasn’t something he could rule out completely. “Then why wouldn’t they just tell me to come here directly?” he countered.

Kokichi met it with a counter of his own. “How do you know they’re not part of the game?”

“Someone... sneaked into my dorm to leave my lost train card in a conspicuous way. It had your scent on it,” Shuichi stammered.

“Your train pass? Is that your great detective work?” Kokichi fired back. “You really think I took it just ‘cause it smells like me? Anyone could wear the same scent!”

Their words clashed, left Shuichi stepping back as if to take a defensive stance. How could he actually prove him wrong? Was there a way to find the truth in someone who was buried so deep in lies?

“You’re not a murderer,” Shuichi said. “Because you didn’t try to actually kill the person who was chasing us. Because you swerved for that cat in the road. Because you witnessed your guardian get killed in this very house,” Shuichi said, firing point after point. “You believe in the value of life, don’t you? That’s why you shoved DICE away, so nobody would get caught in the crossfire! And that’s why you initially tried to push me away!”

“Woah, woah, woah. Hold your horses!” Kokichi wagged his finger, but Shuichi noticed the way his eyes had flickered. “How many times do I have to tell you? I was just playing with you!”

“No, that’s wrong,” Shuichi said. “After all, you broke one of your own rules for me.”

“Nuh-uh! I can tell when you’re bluffing!” Kokichi said-- but he balked seeing the smirk on Shuichi’s face.

“You took off your mask when we first met in person. Your own members tell me that’s against the rules.” Shuichi met his eyes. “Unless you wanted me to be sure I’d remember you and find you again?”

“Yep! You’re totally 100% right! You got me!” Kokichi said. He held the bluff for approximately .2 seconds before his face switched to a frown. “Uh, not! In case you didn’t know, I’m the leader of a criminal organization! I’m the reject of society! I can’t care about anyone but myself!”

Shuichi didn’t back down. The truth was within his grasp, now. He just had to reach out and take it. “That’s a lie.”

Kokichi blanched. “What?”

“You came back here because you can love and be loved. There were a lot of places you could hide, but this old place still has sentimental value to you,” Shuichi said. “After all, Iruka loved you.”

His jaw dropped. Then, he scoffed. “Geez, how many times are you gonna say the name of that old dead moron? You’re gonna get cursed or something.” He examined his fingernails-- trying to avoid his eyes. “He was just one of the idiots who died for me. That’s all there is to it.”

“You’re still trying to keep up an evil persona so that I’ll give up on you. You have such a fatalistic view that you think it’s inevitable. When I showed interest in you, you were curious but also terrified to your very core,” Shuichi said. “By acting as if you’re evil and you’re just toying with me, you’re driving me away so you won’t get hurt. Maybe even so I won’t be hurt any worse if something happens to you.” 

“That’s--”

“You’re scared to care again. Iruka cared for you and he got killed for it. The closest people in the world to you are DICE and you pushed them away, too.”

“They would just get in the way of me killing the assassin.” His voice was growing softer, like a dying ember.

Kokichi was backed into a corner now. “Sure, you set up the crossbow. But could you actually go through with it? I don’t think you would. You were counting on me coming to stop you.”

Finally, that ember was snuffed out and only smoke remained. Kokichi stammered for words but seemed at a loss. Shuichi walked closer to him.

“No more lies,” Shuichi whispered.

In the closeness of the hallway, when they faced each other, Shuichi could feel the warmth of Kokichi’s breath. He couldn’t lie about the heat of his body or the pounding in his chest. He needed now to strike the final blow. “Kokichi, you can be loved. DICE begged me to save you. They love you. Iruka loved you.” He leaned in, whispering on his lips: “I love you.”

Sweet. The kiss was just as sweet as it had been the first time. The boy didn’t react at first, and then finally leaned into the kiss, tentatively wrapping his arms around Shuichi’s shoulders. He pulled Kokichi closer in response, losing himself, never wanting to part.

The explosion echoed in the old house. His ears were ringing as Kokichi collapsed, the white of the boy’s DICE uniform running red with blood. His face seemed perpetually frozen in shock. Shuichi turned his head, following the trail of smoke, and found Maki aiming a gun at where Kokichi had been.

“Maki!” Shuichi shouted. He started forward only for her to aim at his chest instead. “Why did you--”

“I have no quarrel with you. If you want to avoid becoming an unnecessary casualty, then stand down,” she said. Her voice was as sharp and cold as a knife.

Shuichi didn’t dare take another step forward. He stood frozen in the hallway, cursing his own cowardice. If only he hadn’t delayed Kokichi for so long or made so much noise that Maki could easily find them, if only he had done something more--

A groaning sound caused him to turn. Kokichi was trying to stand-- Kokichi was still alive. He felt like he could cry with relief, but Kokichi was still bleeding out and Maki was still there with death in her eyes. She aimed her pistol low and Shuichi ducked in its way; even his slim body could cover all the openings in the narrow hallway.

“Move,” she hissed.

“You don’t have to do this,” Shuichi said. His voice came out choked staring down the barrel of a gun, but he didn’t give up. “It’s still not too late to walk away.”

“I said move!” Maki yelled.

“Kaede wouldn’t want you to do this!”

“Kaede was an idiot for trusting me!” Maki said, biting back tears of rage. “I was an idiot for going to that school to begin with! I’ll never just be normal! I’ll never be able to undo everything I’ve done!” She gestured at the house around her.

“Maybe you can’t undo it, but you can still move forward!” Shuichi said. Maki aimed a different way and he moved with it, determined not to let anything else hurt Kokichi. “This isn’t you anymore! You’re different now! You’re becoming the person you want to be!”

Just like in the carnival, Maki’s hair was short. Her free hand reached out for the hair extension that wasn’t there, as if she were feeling a phantom limb. “Don’t you dare use my words against me.”

“I’m not trying to hurt you,” Shuichi said. “I’m telling you the truth. You didn’t kill me when you were chasing us in the car. You could have shot me and I wouldn’t have known it was you.” He took a chance. “You still haven’t killed me now.”

Her jaw clenched. “It would just be an inconvenience to me. That’s all.”

“Whenever we train together, you always take time to watch the sun rise,” Shuichi said. “You started putting yourself out there for Kaede. You came to karaoke. You agreed to train with Kaito and I. You came to the carnival. You want to be someone better.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Maki whispered. “I’ll never be a good person.”

Kaede-- and then he remembered her shadiness regarding the Spring River Orphanage. That was the orphanage that Maki was doing it all for, wasn’t it? If that were the case, she wouldn’t be far from it in case she needed to protect it.

On that day, Kaede couldn’t have come out to save him. She didn’t know where he was. Neither did any of the others. But Maki would.

“You saved me from the Spring River Orphanage,” he said, his voice quiet with the shock of his realization. “You saved me without killing anyone.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re the only one who could have known. Kaede must have told you that I was going to the Holy Salvation Church.” And that was why the person who saved him wasn’t there with the fire extinguisher. They didn’t just want Shuichi to not see them; they didn’t want Brother Oda or his lackeys to see them.

“You did that because we’re friends. At least, you know that Kaede cares about me,” Shuichi continued. “Kaede sees you as a great person,” he said. “She still loves you. It’s not too late. And I’ve seen the way you look at her, too.”

Her grip on the gun tightened. Shuichi braced himself for the pain, but another shot still hadn’t come. “It’s not about me or her,” she said. “If I don’t obey Brother Oda’s orders, the Spring River Orphanage will pay the price. I can’t let that happen. This might be a sorry end for your little friend, but all those children still have hope in their hearts.”

Warm blood began to pool under his shoes. He needed to end this, and he needed to end it quickly. “You don’t have to choose one or the other, Maki. Hope, despair, truth, lies… I don’t care about any of that!” he said. “Just like back at the orphanage! Nobody has to die! There’s always another option!”

“There is no other option!” Maki shouted. “I can kill him and be done with it or I can leave and all those children will suffer!”

“You’ll never be done with it! If you keep killing, it will never stop!” he said. “I know you were happy back at Saishu! You had another path!”

Maki’s hand was shaking. “It never stops. Even after all these years, now that he heard about Kokichi… it never stops.” She clenched her free hand into a fist. “No matter how long goes by, no matter how much I get my hopes up, it never stops. Why should I even try?”

“Maki?”

She nearly dropped the pistol. She turned, eyes widening as Kaede ran up the stairs. “Maki! Maki Roll, babe, what’s going on?!”

“I don’t… I…” She clenched her eyes shut, keeping aim toward Shuichi and Kokichi. “It doesn’t matter. I’m ending this!”

“It’s already over,” a weaker voice said. Shuichi turned his head. Kokichi had managed to sit up, now, hand over his wound. Shuichi grabbed him before he collapsed back onto the ground. He tried to offer a smile, but his face was deathly pale. “Sorry, Shuichi. This is just… the way of the world.”

His eyes fluttered closed, and he went still in Shuichi’s arms, dying with that damned smile on his face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of Sexy Singles in Your Area! Thanks for reading! There's no chapter 7 or anything. No need to click the 'next chapter' button. See ya!


	7. the true end

“Kokichi!” yelled Shuichi. Tears fell and mixed with the blood at his knees. “Kokichi! You can’t just leave me like this!”

Maki lowered the pistol and bowed her head. She took several deep breaths. “I did what I had to do.”

She’d shut down all the emotion in her voice, as if trying to make herself out to be as much a tool as the gun were. As if someone would pull the trigger and she’d fire. Maybe that’s how it was in the old days, but now Kaede was clutching her shoulder and her knees were shaking like she was about to collapse, and new words passed Maki’s lips: “I’m… I’m sorry.”

“Maki… why?” Kaede asked, covering her mouth like she was about to throw up. “Why didn’t you talk it out with me? Why did you run from me?”

“This is my truth,” she said. “This is all that I am.”

“That’s not true!” Kaede reached forward and took Maki into her arms. “You told me you were changing yourself! You promised me you wouldn’t kill anymore!”

Shuichi felt as if he were looking at himself from far away. None of this felt real. Kokichi going cold in his arms. Kaede squeezing Maki tight, the gun still dangling from the other girl’s fingers. The pistol crying out its faint streaks of smoke.

Before she realized it, Maki was crying, too. It seemed to surprise her; she raised her hand to her cheek and raised her brows when her hand came back wet. Kaede was holding her tighter and Maki was both leaning into her and pushing her away. “It… it’s too late for me to change. Especially now. It’s too late.”

“Is it?”

And they all turned in shock to see Kokichi, peeking one eye open. “You did it! You killed Kokichi Ouma. Don’t mind me. I’m… well, let’s just say that I’m a restless spirit.”

Shuichi suddenly found out what the exact opposite of disassociation was. If he had been flying out of himself before, he was snapped back in like a rubber band. If the world were playing a sad orchestra, this would be a record scratch.

“What?” Shuichi said.

“What, what?” Kokichi asked.

“How are you still alive?” Maki asked, dumbfounded. “You lost so much blood.”

He reached down to unbutton his shirt. Strapped to his chest was a pack of fake blood, the kind one would buy at a Halloween store. “Ta-da! I came prepared!” Kokichi said.

“You… you were prepared for this?” Shuichi balked.

“No, I always wear this,” Kokichi said. “Anyway! The actual bullet just kinda grazed me. For an assassin, you sure are a crappy shot.” He winked. “Unless you were like me and you couldn’t go through with it?”

“You… you’re not dead,” Kaede said, still processing it.

“Oh, of course I am!” Kokichi said. “We all saw me die, didn’t we? When I was planning this out, I pictured me being alone and unloved, but this works too!” He patted Shuichi, who was still frozen in shock, on the back. “Now you can tell your boss with pride that you killed me, Maki Roll! You don’t gotta make a choice at all!”

“Kokichi,” Shuichi said, coming back to his senses. “You…”

“You can say ‘thank you’. I saved us a lot of trouble, didn’t I?” he said, grinning. “You could be mourning me for real right now!”

Shuichi slapped him across the face and then immediately pulled him into another hug. “You’re so stupid.”

“Ow… I’m getting mixed messages here,” Kokichi said, a red mark forming on his cheek.

Kaede rested her hand atop Maki’s pistol. “Now you know that would’ve been the wrong choice, right? You’ve got another chance. Please, Maki. Please let me help you end this,” she said. With her free hand, she cupped Maki’s chin and turned her head to look her in the eye. “If a time comes when you have to cross a dark path, let me be there to steer you on the right one. But, first, let me be there.”

“You still think you can bear to be with me after this?” Maki asked. “I can’t promise you that. What if it’s too late? If Brother Oda realizes, he’s going to--”

“He’s going to what?!”

All heads turned to the door leading from the stairs. Kaito triumphantly burst in, accidentally kicking the charred door off its delicate hinges in the process. He stood upon it like an astronaut might stand upon terrain of a new planet. “The hero is back,” he said, spreading his arms as wide as he could in the narrow hall.

“Kaito!” Kaede’s eyes lit up. “You’re alive!”

“You did it!” Shuichi said. He did have his doubts.

“Were you standing outside the door until you could have a heroic moment to butt in?” Kokichi asked.

Silence. Kaito coughed. “That’s not important,” he said. “What is important is that the kids are safe.”

“The orphanage?!” Maki’s eyes widened. “But how?!”

Kaito slammed his fists together. “I ran straight in and evacuated as many kids as I could! Had to fight that Oda guy and his goons, but it was no big deal for the Luminary of the Stars!”

The split lip that Maki gave him was one of the least of his concerns now. He had a black eye, a bloody nose, and bruises dotting his arms like stars to prove his claim. Worst of all, the gel had been washed out of his hair with sweat.

“You just… rushed in and defeated him? The man who taught me how to kill?” Maki asked.

He scratched his head. “Let’s just say that… winning wasn’t my primary objective.” Even with that awkward admission, he still gave a cocky smile. “All I had to do was draw him and his goons away from the orphanage long enough that the kids could get away!”

“They… they just… ran?”

He shook his head. “Nah. I think some nurse lady started urging ‘em out.”

The nurse. But she had seemed so cowardly. Had something inspired a change in her?  

More importantly, Shuichi felt as if he were looking at Kaito in a new light-- like how he might rediscover the night sky with a new constellation. Kaito had retreated. Kaito had controlled his temper. A smile broke out on his face. Kaito was the one who said that you set your own limits, but he had really proved it.

“If any kids are left there... if Oda thinks Kokichi is dead, he should leave them alone for now,” Kaede said.

“Won’t he go after the ones who got evacuated?” Maki asked.

“I think I can take care of that,” Kokichi said. “New DICE members!”

“Kokichi.”

“Or new homes or something,” Kokichi said. There was nothing but a smile on Kokichi’s face, but his body betrayed him; he was trembling, as if touched by his close encounter with death. His voice came out oddly small. “Don’tcha just love happy endings?”

Then, Shuichi looked him in the eye and saw someone else. It suddenly made sense. Kokichi Ouma was dead. The person who had to watch Maki kill his adoptive father, the person who had to flee from his hometown, the person who couldn’t trust anyone but himself-- that person was gone now. Without the need to protect himself by putting on a front, Kokichi’s voice was soft, unfiltered. It felt like hearing ‘Dolph’ for the first time all over again.

There still was a little smirk on his face, but Shuichi wouldn’t recognize him without it. He rested his hand atop Kokichi’s and squeezed. “I want to get to know you now. Just like I said. The real you.”

“You can’t leave me if you’re disappointed by what you find,” Kokichi said, the smile only partially meeting his eyes. “You’re a member of DICE now, you know.” 

“I didn’t do all that just to join your clown gang.”

Kokichi let out a little laugh. “No takebacks! We gotta think of a good nickname for you!”

“How about… the Luminary of the Law!” Kaito said.

“Ooh, The Luminary of the Law the Clown! Rolls right off the tongue,” Kokichi said.

Shuichi chuckled and tried to help Kokichi to his feet. The boy stumbled and collapsed against Shuichi, but it didn’t seem to be an act. Something about his glazed-over eyes or the warmth pooling on Shuichi’s chest gave it away.

Something smelled sharp and pungent, and it wasn’t food-coloring party store blood. “Kokichi, you’re bleeding,” Shuichi said. “I mean, actually bleeding.”

“It’s noooooothing,” Kokichi said, as wobbly and pale as a paper doll. “I was prepared for a lot worse! The fake blood was one thing, but I was expecting Maki to put one straight between my eyes.”

Despite everything he planned out- even the fake blood and the supposed crossbow trap- Kokichi had been prepared to die. And if Shuichi and his group hadn’t been able to intervene, then this house would be Kokichi’s tomb. “We have to get you to a doctor!” Shuichi said.

“I always did want to rip an IV out of my arm and run out in a patient’s gown, ass on display,” Kokichi said. “Actually, no, I didn’t! I’m not going.”

Maki stepped forward. “Let me take a look at the wound. You said it only grazed you? I have field training to suture my own wounds.”

Kokichi held a palm out and Maki stopped. “Let the murderer get close to me? Yeah, no.”

“Hey!” Kaede started forward, but Maki stopped her.

“No. He’s right,” she said, stepping back. “I need to reconcile with the person I’ve been in order to become the person I want to become. This house… the man I killed… that’s all part of it.”

“I can help. First aid training is in my studies as an astronaut,” Kaito said.

Kokichi looked like he had an amazing quip about Kaito’s current beat up state, but his face was going paler by the minute. With Shuichi’s help, Kaito stripped off Kokichi’s jacket and discarded the packets of fake blood. Maki and Kaede ran off to fetch water, antiseptic and bandages.

There was only so much that they could do in the meantime. Kaito gave his jacket for Kokichi to lay down on; it was the least they could do to protect against the house’s general unsanitary conditions. When the girls returned, the work began. Shuichi held Kokichi in place, squeezing his hand comfortingly as Kaito cleaned up the wound. With all the fake blood cleaned off, it looked a lot better. The bullet had only grazed Kokichi like he had claimed. For once, honesty.

His chest was so thin and pale-- a far cry from the ‘shredded’ description on Dolph’s dating profile. The thought plagued Shuichi: if it weren’t for him, Kokichi would be dead. The DICE leader had prepared for Shuichi to go through the initiation, but it felt akin to a love letter that got thrown in the garbage instead of placed in his locker. Could Kokichi have intended for Shuichi to find his body? Was it supposed to be a posthumous joke?

Shuichi held Kokichi’s hand tighter until Kaito was done. He applied the gauze to the wound. “It’ll hold up for now,” he said, no bombastic act to be found. “But you should have a professional of some kind look at it when you can.”

“If I can get back to DICE, they can help,” Kokichi said. He managed to crack a grin. “I have a feeling there’s a nurse out there who’s out of a job, too…”

His jacket was completely soiled. Shuichi took off his coat and draped it over Kokichi’s shoulders. He pulled it close around him. His footsteps were still wobbly; he had to lean on Shuichi for support the whole way out of the house.

Shuichi wouldn’t have it any other way.

\---

With Kokichi by his side, the old husk of a home didn’t seem as intimidating as it had before. It helped that he hadn’t let go of Kokichi’s hand yet.

Once they were outside, Maki looked back up at the charred house as if looking into a mirror.  “I’m going to make my own truth. No matter what it ends up being, it can’t be worse than the lie I made myself live.”

“That’s the spirit,” Kaito said. “No matter what you wanna be, all you gotta do is believe in your heart!”

Kaede squeezed Maki’s hand. “Let’s get back to Saishu. No matter what happens, I’ll be by your side.”

After a moment, Maki squeezed back, as if confirming that this were really happening. “I… can’t do it alone,” Maki admitted. She looked from her to Kaito, to Shuichi, even to Kokichi. “Thank you. All of you.”

“No biggie,” Kokichi said, intentionally not reading the room.

Kaito wiped blood from his nose. “I better clean myself up. tpp… you two gonna be okay?”

“We’ll be fine.”

“Can’t die twice,” Kokichi said.

“You’ll die more than that if you mess with my boy Shuichi’s heart,” Kaito said.

“There’s no need for that,” Shuichi said, giving Kokichi a warm look. Their eyes met with candor. “If he tries anything funny, I’ll kill him myself.”

“I’ll need to kill him too, then!” Kaede said. “I need to be part of the club!”

“I’ll need to kill myself to get in, too!” Kokichi said. “It’ll be like DICE 2! DIE, if you will!”

It was with a laugh that they parted. Even if they were just heading back to Saishu University, they were all- in a way- heading in their own direction. Before Shuichi knew it, he and Kokichi stood alone in front of the old house.

All of a sudden, he felt unsure of what to say. “We... should get you back to DICE,” Shuichi said.

“You wanna go back so soon? Don’t you wanna spend more time with me?” Kokichi said with a smile. “It’s not every day you get to spend time with a dead person, y’know!”

“But… now we have the rest of our lives to spend together, don’t we?” Shuichi said. Did he really just say that? His cheeks were burning red. “Or are you still going back to Hawaii at the end of the month?”

Kokichi managed a laugh. “Can’t go back to a place I haven’t been! I chose it at random,” he said. “Buuuut… maybe we could go sometime.” Before Shuichi could say anything sappy, Kokichi added: “Just you, me, and every other member of DICE!”

He rolled his eyes, but couldn’t hide his smile. “Saying ‘every other’ implies I’m lowering myself to that level.”

“This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, you know! You can still join us!”

Shuichi squeezed his hand. “You know what? Sure, why not? I’ll join you.”

Kokichi’s jaw dropped. “Alright! I can hardly wait to get you a mask and a cool codename!” he said, his eyes sparkling. “We’re gonna do so many pranks and have so much fun and--” Suddenly, his face fell. “Wait a minute. Was that a lie?”

He chuckled. “Gotcha back.”

“Boooo!” Kokichi said. “I hate liars!”

“Really? I’m growing pretty fond of them,” Shuichi said, pressing his forehead against Kokichi’s. The supreme leader, the evil overlord, the one hated by all of society, blushed bright pink. Adorable, Shuichi thought.

“What a cheesy line. There’s no way I’m falling for someone who says crap like that,” Kokichi said.

“Then how about you shut me up?”

He wouldn’t be sure who closed the distance between them first. Maybe both, maybe neither. But when he closed his eyes and pressed his lips to Kokichi’s own, they were lost in that lie together, losing the rest of the world all except for the two of them together.

\-----

**Months Later**

Roll your foot from back to forward, Shuichi thought. Pull your middle three fingers into the core fist position.

To his left, Maki pranced like a hunting cheetah, her twintails flowing like kites behind her. To his right, Kaito gasped and grunted as if he were moving a mountain, but mostly kept up. They kept up a steady pace for two miles, then three, and then finally the end was in sight-- Kaede, holding a tray of lemonades. She waved to them.

Maki greeted her with a quick peck on the lips. Kaito and Shuichi just nodded, still trying to catch their breath. It was rare to see Kaede up before 9 AM, but this was a special day.

"What do you think, Maki Roll?" Kaede asked. "Was that up to the bet's standard?"

She crossed her arms. "Just barely."

Shuichi wheezed in such a way to suggest that his lungs hadn't collapsed yet. That was a victory in its own right. Kaede passed each of them a drink. "You didn't let them win, did you, Maki?" she teased.

Maki scowled. "Do you really think I'd lower myself to that?”

As Shuichi caught his breath, he did think that she had been running a little slower than she normally did. A smile spread on his face, and then Maki's glare shot it down.

"If you were letting us win, we have to do it again! It didn't count that time!" Kaito said, with the confidence of someone who wasn't about to pee his pants from physical exertion. "A few more miles! Lets go!"

"It's too late. This asinine bet is over," Maki said. This time, a smile spread on her face. "Unless we should make a new bet in which the penalty for losing is watching a Goosebumps movie?"

Kaito looked between all three of their shit-eating grins. "That was _one time!_ "

\---

Shuichi closed Saishu University's website when Kaito strolled into their dorm. "I picked up the mail," he announced. "Somethin' for you from your Uncle."

The envelope looked like any other from his Uncle's office; in place of the return address was a stamp. But on the front, his name had been written out in ink, almost as if it had been done with a brush. He put it aside on top of his Spring course catalog. "Thanks, Kaito."

"No prob!" Kaito sat down on the edge of his bed, flipping through junk mail. His eyes paused on one from a dating website hat announced boldly that the love of his life was out there right now! He gave Shuichi a look that suggested 'this stuff never works' before remembering. He put the letter aside in his 'maybe' pile. "So, is it true you're gonna take a semester off?"

His eyes darted back to the course catalog. The more he looked over them, and the college's extensive list of majors as a whole, the less sure he was. "I think I need time to figure out what I really want to do," Shuichi admitted. He met Kaito's stare. A big reason for them boarding together was for Kaito to save money. "Will you be okay if...?"

In the past, Kaito might have given him a thumbs up and a big smile, regardless of his actual feelings. This time, he just gave the thumbs up. He had gotten better at showing his real feelings, but the thumbs up was a reflex. "It'll be no problem! You gettin' out there and finding your dream's the most important thing!" he said. "'Sides, I was saving the big news for last."

Shuichi raised his eyebrows. "The big news?"

Kaito pulled out the last envelope. It was marked with the seal of the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency. Now Kaito gave the big smile. "I scored a paid internship at JAXA!"

"Kaito, that's amazing!" he said. "I'm really happy for you!"

"I mean, it's no big surprise or anything," Kaito said. Despite him routinely still trying to drink his K Cup straight, he scored the highest in the entire college on his midterms and caught JAXA's attention. "You've gotta keep up with me now that you aren't a sidekick anymore. Once you get back here, you better have found a dream twice as big as mine!"

"Twice as big as the stars?" Shuichi chuckled.

"Damn straight," Kaito said. "Or damn bi, in your case."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm sure that your grandparents will want to know the big news."

"Believe me, this is the first stop in me telling the world," Kaito said. "I'll leave you to it."

Even after Kaito left, his whoops and cheers echoed through the hallways. Only once they had faded did Shuichi turn his attention back to the letter. Inside was nothing more than a sheet of paper no bigger than an index card. It read the following:

_Shuichi,_

_It is regrettable that the circumstances thus far in your life have led you to a path which is not personally the best for you. I do not believe that taking a gap semester is necessarily the worst choice that could be made. You are always welcome to stay at my detective agency again. You do not have to work with me if you do not wish to._

_I extend an apology for my past demeanor. I do not understand your truth, but I understand the need to seek it out._

_Kesamaru Saihara_

He put the note neatly back in the envelope and set it aside. It wasn't necessarily a full apology, but it was more than his Uncle had ever given him. At the least, he was trying.

\---

Shuichi let go of Kokichi's hand and stopped in his tracks. The stream of pedestrians on the sidewalk parted around him as he stared dumbstruck behind them.

Kokichi walked several paces pretending that he didn't notice Shuichi was gone, but he was clearly annoyed when he turned around. "Hey! What's the big idea?"

With a trembling finger, Shuichi pointed at a young man waiting for the bullet train. Luxurious black hair, wavy enough to surf on, rolled down his bronze neck and shoulders. Even just waiting in a train station like any other, he seemed as if he stood in a pose. Cameras would turn to him like moths to a light.

He could only stare for so long before a model would catch on, though. The young man turned his head and Dolph- Kai Namazu- was looking him in the eye. Deja vu hit him like a train. The same face looked at him from the other end of a Skype call, had appeared in the avatar of a person that sent him hundreds of flirtatious messages, had even graced his dreams.

Before he could react, Kokichi was on him like a puppeteer about to deliver a world-ending roast to his dummy. "Excuse me, sir!"

"Yes?" said Kai. He gave Kokichi a warm smile.

"Are you aware, sir," Kokichi said, his eyes wide, his lips parted like a curious child, "that you are the ugliest son of a bitch in this whole city?"

Shuichi's stomach sank but Dolph-- no, Kai just laughed. "You wouldn't be the first to tell me that," he said. "Being hafu means I don't quite fit in either country. We can't all have your soft and smooth-looking skin."

And just as mysteriously as he appeared, he boarded a train and the doors shut. Kokichi stood there as if he were genuinely considering getting on the wrong train just to mess with him. Shuichi pulled him aside.

"See you, space cowboy," Kokichi whispered.

"That was a coincidence, huh?"  

He pivoted on his heel. "You better not leave me! I'm the real Dolph in my heart!"

"'Heart?'" Shuichi raised a brow.

Kokichi broke into a sob with about as much authenticity as 'Dolph' being a name. "I'm being oppressed! This is Hawaiian-phobic! I'm calling the police and reporting this as a hate crime and--"

Shuichi's lips meeting Kokichi's shut him up. The tears were fake, but the hesitancy Kokichi returned the kiss with was real. Conveying his true feelings verbally wasn't his forte, but the process of change was slow. When they parted, Kokichi darted his eyes between Shuichi and the departing train as if to suggest that Shuichi better not actually leave him for the real 'Dolph'. Shuichi intertwined their fingers again as if to say that he wouldn't trade him for the world.

Then, Kokichi grinned and he wasn't sure if that was the actual nonverbal conversation they were having at all. "So that's what it takes to get you to open up to PDA?" Kokichi said. "Maybe I'll have to blabber more often for that shut up kiss!"

"It's not like I think you have any intention of shutting up, anyway," Shuichi said.

"Wow, you're totally right!"

The two walked over to the waiting area for their correct train. While they stood, Shuichi fished his train card out of his pocket and turned it over. The familiar 'SS' greeted him. "I never checked the balance on my train card after you took it." He was thinking out loud, but it hadn't occurred to him in the heat of the moment. "You did take it, didn't you?"

"Uh-huh. Pickpocketed it while we were in the dumpster together," Kokichi said, examining the coat of paint on his nails. His voice came out so soft when he was being honest. "Habit."

Shuichi smiled. "You wanted to have a memory of me in case we didn't meet again?"

"Oh, no," Kokichi said, in the same honest tone. "I needed money for chicken nuggets."

A pause.

"You  _what_?"

\---

[Kinghorse69 is online.]  
Kinghorse69: whats up sexy  
Kinghorse69: ;p  
saihara00: kokichi you're literally talking to me right now. in real life  
saihara00: why are you like this  
Kinghorse69: u like hawaiian guys??? LOL  
saihara00: i'm looking right at your face as you type this  
Kinghorse69: no this is the real dolph this time  
saihara00: oh really?  
saihara00: well i'm not interested. i have a boyfriend already. his name is kokichi and he's the most handsome and amazing man in the world :)  
Kinghorse69: are you fucking gay or something? LMAO  
saihara00: aren't you the one propositioning me?  
Kinghorse69: shit... u right...  
Kinghorse69: ;p  
saihara00: kokichi?  
Kinghorse69: whats up  
saihara00: i love you

Kinghorse69 is typing...............

A lot of times in the past, the notification that Kokichi was typing something showed up for a long time but ultimately faded away, as if he deleted what he wrote. This time, it was followed through by a message.

Kinghorse69: i love you too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the real ending this time, haha. Thank you all for your support! Keep an eye out for future saiouma fics, or commission me: https://officiallilith.tumblr.com/post/174676670574


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